Help !

Sabah,I am so touched.I am a Pakistani woman who has lived in UK for sometime and my hubby is also not earning a fortune.INSHALLAH u guys will make it and u must be educated girl u can help him too.right?Even if u dont work this country still has barkat in its money.So Pl stay in touch.

Jazak Allah Khair for your kind response,
Well my husband to be inshaAllah has given me the choice to work or not, and I have decided to work, only the reason so we can save enough for our future kids that we have inshaAllah. I think along way ..
And I want to help him, because my mum and sister really put him down, and I want to show them that he is the best and wll always be the best for me inshaAllah.
Are u living in Riyad at the moment? what is it like there?

My husand to be doesnt want to move to uk or any where else as he loves living in Riyadh.
We are so desperate to get married soon, par Allah ki marzi !

Please remember us in ur Dua's as it will help us inshaAllah

Once again Jazak Allahu Khairan,

Ma SAlam !

Allah has made a few principles on which the whole universe keeps on working.

In the light of my life-long experience: we must follow the following approach always.

1. Do an assessment on our close relations and check out who are the sincere ones. (Sometimes we can't even trust our brothers & sisters in a specific matter. There can be reasons behind e.g. conflict of interest, difference in point of view, personal clashes etc etc [...a long list]).

2. Next see what the sincere relation say about some decisions. If majority of sincere relations are against one decision, we must NOT go for it. But if we ignore this, the time proves us wrong in the long run as we have violated the basic principle that we basically are part of our parents,  this world and this universe. We are NOT independent identities on the earth.

In case (let us assume) your relation doesn't work out: What backup plans do you have if you have been rebelious to your parents?

Secondly, we cannot under-estimate the fact that financial matters are very crucial for vitality of such relationship. Unless very carefully assessed & breeded well, love is always a temporary state of mind.


I'll like to cut the things short: The best thing you can do is to take Allah's advice in stead of the poor human beings. Yes, I am talking about ISTIKHARA. If Allah affirms your intensions, be STRONG and be persistent. The parents are so very innocent creatures. They have to finally agree to their kids desires. (It always works believe me).

But the dark side, if ISTIKHARA tells you 'No', you don't have option to insist on the same.

"The paradise is beneath the mother's footsteps". How many times have we heard it in our life? But the problem is that we take decades to understand how true this is; and why Allah has made it so.

Life is given only once and we must not be driven away by emotional decisions. May Allah bless you and help you in all walks of your life (Ameen).

Dear TheLegendLeads,

Great Man, you are excellent here, i am completely agree with you.

I am also done a love marriage, i am very happy by the grace of allah. Just for some financial reason i came to riyadh.

Love is permanent by their heart, whether it's getting successful or not.

For Sarah.Farooq: I am very glad that, you love him a lot.
Think thousand times before taking a decision in all aspects (Finance (apprx. 5k should have for normal life in riyadh), Ready to lose relations, saudi life style, etc.). The very important think make sure you know all his negatives, cause at the time you love both will show only positive attitudes, when living together you find actual characters.

However, keep that in mind allah has already decided your life partner.

Yes Sarah, i live in Riyadh and living is Riyadh aint a bad experience at all.

and follow your heart plz.I wont give u any advice regarding your relationship because u havnt asked for it[yet]

All I know is,you r exactly in a state,where nothing really matters except what u really really want and u want him.If he is earning 3K i dun know if its gonna be easy to get u in KSA or not.I ; m sure he has plan for u .When there is a will there is always a way....

Go for it gal:)ya r like my younger sis i 'd surely pray for u and yeah u would get loads of good advices with pile of crapy one too,take the good one and slap back the crappy ones;)

who is sabah?

shahab.ali wrote:

who is sabah?

JAzak Allahu Khairen for all ur kind response,

The Legends, you said many things that I agreed to and also have thought about alot. It plays on my mind constantly, and Farooq knows this.
I dont know how to tell my sister and mothher that I love him very much. I have only told them that I like him.
I need the courage to talk to them rather than sit back and make decisions myself.

I ofcourse have performed Istikhara Prayer, and only get a feeling, but I cant tell my mum or sister that, because I no that maybe because I am so in love with him, thats the reason I might be getting a constant positive feeling. I have read about Istikhara prayr, and usually perform this Prayer, and see dream, but this time, its not happening... no dream, just feeling.

I know that Jannah lies beneathe my Mothers Feet, May Allah Bless her always (Ameen), but I am becoming so weak in this matter. If children should take parents advice, then parents should also listen to Children.
Parents should also stay calm, us children only learn from our parents. And My parents

Since my mother went to see their house, and to see Farooq with me, she looked at me and gave a dirty look. She said they are nothing, uneducated,poor etc etc. But the thing is, she is forgetting her past aswell. At one point, we went throuh the same situation, and just like us, they are also doing well now. She said to them that we are wahabies,
Where as, my grand father and Uncle are strict wahabies, but the rest of us lot are not. I taught children in a wahabi Masjid but I myself, learnt the Quran at a Sunni Masjid.
I wanted to speak up and tell them what I believe but she was being negative constantly. I felt like crying there and then.

And not forgetting. Farooq also said to me many months ago, that sarah ur mothr and sis have had a negative thinking from the start, and even when they visit us, they will pick only the negative points and non of the positive points. And that is exactly what happened...

My goodness I think I am going abit mad? dont u May Allah Guide me, and all of u aswell,

Brother Usman, We also discuss our negatives, And we also certainly show our negatives.
Me and him, dont try and act, the sweet innocent people. We are straight up to each other. If we dont like what he/I have done or said during the day or the way we are, we will say to each other straight away and have a disucssion on this topic.

Nonz, hehe Thank u so much
His 3k might not get me into Saudi, but he will do it,
He does not want me to invite him to uk, he has made that clear, he said, if we were to have children, I dont want them be taking the wrong path, like most f the Children do in uk.
And I explained to him, that, I agree and always will, but I also said that he must also think of the Fact No Country is perfect... Right

Anyways, I think I have typed alot... I have just said my Fajr Prayer a while ago, and wasnt tired, so I thought I would check my blog and study a little...

Jazak Allahu Khairen once again. And I am sorry for being boring !

May Allah Bless you all and shower His Mercy upon u all... Ameen
Sum Ameen

Allah Hafiz !

One thing I would like to add...

I am a pure pakistani myself alhamdulillah !

Some brother contacted me to ask if I was a pakistani and I said yes, I am from uk and a pakistani...

And he said, u did not mention in ur blog.. are u ashamed?

AND to all u out there, No I AM NOT ASHAMED OF BEING A PAKISTANI...

I am proud of being a pakistani !

Hope that is clear to the brother who contacted me !

Ma SAlam

Oh My God,
What difference does it make?
We are all EARTHLINGS for starters.
Thats enough for me.
PHEW!!!

That's Great Sister

I am happy that you are clear about everything.

Definetely I will pray for you.

As nonz said, listen what you are heart is telling and be ready to accept whatever is going to happen.

Music Man, I am sorry that I made such a comment
But it just had to be cleared I know that usually a conflict starts when people make these statements...
Newayz

Jazak Allah Brother Usman !

Sarah...phew, initially i was a bit hesitant to reply to this, but now i couldnt stop myself (still i wont be able to write wat i want to).
I might sound wrong to many people here but its the fact. listen to your heart, or else u will not be happy. many people have gone thru this and still arent able to digest the fact. its the heart which makes u happy, its the heart which plays with the feelings, unlike the brain.
well, hope u get wat is good for u. Inshallah everything will be fine.
the bottom line - listen to ur heart.

Thanks for ur response Brother Ali,

If I was to listen to my heart only, then we would have taken our step and got married,
But the thought of hurting our parents plays on my mind alot.
If I listen to my heart, then I would be so selfish.. wouldnt I? what do u reckon?

I think I will just try and explain to my mother, and then be upfront with her, that it will only be him,
If she wants the degree then she will have to wait 4 years, and if she wants a perfect house, then in those 4 years he can do alot inshaAllah...

I will eventually listen to my heart, but I wont give up on trying to convince my mother.
Does that sound better?

Jazak Allahu Khairen for ur response...

ya u r correct. thats wat i meant. Listen to your heart and try to convince ur parents. tell them u cant be happy with someone else. and am sure, they r ur parents, they will wanna see u happy. Inshallah things will be fine.
I too am always against going against parents wishes. it no use. How much will u run away from those who r yours??

Yup, and also, when we are in trouble etc, then only parents come in help (sometimes, not even brothers and sisters come in hand), its only these parents especially a mother. Only a mother would do the very best for her child.

Bass Dua kartey rahey mere liye, aur kafi he .. Thank u very much

basheerusman wrote:

However, keep that in mind Allah has already decided your life partner.

If the couples are made in Heaven, why on earth you see the ugly 'break-ups'.

Simply because people start thinking from their hearts.

Trust in God.... But tie the camel first.

The Qu'ran states that God says, "We have Created humanity and divided them into various nations and tribes so that they will KNOW EACH OTHER" (my caps).

Hence we must leamrn to try and bring sharing and interaction between people rather than create division and dissention.

The purpose of hmanity is to come together...

Sarah,when u receive such messages that u r ashamed on being Pakistani or Muslim or whatever in your in-box,its not that they r so concerned about you.They r just trying to be personal or they would have post this in blog.Just be careful because u will get many messages in your in-box who will only try to provoke u so hard that u would not be able to resist and add them in your messengers to clarify yourself...so be careful bacha:)

Do u know i exactly know what you have been through and surprisingly for me"i can feel your pain too"and i know how helpless you have been about the matter.

your parent might think he is instigating u so he may get the citizenship or whatever.They are parent and they do have right on us but just due to this,they don't have to be right all the time.I would suggest don't take a sudden step without discussing them or they may say"arey ham se kaha tou hota sehi hey,ham ker detey shadi"="u should have asked her we would have arranged your marriage"
Parents r predictable

Music Man, Thank u ...

Nonz, shayad App theek keh rahi he, par sab ek jaise nahi hotey na
Kahir, aur kya, app ki bhi love marraige hoi he kya ?

Aur Sudden step ke liye himmat chiye, jo muj me nahi he ...
And we will really think this through inshaAllah, but with some of ur responces, I realised that his studying to earn more is maybe the best option.
And inshaAllah I will wait 4 years if I have to
As long as the outcome is positive

nonz wrote:

so be careful bacha:)

As Nonz Bhabhi have already summed up Pretty Nicely , i would Just like to Add that You should Also Have Firm Faith in Almighty Allah.

Whatever Almighty Has chosen for you , is always in your best interest.

You Might Feel Down , Rejected , disdained for the Time Being . But believe me as the Time passes you will definitely not regret leaving these Decision to Almighty.

These Marriage Relations are very Crucial in once life , and one should take time to decide , but we should also look at our parents how they come up to live so happily where as they never met each other before their marriage.

The Couples are Made By Almighty - and I suggest every one to Pray from Almighty to give him a Humble, loving, caring and Honorable partner.

Best of Luck 4 You As well.

Umm, Yup you are certainly right,

But I wont take my parents as a example.

That is maybe why I have always said that if I have an arrange marraige, the I would like 1 yr to our self, for us to get to know each other.

Jazak Allahu Khairen for your response !

But it just had to be cleared  I know that usually a conflict starts when people make these statements...

Yes but there was no reason to involve the entire forum.  When you get a private email from somebody who annoys you (and God knows I've gotten plenty of those), either write back TO THAT PERSON giving him a piece of your mind.. or ignore it. 

If we all wrote publically about somebody who insulted or annoyed us in private, there would be little room for anything else in the forum!

Well, thank you,
I only joined on Saturday, so still learning

Thanks anyway,

Seeya !

Well, thank you,
I only joined on Saturday, so still learning

You're entirely welcome!  A suggestion is that when you're the 'new kid on the block,' you take the time to familiarize yourself with how things are done before jumping in. 

This applies to a new job, a new country, a new forum--even a new family (in-laws) lol

HeHe, Well you are certainly RITE

But on these things, I always jump in, that when I am like ...
'Dammit'

:p
And then to make myself feel better, I say 'Oh Sarah, your only a kid'
always making silly little mistakes :p

'23 year olds' are still kids right?
lol !

And I have just learnt What the Quote Does...

Hurray.. I am learning fast right

'23 year olds' are still kids right?

Not in these parts.  Many 23 year olds are married with 2 or 3 or 4 kids!  I know a woman--very educated--who is 30 years old.  I recently met her oldest son.  He is 15 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and she has five children in total!!

Manarat Al Riyadh International School has A Level students who are married and having kids...

You know what, I really admire those type of women and have so much respect for them.

I myself always wanted to get married at a young age.. and be a young mum ..
But it didnt go the way I wanted it..

Well God knows wat is best for us and what is not

musicman wrote:

Manarat Al Riyadh International School has A Level students who are married and having kids...

is it?? well, think of it, both the child and the parent getting ready for the school wearing the same coloured uniform with bags on their backs and a water bottle on their shoulders and goin together...lol...
sounds a bit cute but funny...

I'm not advocating young marriages--my point really was that 23 isn't a 'kid' any more and can't be used as an excuse for one's behavior.

Yeh aright, I get ur point !

Umm and it was a complete joke but heyyy !

"Being Young mom" may sounds cute but i am hell against it.She misses alot from her Golden days of life because their children keep them highly occupied

umm Nonz Everyone has their own thoughts.

and what do you exactly mean by golden days?
days such as ...?

days which arent discussed in public

lolz,

point understood

your young age,when u need to giggle out hard with your friends u get into changing the dipers