Your experience of culture shock in the Philippines

Coming from the USA, I was used to events happening at a stated time, but the whole manana mind set made me inpatient at first, but I had read about it, so I was not surprised, took some mental adjustments.  Now I am just happy that anything happens at any time, makes life in the Philippines much more relaxed and enjoyable.

i was surprise when i saw some people doing pedicure, when maybe don't have enough money for food.

i guess one of the biggest cultural shocks for me was in the area of sanitation . I remember visiting a small mall and needed to go to the C/R . Shock and horror after completing my business to discover there was no toilet paper available. I now carry my own supply for emergencies.
The horrible habit of spitting is an art form here. Taxi drivers opening there doors continually to spit out on street. Its a practice of all men and women alike and I find it hard to tolerate.
Last but not least urinating anywhere and everywere in public .You would be arrested in Australia. I understand the lack of public toilets makes it necessary to be creative but I really don't like people urinating on my wall.
After living here 5 years I have adjusted to these things but I still don't urinate in public and spit in the street.

I'm half Filipino half Australian and had visited the Philippines before with family, so some of the initial culture shock I got out of my system when I was 12. But when I returned as a young woman of 27, one of the things I found difficult to re-adjust to was the touching! Nothing sinister, but a lot of the people I met (especially women) would be fascinated with me, and just out of nowhere to stroke my hair or pat my back. It was always friendly, but in Australia being too touchy-feely with someone you've just met (even if you are both women) is a no-no and makes people uncomfortable. At first it freaked me out, but then I realised this is how women usually interact with each other - rather than being too formal and staying out of the personal space of others, it's more hospitable to welcome someone with a hug/kiss/hair stroke.

As a woman travelling solo it definitely set off alarm bells sometimes, so I had to learn to judge what was culturally acceptable (my friend's auntie grabbing me in a hug) and what wasn't.

Had little problem with such.  But my job before I retired took me world wide.  Mostly out and about working with the locals in my job.  I have found those that do not get along at home.  Do not know how to make friends.  Will probably have the same problem here.

Humm! What culture? I am still looking for it.

Do: Keep your luggage ready to go.
Don't: Don't trust anyone.

Sam40 wrote:

Humm! What culture? I am still looking for it.

Do: Keep your luggage ready to go.
Don't: Don't trust anyone.

LOVE IT!!!

How very true!!

cultural differences exist in every country ,its not about how you make friends . Adapting to a new culture can take time and it certainly doesn't imply that you are not friendly. Great that you are so smooth at developing friendships but let me suggest to you if you haven't seen and experienced any cultural differences you have very little empathy and understanding of the Filipino way of life and why it has developed the way it has. Discovering these things is experience in itself and communicating and comparing and talking about them is how we develop understanding ,tolerance and knowledge ,it has nothing to do with how wonderful you are at making friends it just simply an informative way of developing understanding .

haven't you every heard of bartering . you give me a pedicure I give you some vegetables or do your washing or look after your children

I just wrote somethings down that have surprised me over the last six years, but it does not really matter. I am living in their country and what I think or feel makes absolutely no difference to any one here. The one thing that I can say is that foreigners are just foreigners here, walking talking ATM machines. We are always wrong except when its pay day. I have never lived in a country where I as a human being, matter so little. The culture of the Philippines is only for Filipinos, foreigners need not apply.

As time goes on, I feel the same way. I feel we are looked upon as easy marks by all.

Sam40 wrote:

Humm! What culture? I am still looking for it.

Do: Keep your luggage ready to go.
Don't: Don't trust anyone.

I couldn't get out fast enough...

Oh dear!!!

Where are all of the foreigners that have found a happy place and enjoy their new ives in the Philippines?

ron2 wrote:

Where are all of the foreigners that have found a happy place and enjoy their new ives in the Philippines?

They have no use for this forum.

ron2 wrote:

Where are all of the foreigners that have found a happy place and enjoy their new ives in the Philippines?

Most woke up from a fantasy...

I am not being sarcastic this time. It is true. Here is my answer to the question: Where are all of the foreigners that have found a happy place and enjoy their new lives in the Philippines?:

They are either in their graves or stripped off their money and stranded on some island.

It is true, not a month passes by without hearing about a foreigner being murdered or committing suicide. Last week, a foreigner with his wife in Negros Occidental were murdered by 4 men and a minor. Their bodies were dumped in a well. Go back behind, a German shot himself in his home's backyard after he invested his money in a house he lost for a scam.

My fist month in the Philippines, a foreigner was murdered in his house near Tagbilaran, Bohol. Another was murdered in his hotel room in Dumaguette, and another was murdered in his house northern of Dumaguete. I mover to Cagayan de Oro for work related reason. I rented a house in one of the most expensive subdivisions with double security gates and patrol. My neighbor, a Korean, was murdered in his house. In Sipalay, a peaceful little lovely beach town southern Negros Occidental, a foreigner with his wife were driving their tricycle to their home. They were killed for a bag of some cash they were carrying.

How about the livings? They are in Manila, Cebu, Camiguin, Panglao, and Siquijor, living in small apartments or beach cottages, enjoying their cold beer while watching their life investments turned to the hands of strangers called: "my ex-wife's family".   

Enjoy your cold beer somewhere else.

Mab o Man you pretty much nailed it!!

What shocks me is the paltry wages, and lack of benefits  paid here.The wealthy and large companies control and dictate labor laws here.  On average the pay is only 8.00 dollars per day for the average general laborer.I earned more than that as a teenager pumping gas at a truck stop in the states more than 40 years ago! The average sss pension  is like 40.00 dollars per month. Personally, i enjoy living here rather than the states.  For some reason, i seem to keep coming back here and stay longer each time. The cheap smokes and pretty girls might be a few reasons? The fact that we expats cant buy land, homes, or own a business outright shows me we really are not welcome here by the government. They would rather have us as tourists, stay 30 days, spend a lot of money and after that go home.  hahaha

You do know, of course, that there are over a quarter million USA citizens who live here alone. It would interesting to see exactly how much we contribute to the local economy. I recall the NBI arrested a  wanted child molester that had been hiding out in Lloilo Lloilo for 8 years, the government officials main concern was that he hadn't paid to extend his visa. Mind you the chomo had been teaching elementary school the entire time. We represent dollars, francs, pounds and that is it to these folks.

Culture shock, we equate that to a learning curve. Prior to our move to the Philippines I did not depend solely on word of mouth or candy coated ads equating the Philippines to paradise. Paradise is for fools and if it exists it can only be found within the heart and mind. We call it peace and contentment.
We carefully researched for over two years before deciding on our move to the Phil and it included a realistic understanding of what was and was not available when it comes to healthcare, transportation, food, housing etc.
Obviously for my Filipina wife there was little adjustment for her even after living in the U.S. For me, the biggest adjustment was simply learning how to get things done and where to go to accomplish that. If you're not a fast learner you'll have problems and while just as we would in the states we encountered problems while building our home, we overcame those problems by simply being there during the construction and educating ourselves in advance on construction practices, material availability and it's quality or lack thereof, the people performing the tasks with varying degrees of experience and the endless paperwork involved. We overcame all the obstacles with the help of some fine folks and had difficulties with only two people which was also overcome. The end result was a comfortable 88 sq meter home in a cool, breezy and peaceful area with little noise, good neighbors and barangay officials.
We shop with the understanding that we buy what is on the shelf without whining about what is not. The two markets close to our home supply us with fresh poultry, meat, fish, fruits and vegetables and we are also occasionally gifted by our neighbors with fresh fruits as they come into season.
We have healthcare available from three hospitals and have found that medicine is sometimes higher or lower in price depending what you are buying, fortunately for us we are both in good health at this time.
Entertainment and recreation likes are different for each individual and for my wife and I we have found all that we need within driving distance of our home, which includes three malls and a large building center for our home and gardening projects.
Driving, wow! It is chaos at best and having drivin in other developing countries it was not unexpected. We drive cautiously and only during the day. We are never in a hurry and always allow those who see each trip as a race to the finish to pass us by including the motorcycles, tricycles and jeepney's whose need to cut you off is akin to the needs of a drug addict, no problem go ahead and gain that extra 10 feet of road you so covet. For emergencies we have arranged for other transportation day or night.
We also live in an area that has dependable utilities and have very little trouble with power, water or cell phone and internet service. Our house sits within sight of three cell towers and our Cignal satellite service has been pretty much trouble free.
People complain about the corruption and dishonesty here and while it does exist in nearly every part of the government and some businesses, we have also overcome that through new friendships with people who have been honest and helpful in those same government offices and businesses, good and bad everywhere.
Our home is in my and my wife's name with provisions for my continued living in the house through land lease if needed and in my wife's case it simply will become hers.
Finances, my wife and I knew in advance the cost plus of building a home and living in the Philippines and whether we could afford the move and live comfortably, if we could not have we would not have moved here, that's just common sense and if needed we also have an emergency plan for returning to the states in place, also common sense.
My wife's family has asked for nothing and with the exception of her older sister whom we voluntarily help monthly. Her family and relatives have been helpful and supportive in all we have done since our move to the Phil.
We have realized our dreams here and with realistic expectations have found little to whine about. My wife who is nine years my junior is loving, beautiful, intelligent and funny. She works hard to make our house a home and our time spent together is simply a joy and a blessing. 
I also love most Philippine food as my wife prepares it and she also enjoys many American dishes from her years in the states and we have many favorite restaurants we visit on our dinner dates.
We like it here and if we did not, we would leave!

Terry,  You do know, of course, you are the exception to the rule. You have been blessed with an exceptional wife and  hardworking family  who are indeed a rarity. I will not bore you with my completely different experiences, which I am sure accounts for my jaded outlook. But god bless you and yours, and consider yourself lucky.

TeeJay4103's experience is not unique. I have a Filipino-Australian woman and her expat husband as neighbors. Though they have an age difference of 10 years, they've stayed together for many years and have 2 young children. Back in Australia, they were co-workers and got to know each other very well before getting married and moving to the Philippines. With the money they saved together, they set up a business here. And now both of them are semi-retired and living comfortably.

Right across them, there lives an expat with his Filipino-American wife. They met in America where they both had stable jobs. She was an unassuming girl. He was surprised to find, that though they came from different cultures, she liked comic books, Transformers, the Princess Bride, conspiracy theories and listening to Van Morrison like he did. She was an unassuming person, and the same with her parents who at one time came to visit her in America.

She was practical, preferring to just get married at City Hall because a Church wedding was too expensive. But the religious parents wanted them to get married in Church. So they offered to treat them to a free wedding in the Philippines. So they went, and that was when things started unraveling for the American.

His wife had a secret: she was chauffeured to school during her college years. She was embarrassed to tell that to her husband, who was a working student in college. He got to know the family better and found his in-laws were very generous.

Fast forward 5 years later. The wife suggested moving to the Philippines since there was a recession in the US. The husband didn't have as much worries about moving since he knew his wife's parents would guide them and gladly help them out. His wife took over her parents' business. The expat, his wife and their two kids lived for free for 6 years with his in-laws, who also helped supervise their grandchildren while the parents were at work. The parents let them "borrow" one of their cars.

The wife was hardworking, and had business savvy. So after 6 years, they moved out of her parents' house and into their own house.  The lot where it stands was bought 5 years ago. Back then, the couple didn't have enough cash, so the parents loaned them some to help them take advantage of the lower land prices then.

The expat and his loving wife and the mother to their 2 kids, couldn't be happier with their new life here, as they listen to their favorite Van Morrison songs. "When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch, Well my mama told me there'll be days like this. "

I totally disagree, you have just spotlighted rare people in this country. I do agree they deserve to be spotlighted but they are exceptions, not by any strech, the rule. Lets talk about typical Expats with Filipino mates ok, You are automatically presumed to have money, you are presumed to want to  share what you have. And believe me they will arrive to visit for a week sometimes two even a month, until you get fed up. And on it goes

madhatter868 wrote:

Lets talk about typical Expats with Filipino mates ok,

Let's do that.

Foreigners are considered like walking ATM's here. Because one can't change how others think, expats should just accept that this is how they are perceived. Even if the expat didn't know about this before coming here, it would be soon be apparent to him that this is how locals would think of him once he's here.

Yet, expats who are typically in their golden years, and are very much aware that they're perceived as a walking ATM, still decide to get involved with a poor young girl with an extended family of meager means, or perhaps with family members without jobs and are lazy, or kids from an "ex" who does not give support (or unbeknownst to the expat, she and the ex might still be together).  They didn't question why their young woman would want to spread her legs to a man old enough to be her father, or even grandfather.

The expat knew the warning signs and heard advice from those who have been there. But ignores them. Sometimes, it's like watching "Who wants to be a millionaire?" Do you think such a woman would make a good mate? Ask the audience: "No!" Phone a friend: "No!" 50-50: "No!" And yet the expat answered: "Yes!"  (Typical!)

Typically, they are happy at first, and affirms that the wife is "genuine", that he's the exception to the law of probability. But after a short time, the expat complains of getting bored, of not having being able to have a discussion about world events, of the extended family asking for money left and right, of their wife leaving them and taking his money with her, etc., saying he was deceived, lied to, taken advantage of, etc. So, who's to blame here?

My assistant was joking the other day: Why would a young wife want to have vigorous love making to a much older rich man? So he would die of a heart attack and she will have everything. Maybe there is some truth to that.

So, when a young woman agrees to spread her legs to an antique ATM machine, question it!  Don't get into such a relationship. You've been warned.

You are absolutely correct, however for a lot of men they know exactly what they are getting into, they know and accept it is not love. They would have to be complete fools to think otherwise. The girl gets what she deems is a fair trade, the man also receives what he thinks is fair. Remember a lot of these guys are in the autumn of their life. A fellow in that age bracket obviously cannot achieve the same degree of happiness in his home country. Think about it, the female is getting something she needs, and so is the male. So I ask you now. what is the harm?

FilAmericanMom wrote:

madhatter868 wrote:

Lets talk about typical Expats with Filipino mates ok,

Let's do that.

Foreigners are considered like walking ATM's here. Because one can't change how others think, expats should just accept that this is how they are perceived. Even if the expat didn't know about this before coming here, it would be soon be apparent to him that this is how locals would think of him once he's here.

Yet, expats who are typically in their golden years, and are very much aware that they're perceived as a walking ATM, still decide to get involved with a poor young girl with an extended family of meager means, or perhaps with family members without jobs and are lazy, or kids from an "ex" who does not give support (or unbeknownst to the expat, she and the ex might still be together).  They didn't question why their young woman would want to spread her legs to a man old enough to be her father, or even grandfather.

The expat knew the warning signs and heard advice from those who have been there. But ignores them. Sometimes, it's like watching "Who wants to be a millionaire?" Do you think such a woman would make a good mate? Ask the audience: "No!" Phone a friend: "No!" 50-50: "No!" And yet the expat answered: "Yes!"  (Typical!)

Typically, they are happy at first, and affirms that the wife is "genuine", that he's the exception to the law of probability. But after a short time, the expat complains of getting bored, of not having being able to have a discussion about world events, of the extended family asking for money left and right, of their wife leaving them and taking his money with her, etc., saying he was deceived, lied to, taken advantage of, etc. So, who's to blame here?

My assistant was joking the other day: Why would a young wife want to have vigorous love making to a much older rich man? So he would die of a heart attack and she will have everything. Maybe there is some truth to that.

So, when a young woman agrees to spread her legs to an antique ATM machine, question it!  Don't get into such a relationship. You've been warned.

Typical? Maybe, funny absolutely.     I told a single friend who will be retiring here and thought that at 59 he had woke up as the new Adonis based upon all the flirtations he was experiencing from smiling young ladies. I sent him numerous accounts from miscellaneous expats recounting their less than flowery experiences with their impoverished 20 year old wives and families. He flirted anyway and invited his new love to his Facebook page where after his brain kicked in and the wallet closed she contacted all his Facebook friends and family with some eye opening accounts of their chats. Oops, Trial by fire I guess. My wife and I simply said we warned you and I asked him this. When you were 20 or 25 and cruising the malls or clubs, were you eyeballing and drooling over all the elderly women? No, then why do you think they are eyeballing a paunchy, balding, arthritic near 60 year old with failing vision?  Watch out for those trees!  Are there exceptions? Maybe so, but at what cost? Unless of course your interest includes baubles, beads, iPods, the latest trendy clothes and a new gadget every month.
For those with a successful relationship with a woman 40 years or so your junior, apologies in advance for my ignorance.   

100 % agree. My point was the guy should know at 60 or 65 it is not his charming good looks that attract them, if he believes otherwise, who is at fault, him or her. I say him. Maybe I am wrong, but accepting reality is hard for some folks. But as I said previously as long as each goes into the relationship with open eyes, what is the harm?

I am not pleased when Filipinos defend racist, sexist and just bad behavior by blaming it on the old, fat, decrepit foreigners. But that is their culture. We are talking about surprises in culture, and here is one for sure. Lying to people is accepted here, especially foreigners.  I find Filipinos will lie about things even when they do not have too. They seem to be raised being taught lying is ok. I am also surprised at the lack if family values here in a country that prides itself on the strength of family ties. My wife's family would just as easily stab their own blood relatives in the back as they would me. The culture here surprises me when it allows men to have gfs, lovers, etc., when they are married. How Christian is that? The culture here allows men to leave their family with no support and then start another family in another town. I am surprised that the culture here accepts incest as an acceptable behavior.
And the list goes on and on.
As soon as the visa clears we are leaving. The "culture" here is not for me and I do not want it for my four year old son either. Like I said before, the Philippines is only for Filipinos, foreigners need not apply.

You nailed it my friend...Some here are posting the assumption most are just old men..Let us not forget many of the young girls, especially in the late 20's or early 30's, were the victims of Filipino men both young and old, who were fed up with the way those men  treated them and later dumped them for greener pastures as was the case with my own beautiful wife...She at age 21 just graduating from college while trying to get her teaching credentials was befriended by a handsome corrupt high ranking police officer more than twice her age. Over a short period of the trusting friendship she was taken advantage of by him and was raped leaving her very few options but to stay with him being she was from a rural area of the province...During the next 7 years, his unfaithfulness and corruption worsened to a point he was murdered by corrupt political adversaries...At the age of 28 holding down legitimate jobs a friend advised her to join a dating site to find a foreign husband...Because she had been with a man who had been over 50 when he passed she decided an older man(no older than 54) would be a better option for her because she felt a younger man would be more likely to be unfaithful...That is when she found me a 63 year old who physically looked younger...We could never be more in love or happier...So to assume all younger women in this nation only spread their legs for older men just to enrich themselves is not totally correct...Many of the women here were groomed not to want younger men in the first place...So if they find LOVE with someone twice their age what is the harm especially when the man is never considered a walking ATM to just support her family...

There are many middle aged women who are married to men within 5 years of their age and those women seem to cause more problems for their husbands with financial matters in taking care of their families...I know of one whose income is stretched to the limits taking care of his wifes entire family...She is beautiful and actually is 2 years older than he...I cant see the relationship lasting the duration but they do seem to be in love so who knows...

My point is Filamericanmom, you have stated to many "do not generalize"...You yourself have done just that in your last post on this thread...

Very well said!! I applaud you for it. You, my friend, would be classified as a realist. That is precisely what I was referring to in my earlier posts. Everybody receives what they are looking for. Excellent!!

"When you were 20 or 25 and cruising the malls or clubs, were you eyeballing and drooling over all the elderly women?"

TeeJay I can say this when I was in my late 20's I had seen many older women who were in their 50's and even mid 60's whom had taken good care of themselves which I most undoubtedly would had wanted to be with but was to shy to hit on them...That is why now being in my mid 60's I exercise regularly, eat right and take good care of my skin so my much younger wife sees me in the same light at I did those beautiful, fit, healthy older women back then...Women I could had easily fallen in love with, instead of hooking up with a young girl, so vane and having her nose in her cell phone all day long. In fact at age 29 I had lived with a beautiful very sexy woman of 49 who worked as a model for McCall magazine..To many Filipinos and Expats who visit this blog just assume all are fat, balding, arthritic, near blind and I can assure you that is not always the case..

I was surprised at some of your remarks you posted the other day and how you seem to be fixated on sex and money. You put all expats into one category it seems. Speaking for myself, i have been dating the same Filipina for the better part of two years. I can assure you i am not focused on "spreading her legs", and she is not focused on having sex with me in the hope i have a heart attack, die and she gets all my money. I date her for companionship, and the fact that i enjoy her company. She has a job and if i choose to help her a little  financially at times, it is my choice. If  the Phil. government cared about there people in regards to better paying jobs, better health care, less pollution in the air and so on, these desperate young ladies would not have to try and hook up with an older expat dreaming of a better life off this island. I do find your recent remarks rude and condescending of expats in general, but true in some cases...........   Love the antique ATM remark.

"My assistant was joking the other day: Why would a young wife want to have vigorous love making to a much older rich man? So he would die of a heart attack and she will have everything. Maybe there is some truth to that.

So, when a young woman agrees to spread her legs to an antique ATM machine, question it!  Don't get into such a relationship. You've been warned."

Last edited by FilAmericanMom (Yesterday 17:37:39)

Mr Scott 1953
We seem to share the same thoughts about this subject that is prevalent here. We from the west seem to have this label-phobia, we tend to affix labels not knowing the people involved or what their motivation is. And once we affix the label then we take the error one step further and automatically assume that all of the bad things associated with that  label automatically apply to all in the same category. In my mind, I feel that the rush to judgement is morally wrong.

vetretreat wrote:

"When you were 20 or 25 and cruising the malls or clubs, were you eyeballing and drooling over all the elderly women?"

TeeJay I can say this when I was in my late 20's I had seen many older women who were in their 50's and even mid 60's whom had taken good care of themselves which I most undoubtedly would had wanted to be with but was to shy to hit on them...That is why now being in my mid 60's I exercise regularly, eat right and take good care of my skin so my much younger wife sees me in the same light at I did those beautiful, fit, healthy older women back then...Women I could had easily fallen in love with, instead of hooking up with a young girl, so vane and having her nose in her cell phone all day long. In fact at age 29 I had lived with a beautiful very sexy woman of 49 who worked as a model for McCall magazine..To many Filipinos and Expats who visit this blog just assume all are fat, balding, arthritic, near blind and I can assure you that is not always the case..

Too bad you didn't stick with that 49 year old, she'd be in her mid 80's now.

Here, Here Madhatter 868, I feel Fil American Mom and her assistants remarks make me feel that they think we expats are all a bunch of  horny, desperate old men trying to "spread the legs" of all the young, poor girls here. and consider us  antique ATM machines". Its the kind of talk you here in a bar full of drunken sailors, not an Expat.com site. Let them say what they  want. . I choose to focus on enjoying my retirement here with a decent Filipina and consider my life a blessing seeing how a lot of people struggle each day to survive in this 3rd world country.

Scott 1953
Exactly, all the self-serving folks have this fetish to place labels on all concerned. They do not stop to consider if the "atm" machine is filling a need or not. If blame must be laid, lay it on the powers that be, for the money sent to aid the poor never reach them. It does reach the Janet Napoli of the elite, and her spoiled jet set daughter in Los Angeles, who, by the way, just learned that the justice department doesn't care who she is, as they ceased they property the stolen money got her family.