Marriage at door help...

Last activity 31 March 2024 by sam2blitz

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Chris Hernandez3New member30 July 2022 14:02:59

friends I have known a guy from charssada for 7 months, I have read everything in this forum and I have put it into practice with him, he is very intelligent and skillful and has very good reasons and he has told me, in the economic and his dreams of get married and come to the usa, he has introduced me to his parents and other family and after months saying that I am his friend he says that his parents already know about our relationship and that they support him and have given their permission everything goes as a normal relationship, but , I have told him that I want to talk to his parents and a Pashtun interpreter, to talk about the marriage he is proposing, he said that his parents have no education and that it is better for me to talk to a guy who is like his father, I told him I said No, I only agreed to talk to his parents, after a few days of dialogue he accepted, but I don't have that person to help me with that, the truth is I feel sincere affection for him and his family, I have an appointment in this charssada month of August the day is approaching and I am very afraid and at the same time I wanted To abandon everything for what it represents, it all started as a friendship, both wanting to reinforce the English language and now I don't know what to do, August is at the door and I don't know what to do!

I am an American citizen, he is younger than me and that is what I think about the most

Randomguy2000Serial expat30 July 2022 14:11:32

276

If he has already introduced you to his parents, and you two have already agreed to get married, and his family is willing to accept the marriage. Then it is up to you to go through with it or not. No one can force you, and if you don't feel safe in Pakistan or don't feel something isn't right then don't go. But if you feel safe, and you feel like you want to go there then go ahead.

If you are not marrying, and he only wants to date you. Then do not go to Pakistan at all. He is trying to use you for some reason, and it will have consequences for you.

Chris Hernandez3New member30 July 2022 15:20:13

@Randomguy2000

Could you tell me what other risks I am exposed to, apart from the fact that he wants to get out of Pakistan, to take advantage of my status?

Do you think they want to do something bad to me?

please tell me, it is very important to me and it is the reason why I am here humbly asking for your help!

Randomguy2000Serial expat30 July 2022 20:59:19

276

Well I don't really know your situation which is the problem. I mean anyone could do anything it is the internet. But ill list you specifically what could happen.

Khyber pass which is the province your boyfriend is from, and considering he is Pashtun is a very tribal, or a very religious area depending on the families. There is two clear differences there, and some people can't tell the difference.

But it is not an area that a woman should be traveling by herself, and up until recent years it was a place that the government has fought a long war in. This doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen. But most men won't even go there by themselves unless if they have protection or contacts there.

But if he wants to live with you before marriage, have sex before marriage, etc. It means that he doesn't respect you, or his religion. When he doesn't respect you or his religion it means he is capable of anything. I have seen women go to Pakistan to meet their "Boyfriends or friends" they met online, and it is common that they get gang-raped by the man, and his friends. This recently happened to a woman who traveled to Pakistan to make some videos on it, and her tour guide with his friends gang-raped her in the back of his car.

You also have the risk of getting kidnapped whether that is for ransom, or for getting sold into sexual slavery.

The last time I was in Pakistan in that area was over 10 years ago, and no one traveled by themselves in that area. So again if he does want to marry you, I hope he is not asking you to travel there by yourself, and he will be picking you up from Islamabad with his family.

But if you want to be 100% safe. I wouldn't leave out of Islambad.

You are going to tribal areas which is very Islamic, and conservative. And very tribal. Most women there do not walk around uncovered at all. Most are wearing niqab, or Burqa. And women who don't wear Hijab there are at risk. So I don't know if he told you how you should dress there or not. But if he wants you to come there, and hasn't discussed how you should dress when you go there would also be a very big red flag. Because it shows he is not taking your safety into account.

Sanna AliMember31 July 2022 10:21:40

Randomguy2000 is spot on.....

And honestly speaking, if i were you, I would refrain from travelling to Pakistan on my own.

arkaypakinstrumentsMember05 August 2022 11:14:39

@Chris Hernandez3 One more important safety tip for you please inform the nearest Police station with complete information and your visit purpose so it will be more safe side for you.

Sanna AliMember05 August 2022 11:40:35

@arkaypakinstruments I would advice highly, against that 😆

arkaypakinstrumentsMember05 August 2022 12:00:45

@Sanna Ali i can understand why you are highly against but everything is not remain to be same.

Randomguy2000Serial expat05 August 2022 12:08:36

276

@Sanna Ali i can understand why you are highly against but everything is not remain to be same.
- @arkaypakinstruments

Everything has become worse then 10 years ago.

[moderated]

If you said to go with armed guards or security I would agree. But even that I disagree with because nothing stops your body guards or secruity from doing something to you. Only way is to arm yourself, and travel with armed family(close friends) if you want to be 100% safe

But the safest thing for any woman traveling in Pakistan is to never travel alone, not to leave Islamabad, or to not go to Pakistan in the first place.

Things in Pakistan are changing for the worse. It is not getting better.

Moderated by Vero 2 years ago
Reason : Please avoid political comments.
We invite you to read the forum code of conduct

arkaypakinstrumentsMember05 August 2022 12:51:44

#10

@Randomguy2000 I am not agree with you as i am living in Pakistan and observe many many females from abroad traveling alone shopping alone and visiting alone in Pakistan without any fear.I am from Punjab Sialkot City.I travel to Karachi,Islambad,Lahore and Multan but nothing to see these things you are talking.

Randomguy2000Serial expat05 August 2022 12:54:45

#11

276

@Randomguy2000 I am not agree with you as i am living in Pakistan and observe many many females from abroad traveling alone shopping alone and visiting alone in Pakistan without any fear.I am from Punjab Sialkot City.I travel to Karachi,Islambad,Lahore and Multan but nothing to see these things you are talking.
- @arkaypakinstruments

Islambad, Karachi, Lahore, and Multan is not the Tribal areas. To even suggest they are even similar to each other is comedy.

You are talking about all Punjabi areas, full of fellow Punjabis(Expect for some minority ethinic groups).

You are going to tell me Wazir is westernized like Lahore, or Islambad? That quetta is westernized like Lahore, and Islambad?

Also go do a google search, and pull up all the news articles about foreign women that recently have been raped in Punjabi areas E.G. Islamabad, and Lahore before you try to claim they are safe.

Did you even read the OP message to see where she is traveling to before she posted?

Chris Hernandez3New member05 August 2022 18:33:38

#12

@arkaypakinstruments thanks much and God bless you!

LizziemexActive member05 August 2022 23:57:57

#13

Hi and Welcome to EXPAT Chris 🤗🤗!

mmmm , yeah is indeed really suspicious that he doesnt wants you to talk with his patents with a translator , THAT is a huge red flag , sorry to say but they will look honest and naive , but they are real good actors !

I wouldnt go without have a videocall with your interpreter and they on camera .

Just a few days ago , there was a usa traveling solo girl in the pashtun area , with two pakistani tourist guides , that she met on line and they asure her it was safe for her to travel alone , she was a blogger , so she went , and they raped her in her hotel and nobidy has stopped them , she had to ask for help in the embassy , many of the public muslim opinion thubks that , she didnt took the safety measures and maybe she was looking for it , so there are still a lot of taboos in Pakistan for female solo travelers and the foreign women coming alone without a guardian to get marryief with a perfect stranger.

Please reconsider and feel free to join our english group of wassape , where Hani , has setup a lot of pakistani culture articles , red flags advices and to look the difference between our western /latino/europran culture and their culture . Send me a private message if you wish to be add.

But please keep you and your heart safe .

🤗🤗

ace117Serial expat28 August 2022 22:50:59

#14

964

There are issues with the people who are not educated enough and those who are highly educated are more safe to be with and talk to as they happen to help and assist where you prefer to visit. A US individual visiting the northern areas is a highly risking situation as there is currently political issues followed by the civilian rebellion in that region, it is not stable and currently had flooding situations and anything can happen in that area which got stranded, if there is some thing you feel they are holding and it belongs to you then you can inform the local police from the government and they will try to recover it if possible and they will have to inform you what is necessary that is possible. but it is not good for you to have a relationship there as the chances of being a hostage is really high as most people there have guns for their protection and you may never know what they might be putting you into. please refrain from such areas, if it was Punjab then it could be given some consideration but that area is a difficult area to understand.

rosaanahicostantinoMember29 August 2022 01:05:25

#15

Good evening, I have been in a virtual relationship with a Pakistani for 8 months and I would like to be part of the group, my name is Rosa

ace117Serial expat31 August 2022 09:44:19

#16

964

could you elaborate more about yourself and if you have any questions feel free to ask it here.

Hasan SubzwariMember04 September 2022 06:36:18

#17

@Randomguy2000

Karachi is not the Punjabi place. It is the city of Urdu natives. Karachi is excluded from Punjabi places.

Randomguy2000Serial expat04 September 2022 07:51:55

#18

276

@Randomguy2000
Karachi is not the Punjabi place. It is the city of Urdu natives. Karachi is excluded from Punjabi places.
-@Hasan Subzwari

Karachi is still unsafe for women. So any foreign women traveling to Pakistan can risk going to these places solo. But what has happened to women in these cities before should act as a shining example of why not to go.

Can't argue with stats, and facts.

Khalid Khan21Member05 September 2022 09:03:50

#19

@Chris Hernandez3

Hi,first thing is ur safety ,it's very easy to know everything about him if you can send me his National id number,He can say anything he want with the help of interpreter.

A neutral interpreter is good in this situation.

His national id will reveal many things about him,I worked in Saudi Arabia for 9 years as an electrical engineer and now in Pakistan, I'm well aware of the people behaviour, I can be your interpreter and will do nvestigation from his national id,just tell him send me your CNIC number. I'm willing to provide you any assistance here in Pakistan to save you from any damage in future

Sonu21pkMember05 September 2022 13:23:55

#20

Hi, I'm new here I think interested to here see thank you

ace117Serial expat16 September 2022 14:15:16

#21

964

ID theft is a global issue but here they take some sort of credit on that id Card. better to keep a copy in the bag or wallet when outside.

Chris Hernandez3New member29 September 2022 13:08:44

#22

@Lizziemex could you add me to your ***! please

Moderated by Mickael 2 years ago
Reason : For security reasons, please share contact details through the private messaging system. Thank you
We invite you to read the forum code of conduct

afzal27New member06 February 2023 08:10:19

#23

@Chris Hernandez3 hi there, is your problem been solved or do you still need help? if yes then contact me. I can arrange and manage the things as you like.

Ansaria OfficialMember31 March 2023 18:01:47

#24

@Chris Hernandez3 I can help you *****MY WHATTSAP NUMBER

Moderated by Yoginee last year
Reason : For security reasons, do not share phone numbers on the forum
We invite you to read the forum code of conduct

YogineeViP01 April 2023 05:03:37

#25

3414

Hello Ansaria,

Thank you for trying to help but the member Chris Hernandez3 has not been on the forum since a few months.

Yoginee

Expat.com team

Saira MemonBanned08 April 2023 19:27:10

#26

just marry if he is loyal. otherwise if he looking for something else then leave[link moderated]

Heart CollectorSerial expat18 October 2023 22:37:10

#27

345

@Yoginee They don`t even bother to see the dates

sam2blitzNew member31 March 2024 20:47:39

#28

Doesn't make any difference people are people and perverts are perverts @Hasan Subzwari

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