Close

Dating - How do you date?

Macae :

travellight; NOTED:  “I encountered that situation not long ago and I did not call him a stalker until it was pretty obvious he was. He was nice enough , we had coffee, and chatted. There were already some warning bells. He didn't like my choice of coffee places. Yet we met again at his choice of coffee place, and the effort to control me began. I didn't, he said shop at the right stores, he was visibly angry that I became a permanent resident, because he had just started the process after being a temp for 4 years.

I told him I would be unavailable for awhile, He found out where I was living ( wasn't hard my coffee shop is in my neighborhood, so he knew  what street I lived on) and he showed up at my house, he called numerous times. I refused to open the door, and told him that I just wasn't what he was looking for, after he emailed that he had arranged that we have dinner at 8 pm with some snowbirds he had met. It was at a restaurant I never heard of.  That's stalking.”

Your suffering is NOT unique.   I SUGGEST that PLEASE, the next time, IMMEDIATELY call the cops, file a report, ask for restraining order.  I do NOT want my daughter to ever have to endure this repeated type of abuse!!!!!  Give the police his full name, phone number, email, description, etc.  THOUSANDS OF WOMEN have been suckered in and raped or murdered when it could have been prevented.  IT does NOT matter that at onetime , you  had fun together, etc.   You can NOT judge a book by its cover.  Things change or you find out the real person is a jerk or worse.   IMMEDIATELY put his email on the spam list!!!!!   Block his phone number.  Put up a security cameras.  Give a picture to your neighbors and tell your friends and family.  Put it in writing!!!!!  Prevention is much better than being stalked, raped or murdered.  If he ever knocks on your door call 911 and have your phone call recorded and have the cops to come and remove him.  Do NOT speak to him!!!  Let the cops talk to him, NOT you!!
  Your life is in danger!!!!!

Best wishes,
John

Put it in writing!!!!! - Indeed, via my (Officer of the Court) lawyer's filed restraining ordesr, and separately served @ the respective "work-place" locations of both that juvenile boy stalker's parents. Thus, apprising those parents of their son's actions; keeping them well-rooted in the "loop" of parental responsibility; hence making them (the parents) jointly culpable for their son's future actions.

Make the boy, and his parents more (keep their respectful distance) "paranoid" about us, instead.

And, also, I'd advise my daughter to politely smile (while courageously maintaining "direct" eye contact), whenever she's in the public presence of that same boy, and especially so, whenever he's together with his peerage. His peer-group pressure, alone, will bring a happy conclusion to that particular episode, for sure.

We been there, done that, and have the T-shirts to prove it,;)

Macae :

Fred, DULY NOTED:    "I won't be doing that, but I will be buying a shotgun."

PLEASE make sure it is an automatic and that you have two extra cases of shells.  From what I  know, the young teenage boys are persistent and quite dangerous.  When I went hunting Texas one time, I heard the rattle of a rattle snake.  I did not wait to look him in the eyes and ask if he was friendly or not, as my stomach was in my mouth and my hands were shaking tremendously.  As such, I shot that gun until I stopped shaking.  I then ran to get the hell out of there.  (A true story.)

Have a great day and  a Happy Easter.
John

Happy Easter........
(not quite grasped the idea of hunting there though? I think maybe clay pigeon would be a suggestion next time?)

Good advice for anyone with a teenage girl. They want to be liked, and frequently put up with things that should alert them to danger.

In my case, I am an adult as is he ( well physically), and have encountered stalking behavior before. Every woman should be trained from infancy about what to look for, because you must stop it quickly or it becomes very difficult to ever stop. Every time you put up with the behavior it reinforces it.

I responded very quickly but he still came to my house. Many women would have opened the door to be polite. But not me. I changed phone numbers, blocked him on my email and when I encountered him in town I was frequently with a male Mexican friend, who was not even polite to him. When we encountered him he said odd things like my being his "part time friend" or his "invisible friend". I was very cool, my friend was absolutely frigid. Haven't seen him in a couple of months now. Many people are aware of him.

Did either you, or your Mexican friend, ever once, convey to your "stalker", that the act of stalking is, in fact, a criminal offense?

Every U.S. state has legislated "public_accostation_statutes" on their books, dating back to the 19th. Century. You might pay a visit to your local Legal Aid office, for a free- consultation in that regard. Ok?  Good luck :cheers:

Oh yes ARB360,

but he does not see it that way. He feels I made a big deal over nothing. "all you had to do is say no"( I'm busy don't bother me was apparently not NO enough) , To get into further dialogue would have been pointless. He got the message I believe, and he feels wronged. The sad thing is, he might find another victim, they usually do. Note I'm in Mexico as is he, he is American. I suspect he is or was on a denial righteous indignation rant  some where in town right now.

One of the now 3 previous stalkers I had in the  U.S. was a security guy who worked where I did. I reported him to my employer and they said well he was a good security guard and did his job, so there was no action they could take. Legally they were right. I finally had to move out of state to eliminate him.

It is not as simple as it seems.

travellight :

Oh yes ARB360,

but he does not see it that way. He feels I made a big deal over nothing. "all you had to do is say no"( I'm busy don't bother me was apparently not NO enough) , To get into further dialogue would have been pointless. He got the message I believe, and he feels wronged. The sad thing is, he might find another victim, they usually do. Note I'm in Mexico as is he, he is American. I suspect he is or was on a denial righteous indignation rant  some where in town right now.

One of the now 3 previous stalkers I had in the  U.S. was a security guy who worked where I did. I reported him to my employer and they said well he was a good security guard and did his job, so there was no action they could take. Legally they were right. I finally had to move out of state to eliminate him.

It is not as simple as it seems.

You're right that it isn't simple - in my case, my part-time stalker is my ex husband (2 years next week since we divorced!) Because we have a child together, the courts are very hesitant about restraining orders against him. I finally got one for 3 months - fully expect he'll harass me the minute it expires, if not before.

Sorry to hear that bratty 1919,

Unfortunately restraining orders only work sort of, for some. The having a child makes it even more complex. I don't know him, but I can say many pretty much ignore the restraint.
Hopefully he is one who doesn't. The law is actually sort of blah about the whole thing and some police are not very supportive at all. In other words you, and your support system, are your main defense and there is no magic bullet.

How do I know so much about this topic ?  Well experience, but also a medical background with a heavy focus on Psych, plus some lawyer friends, and a son in the police force.

Have you taken self defense classes ? I would recommend that. Obviously with a child you can not be out right hostile, but you can avoid being polite, or friendly.

This started out  just trying to balance the situation, so women wouldn't be ID'ed as petty bitches. Trying to give reason for women's caution and it has opened a whole new door, that obviously needed to be opened.

My best to you, If I can help let me know.

ted tenui :

Where are Singaporean girls ? Ask them maybe ...

Ask them for what? How they date?
Well, I am married to a Singaporean girl and of course we dated - but I found nothing that sets her apart from other nationalities in dating matters (apart from the fact that she was the right one for me).
So maybe you can explain what you meant here?

Singapore is amazing and very clean country..i worked there as a health care assistant in well known hospital before..very safe ..clean

ted tenui :

Yes, I just want to know more about Singaporean girls actually.

Well, why not ask this in the Singapore forum instead in an international discussion about dating?

ted tenui :

Yes, I just want to know more about Singaporean girls actually.

They are exactly like KL girls, some are fat/ugly/slim/beautiful and some are nice/horrible.
Anything else you need to know?
There goes a classic dating mistake, stereotyping girls based on nationality or ethnicity.

Hi people
Hong Kong born, Singapore raised lady here. Anyone has questions?

Ok, so now i have no idea what the topic is.  anyone ? Can't be dating . If it's hot Asian women I will pass, and suggest we move on to something more relevant to all. :/

It's always relevant to talk about  " hot Asian women"  so with all due respect you on wrong on that fact!

twinsguy20 :

It's always relevant to talk about  " hot Asian women"  so with all due respect you on wrong on that fact!

Well being sexist and demeaning to women might be just fine at your local bar, with your friends, but I still feel it's inappropriate for the majority.

I believe there are web sites that cater to all of the objectifying of women, but you might have to pay a fee.

Moderated by Bhavna 6 months ago
Reason : Borderline comment
bluchrys :

Hi people
Hong Kong born, Singapore raised lady here. Anyone has questions?

Absolutely No! And you already know the reason of the why not :cheers:

Sorry about the misunderstanding there, Travellight ~Indeed! In my haste, I wrote my reply regarding the incorrect poster. Anyway, I'm out of here, re: this somewhat spent topic thread. Adios!

i am en egyptian woman engaged to a dutch man .. we dated online :D .. i can you advice if you need it about the cultural clashes and what egyptian women want haha

as an egyptian woman, Definitely don't split the bill on a first date !! :D
if you don't want to spend a lot on a woman because the potential is weak , go to a medium restaurant .. don't go to the cinema .. make it quick
the next times she politely will offer to split or to pay the 3rd time all together! :)

i think its happening with all girls LOL... egypt is the moooooooother of the worlllleeed as my friend said hahahahah

Please, can you recompose your previous reply, in a manner that my pointed head can actually discern your meaning?  :unsure I'd appreciate that, thanks.

:thanks: I couldn't have said it better.

Interesting thread

hahahhaha that seems fun

We combine our money together and when go out and have date, we use that money to pay for the subject. :)

New topic

Expatriate health insurance

Free advice and quotation service to choose your expat health insurance

Save on your moving costs

Get free quotes from international moving companies. Compare prices and services.

Succeed in your expat family project with advice from other expats

OR