Fair amount for child support Vietnam????

Ciambella wrote:

No, the pilot / businessman is Kevin Gilmore, the man in Hapiness1988's post #23:

I once unsuccessfully suggested that Vagabondone should edit his posts but you seem to have achieved the impossible.   

colinoscapee wrote:

I feel using the term "old fat guy" shows your true feelings towards this matter.

Yeah and the thing is, I'm not *that* fat! 

Vagabondone wrote:

I do not know all of his needs or desires at this point in his life. He may want to take Englush classes he may not. But I will be here hopefully if he does.

Good idea.  Mapping out our children's lives is usually based on our own desires more than theirs.  The best you can do is be out of the way but ready to help if asked.

gimmethewine wrote:

@Vagabondone
When it comes to personal opinions, POVs, or assessments, the dispute can go on for a long time back and forth, getting worse as it goes, without reaching an agreement. Luckily child support is quantifiable. First you need to sit down with your ex wife. Use a piece a paper, or create a spreadsheet, and start to list what would you want to cover, ie. medical, school fees, entertainment, etc. and how much each item would be per month. You can guesstimate for now, but make sure that you ask her for receipts and bills just like any person would need to submit in order to claim their work-related expenses. In a couple of months, you will have a rough idea of how much your infant kid would need on a monthly basis. You will have a concrete number, and zero guesswork. Send her that amount + as much as you deem fit.

If you want to visit your son, it's beneficial to hire a lawyer. The family law book in Vietnam might be only 1in thick, but a lawyer would certainly be able to fix your situation. You don't even have to go to the court. When your ex wife realizes that there's now a go-between, she would want to avoid problems since she is the custodial parent of your kid, and she still need you to provide half of his expenses.

Sounds good in theory, but from what Vagabondone has said I doubt his ex-wife is open to talking. I have been down this road, did what you mentioned. It cost me 7000 dollars in lawyers fees 25 years ago just to get my ex-wife to agree to one simple thing. Trust me, the custodial parent will use the child as a tool to get what they want. My ex lied and cheated so many times that when my daughter was older she even said how nasty her mother had been towards me.

He who has the child has the advantage.

Anonymous999 wrote:

6 million a month for a preschool is not expensive. International school fees can be anywhere from 6 million to 10 for a preschooler. Even schools staffed by non native English teachers charge around 6 million. Look online.
Medical expenses at FV (you said you pay them) will cost a lot while your child is young. They are often sick.
Food, clothes, toys, you can be sure will cost a fair amount. At least 3- 5 million if you want your son to wear nice things and eat well. Clothes are not so cheap anymore.
The loving care from his grandparents cannot be measured in money.
I'm really sorry that your relationship has developed into this, but on the positive side, your son's mother is taking care of him. She is living with her parents who will also help.
I think you need to not focus so much on the money at this point. Try to work with her on finding a good preschool in her area and pay the fees. I think there is so much hate between you, that she doesn't want to meet you face to face. That really has to change or you will lose your son.
Work out a fair payment and pay it into her bank after paying the school fees to the school. This is your child. I would pay anything to make sure my kid had a safe and happy life.

Doesn't sound like the child will see any of that money.

Ibizamari wrote:

Very good post. I read to the end.

What was the answer?  Somewhere between 3.5 and 100 mill?

Personally, I don't get at all the many replies stating in the area of 5 mill or so, which is less than people spend on a good night out. As the one person said regarding why someone paid 100 mill, I've had a bill from an international school for 1 billion doing for a year. I would NEVER want my kids to have to attend a local school, so right there you're at 80 mill/month. Decent health care is not cheap. Unless you have an apartment and that's in the settlement already, you have to pay rent for the kids and don't want your kids living in a dump. Most of that is school, so if you have a much cheaper alternative, OK, it would be a lot less but 100 mill is not a crazy amount when detailed like above.

It would be nice to hear what the actual law is.

And I'd like to hear from posters above who couldn't visit their kids. Did you go back to court about that? What was done? Can support not be tied to visitation rights or even custody, if she has proven herself unwilling to follow the law and court orders? The law, from what I read, said you can see the kids whenever you want.

snoopcat wrote:

Ibizamari wrote:

Very good post. I read to the end.

What was the answer?  Somewhere between 3.5 and 100 mill?

Personally, I don't get at all the many replies stating in the area of 5 mill or so, which is less than people spend on a good night out. As the one person said regarding why someone paid 100 mill, I've had a bill from an international school for 1 billion doing for a year. I would NEVER want my kids to have to attend a local school, so right there you're at 80 mill/month. Decent health care is not cheap. Unless you have an apartment and that's in the settlement already, you have to pay rent for the kids and don't want your kids living in a dump. Most of that is school, so if you have a much cheaper alternative, OK, it would be a lot less but 100 mill is not a crazy amount when detailed like above.

There are a lot of factors that come into play with regards to this subject. The vast majority of Viets will believe the expat has deep pockets and an unlimited supply of cash. No matter what you tell them they will always believe you have more money than you say. And the fact that expats encourage this belief, especially when meeting a pretty lady they are interested in, just perpetuates the stereotype. Usually, from the mother's side, it's a matter of how much she can get and not how much she needs.

My personal view is that if you're going to have a child with a woman in Vietnam, or any foreign country, you better know what you're doing. That means learning the culture and the language, which takes years. To me, if you don't know how much it cost to support a child in Viet Nam, you have a whole lot of headaches and heartache coming your way.

snoopcat wrote:

I would NEVER want my kids to have to attend a local school, ...

Your profile page seems to intentionally obscure your country of origin, but are you certain that its educational level exceeds that of Vietnam?  PISA scores which measure at 15 years of age, place Vietnam above many Western nations including the UK, France and the US.  http://factsmaps.com/pisa-worldwide-ran … e-reading/

Vietnamese education may fall short in encouragement of creativity in the arts and literature.  Too much emphasis is placed on memorization, but overall, the system would have to be considered a success.  I have no Vietnamese citizen children but I have taught at middle schools where I would not hesitate to send any eligible students.