Loving a Vietnamese girl

Whilst there's a level of luck in marriage, I'm taking a shot foolishness is the cause of most problems we hear about.

As a fat old slob, I could easily have fallen into the same trap of young Asian women chasing me, mostly after cash, but I didn't go that way.
I was  lucky enough to meet a lovely lady who was working in an honest job and had no intention of getting a free ride to a UK passport. The conversation about where we should live was short, especially when I suggested England. All I got was "too cold", and that was the end of that.

Well over nine years into having a thumb glued to my head, and we still live a simple life with me spending a lot more on tech toys than she ever manages on clothes and whatever else.
Her family (Dad) asks for a loan every few years, a million Rupiah I know I have no chance of ever getting back, but that's really about it (Save her lazy sister who wasted the cash I spent sending her to school, but that wasn't all that much).
We send gifts to her family and help them out from time to time, but it's never a lot and isn't often.

The only serious cash we spend is on our kids, and that's something you must expect. After that, the only large layout she asked for was me buying a car, and a larger one as our family got bigger and we needed a maid again.
I wasn't much bothered about a car, but it's been handy so I can't moan.

My sister in law is qualified to be a school principal, but will never be promoted into the position, because her two sisters are married to foreigners.

Hello friends! I hope you are surviving the Heat my lady friend in Vietnam tells me that is terribly hot right now.   She is so sweet! I know you guys told me to be careful and I plan to be but I do so enjoy talking to her we chat often times about nothing what's going on the test that she is giving her kids she is a school teacher. She's looking forward to summer vacation and when I visit in June. She always asked me if I slept well if I have eaten breakfast or if I've eaten dinner. It's very cute really. What amazed me when I first started talking to her and maybe it shouldn't have, what's the sense of humor Vietnamese have! I haven't been the world traveler that you guys have not yet anyway. But although there are obvious cultural differences I find there are a lot of similarities to we all have similar thoughts emotions I guess in other words we're all human. Anyway I hope all is going well with you I hope the weather takes it easy on you and I hope to talk to you all soon have a blessed day!

@eodmatt  -  Thanx for the reply and sharing your experience - I have been in a relationship with a vietnamese girl for almost twenty years.  My story is different than yours, in that I never intended to make this a long term relationship - but it just happened, she is a farm girl, owned absolutely nothing, but over the years we have amassed over 120,000 sq meters (around 30 acres)of rice and grass producing land - 16 'New Zealand Brownies' cows (they keep reproducing females haha)  two houses (one for Mom, and one for us)  she started buying ppty in 1999, paddy by paddy unbeknownst to me , with the money I gave her to spend - she has lived in six coutnries with me over the years - In 1998 I once gave her $2,000 to go home for Tet, we had been living in Cambodia where I worked  at the time - I thought "Well, thats the end of that"  she came back with the titles for 4 ppty's.  We (she)now own about 50 'ducs' plus our main house......sits on land 95 mtr wide and 340 mtr long, all the way into the Mekong river.  She has never been to school, use to sit outside the window of the local school and listened to the teacher give classes, but she can add money faster than I can with a calculator.(haha) and is a tough negotiator.   Moral of this story is 'Sometimes You Just Know' whether someone is good or not - and living in rural Mekong Delta has shown me one thing about Vietnamese women - They are a 'One-Man Woman'.  I can't say that about ALL Vietnamese women, but have seen more marriages here in the delta region that last 40-50 years than anywhere I have lived.   As for the 'not married' status, I no longer believe in the 'institution of marriage' after 23 years in the Armed forces, and 22 more as Govt contractor, I have seen guys screwed over and taken to the cleaners by (now) ex-wives, I vowed it never would happen to me.   We are more "married" than all of my friends, some who have been 'married & divorced' 2 & 3 times during that same time as we have been together.   Yes Sir, sometimes you just "Know".  wish you luck in the future.

Thank you so much for that very encouraging story. I'm happy for you. I feel very good about my lil Vietnamese girl too
I know the risks but I been a professional sales person all my life which is a pretty good education in phycology. Can't wait to see where the story leads

hey jimmy,

usually there are two types of viet girls, the good and the bad. not many in-between'ers, though they're slowly appearing.

the best course of action is to be patient and take your time. get deep into her business to build the trust. there will always be a cultural difference and understanding. take for example, money. both the good and bad girls will be attracted to your deep pocket, though in return they do take care of you, especially the good ones. you'll see in the Vietnamese culture, the woman generally looks after the man like a good housewife should be. equality is no where to be seen between man and woman in this society. the Vietnamese woman sees your money as security and a path way to a good life. though from what you've said, it seems although this case may not be applicable to you.

relationships can fail wherever you go. you won't know until you give it a shot. I have a friend who is so particular about woman that it seems like his ideals is impossible and expects her to fall into his lap. his found nobody because of the barriers he has placed on himself. a love story will always hurt in one way or another, just go for it, why hold back?

They you Cosmo ! I do appreciate your positive view!

Tunnelrat, that's very good to hear! My case is a bit different in that my wife is a farm girl although daughter of an NVA senior army officer. After the war it was out of uniform for her father and here's an acre of land get in with it.

My wife passed the exam for uni entry and paid for herself through two masters degrees by selling water and soft drinks around Bin Thanh market.

She is a dedicated business woman who only goes into something with a clear end result -,profit.

She had our latest house built by keeping me well away from it so that the prices would remain local prices and not inflated by having a foreigner involved. Everything I had ever mentioned about my preferences in living have been incorporated in the design, from solar water heating (it saves a fortune in electricity) to 3rd gen lighting (ditto) and more. She remembered everything.

Having had two prev marriages to shrieking western harridans, this is a breath of fresh air. We travel together, work together, plan together...... Wish I'd met her 30 years ago.

Fantastic!!!!! That's what I'm talking about

Gets better too - we get sent mail sacks full of avocados. Bags of fresh ginger root. Live chickens. Bags of celery, oranges, boxes of strawberries, mulberries (I make wine ), garlic and some of the best coffee beans you can get. And lots more.

We keep an open door to family. If they visit Saigon for a hospital appointment or whatever, there's food and drink here and a bed for the night -,or a month, whatever.

Mum stays for a few weeks from time to time - and does the cooking and cleaning, you can't stop her.

My wife's niece stayed for a year whilst at Uni in Saigon before moving into student accommodation, her family inundated us with fruit, veg and chickens as we as traditional banana leaf wrapped cooked meats.

It's a helluvan experience when you are used to the Western average.

To answer like my little vn girlfriend...
I want hehe...         

Matt I think it's awesome that you have such a good life in Vietnam!!!!

Hello
I recently returned from a three month stint in Hanoi on an overseas aid posting. I fell madly in love with a 39 year old woman who was pushing hard to move in together, get married, have children etc etc. It was very hard as I knew I was returning to Australia and she knew that, but would not hear of me moving back, and wanted to stay in Hanoi where she lives and grew up. I am now back in Australia, with heavy heart, but glad to be home. I wrote her a heartfelt letter which I delivered to her last Thursday before flying out. Despite all this she rang me four times whilst in Singapore in transit, angry that I was heading home and suggesting I was a fraud and cheat!!

Be careful as I am over 50 and it is a very common thing to fall in love with a Viet girl only to find you are being taken for everything you've got.

When I look back on the 10 weeks together with this girl, I spent well in excess of my allowance in Vietnam, basically on her. Everywhere we went (shopping, taxis, dining, shows), she expected me to pay and give her flowers and other gifts, including clothes, yoga gear, and even asked me to pay her annual yoga membership and 3 months advance rental on her room where she was renting. She also had friends suggesting I buy her a car as it is too hot in summer for her to be riding a scooter round Hanoi.

Despite all this, I still have feelings for her, or maybe feel sentimental about the good times we shared

Peter

She will move on to the next ATM, as they usually do.

We well I'm sorry Peter that you got heartbroken but I am glad that you had a good time while you were there hey we only live once brother I'm not worried about being taken for everything I have because frankly I have very little not a bad position to be in especially since I do have the ability to make a decent living another words of skill set I've been communicating with this girl for a while and I don't believe she's on the take but I could be wrong but we will see I will recognize it very quickly if she is and I will be out very little take care of yourself brother it'll be okay

I understand and I do appreciate the advice I am pretty Savvy about things and I always have mine radar on as I have been hurt a couple of times buy American women who by the way I have come to believe most of which are pieces of s***

Gday Quiettall Peter,

Well mate ,  Yogi thinks you've been taken advantage of and that type of thing is so common. I wish I had a dollar for every similar story like that.   It's a shame , but that's the way it is in so many cases.

As Yogi says, every dog has its day .  I see she rang you at the airport and basically accused you of pissing off & leaving her standing empty handed.   What you should do is ask her how that new motorbike you bought her is going ????   😉😉😉

She'll say "what bike......"   Then you say , well since I had to leave in a hurry ,the bike I wanted to get you ( nice new Vespa, top of the line)  wasn't in stock in the colour I wanted for you......so, I left the $4,000 cash with your friend,  who originally suggested a car , and she said she'd organize the delivery to you and give you the keys as a surprise gift from me.

Just leave it at that.......

jimcantrell65 wrote:

I understand and I do appreciate the advice I am pretty Savvy about things and I always have mine radar on as I have been hurt a couple of times buy American women who by the way I have come to believe most of which are pieces of s***

I'm pretty sure that's unfair and unreasonable.
I'm 100% that some Vietnamese women are going to treat western men as an ATM machine, and are willing to go to bed with men for the cash - not much more than prostitution.

I'm also sure there are American women who would do the same, but are far more likely to be drunk or on drugs when they do it.

However, "some" isn't all, or even most.

With Ricky Martin songs and loud shirts, Yogi, I'm sorry, but I'd have to agree with your neighbors. 

Geez, Yogi, that's a bit harsh...

..but thinking about it, (and the fact that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...)  How would YOU feel if someone took away your own personal ATM..?

Jim,

I came to Vietnam 9 years ago for work assignment and have dated MANY Vietnamese girls in Saigon and DaNang. If you can get a work assignment from your existing company take it and try to sell in Vietnam. There are many opportunities for business sales in Vietnam and the money is there if the product or service is accepted by the culture or is in high demand private sector or industrial. Jobs are not easy to find for foreigners in Vietnam if you come here unemployed. Starting a business is difficult.

As for your 35 year old teacher friend. All the indications sound good. Advice: do not give her or her family any money. Bring her mom flowers, not yellow in color. Treat her family to a night out for dinner in a restaurant of their choice........not foreign food.  Show respect to the family including uncles, aunts and grandparents.

When you travel with your friend ask her before if she would like to share a room at a hotel. DO NOT assume she will be with you sexually. There are levels of friendships and relationships. If she uses the term "Dating" then that will indicate she will be with you sexually. If she refers to you with her family and friends as "MY FRIEND" then you may have to spend some time winning her heart.

I met a girl in Saigon that I dated for 2 years before we had our engagement party. Six months later we had a formal Vietnamese Wedding in Saigon with her family. You need to learn the process.

Unless you file official documents with the government for marriage, even though you hold a wedding for the family, you are not technically married. It takes up to six months to get your marriage papers in Vietnam and the girl has to do a lot of work and meet with officials many times to get the marriage papers. Then if you want to bring her to USA or other country it MAY take you one year to get her VISA to go to your country after the wedding papers are completed.

If you stay in Vietnam you need to apply for a Marriage Visa. Length changes day by day.

Keep in mind..............ALL Vietnamese girls at age 35 are looking to have a baby for their mother and father satisfaction. If you do not want kids tell her and her family that before you start dating and get married.

This can also happen, a link from quite a few years ago by a very gullible newby who was setup from the moment he met the girl.



http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader20 … er2272.htm

Yes you are correct and it is unfair of me. I've just had my fill of American women for alot of different reasons

Thank you Kenneth some of the most thorough and best advise I have seen! Thank you so much!

Jim,

Thank you for the compliment. We can talk on Skype, Yahoo IM or in person if you would like.

I am here to retire in DaNang and my wife goes to the University to study Japanese Language. I go to health spa five days a week to swim 1,200 meters in pool and after visit the steam bath and hot sauna before falling asleep for one hour in the quiet environment. Then one day a week I go to Greg Normans DaNang Golf Resort to practice golf. I give Sundays to my wife and what ever she wants to do.

Life is very good in Vietnam if you know how to maximize your capital and time.

That's great i would like that....I have a Skype but have never used it. I'm not sure how I will pull it off but I will figure it out one step at a time I guess. I would like to learn more about vn and life there!!!

I know Vietnam more than 20 years and live here more than 10 years.
When you meet a girl/woman in VN, she speak English well ? How she learn English ? Sorry but look out. Good luck.

She can type better than she can speak. She studied English from an English teacher a lady from Holland...I've seen pictures of her on face book anyway....I am always careful either it will work out or it won't. But the experience should be good which is all we really have in life is our experiences

I did not marry a "Vietnamese girl" 43 years ago. The girl that I married was an "old war buddy" that I had known for three years, that I had observed under fire and knew virtually everything about. It just happened to be that my "old war buddy" was Vietnamese. That was fine with me. I wouldn't have cared if she was from Mars or even New York.

Like everyone else is saying, "You are not marrying a nationality. You are marrying a human woman." Unfortunately, in most of Asia, you are not only marring a human woman, you are also marrying her family as well. Fortunately the head of the my fiancee's family was her grandmother(mother and grandmother were both widows) and Grandmother was absolutely on my side. With out Grandmother's intervention and help our marriage could never have happened.

My 2 Xu

"Xu" is a discontinued denomination of money that was worth 1/100th of a Piaster.

In my case, the girl that wanted me was the same. She could type or text me better than she could speak, but constantly nagged me to talk Vietnamese. I found out that although she agreed with lots about what I said, deep down she had her own views which she chose not to express, presumably as it would have alarmed me earlier. I've been back in Australia now for five days, and only just starting to realise how I was slowly and easily being conned into thinking I was in a genuine loving relationship with a potential future, when all the time, given the age and cultural difference, I was being taken for a mug, constantly paying out for taxis, meals, food, gifts of cash etc for mother, providing her VND for rent for her room, and helping with the yoga class membership and uniform, thinking I was definitley the one for her and vice versa.

JUST BE CAREFUL. Let the head rule the heart

There is also the situation when they say they have never married or had kids. As with a friend of mine, he found out three years later his wife had an 8 year old son hidden away in the countryside. He asked her why she lied, she said she thought he wouldn't want a ready made family.

tonydeclercq wrote:

I know Vietnam more than 20 years and live here more than 10 years.
When you meet a girl/woman in VN, she speak English well ? How she learn English ? Sorry but look out. Good luck.

My (Vietnamese) wife speaks good English. She learned the language at night school  and completed British Council business English courses over 4 years and has all the certificates. She also speaks Korean, which she also learned at night school.

She also has an MBA and a degree in Corporate Management.

She didn't get any of her qualifications from working in bars.

A good friend of ours is a Judge in the matrimonial courts in Can Tho. She speaks perfect English with a slight American accent. She learned English at university whilst studying law.

Many of the young Vietnamese wives (and most of the husbands) where we live speak English, having taken it at school. Nearly all of the kids on our estate (we live on one of the new private estates where I am the only foreigner) speak English.

The Vietnam war is long over and Vietnam has moved a long way from me ruv you rong time.

70 years old wrote:

I did not marry a "Vietnamese girl" 43 years ago. The girl that I married was an "old war buddy" that I had known for three years, that I had observed under fire and knew virtually everything about. It just happened to be that my "old war buddy" was Vietnamese. That was fine with me. I wouldn't have cared if she was from Mars or even New York.

Like everyone else is saying, "You are not marrying a nationality. You are marrying a human woman." Unfortunately, in most of Asia, you are not only marring a human woman, you are also marrying her family as well. Fortunately the head of the my fiancee's family was her grandmother(mother and grandmother were both widows) and Grandmother was absolutely on my side. With out Grandmother's intervention and help our marriage could never have happened.

My 2 Xu

"Xu" is a discontinued denomination of money that was worth 1/100th of a Piaster.

"Unfortunately, in most of Asia, you are not only marring a human woman, you are also marrying her family as well."

It isn't always unfortunate. My wifes family are farmers and keep us supplied with coffee, tea, fruit, chickens and pork as well as veg of many kinds. My wifes mum - who has her own farm - comes to stay for months at a time, whilst my wifes brother looks after her farm. She cooks and cleans for us whilst she is here and also grows a veg garden.

My wifes sister is a ferocious business woman who made a fortune growing coffee beans and rearing pigs. She's busy building her fourth house right now. Her daughter stayed with us for a year when she started university training to be a Dr. We were inundated with fresh food from the farms because I declined to take payment for the girls food and accommodation.

On one occasion two years ago we received a message to pick up a package from the bus station. It was a mail sack with about 25 kg of avocados in it.

I said to my wife, "what the hell are we going to do with this lot?" She said "share it with the neighbors". We did and over the next couple of weeks we received back cucumbers, pumpkins, rice wine, passion fruit, fish.. ....

Unfortunately many guys meet bar girls or ex-bar girls and think they can change them. Now that you are able to have property in your name here, there won't be so many people being taken by that one sided arrangement. At the end of the day it's buyer beware.

Yogi007 wrote:

Ha ha.......you can't go wrong with Acca Dacca  Matt.

The locals love the loud stuff.   I often wonder why they even bother installing volume buttons on sound systems here.    Straight to No 10 regardless of the mood of the occasion.

I coulda sworn they were all set at 12 before the knobs were removed.

colinoscapee wrote:

Unfortunately many guys meet bar girls or ex-bar girls and think they can change them. Now that you are able to have property in your name here, there won't be so many people being taken by that one sided arrangement. At the end of the day it's buyer beware.

Pull up a sandbag, get me a beer and I'll tell 'ee a story.

First time I came to Vietnam was in late 1999 when I was the UXO clearance manager for the Nam Con Son gas pipeline.

I was staying at the Rex hotel in Vung Tau and early on I met a young lady called Kim who spoke reasonably good English. An ex bar girl, she treated me very well and we became, er, friends.  One day she asked me if she could borrow 400 US dollars to buy a share in a bar. Yup, it was a girlie bar as I found out whenI paid it a visit.

She was a brilliant fixer and knew just about everyone you need to know in an oil town including the chief of police and she fixed me up with an excellent holiday in Da Lat, which I enjoyed immensely.

Anyway we remained friends after I finished the project after nearly a year and departed to other places. She would email me every now and then and I'd even get the occasional phone call. She never asked me for money (and she even paid me back the 400 dollars she had borrowed).

One day when I was in UK she called me on Skype in tears and said that she was going to get married to an Australian bloke called Larosa who was in real estate. I congratulated her and asked why she was crying. She told me that she felt that getting married to the bloke was being disloyal to me. She told me that she didn't love this Larosa bloke, but that she could get Australian citizenship  by marrying him. For what its worth I gave her my blessings.

In 2005 I came back to Vietnam  for a couple of weeks consultancy, but couldn't locate her. I had a couple of Skype messages from her some months later to say the she and her husband were going back to visit Vietnam on Holiday.

I still kept getting the odd email and text from her and in 2008 I  was asked to come to Saigon to manage the clearance  of unexploded ordnance from a seismic survey area in the Mekong Delta, so I gave Kim a call to tell her that I would be in town, no answer. I sent texts and called her number several times. She never responded, but her phone was on and ringing until a year later.

I moved to Vietnam permanently in 2012 and in 2013 went to Vung Tau on holiday. The barman at the Rex was still Mr. Hung who has worked there for donkeys years and he told me rather odd tale.

It seems that Mr. Larosa was not a Real Estate dealer at all, but a drug smuggler. When they visited Vung Tau they stayed at the Rex and were a bit lavish with money. They then returned to Australia and shortly before I tried to contact her in 2008, both Kim and Larosa were murdered by shotgun in a Motel in Australia.

It still makes me shiver when I think about it. Poor Kim.

eodmatt wrote:

70 years old wrote:

I did not marry a "Vietnamese girl" 43 years ago. The girl that I married was an "old war buddy" that I had known for three years, that I had observed under fire and knew virtually everything about. It just happened to be that my "old war buddy" was Vietnamese. That was fine with me. I wouldn't have cared if she was from Mars or even New York.

Like everyone else is saying, "You are not marrying a nationality. You are marrying a human woman." Unfortunately, in most of Asia, you are not only marring a human woman, you are also marrying her family as well. Fortunately the head of the my fiancee's family was her grandmother(mother and grandmother were both widows) and Grandmother was absolutely on my side. With out Grandmother's intervention and help our marriage could never have happened.

My 2 Xu

"Xu" is a discontinued denomination of money that was worth 1/100th of a Piaster.

"Unfortunately, in most of Asia, you are not only marring a human woman, you are also marrying her family as well."

It isn't always unfortunate. My wifes family are farmers and keep us supplied with coffee, tea, fruit, chickens and pork as well as veg of many kinds. My wifes mum - who has her own farm - comes to stay for months at a time, whilst my wifes brother looks after her farm. She cooks and cleans for us whilst she is here and also grows a veg garden.

My wifes sister is a ferocious business woman who made a fortune growing coffee beans and rearing pigs. She's busy building her fourth house right now. Her daughter stayed with us for a year when she started university training to be a Dr. We were inundated with fresh food from the farms because I declined to take payment for the girls food and accommodation.

On one occasion two years ago we received a message to pick up a package from the bus station. It was a mail sack with about 25 kg of avocados in it.

I said to my wife, "what the hell are we going to do with this lot?" She said "share it with the neighbors". We did and over the next couple of weeks we received back cucumbers, pumpkins, rice wine, passion fruit, fish.. ....

Your point that many of the families are wonderful to marry into is a good point. My wife's family and I are also close. But, as you also point out, family is a really big thing here.

I suspect that you would agree that before one marries, one should spend time learning if the family is one that you can live with. That is probably as important to a successful marriage here as the quality of the woman that you marry.

As my wife's family was a grandmother in her 80's and a mother in her 50's struggling to survive and raise two younger children on the money my wife had earned working for the US Military, I did understand that I would have to replace their lost income. Mother and Grandmother are long gone. But, my wife's brother and sister and their families are doing well and they do remember.

The big point that I believe we all agree on, is to know what you are getting into before you get married to anyone from any country. I was 29 and had been engaged once, but, had never been married, she was 20, 43 years ago this August we got married.

Jim,

What country are you from? Where is home for you? Where in Vietnam do you stay?

I encourage you to put together a wish list on what you REALLY are looking for. Like any relationship in any country the sex and lust fades away after a few years. When Vietnamese women get older, close to 40, their beautiful features change. Then their are still all those very cute younger Vietnamese girls still out there and do not care if you are married - just trying to get your attention. Today at the golf course I had a cute caddie really come on to me and before she left for the day she came in street cloths (not uniform of golf course) to say goodbye to me. She was VERY cute.  With in one hour of me returning home she had connected to me on face book.  So the temptation is to always look at the younger ones forever. hahahhaha

On your list decide if you want future children with her. Decide where you will live. Make sure she likes air conditioning...... it is a nightmare when they start turning off the AC in middle of night. Find out if she is a vegetarian. Find out if she has any medical issue .....ask to see her blue book from medical hospital (they all have them).  Meet all her family members several times.

NEVER put her name on your bank account or your credit cards. DO NOT buy property with her name on it. Do not buy her a motor bike.

Find out what career she wants in her life. Dig deep on this.

Kennethc wrote:

Jim,

What country are you from? Where is home for you? Where in Vietnam do you stay?

I encourage you to put together a wish list on what you REALLY are looking for. Like any relationship in any country the sex and lust fades away after a few years. When Vietnamese women get older, close to 40, their beautiful features change... So the temptation is to always look at the younger ones forever. hahahhaha

On your list decide if you want future children with her. Decide where you will live. Make sure she likes air conditioning...... it is a nightmare when they start turning off the AC in middle of night. Find out if she is a vegetarian. Find out if she has any medical issue .....ask to see her blue book from medical hospital (they all have them).  Meet all her family members several times.

NEVER put her name on your bank account or your credit cards. DO NOT buy property with her name on it. Do not buy her a motor bike.

Find out what career she wants in her life. Dig deep on this.

I agree wholeheartedly!

My Vietnamese girlfriend of five months is sitting next to me as I write this. I showed her the OP and her reaction was, "Ôi chúa ơi" (Oh my god!) She also said that "if she is 35 and unmarried, maybe she's crazy or has problems." That's the culture here (we live, separately, in DaLat). She also said, "Tell him don't marry her for at least two years."

What's your hurry, OP? It sounds like you've never been here before. If that's the case, you cannot imagine what it's like... it's a completely different planet in so many ways. If you are like most red-blooded Western males, you are going to think it's Nirvana--that you've died and gone to heaven--for the first six months or more. Then you'll start noticing the little things you ignored initially are driving you nuts... and you get to decide: either you flow with the current or you bail. If you're married, bailing is less of an option, especially if she really does want to stay in VN.

Slow down. Come visit. Although your experience may have similarities to the ones shared here, it will be uniquely yours. Meet your friend and her family. Eat with them, drink beer with them, and inhale their cigarette smoke. Then, after many months of you getting to know them and them getting to know you, you may decide to marry them... her name will be on the certificate, but you're getting them all.

Above all, have a good time.