Parenting in Indonesia

Perhaps best to start at almost the start, that being pre-natal care.
There are plenty of good hospitals, most are affordable to the majority, and offer good care using modern equipment.
Local nurses (Bidan) are best avoided unless money is a serious issue.

The birth.
Choose your hospital carefully and make sure they have the facilities they claim. My lad was born in a hospital that claimed to have X-ray machines, but that turned out to be a lie.
He needed oxygen but they claimed he needed positive air pressure treatment, either inaccurate or a lie as the mask was off his nose when I visited and he was breathing normally. I left it for a while, just watching and monitoring O2, heart and breathing, all normal.
After making very sure I took a lot of photos and a video, I had a rare old moan and got the bill for that treatment scrubbed.
I then insisted they removed the O2 bit by bit, and guess what, he could breath easily without it.
He was out of hospital the next day, but after going to another hospital for an X-ray as they lied about having a machine. I took a search around the place, not a radiology lab in sight.

Another moan, loudly so the other customers could hear they were trying to rip me off.
The bill was reduced again, and by quite a lot so they could shut me up quickly.

After the birth comes all the injections, most are easy enough but make sure you go to good hospitals as fake drugs are far from uncommon here. The government sort out most of the common immunisations for free, that carrying on right into school years, but MMR is harder work to get. You'll find a thread on this forum about that one.

The next few years are easy enough, your only interest is the possibility of a maid. Be careful to choose someone with a police criminal records check and make sure you get a copy of her ID card.
We had one that never washed her hands, even after a visit to the toilet, so keep an eye on what she does for a while.

I have 3 adult children in the UK,( 19 to 27) and two children in Indonesia so balancing my time is important, if that's visiting the UK or them visiting South East Asia, making time is the difficult part but it currently works out pretty good for me, including emails/ messages to say hello etc
It's a situation I'm at ease with and it's always been the way since number 1 was born as I spent much of my working time away (ex British Army)
Remembering your child's needs is number 1 regardless of your work commitments or location, not forgetting mum and Dad time has an important influence on the family also.
Date night seldom happens as I prefer a family night together and don't want to Palm my children of with someone I don't know ( i point blank refuse to have a nanny but that's just me I'm sure they are exceptional nanny's) so we sort of assist between expat and Indonesian families and when that happens it's great for all the children, movie, games swimming pool etc
Like Fred said above but I would add a highly recommended Dentist / GP and decent family health insurance, access to transport for the cuts, bruises and bites that WILL happen
To me it's very little difference from any place really other than like said before some hospitals are not as advertised, one we visited I wouldn't let a stray dog give birth in it

I have a 4 year old boy and the past 4 years have been hard that's for sure.
Happily we went to a great mother and baby hospital and had amazing treatment and service. The bill was covered by my wife's insurance but my employer was less generous about the birth but I will leave that there.

We stayed with the same hospital until all his vaccinations were complete and now we use another mother and child hospital very near to home which is again very good.

I moved to the other side of the city far from work in order for his gran to help look after him. We have never been able to secure a live in nanny for long mad for the past 18 months have not had one.

I have had a good job where I could start late in the day so mother in law could have the morning free and take care of him in the afternoon and the my wife in the evening. Now with him at school I arrange all his things and take him every day because my wife has to leave early for work.

Strain yes. Lost all expat friends who won't, cant, haven't had children yes. Socialise much? With toy shop asistants, Lego figures and robot a lot. Humans? Nah.

Financially it has been difficult but we have plans now and nappies and baby milk and sudden trips to the doctors are all but a memory and luckily still covered by my wife's company.

His school is good and multi faith but the move to elementary will be harder to find a good multi faith or  accepting government one other than that it will have to be a Catholic school and that doesn't impress me much but we still have time to sort that out.

My son's language is awesome speaking fluently to me in English and Indonesian to everyone else. But the concern with that is everyone labels language which he has yet to understand. He speaks words and makes sounds according to the person he is with and it's a shame we have to teach him why because he is more than capable to have conversations without having to be told which language to speak.

But no regrets and everyday there is laughter and joy in the house and I wouldn't swap that for anything.

I just wanted to add my own experience of the pre-natal care available in Indonesia. As the mother of an 18month old little girl who was born here, hopefully I can shed a bit more light on the subject.

A bit of background first so that you can understand my situation a little better; I moved to Sumatra when I was 25 to marry a man I had only recently met (he turned out to be absolutely amazing, so that's a relief!). I had no intention of moving abroad before meeting him, and had only briefly visited Indonesia once previously, so knew next to nothing about the culture that I was moving into. Also, I am not from a wealthy background, so we live like locals - no frills, no reasonably packed bank account to cushion us etc. Also, being married to a local grants you certain rights, such as easily extendable visa's etc, but it does not afford the right to work until you have been married for more than two years, so we have had to cope with one income, and it's local wages so we really don't live the typical 'expat life'.

I went to the best 'doctor for pregnant women' in town, on the advice of my mother-in-law. We live in Kota Padang, so we're not exactly in the sticks, but Sumatra on the whole is considerably behind Java in terms of medical care/general infrastructure etc.

I was not impressed. The doctor spoke to my husband very briefly (despite me having a reasonably decent grasp of Bahasa Indonesia as well as the local dialect at this point), she then immediately did an ultrasound and confirmed that yes, I was in fact pregnant. She couldn't see clearly, but told me that she was almost certain that we were having a boy because 'the baby has very long legs'.

She said nothing else to us, waved us away and called in her next patient.

So I asked to see a bidan (midwife). My husband was quite reluctant (later I discovered that this was due to a local belief that western women are incapable of natural childbirth and ALL have cesarean sections..!), but eventually gave in and took me to a 'tempat bidan' which had been recommended to us by a family friend.

The midwife office had three practicing midwives, all considerably older women, who each had a very comforting presence about them. They provided me with The Pink Book - a book issued to all expectant mothers in Indonesia, full of information about maintaining your health during pregnancy, the birthing process, breastfeeding etc. It also has WHO growth charts and pages to record medical check ups and baby's information, including a record of immunisations (all provided for free by the government at your local Puskesmas/clinic). And sat with me to make sure I understood the parts that were currently relevant for me.

The midwives were thorough. They measured everything, asked a lot of questions (not just the usual bule 'can you eat rice?' stuff), made thorough notes, and each time we went back they knew our names, how far along I was, what was normal for me etc. In short they provided excellent care and did it in a way that made me feel incredibly safe with all of them; I would trust any those women with my life, without a moments hesitation.

One of them also predicted the due date (a whole month off of the doctors prediction, and even added 'in the morning'), and told us we were definitely going to have a girl. She was 100% right in all of her guesswork.

When it came to the birth I was incredibly lucky in that it was quite fast and not too painful. I had absolutely zero intervention apart from verbal coaching from the midwife on duty. Once the birth was over they placed my little girl immediately on my bare chest and let us have a good amount of time to bond.

They were calm, knowledgeable and just fantastic. Added to this, as the wife of an Indonesian I was able to take out BPJS - national health insurance, which paid for all of my care from start to finish.

Now, I know that childbirth carries risks, and I know that I was so, so lucky to not have any complications for me or the baby. Giving birth in a midwife office, where they have very rudimentary tools to help if something does go wrong, and are often a way from the nearest hospital, is definitely not for everyone. But if you are in decent health and not expecting any complications, I would totally recommend them; even if you are unsure, they are so thorough that they will tell you if you should be birthing in a hospital.

My experience of hospitals here has been less favorable, however I do know plenty of women who successfully gave birth in a hospital here. I would add though that more than 90% of those births were c-sections, and not many of the mum's can give a reason why they needed an operation to deliver their child.

If you trust doctors more, go to Java to give birth. If you want a good opinion on what you should do/how your pregnancy is going, talk to your local bidan.

Just to clarify, this is just my experience, and is very specific to the region I live in and the fact that our family cannot afford to pay for 'bule treatment' at a fancy hospital. If you are interested in the local perspective; pregnant Sumatrans usually fear hospitals, and take comfort in the care offered by the bidan.