Cagayan de oro

Hi mrsteve, welcome to the forum. A difficult situation if you are relying only on a pension only especially living in Australia.
While I have no idea what's happening in CDO as we are in the province in central Luzon  I will say that sure people here are poorer than 2 years ago but there was help from the government and local Barangays with pesos and food hampers in the early days of Covid but many also relied on hand outs from family and relatives/friends.

My outlaws are the same here, always a hand out for the last 10 years which was fine as the better half was helping them when we met, now we live back here (from Australia) for the last 2 years and the better half doesn't work it all falls to me. A recent event has put a stop to me helping, the outlaws refused to be vaccinated and yes their choice but I told them, mum, dad, brother and sisters that If they got sick with Covid and ended up in hospital that it is my choice not to pay the hospital and doctors bills,,,,,,,,,, yes dad was in hospital for 10 days, mum 3 weeks now and not looking good to date....
Cut to the chase. who is going to pay for dads bill so he can leave the hospital? This question was asked to me from my better half, mum and dad have no money nor does my brother or sisters,,,,,,,,,, Ben, you have a million pesos in your personal account from savings while working in Australia,,,,,,,, response? Yes but that's my money,,,,,, I told him what's the difference your siblings are saying the same thing, no money, who's going to pay?
To date he has forked out around P 160K for drugs and to get his father out of hospital, I would guess if mum pulls through or not the bill will be another P 300+K
I have also told him that the P40K that we give them every year will come out of his savings now, I've had enough of the taking and expectations, as others say ATM's and I'm a hard liner when it comes to giving up my hard earned bucks.

I wish you good luck finding answers and hope other members from CDO will chime in.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

Hi mate . thank you .
Steve

God helps those that help themselves.

Cheers, Steve.

Hey Steve, this sounds like a crisis of conscious to me, I may come across as sounding naive here, but one should give because you want too, not because they need the help. I help my wife's Filipina relatives, but she is very strict and the only one we help is her grandchildren, she has to said to many of her brothers and sisters no, when it comes to money. I have a limit to what we can give and she follows that. When we lived in the states she worked and only used her money now we are retired and she has to stay within her retirement amount. So, honestly I believe one gives because they want to, not because they have to; this includes relatives and others. There are many views and opinions on this and the only one that matters is yours, so follow your heart and do what feels right to you. Peace and love

"I've had enough of the taking and expectations, as others say ATM's and I'm a hard liner when it comes to giving up my hard earned bucks.
It is always the expectations that is the problem, maybe they always managed to live on a fraction of what they are being given now before they had a foreigner in the family, but once they have a foreigner in the family many seem to expect a much higher standard of living, at least that is my experience.

Hi Michael .
Thank you for your reply . yes a good point . I have been there to meet my in laws a few times in the Philippines . there living conditions is terrible , rats ,starving dogs and cats  , cockroaches  pollution , my wife and I live in Australia , very lucky here, even we live on a pension ,at least we  do not go with out  food . there nieces and nephews , 4and 6, 8 years old ,so sad . yes I agree , I send money  so they can survive in the pandemic  . I just asking here if any one else in Cagayan de Oro has relatives , to see what is going on there ? .
Thanks Steve

I will just add data that region is back to General Quarantine so cases inre Covid are down.

As to how bad it is there, I do not think that is right question, it can be bad for your in laws regardless.

I do believe that there is a culture here of those that Not have a family (unmarried/no kids) are even more obligated to support those that, regardless of the reason, are not supporting themselves.  I have found that those that NOT have a family of their own are weighed down heavily by obligations to assist, even in cases where somebody not even trying to help themselves or living in a way, like the other comment, not getting the vaccines -  smoking with heart disease, diet where have diabetes, etc. OFWs often dread coming home because how much they will be hit up for money by everybody and plenty of "husbands" here live off their wives working abroad.

So I would just say that it likely that you need to set boundaries.  You may be viewed a comparatively wealthy and that justifies trying to get as much from you as can be gotten. Whether fully justified by a crisis or pure pretext. As you know their living situation, you may want to decide that you will help with a stipend of x that can help for basic necessities and that is it.  Rather than getting into any cycle of  the next crisis and then next story, which I think is possibly a never ending plea of misery which can be real or imagined, you say you are on fixed pension and this is what you will do, full stop.   Whatever that may be.   Then, you will need to stick to it.  If you not pay out, the stories may stop.
T

Yes it's common that there's no help in the way of public assistance. People living in the margins have been getting by in the manner they are dealt all their lives. We get a lot of joy sharing with my wife's community, their church, their school, but you need to go their to get that full vibe. They always send us pictures of meals, gatherings and kids playing when we send for birthdays and what not. Her family means the world to her. Help in a way you feel good about. Money tends to go 5-10 times further there. Hope that helps some.

I tend to agree with Michael..  whenever I send a little something over to my Filipino girlfriend like for her or her daughter.. she will send back pictures to me.  Like I just sent her like 1100 PHP for her daughters halloween costume and she sent me back pics of her in it....  that was priceless of the expression on her little face...   joyful moments are hard to come by at times... especially these days.

Our family is in north western Zamboanga Del Norte so it's close to Your's. Life is pretty much normal we are farmers and rice farming and eggplants farming is back to normal. We have a fishing net so we're fishing as normal too. They have been closing the fishing for a couple of weeks at a time to let the fish population re-grow. Covid is not bad in our municipality, Sindangan, with an occasional case that they lock down right away. If there is a break out there will be lock down with checkpoints and a pass signed by the Barangay captain is required to go to town and the stores, no kids. They aren't allowing basketball on our court and we shut down our sari-sari store for financial and health safety reasons.

Thank you .
Steve

Well you sound like a good man. I will say this, at least they are not in Manila, the very poor there conditions are horrendous. Good luck brother, peace and love.

I agree Findlay- The more you give the more they expect. Because of the retirees who come here with 2-3 pensions and spend like crazy, the locals think we are all rich. Just ain't so! I love this country and the people but many are users as my Ex Pinay was. My Kano friend who passed on said his wife's brother was always hitting him up for money. Several years ago I said Happy New year to a local and she said it back and also said "and wheres my New Years' gift?" Things like this happen to me all the time. I have learned to just accept it, smile and just say "Have a nice day" Some good ones here and some bad just like anywhere else in the world. : "Acceptance" is the keyword. I learned that from REEKAY who has lived in this country and many other Asian countries for many years. I recommend watching his youtube videos. He has a lot of knowledge to share. He has a good life here and is married to a Pinay. Seems like a happy guy! May God bless the Philippines!

Hi mate , thank you so much .
Steve

To Big Pearl:  You may have a difficult time if you should choose to go and visit with the outlaws  in the Philippines.  I know it's easy to sit in Australia and say I'm not paying but it's just as easy to have you beat half to death if you should choose to go for a visit at a later date.  I am married to a Pinay myself  and her relatives live in a remote area.  Wouldn't want to be out there in need of their help after I refused to pay mom and dads hospital bill. It's not like you are paying for them to go and have a party.  Have them text you a copy of the hospital bill if your thinking of paying.  But if you should choose not to visit the outlaws, don't pay the bill. Some people can live with that.  How does your wife feel about your position?  Just my 2 cents.

thedfords wrote:

To Big Pearl:  You may have a difficult time if you should choose to go and visit with the outlaws  in the Philippines.  I know it's easy to sit in Australia and say I'm not paying but it's just as easy to have you beat half to death if you should choose to go for a visit at a later date.  I am married to a Pinay myself  and her relatives live in a remote area.  Wouldn't want to be out there in need of their help after I refused to pay mom and dads hospital bill. It's not like you are paying for them to go and have a party.  Have them text you a copy of the hospital bill if your thinking of paying.  But if you should choose not to visit the outlaws, don't pay the bill. Some people can live with that.  How does your wife feel about your position?  Just my 2 cents.

I hear you but perhaps you should reread my post and the reasons why I've stopped forking out money.
We live less than 18Kms away from the 5,000 relatives, 40 minutes by car. I did a quick workout of what we have given them/family over the last 10 years, it's pushing 1M pesos.
There are principles involved here and my better half agrees that over the years we have been taken for granted and also agrees that refusing to be vaccinated though their choice was foolhardy with a daughter and granddaughter both nurses begging them to get the shots because they are well aware of the fallout both emotionally as well the financial costs if one ends up in hospital.
They are fortunate that their son (my better half) has a few bob in the bank as none of his siblings are coughing up pesos.
As for getting help from the family? We have to pay them. Example, SIL asked her brother to drive her to Pangasinan some 2 and a half hours each way so she could pick up a document because she didn't want to take the bus. Even he said no. Sometimes things come to an end and the better half agrees enough is enough.

Each to their own etc etc.

Cheers, Steve.

Definitely understand.  That's why I said if I didn't pay, I wouldn't want to go visit in the remote area of my wife's family.  God knows I've paid a lot so I'm not a stranger to what you're saying.  We had to limit what we were paying as we too were being taken for granted. Also another thing is once we stopped paying we were suddenly cut off and were considered bad.  Sorry for the loss in your family.  Take care.

Thanks for your reply, Mum is going to pull through it seems after over a month in hospital, in ICU but now negative and slowly improving.

Cheers, Steve.