Dating and finding love as an expat in the Philippines

i have had two gf in the philippines..when i had to go out to other countries i still had my gf here in the PHP....the www.tagged.com is a good dating site...Joe

Since i got a bit of time to write:

Priscilla wrote:

Is it easy to meet other fellow single people in the Philippines?

Gosh! its like picking sea shells at the beach. Pinoys are mostly friendly and the ladies are every much open to you, once they like you. My first year of being in the country, almost every girl i met was single lol. It was in due time that i found out most were not, they were only single when they wanted to.

Priscilla wrote:

How do you go about meeting people (through friends, online dating, apps, meetup groups)?

In my experience you can meet through all of the above stated ways. My college mates will introduce me with 4 to 5 of his cousins who were single and willing to go on a date with me. There are times too, i and friends will randomly meet a group of ladies having coffee, so we join them and have what one can clarify as a "group date". As for online dating and apps. You name it, you can find a whole lot to choose from. Most expats meet their significant other through apps and online websites, such as the one mentioned above. Mind you most of these apps and websites are full of scammers and gold diggers. knowing how to "fish" good from bad in dating apps and websites is a mastery of art learned by few as they get acquitted to the system.

Priscilla wrote:

How safe is it to date in the Philippines?

Very safe. Again most travel to Philippines to find love or companionship. Pionys as earlier mentioned are caring, lovable and often-mostly reliable. Due to this, there are a lot of cafes, restaurants among other attractive tourist sites you could take your dates too. Most of these dates wont be expensive and are in open areas within the CBD.

Priscilla wrote:

How do you deal with cultural differences when dating?

Now that is on individual basis. From my experience cultural difference, although a few had a great impact on my relationship, there were often times, what was deemed OK for her was not for me. From were i came from, dating is more conservative in a different direction than it is in the Philippines. But i slowly adjusted to the openers of their culture and things become a lot easier. The only downside of dating i found in the Philippines was not being able to connect intellectually with my dates. Most of my dating was basically eating out, walking in parks or malls, at times the movies and all with little conversation, as they will say they are shy or not fluent in English. It was OK with me in my first year but as time went on i found it not attractive, as i wanted to connect with my dates intellectually.  This is so for me because, when my date becomes my GF it gradually becomes clear with me that aside from having fun we did not talk much or do much of things that sounded like we were growing as a couple.

Priscilla wrote:

What are certain dating etiquettes and rules when dating in the Philippines?

1. Be friendly
2. Choose you date wisely. As already mentioned not all are seeking relationship. Well we all have our reasons for dating. Just make sure you know yours. Cause i have witnessed a lot my expat friends get into bad problems just by dating the wrong individual.
3. Nothing expensive. Going to a mall, movies or even eating at a fast food joint is good enough for most.
4. Know the difference between gay and non gay's so not to sound offensive on the day of the date.
5. Always make your intentions clear to your date.
6. Know their ages. Some lie.
7. Know their real relationship status. Most are in a long and active relationship but would lie about it till you find out the sad and wrong way.
8. Never fall in love quickly with your date. Give it a lot of time and think before.

Priscilla wrote:

How do you deal with getting into a serious relationship if you know you might be leaving the Philippines?

Well a lot like me did find a serious relationship and leaving was always inevitable. The only thing you can do if you know you are not coming back once you leave the Philippines is  to arrange in time for your panther to travel with you. Or in most cases like me, do always come back to the Philippines till you are married. A lot of expats are in serious relationships even with them being outside the Philippines as most do actually come to find love here. Once the trust and faithfulness is established in the relationship you both will find a way to cope things out.

Everything mentioned is subjected to my personal experience and opinion.

Thank.

flex14 wrote:

The only thing you can do if you know you are not coming back once you leave the Philippines is  to arrange in time for your panther to travel with you.

Darn that auto correct. LOL. At least it didn't auto correct to "panties."

I've had worse, like almost sending a text to my client, asking if he's satan. Glad I noticed it before sending.

Another time, I texted a former co-worker asking if he was a kumquat. I didn't notice the auto correct until after the text was sent. LOL.

FilAmericanMom wrote:

flex14 wrote:

The only thing you can do if you know you are not coming back once you leave the Philippines is  to arrange in time for your panther to travel with you.

Darn that auto correct. LOL. At least it didn't auto correct to "panties."

I've had worse, like almost sending a text to my client, asking if he's satan. Glad I noticed it before sending.

Another time, I texted a former co-worker asking if he was a kumquat. I didn't notice the auto correct until after the text was sent. LOL.

hahaha. it had me good here. I hope most can read through it. LOL. Thanks for pointing it out.

You have come to a very poor country where women will do what they can for their family's. Many will want your help, many will use you, some will treat you as you treat them...be sure of what you are looking for. Good luck.

what NOT to do is looking for serious relation in a bar
before getting serious be sure to know her and her family and if she is not married.
make sure you are on the same page as far as relation and life in general is conserned.
discus "family support" and make your view on it clear,this to avoid unpleasant diskusions about this later on

i was lucky my wife was hard working,had a lovely family and non of the family was expecting support ,this dos not means we do not give support at times ,it means it is given not askt for.
as far as culture is involved we both gave and took til we were more or less in balance .
wen we go to my country of origin it will be on vacation to come home here,am very happy here in The Philippines ,way more than i ever was in europa.

greets Dirk

what NOT to do is looking for serious relation in a bar
before getting serious be sure to know her and her family and if she is not married.
make sure you are on the same page as far as relation and life in general is conserned.
discus "family support" and make your view on it clear,this to avoid unpleasant diskusions about this later on

i was lucky my wife was hard working,had a lovely family and non of the family was expecting support ,this dos not means we do not give support at times ,it means it is given not askt for.
as far as culture is involved we both gave and took til we were more or less in balance .
wen we go to my country of origin it will be on vacation to come home here,am very happy here in The Philippines ,way more than i ever was in europa.

greets Dirk

I have been with two filipina girls during my 15 years in asia...one was for 8 years....then she married a American guy and lives in America...My second one is in college and has 10 sibblings...of course the parents do not work and their hand is always out.....but its not my job to feed that family...but I told my gf if you want to give your pocket money  to them thats up to you...meet a nice girl who is working or in college and not looking for a CASH COW....there is many....JOE

My experience is only trying to make friends online to gather information about the country.  In the course of doing so, I had SOOOO many gay Pinoys and Filippinas claim (the first day we spoke) that they LOVED me and were willing to wait for me.  Sometimes the requests for money and the easily proven lies about crisis that they needed money for started the same (first) day. 

Maybe it's easier once you actually get there but from the stories I have read on here, the majority see you as a walking ATM and will "date" you for the money.  Eventually you will find out they are dating several other guys as well.  It is almost enough to completely turn me off from the country.

Rob

It's tough here for both men and women but this place is no different than most. Just take you time and you have a chance to meet that certain someone...I did.

Greyone48 wrote:

It's tough here for both men and women but this place is no different than most. Just take you time and you have a chance to meet that certain someone...I did.

Well said Greyone, simply put and true. I like you met my "certain" significant other after numerous  trials and tribulations with other contenders, also expressed here and other sites by countless contributors. The simple fact is that one has to be a realist and not let an appendage rule common sense and decency, it definitely happens far too often for the unwary and as you say it matters not the country.

7 years on for us and we are still very much in love and look forward to our future together, we met on a dating site so obviously not all bad.

Cheers, Steve.

I have been in and out of the philippines the last 15 years.....my gf now is 21 yrs old...I am 76 yrs old.....  my gf is going to college and we have been together almost two years.....you must be careful not to become a "CASH COW"  for the gfs family.....I do send one sister $20 a month for money to get to school...stay away from girls looking your money.....girls going to school or have a job is best......there are many...do not worry....when i am out the the country my gf is still my gf.....good luck.....JOE

I have had several attractive "girls" contact me  on Dating Websites, and chat for a while before they reveal they are not girls.  Some of them are strikingly attractive, more so than many of the Filipinas.  Maybe it is easier to tell in person, but I hate them wasting my time.  Now, if I chat a girl, I ask it they are a real girl.

I try to focus my search on the dating sites to women with a University Degree, and also take note of where photos are taken.  Some girls take photos at home, where you can see the poverty they live in.  Is there anything unusual with a girl being in mid-late 20's going to college?  I thought high school was done at 16, and college completed by 20 or so.

I have also read about the possessiveness of women, who fully expect exclusivity even while chatting on websites.  I tell them chatting is penpals, and that until I meet them in person, do not expect any commitment, and that I take things slowly. 

Some of the women I have chatted online in their late 20s to mid thirties, and are very attractive, they have to have been riding the "Cock Carousel", right?  I am more interested in an intelligent and attractive girl who is low drama and high virtue.  Should I focus on under 25 year olds, or are there Unicorns who are virtuous, yet older?

I did chat a woman who was 40, said she was never married, no kids, but was constantly talking about her relationship with a wealthy jet-setting Chinese Hotelier, like she still had a flame for him.  I decided to pass on that, since I am neither wealthy nor jet-setting.  She had BABY RABIES, wanting to start popping babies pronto. 

These are some observations I have noticed in the 2 weeks or so on Filipino Cupid, DateinAsia, and tagged.com.  Tagged.com seems to have the most scammers, from my experience.  Also, there isn't a way to fine tune your search to rule out women who are of no interest to you.

I can only speak from my experience. You make finding a woman like selecting a commodity. You first must put your compatibility in line before their age. After all you may want a companion you can relate with. It's not an easy process you are on but it may be worth it, if you only make some friends along the way.

The older ones (35-40) are definitely worth considering, many such as my gf are from the generation that still worked very hard, expect to take care of the man, loyal etc. She gets up at 5am every morning to start the chores, and was brought up in the province pre-internet, with the more traditional values. In my opinion it is the younger ones who are lazy *** . Believe me they start young here.

flex14 wrote:

Since i got a bit of time to write:

Priscilla wrote:

Is it easy to meet other fellow single people in the Philippines?

Gosh! its like picking sea shells at the beach. Pinoys are mostly friendly and the ladies are every much open to you, once they like you. My first year of being in the country, almost every girl i met was single lol. It was in due time that i found out most were not, they were only single when they wanted to.

I found this to really be true. Many women aren't really single - they are either legally married and unable to divorce, or have a secret boyfriend, or have multiple overseas sponsors.

Priscilla wrote:

How do you deal with cultural differences when dating?

Now that is on individual basis. From my experience cultural difference, although a few had a great impact on my relationship, there were often times, what was deemed OK for her was not for me. From were i came from, dating is more conservative in a different direction than it is in the Philippines. But i slowly adjusted to the openers of their culture and things become a lot easier. The only downside of dating i found in the Philippines was not being able to connect intellectually with my dates. Most of my dating was basically eating out, walking in parks or malls, at times the movies and all with little conversation, as they will say they are shy or not fluent in English. It was OK with me in my first year but as time went on i found it not attractive, as i wanted to connect with my dates intellectually.  This is so for me because, when my date becomes my GF it gradually becomes clear with me that aside from having fun we did not talk much or do much of things that sounded like we were growing as a couple.

This is the biggest problem I have.. the general lack of intellectual interest and ability. Even my current GF who is hard-working and wonderful in many ways did not really have an interest in world affairs or other intellectual topics when we met, although she does have a western outlook and good knowledge of healthy living habits. We are always shocked at the diet we see many Filipinos eating, for example - lots of processed and fast food. And she's finishing college now and learning to be more conversant in topics that are of an intellectual nature.  A lot of it really comes down to education.

I have noticed that many are scammers, just a matter of how long they string you along before the hints start. I had one gal on the dating website who told me up front she was a freelancer, formerly a bar girl. Glad she is honest, but I am not Captain Save-a-Ho.

I may just wait until I am in country before contacting the gals I like for a physical meet.

I would have griended her just to have someone to bounce things off of...an advisor.
Like most expats who have stayed her we get to understand the pressures on the girls to do what they might for their living. If you come with a superior attitude you may not find what you're looking for here. Again good luck.

Friended*

I have befriended her, and have gain some insight about how difficult it is financially there. Another gal I have chatted with was raised by grandparents, after mom abandoned as a baby. Almost every photo is with one of the grandparents and her genuine devotion is apparent.

It looks like to work, a Pinay has to sign a contract or something. Looks like jobs are hard to come by.  Another observation is that they have been jilted and bring that up in conversation.

I am learning a lot about the importance of family, and how materialistic we are in America.

Unlike my life here the tradition is family first. The children had been thought to care for and respect their elders.
You will likely be approached many times by people that have sad tales. It will be your burden to devine truth from story.
The hardest moments for me are when a child or woman with a baby comes to me with their hand out. I have felt bad several time by holding back. You may be looked at as nothing more than an opportunity for them to earn money. Don't think much about this just uderstand that is their reality and if given a choice they wouldn't be there.

moonunit0103 wrote:

I am learning a lot about the importance of family, and how materialistic we are in America.

There is plenty of materialism in the Philippines, the difference is one is expected to help any family member with his or her hand out.  I see many Filipinas who have found "true love" with a foreigner 30 or more years older as family members line up for help.

The interesting reality of your post is that you make the difference in age pointed and most philipinas I have met think nothing of that difference. My woman is 26 years my junior has more wealth than I. She has family members that have asked for nothing from me save "be good to her". They have welcomed me as an equal. I work to honour  there trust and respect for my place in their world.
I must say this; stereotypes are often found by people who look for them.

I know of three Filipinas in Pennsylvania who divorced their husbands as soon as they became US citizens.  All were 30 or more years younger than their husbands. The only other divorce I know of the difference was only 10 years, and the husband has since  returned to Mindanao and petitioned his new fiancee who is 16 years younger than him, she arrived in March and they are now married.  I know plenty of happy married Fil AM couples, but none of them have an age difference of more than 22 years.

And your contention is that it's age not judgement that is at the heart of the failures??? Really. Every olderman dreams of that younger woman often forgetting the basics of relationships. I lucked out but also smelled A LOT of flowers before picking this one.
My point is the age difference should not be a reason nor the problem but just one factor.

I suppose you could say the difference in ages was part of the fantasies involved.  Of course it was a failure in judgement, but it takes two.  Many are too lazy to do the proper research, think things to their logical conclusion.  I know a couple who retired to Cebu, her family is on Mindanao and they refuse to go to her home island.  He said he will be posting a sign "Friends welcome any time, family by appointment only".  Our family here on Luzon has a whole list of "emergencies" every time we arrive.

What I have done to find some balance here is to imagine my friends and my family growing up here rather than in the States. It helps me a great deal to be grateful, compassionate and understanding.

Yes, those of us from the States or other developed countries hit the lotto just by the fact of being born in our country. Good schools, job opportunities, mostly safe, clean water, functional sewers and government, lol, with a safety net, not many tropical diseases, blah, blah blah. Much of the world is not as fortunate.

As far as the age thing goes, I think it would be a mistake to bring a woman 30 years younger back to the States where she will be hit on by every guy her age. She might even have good intentions at first but all that attention from gwapo white guys her own age? It's gonna be hard to resist.

Greyone48 wrote:

And your contention is that it's age not judgement that is at the heart of the failures??? Really. Every olderman dreams of that younger woman often forgetting the basics of relationships. I lucked out but also smelled A LOT of flowers before picking this one.
My point is the age difference should not be a reason nor the problem but just one factor.

Nicely said Greyone, I do hear you very clearly. I learnt 8 years ago the truth of love and not the 30 odd years age difference (yes of course after many trials and tribulations as we have all been through). As said earlier in other posts love no matter age can be very real and fulfilling to genuine givers and receivers. I am as said very happy and looking forward to our life as it goes on together.

Cheers, Steve.

I saw a daytime talk show where this sexy MILF had written a book on how to find and marry a millionaire. Very superficial, but she said that loving a rich man was like marrying a man with 2 wankers!!!.  Maybe the guy is getting screwed in more than one way.

I am chatting with several Pinay, but don't want to have a fling with a nice girl, then find another I like better. Is it possible to casually date a Pinay without them wanting to latch on?

Sure, just be honest about your intentions. There's a lot of guys that take advantage of the situation.. the huge power imbalance between a successful foreigner and a desperate local girl. The poverty is grinding here. You said earlier that you were looking for an educated woman. I highly recommend it.