Thai- Farang relationship--- some advice please

Most important...

Do not make her pregnant or  marry her, An if you can not say no look up what a "prenup" is

Hello Tarzan
I've read your post and the replies you have received, and I'm sorry to say they're correct.
But maybe I can be more gently with my advice.
I've have been in Thailand since January 2017 after meeting a thai woman on a dating site in england, as I didn't want to know bar girls.
But the woman i met was false and not even a true thai woman. Thankfully I realised she was very fake but got away after a few months. I was nervous about being on my own in Thailand.
Then I met a thai woman that comes from a good loving family, never asks for money her family stood guarantee for me so i could buy a car. She genuinely loves and cares for me and everyone can see. We plan to marry next month.
There are plenty of genuine thai woman that genuinely like western guy's, but don't forget they too want a genuine guy.
Unlike a bar girl who looks at you as a atm walking machine.
A genuine Thai woman will look at you with love and affection.
Go to shopping mall's.
Good luck Tarzan with what ever you decide
If you patient you will find your true thai jane..

After a few false starts, which cost a little bit of money, I set myself some criteria for a partner - the same as I would in my home country:

1. They need to be at least reasonably educated (preferably a bit like myself)
2. They don't have dependent children
3. They are financially independent. I don't want their money and I don't want them to want mine. If we build something together, I am happy that she takes it all upon my death. Or share equally if we separate.
4. Hopefully we have some interests in common - to share time enjoying together (eg. travel, healthy living, etc).

I have met a retired nurse who meets all of the above criteria. And her family like me.

tarzan7 wrote:

Well guys thanks for your advice but I have now been on numerous other blogsites and there are multiple example of these relationships working. So I think I will continue for now but take things carefully and step back a bit. It's not that I don't believe you I am certain that many of these relationships don't work but equally some do so I will take some time but make sure I don't commit myself too much. Thanks for your advice. I will keep it in the back of my mind.

Would you fall in love with a prostitute back in your country, then pay for her life not knowing how many people are already doing that?

  I've had my relationships with bar girls and almost got burned. I've written letters to other foreigners to ensure that they continue to send money. Even the best looking "friend" of the girl from Buri Ram, I fell in love with went with customers, even those who'd easily get a job as an actor in a horror movie.

  This really stunning girl received money from an Australian who wanted to marry her, a German guy who wanted to marry her, and an English bloke who thought he'd marry her.

If a Thai woman would hit a Thai guy, no matter if drunk, or not, he'd just hit back. OP, run as fast as you can, learn some Thai and just wait. You'll meet the right one when you're not looking for love.

Have you read my Private Dancer yet? If not, please do it, you'll find a lot of similarities in the book.

  Best of luck!!

Hi John,
Like your post and like yourself i made two errors, but I was new to thailand and heard many many stories.
Even looked at YouTube video just to get an idea of what life and culture was about.
I'm pleased that you have achieved in finding true happiness.
I was already to fly back to england, and by chance I met my partner who I've been happy now for just over a year now, her parents and siblings treat me as family.
Healthy living I'm afraid I find it hard to do but always happy to chat about most thing's.
What part of Thailand do you live in.
All the best
Dave

Very happy to hear that you have found the right woman. I like you was nearly caught, by a gold digger. I Since have found a sincere woman any will be moving To Chiang Mai and planning to marry next year.

Thanks Barry for your post, I'm pleased that you have found happiness and everything goes well for you both.
I'm no expert on Thailand but I think it's prone to flooding at times of the year.
All the best
Dave

Where are you living in Thailand.

BARRY343
So happy you found the right one mate!
Life is like that in any country and with any partners.
I have been married 3 times. 1 Aussie, 1 NZ and now Thai.
I have been happily married to a Thai woman for 28 years and like you we are soon to relocate from Australia to Chiang Mai Thailand.
We have joined the Chiang Mai expat club and made friends on the first meeting.
We have family and a home presently in Phichit province down south about 4.5-5.5 hrs by road.
Hope we can meet up in CHIANG MAI sometime for a beer or a coke.
Col

Yes, I would like to meet up with you as I will have a great deal to understand about my new way of life.  I did spend 3 months in Cambodia teaching English to orphans,about 12 years ago, I enjoyed their Buddhist way of life. It helped me gain sanity after losing my wife of 32 years to cancer. Not long after this, I thought I found happiness again and married a Chinese girl but I soon found out I was her easy way to get to Australia. I would like to chat with you on Facebook. What name should I find to request find a friend.

presently i only have my family facebook account which I don't share mate, but I am setting up a new one for all my new friends so I'll post here over the next couple of weeks.

cap69au wrote:

presently i only have my family facebook account which I don't share mate, but I am setting up a new one for all my new friends so I'll post here over the next couple of weeks.

Just so you know, you can private message each other without using the open forum. Just click on the person's name Barry343 and send a private message.
Kindly, Zeus (expat advisor)

Barry343 wrote:

Yes, I would like to meet up with you as I will have a great deal to understand about my new way of life.  I did spend 3 months in Cambodia teaching English to orphans,about 12 years ago, I enjoyed their Buddhist way of life. It helped me gain sanity after losing my wife of 32 years to cancer. Not long after this, I thought I found happiness again and married a Chinese girl but I soon found out I was her easy way to get to Australia. I would like to chat with you on Facebook. What name should I find to request find a friend.

Just so you know, you can private message each other without using the open forum. Just click on the person's name cap69au and send a private message.
Kindly, Zeus (expat advisor)

I have been scalded twice in long term relationships with unfaithful selfish Thai women..I do not mean to imply that all Thai women are selfish or unfaithful.However,the two that scalded me were both well hardened bar girls that were very accustomed to fleecing farangs and spitting them out while displaying no more emotion then a cobra basking in the sun.However I have learned what makes them feel bad about it.Simply carry on,go to work,recover financially and find a decent girl and be happy.The last one that skinned me.Waited until I had paid off the bank loans on the house and the autos and then one morning as I was cooking breakfast the kitchen suddenly filled up with policemen.They took me to the police station and told me that I was being arrested for attempted murder.I asked who it was that I attempted to kill and was told that I had attempted to murder my girlfriend,her mother,and her brother.They explained that I was now considered a threat to them and was no longer allowed to set foot on that property or go near any of the family members.I knew immediately that I had just been reamed with the rigid rod of reality.After seven years of living as man and wife the relationship becomes a common law marriage.The only way to get one of the partners out of the house is to have them declared a threat.I went to the bank to withdraw money to get a hotel room and found that she had taken out all of the money in our joint account and put it in her private account.Her Thai boyfriend immediately took up residence with her.The other one was my first wife.She was Thai.She and I divorced after 5 years in the Thai Embassy in Soul Korea.However she managed to get her hands on both copies of the divorce.I retired from the military 15 years later.She waited until after I had retired from the army then filed a divorce against me in the sates to try and get part of my pension.I went to the amphur in Thailand where the divorce is supposed to be on file and found that it was deleted from the computer at the amphur.I will go to Korea to the Thai embassy and see if they have a copy if she ties it again.I went to Cambodia and looked up a girl who had worked for me when I worked there as my cook and house keeper.She and I got married and have been together for over 20 years now.We have a house on the beach in Florida and can just walk outside and fish.I retired again and have two retirement pensions and social security so we are quite comfortable and have a very pleasant life.About 15 years ago when I learned that the girl who had cleaned me out and accused me of attempted murder to get me out of the house was struggling financially I sent her money to get by on when she needed it.Her children had grown up with me as their father figure for 14 years and I could not let them suffer.I did not try to rekindle my relationship with their mother.I love my wife and will not cheat on her.However my former girlfriend has tried time after time to contact me. And has sent me e-mails telling me that she is sorry for what she has done to me in the past.I don;t know if she is capable of feeling remorse but I do believe that she is sorry that she dumped a farang for a Thai man who dumped her when she started showing her age.Kharma is a bitch.If youn have been screwed over by a Thai woman and are still interested in finding a good woman.Try Cambodia.Don;t get a bar girl.DO like I did,look around go looking in villages and if you see a pretty girl that seems to be a nice person with a good sense of humor offer her a job as a maid and cook and pay her well treat her with respect and she will likely learn to respect you and fall in love with you.

OP, please take the time and read the book " My Private Dancer." It includes pretty much all that you've already experienced and you'll find out that you can take a "girl" ( you can hardly call a 30-year-old a girl) out of a bar, but the bar will always be in her little brain.

   I'm 14 years in the teaching field and haven't yet heard about a student loan that was given by the King. The next will be an accident, a sick brother, or buffalo.

     She's taking you for a ride and the result is already clear. None of them wants to lose their walking ATM's. Would you fall in love with a prostitute from your country of origin who's got a drinking problem and tends to hit you?

   Wake up, please.

OP, you can read the book here and you'll see that there are so many similarities to what you're currently experiencing.

   https://www.e-reading.club/bookreader.p … Dancer.pdf

First rule: Never believe anything a bargirl is telling you.
Second rule:  Please see rule one.
Third rule: Please see rule one & two...

If you got screwed over by a Thai woman, it doesn't mean that one from Cambodia is a better choice.

   Especially not when you want to live in Thailand. Learning the language helps a lot to meet women that are not prostitutes. You wouldn't believe how many single teachers and other government employees with their own income are seriously looking for a relationship with a foreign man, after a strange relationship with a Thai man.

   You might find love when you're not looking for it.

I first visited Thailand in 1968..I married a Thai girl in 1970 and got divorced in 1976.I maintained a residence in Thailand from 1986 until 2004.I can speak Thai well enough to get by.I have worked in South East Asia quite a lot.I also speak enough Lao to get by in Laos and enough Khemer to get by in Cambodia.And enough Vietnamese to get by in Vietnam.My first trip to Asia was in 1967 when I went to Vietnam during the war.I was a soldier for 20 years and served 4 of them in Vietnam and another 4 in Japan and another couple of years in Korea.I traveled to and from Thailand many times during the 20 years that I served in the military.The reason that I think that a farang might stand a better chance of finding a life partner in Cambodia is that decent Cambodian girls are more likely to want to build a relationship with a foreigner then a decent Thai girl.A lot of young Cambodian girls would prefer to marry a foreigner because they are aware that there is a good chance that they will end up raising children alone of they marry a Cambodian man.Cambodian men often take minor wives.Additionally many young Cambodian girls dread having to deal with a Cambodian mother in law.My wife had 9 brothers.All but one of them died some during the Khemer Rouge period and others later.My wife and I took responsibility for the children of her deceased brothers.Most of them are girls.All except one of the girls have expressed an interest in finding a foreign husband rather then a Cambodian husband.The one that fell in love with a young Cambodian man has since come to regret it, as he was unfaithful.It's really difficult for a young Cambodian girl to meet a foreigner without compromising her virtue.If she is seen with a foreigner she will be labeled a prostitute.My wife's nieces are stunningly beautiful,sweet polite and honest.However they will likely end up with Cambodian husbands as it's very unlikely that they will meet any foreigner other then me.I am thinking of returning to Cambodia to build a resort or a pub or restaurant on some property that my wife and I own in Cambodia,I earn enough with my retirement income to pay the operating costs regardless of how well it does financially.It would provide an opportunity for my wife and I to provide employment for her nieces and give them an opportunity to meet foreigners without compromising their reputation.I am in the process of gathering all of the documents that I need for my wife to apply to become an American citizen.As soon as she has her U.S. passport we will travel to Cambodia and do a bit of research to determine if it is practical to build a pub or restaurant on our property.We have a friend who owns land on Koh Rong Island who will sell us a beachfront lot there if we would prefer to build there.The land on Koh Rong has a stream bordering one side of the property and has a lot of coconut trees and may possibly be an ideal location to build a resort or guest house.We owned a restaurant in Thailand for a while and have a bit of experience behind us in that sort of venture.I am 70 years old and would like to create something that would provide an income for the nieces and nephews after I am gone.I would hate to have them trapped in a job in a Chinese owned garment factory working 12 hours a day 6 or 7 days each week.That is one of the reasons that Cambodian girls would like to find a foreign husband.They face life as an employee in a Chinese owned garment factory.

Isaanfarang wrote:

Wake up, please.

You ^ know very well,...that ^ Starbucks visit, ain't gonna happen. Nice try though.

Retired Expat wrote:

I have been scalded twice in long term relationships with unfaithful selfish Thai women..I do not mean to imply that all Thai women are selfish or unfaithful. However,the two that scalded me were both well hardened bar girls that were very accustomed to fleecing farangs and spitting them out while displaying no more emotion then a cobra basking in the sun.

I do not intend to be testy, but it seems to me, that for someone ^ who claims to have 50 years of expat experience, in dealing with Asian womenfolk, then you should be giving sound advice, rather than asking for it,...eh?

I haven't asked for any advice.

I didn't ask for advice I offered it.I have no relationship problems.My wife and I enjoy each other's company and are not controlling,selfish,unfaithful,alcoholics,or drug users so there not a lot of reasons left for us to get angry about.She catches bigger fish then me and teases me about it,but she catches bigger fish then everyone else as well so I don;t feel picked on.

So many different answers i figure mine wont hurt…….met a ”bar” girl last year. i guess maybe ex bar girl is better phrase. she still works bar but now is manager. we spent a couple of months together last year before my return to the states. we video chatted EVERY day i was home. i am back now and here to stay (go home 2 months to check on family etc).  you need to know the girl……i spend a lot of time with her in her home  (Surin) while most of our time is in Bangkok. I do help support her kids but she never asks for money. it's my choice. even though she still works bar, she never takes customers home.  not all bar girls do. many of them have boyfriends to whom they are extremely faithful. iknow this because i spend a lot of time at the bar shooting pool and know the staff. their job is to bring in customers and spend bar time with them. their choice is whether to go home with them or not. not different than Hooter girs! if you cant figure out the good ones from the bad, you should probably not date thai girls (or any girls for that matter!) common sense goes a long way….maybe im just super lucky but i have made a fair number of farang friends here (mostly at the bar) and they all have thai girlfriends and i think they would all agree with me.

best of luck