Dating and finding love as an expat in Kenya

This one I am an expert on!!!   In fact, I could start a business for desperate and dateless in Western countries as if you can't get someone in Kenya, you really have no chance...   lol..
What I mean is this..  Being fat is not a great thing for dating in my country but in Kenya, it matters little to many men or women.  Some men hate that of course.  Some women do too.  But most are concerned about personality, character &religion and wealth.  As in just semi decent economic prospects.  As a Mzungu, everyone thought I was a zillionaire and fell at my feet.  Which was a pain to meet someone genuine.

Kenyan men are very masculine but also very philosophical and spiritual so you can have deep conversations with them.  Some are super handsome.  If you don't get a spoiled office man who pays everyone to do his home labour, many have great bodies.  Are fit and strong and can fix stuff.  ANd are positive.

The major drawback and cultural difference is... honesty and openness and cheating.  Like Married Men.. most will say I am married but want some on side... I don't have any interest in such men.  I met a handsome man when I arrived, smart, good job and he turned out to be married and wanted to try a white... I said no thanks and was very embarrassed we appeared in town in front of others.  I can't stand that.  Oh te other thing to watch out for is everyone seems to have a baby back ushago like they got preggers or someone preggers young and then put the baby with their mother or auntie or grandma and NEVER mention it.. But later you  find they are responsible for fees.. Loads of people seem to have had a kid and not be with the mother or father of that kid and almost don't acknowledge it.  And i fact some ladies seem to want to get pregnant to married men to trap them, rent paid etc  For real, yes, you can say the married man used them.. blah blah but often the women know.. and really contraception.. Seriously both are as bad as each other stay away from such people unless you want that trap

So then well, there are slutty guys and gosh at clubs there seem to be semi hooker women who twerk and thrust their backside inviting dry humping, it's gross and I can't stand it.

I met a few great guys and went for one I now have kids with based on his heart.  Economically it made no sense he was not up and had just finished studying... had family financial pressures etc..   We have had many up and downs and our biggest issue is I am direct.  I mean I made an effort to go to the village and cook on a jiko (burned onions first time I cooked for his mum,,, oops) and wear a church dress to his mum and relatives. of course.. I did the dishes and was the polite daughter in law.  But being open and even mentioning exes to his brothers.. apparently is a big NO NO.  THey are all hush secret which I find weird. 

The other issue is I expected my partner to meet my parents when we got serious but his culture is we only meet when de facto  Like you can't bring home a different woman. Basically when you bring home a girlfriend that is a wife.  End of story.  Don't appear next year with another.  If you have a kid with that woman even if you separate that means she is your wife still and has rights...

Buy condoms..   Get to know them..  Also, communication communication which is key in any set of love relations not just interculutural.  I felt I met my soul mate, it doesnt and didn't make sense he grew up in a mud house in rural Kenya me in a middle class house in first world Australia..  But he is spiritual, smart and loving and resourceful and adventurous.  We've clashed our strengths andweakness compliment but at times class.
The other issue we have had is method of anger expression.  My man would not even tell me his desires or wants and say I was not a proper wife and cut me when angry.  I would yell and name call.  In Kenya, yelling and abuse is VERY serious and we nearly ended because of this.  And my culture sees silence and secrecy as Dishonesty and lying and cheating.  So oh dear. we went through each others phones and facebook.. Well I learned now even if he has been outragiously inconsiderate or wrong, I need to calm down if I can first and then address it and say even if I think it should be BLEEDING OBVIOUS that maybe, he had something else in mind or saw it differently and loves me and I should try and understand his view first... Be curious not furious...   Then... He needs time as well sometimes to process stuff.  All men even Aussie men sometimes feel flooded by women's emotions so I've read.  But women sometimes want an explanation already.  He at least now comes back when ready and talks so we can agree and recommit.

Other thing is affection in public  I grabbed my man on the waist/ half on the backside yesterday and he was furious didn't talk for a hour and told me later that was a prostitute not a wife.  So I said I need more affection... We have small kids though so... before kids not an issue....

If you can deal with their family and those protocols... then alright.

Oh other issue we've had is jealous women trying to claim him as their wife or flirt thinking he has money or not liking a foreigner having an African.  Like our neighbours in one bedsit flat the women would not talk to me were snooty and cool and were really flirty with my man and made food for him!!! THat was outrageous.

Interesting piece, you can write.