Intercultural relationships in Mongolia

Hello,

We invite you to share some fun anecdotes and information regarding intercultural marriages and relationships in Mongolia. This will provide some insight to current and future expats regarding relationship norms in mixed relationships and marriages in Mongolia.

What are some of the best things about being in an intercultural relationship/marriage?

What are some challenges that you have faced or are currently facing? How do you address them?

Are intercultural relationships/marriages common and accepted in Mongolia?

What are the benefits to being in an intercultural relationship/marriage?

Do you have any fun or interesting anecdotes to share regarding dating norms and rules for intercultural relationships/marriages?

Thank you for sharing your experience,

Priscilla

I will be interested to hear someone's response :)

The last time when someone uploaded a similiar topic here, it started a wild fire. It was like a pit against Western and local women, insults were thrown, things escalated, but in the end we made some kind of peace.
It`s a very controversial topic, since it`s a sore spot for many local people. Any woman who`s dating or has married a foreign man is considered gold digger and a blood traitor and could expect lot`s of side eyes and cold sneer, where as local men who married western women is hailed as heroes. Ii won`t deny there`s a certain stereotype of Asian women from poorer countries who aggressively chase Caucasian male. Stereotype is a stereotype for a reason, and there are many women who fit that stereotype. They naively, foolishly believe dating or marrying a white guy would automatically grant them wealth, status, in some cases respect and adoration. They would aggressively flirt and pursue any white guy and would use their body and sexuality. And Mongolian men despise those kind of women. It`s also direct insult to their egos.

But there are two sides to the coin. Misogyny and patriarchy is still common in Mongolian society. It`s not extreme like some countries, but it`s still there. Women in Mongolia are far more adapt at embracing changes and modern mindset. Women are officially more educated, main part of the office workers. But are men are stuck in somewhat between Soviet era and the Millennium.  I`m obviously not saying every man. Of course there are so many educated, intelligent, modern men, but sadly majority of the Mongolian men still cling to the caveman mentality. Domestic abuse, unemployment, infidelity, alcoholism and toxic masculinity is typical in Mongolian families and the divorce rate is super high.  So many strong, educated, smart, professional, independent women are choosing to stay single or become a single mum (i am one of them, although can`t be 100% sure if i can call my self a strong, educated, smart, professional, independent woman) because they are fed up with their spouse`s behaviour or a lack of eligible men because Mongolians marry relatively early and the good ones tend to stay married and the only options you are left with are rotten apples with bad histories after mid 20`s. Men in general are not catching up with the women, so women who are looking for a respectful, caring, partner who`s up for an equal companionship rather than mothering a grown up man. So naturally they get attracted to foreigners. But in reality, as far as i noticed most white guys who are into Asian women have yellow fever and fetish, which is the exact same thing those women running away from. Pigeonholed into the picture of docile, submissive, eager to please, low maintenance, drama free, delicate little men-servants who are devoted to their families and nothing more. And some chose it because at least there won`t be any abuse. Can`t say i blame them.

And the last thing, i`m not painting every interracial relationship as black or white. Love and attraction has no boundaries or language. I respect every individual`s decision to be with anyone they want with. I`m just merely giving the idea about how most Mongolians feel about interracial relationships, you might not like it. But hey, we are the only nation who still talks about pure blood in 21st century!

Twohumpedcamel :

The last time when someone uploaded a similiar topic here, it started a wild fire. It was like a pit against Western and local women, insults were thrown, things escalated, but in the end we made some kind of peace.

Sadly, instead of just censoring some of the more inflammatory posts the admins decided to delete the whole thread, which I think could have been helpful for visitors and expats moving to Mongolia. But oh well...

It`s a very controversial topic, since it`s a sore spot for many local people. Any woman who`s dating or has married a foreign man is considered gold digger and a blood traitor and could expect lot`s of side eyes and cold sneer, where as local men who married western women is hailed as heroes.

I wonder if this is more a phenomenon with the younger generation. My wife hasn't complained once about local women giving her grief or giving the cold shoulder for having married a foreign man, but then she is no longer in her 20's or 30's either (and we're close to the same age as well). So maybe most of the venom is aimed at the younger women, especially if they're dating a man who is significantly older. However, it looks like she DOES get some grief for having spent a lot of years living outside Mongolia in the US, like she's not really 100% Mongolian anymore. Whether it's jealousy over that opportunity or a more complex reaction stemming from her expectations of how things SHOULD be as opposed to how they actually ARE, I can't say.

Pigeonholed into the picture of docile, submissive, eager to please, low maintenance, drama free, delicate little men-servants who are devoted to their families and nothing more.

LOL... I wonder how long that expectation survives contact with reality once those guys arrive in Mongolia? Talk about a rude awakening... ;)
Low-ER maintenance and greater devotion to family in comparison to American women, perhaps.... but docile and submissive and delicate servants does not seem to be the norm (thankfully). If my wife had been like that I wouldn't have been interested in her in the first place.

I`m just merely giving the idea about how most Mongolians feel about interracial relationships, you might not like it. But hey, we are the only nation who still talks about pure blood in 21st century!

Again, I wonder if this is more prevalent in the younger crowd and/or aimed towards the younger generation. While I have been watching for it, I have not yet picked up on any animosity towards me or my wife when we're out together. And there's no shortage of Mongolians who seem to find our children extra-adorable (sometimes so much that it's a little off-putting at times). It appears to me most of the Mongolians talking the virtues of racial purity are either 1) that small minority of bozos in groups like Blue Mongol who get far more press than their tiny numbers would warrant, or 2) local guys looking to blame their lack of a love life on something other than their lack of personality or unwillingness to strive for personal growth. I can't claim to have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances in UB so my picture is not a complete one by any stretch, but this has at least been my impression so far. It's quite possible if my wife was 20 years younger than myself, I and/or my wife would be getting a lot more negative treatment and harassment.

"I wonder if this is more a phenomenon with the younger generation. My wife hasn't complained once about local women giving her grief or giving the cold shoulder for having married a foreign man, but then she is no longer in her 20's or 30's either (and we're close to the same age as well). So maybe most of the venom is aimed at the younger women, especially if they're dating a man who is significantly older. However, it looks like she DOES get some grief for having spent a lot of years living outside Mongolia in the US, like she's not really 100% Mongolian anymore. Whether it's jealousy over that opportunity or a more complex reaction stemming from her expectations of how things SHOULD be as opposed to how they actually ARE, I can't say."

There`s an automatic response to associate as white man = money among Mongolians. Even if they don`t show it to your face they probably talk behind your back. But it`s less intense if the couple is married and have a kid. But still some people call interracial babies and children as "hybrids", degrading term. Of course lowest of the low scums would dare to insult innocent kids, but none the less there are scums out there.

[LOL... I wonder how long that expectation survives contact with reality once those guys arrive in Mongolia? Talk about a rude awakening... "


When i lived in London i went on my fair share of dates. It seems to me that some people created a certain personality based on my ethnicity prior to actually knowing me. Quiet talking, extremely shy and bashful, blushing little doll who apologizes too much and covers her mouth when she laughs. Some were expressing how different i am in real life than they imagined, based on me being me, direct, outspoken, sarcastic with very dark sense of humour. Apparently they were not expecting me to drink as much as them, dance more than them and speak with Asian accent free English. I explained them there are over 50 countries in Asia and each country and nation is as unique as Europeans. And Korean or Chinese stereotypes don`t fit to Mongolians. Well now that i think of it, even a Japanese guy told me once i`m too bold for a woman. I guess his fragile masculinity hated the challenge.

But not everyone was not narrow minded and i met so many wonderful, interesting people, also  created a very strong bond and close friendship with someone. He values my bluntness, non bullshit attitude and independent spirit and also expressing interest to start a relationship. He`s due to come in Ulaanbaatar during spring, when the weather is more bearable. I`m kind of anxious about the people`s reaction once they see us together in the streets of UB. He`s close to my age but he`s almost 2 meters tall (6'4) Englishman with curly light brown hair, blue eyes, so of course he`d stand out in the crowd like a single camel in a flock of sheep. I guess by then i can surely tell if we really did receive the side eye or the harassments from jealous women or macho men.

"Again, I wonder if this is more prevalent in the younger crowd and/or aimed towards the younger generation. While I have been watching for it, I have not yet picked up on any animosity towards me or my wife when we're out together. And there's no shortage of Mongolians who seem to find our children extra-adorable (sometimes so much that it's a little off-putting at times). It appears to me most of the Mongolians talking the virtues of racial purity are either 1) that small minority of bozos in groups like Blue Mongol who get far more press than their tiny numbers would warrant, or 2) local guys looking to blame their lack of a love life on something other than their lack of personality or unwillingness to strive for personal growth. I can't claim to have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances in UB so my picture is not a complete one by any stretch, but this has at least been my impression so far. It's quite possible if my wife was 20 years younger than myself, I and/or my wife would be getting a lot more negative treatment and harassment."

The younger generation is getting more and more open minded. But it entirely depends on their education and upbringing. But if you log onto any social media or news site in Mongolia the general comments are horrible. And we Mongolians tend to blame others for our misfortune before we search the wrongs from ourselves.

Twohumpedcamel :

There`s an automatic response to associate as white man = money among Mongolians. Even if they don`t show it to your face they probably talk behind your back. But it`s less intense if the couple is married and have a kid. But still some people call interracial babies and children as "hybrids", degrading term. Of course lowest of the low scums would dare to insult innocent kids, but none the less there are scums out there.

I don't doubt it; thankfully none have dared comment where my wife or I could hear. Interestingly, the only times I've heard anyone in Mongolia speak negatively of mixed race Mongolians was when the other half was Chinese (even then it was more inflection and how they spoke than the actual words used). But then, I don't hang out in bars much and my Mongolian is poor so I miss a lot (though I sometimes understand more than I imagine some would like... interesting how people talk when they don't think you understand them).

When i lived in London i went on my fair share of dates. It seems to me that some people created a certain personality based on my ethnicity prior to actually knowing me. Quiet talking, extremely shy and bashful, blushing little doll who apologizes too much and covers her mouth when she laughs. Some were expressing how different i am in real life than they imagined, based on me being me, direct, outspoken, sarcastic with very dark sense of humour. Apparently they were not expecting me to drink as much as them, dance more than them and speak with Asian accent free English. I explained them there are over 50 countries in Asia and each country and nation is as unique as Europeans. And Korean or Chinese stereotypes don`t fit to Mongolians. Well now that i think of it, even a Japanese guy told me once i`m too bold for a woman. I guess his fragile masculinity hated the challenge.

Sounds like preconceptions about Asian women in the UK sound like what it was like in the US about 30 or more years ago (not that it's perfect in the US now, only somewhat better than it used to be). Anyway on the plus side, at least it lets you weed out the losers early on. Kind of how as a guy driving an old economy car tends to weed out the kind of women you wouldn't want to have a relationship with anyway.  :D

But not everyone was not narrow minded and i met so many wonderful, interesting people, also  created a very strong bond and close friendship with someone. He values my bluntness, non bullshit attitude and independent spirit and also expressing interest to start a relationship. He`s due to come in Ulaanbaatar during spring, when the weather is more bearable. I`m kind of anxious about the people`s reaction once they see us together in the streets of UB. He`s close to my age but he`s almost 2 meters tall (6'4) Englishman with curly light brown hair, blue eyes, so of course he`d stand out in the crowd like a single camel in a flock of sheep. I guess by then i can surely tell if we really did receive the side eye or the harassments from jealous women or macho men.

On his end, I suspect the most he'll have to deal with are the occasional stares. I stand out like a sore thumb too, but I haven't had anyone trying to pick fights with me.... and as I'm only normal height I'm sure a tall guy like that won't have many issues. Provided you two aren't around a whole lot of drunk people, anyway. Most of the times I got hassled was when a drunk person was involved and even then it didn't come to violence. I suspect you're probably right that you'll get the evil glances and cold shoulder from some women though, but you gotta just leave some people alone with their small-mindedness.

And we Mongolians tend to blame others for our misfortune before we search the wrongs from ourselves.

So in other words, pretty much like every other country on Earth. ;)

Hi all,

One of the positives of intercultural relationships is that both parties try to accommodate with each other . There 's a lot to learn about each others' culture, background etc.

Mongolians are per se very warm & cooperative though the challenge is of language as very few speak english.

I do remember that while i was out for a dinner i was approached a mongolian lady and the local guys felt offensive, which seems to be a tendency visible in few other parts of the world too.

the next generation of Mongolians seem to be working hard to reach out to the foreigners & thats heart warming.

A more peaceful community & place  to settle down.

Great. Feminism has made it’s way into Mongolia. More single moms we’ve to contend with.

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