When Are The Kids Moving Out?

Not sure whether my story is boring but I grew wings early because the place where I grew up was so small.  I was always interested in finding out what happened somewhere else.  And studying in various countries helped - and yes, I have a piece of paper from Cal too.

For my boys, I hope that I have made sure to show them enough of the world so that they will not stay at home.  They speak multiple languages and are heading to uni not too far from home - and they stay on or near campus.  They still have their rooms at home.

WRT whether my kids are at home or moving out, I think that they will develop their wings in time...  I am in no hurry.

However, I understand that kids at home in Brazil is more of a cultural thing rather than a desire for independence.... But I could be wrong....

Anyone who grew up in Brazil, what do you guys think?

@Pablo888 Not at all boring, Congratulations on Cal and yes when I was 17 and went off to college I never came home to live again. Something about living in R.I. was not cool for a youngster. There was a time when I was working professionally in radio sales in TX. that I wanted to come back home because I was about to be evicted. My father who had planned to go to Brazil (Niteroi) with my mother for the summer left the house empty, but said NO!. I ended up sleeping in my car, but I am so glad he brought us up to learn to take care of ourselves.

Roddie in Retirement

P.S. I did ask my Brazilian wife about it and she said it was OUT OF THE HOUSE. In fact my life changed because she started working for a Diplomat at a very young age, moved away from home,  and followed them to the USA where I eventually met her.

@roddiesho, since your wife has set the record straight, I guess that the explanation behind kids staying at home may be related to what people have attributed to the millenial lifestyle - which was characterized by a experiential rather than thrift lifestyle.  People who have written extensively about that have often mentioned about this dependency on parents for everything including the house downpayment etc.

IMHO, this is not a new phenomenon and this existed in various forms in other generations.  Millenials were affected by the social media craze more than the rest of the other generations who were either developing the technology or were left behind by it.

I think that this staying at home with parents movement will go away as millenials grow up.  In other words, it will pass...

I think that the new trend that we should be tracking is whether the next generations will be more mobile than the current one...  For example, my [one and only] wife and I were born in different continents and we met on a third continent - all without the use of any mobile app.  My kids know our story and I think that this can be a good pattern for them.  There is something very attractive about embracing differences...And a very appropriate topic on this site.  But this is definitely a different topic.

11/19/23 I think that this staying at home with parents movement will go away as millenials grow up.  In other words, it will pass...

   

    -@Pablo888

I agree, as far as North America and Europe are concerned.  In those places, it's also hard to tease apart how much of the "boomerang kid" phenomenon is attributable to "experiental living" (thanks for that term!), how much to the overall cost of living, and how much to the general shortage of affordable housing in the in all but the least popular places to live.  People (can!) grow out of the first, the market will eventually address the second, but the third is dependent on a public policy apparatus that seems to be broken in most rich countries, although the pressure is growing to fix it.  How that turns out is a real crapshoot, NIMBY being as strong as it is.

In Brazil, there's still a cultural assumption in many places that children will stay in the family home until they're ready to pair off and set up housekeeping on their own, at least in the middle class and wealthier.  From the lower middle class down, it gets more complicated:  I'm seeing couples getting together and then living with one of the sets of parents, without any set plan for the next step.  Meanwhile, they're helping out with expenses.

11/19/23 I think that the new trend that we should be tracking is whether the next generations will be more mobile than the current one...  For example, my [one and only] wife and I were born in different continents and we met on a third continent - all without the use of any mobile app.  My kids know our story and I think that this can be a good pattern for them.  There is something very attractive about embracing differences...And a very appropriate topic on this site.  But this is definitely a different topic.        -@Pablo888

I hope that they are, but I'm not so sure.  Future historians may look back and conclude that we reached peak professional mobility during the last quarter of the 20th Century.

When I was a kid mid-century, my parents moved to a different state six times for my father's job.  Every time was for a significant promotion, and every time my father's employer paid all the expenses, plus some extra to get settled.  By the time I was working, lifetime employment with one company was a thing of the past; nevertheless, I was able to find several employers over time who were willing to move me on similar terms, but they were doing it for far fewer people, and for no one a the level my father had been during his early moves unless they had special skills that were hard to duplicate locally.  By the time I retired, my impression was that employer-paid moves for anyone other than top executives in the US and Europe were pretty much a thing of the past.  The next generation of our family has some mad technical skills and changes jobs and companies pretty frequently, but they don't move much, and when they do, it's usually on their own dime. 

In Brazil employers don't pay for moves, so in one way that makes the calculus pretty easy for us during my husband's current job search:  does the combination of the salary and the professional development opportunity justify the cost of our moving?  In some cases they do; the ones that don't drop off the list, even if they're in places where we'd like to live.  And when we talk about this to his friends and recent classmates, newly minted lawyers who never expect to live anywhere else (and the unmarried ones still living at home), they look at us like we're exotic creatures from a different world.

I left the house at 17 in Canada. You cannot wait to get out up here......it's your big step to adulthood.

I too was surprised by the Brasilian cultural difference of families living together until marriage. Married my wife when she was 35 and living alone in Rio for 10 years already.........an exception to the rule apparently, as I was soon to learn.

@Pablo888 To be honest I am not partial either way, it's just the "put off till tomorrow, what I could do today" attitude that scares me. Life is not predictable.

My wife returned to Brazil for health reasons. That meant I had to manage the MD. house all by myself. I got behind financially and knew that I would end up having to sell the house soon. Then my 99 year old father in RI, asked for me, the oldest, in his final days. I had to start arrangements to sell the house in MD. and move to RI. to care for my father and oversee the property during his last days. I was there for one day before he went into hospice and I had to stay to refurbish and sell the house.

All this was going on around my 20yr. old daughter who I am sure had her own plans etc. She had to move immediately. My wife came back from Brazil and helped her move into a basement apartment that one of her best friends father owned.  She had to do this within a week.

As I said I really don't care, but as someone who has lived a very eventful life I hate to hear kids have the idea that as long as they do their thing, other's will keep on doing what you expect. S... Happens and you are either prepared for it on not. As Mike Tyson once said "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth"

Roddie in Retirement

    it's just the "put off till tomorrow, what I could do today" attitude that scares me. Life is not predictable.
Roddie in Retirement-@roddiesho

@roddiesho, it is so easy for a kid to want to stay home as long as possible especially if home is so comfortable.

Have you had the discussion about life stages?  I had this discussion when my kids were in middle or high school - while I was helping them with their school homework.  I believe that my kids woke up after that...

But it is also understandable that some kids may not want to grow up quite yet.... Amazingly enough there are some grown ups who are also stuck in that loop too...

That's life....