Seeking advice to make informed decisions

Welcome, Mark! I recommend you read through some threads in the main forum page. Feel free to ask questions or use the search function. Another well worn piece of advice is not to get too involved with someone before you've actually met them in person. You just never know them or the situation for sure when you're online, even though it feels like you do. And the chemistry might or might not be there.

lastly, the Philippines isn't for everyone. Some people love it, some people can't wait to get out to a more organized place where the infrastructure works better or they don't need AC all the time. There's only one way to answer those questions and that's to be here with your feet on the ground and experience it in real time. Try not to lock yourself down to one place or person for a while and do a lot of exploring.

pnw is correct, boots on the ground, taste the flavours, get your hands dirty and get your passport. Visit and see before any commitments to move here, the Phills is an acquired taste as are some partners, slowly slowly.

There are plenty of posts on this subject here and other sites, read, read and read, google will be your best friend also and as pnw mentioned if not sure ask away,

Welcome to the forum.

Cheers, Steve.

JMF_76JMF_76 said . . . . .

I was on Filipina Cupid for a few weeks, and have found someone I have gotten quite attached to. She was actually my second choice, but my Brother, who retired to Argao(?) South of Cebu City last Fall, frightened me off of the first one!

My main concern now is to make sure I am not being "set up" for a big crash & burn by pursuing a relationship before moving there.

I think this one is "safe," as she is 52, has a FT job (tho has difficulty with her boss and wants to leave it), is in Manila, owns the house with her sister, was never married, had a 20-year relationship that ended 4 years ago when he did not survive a heart attack at 50 y/o, and has a sharp 17 y/o daughter, heading for Locak College next year through a "Foundation," so paid for.

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Hello Mark . . . .

When on a dating site you are considered a commodity, without exception most who think they found the perfect one do not accept advice. Some have become a walking talking ATM.

You being on the rebound from a long term relationship, emotionally lowers your guard and common sense. An online relationship is not a relationship, only pen pals telling each other what they want to hear. Some people have been pen pals for years only to be bamboozled.

You say second choice, Mark you are not buying a used car and kicking the tires. One member received two hundred responses. Some members found out their perfect match turned to be a perfect match for others at the same time.

My opinion is based on the fact that you have a brother here in the Philippines, I'm sure his partner has plenty of girlfriends begging her to introduce you to some of her wonderful girlfriends.

I speak on experience about introductions. I met and married my Filipina wife in the states. Her sister in the Philippines using Skype was always asking if I had any single male friends she could meet.

You have a big advantage for finding happiness, your brother has walked through the minefield for you, come to the Philippines and go slow.

@JMF_76

Welcome to the forum.

I met a girl online in 2006 and after chatting for a couple weeks I flew to the Philippines, knowing nothing about the country, and she checked out so we got engaged and I came back a year later and brought her back to Texas with me. After 5 years of Texas we moved to  rural Georgia for 9 years and our last move was to the Philippines 2 1/2 years ago. Hopefully your relationship will work out as well as mine did.

@Enzyte Bob All this is what I need to hear. Actually, pounded into my aged, vulnerable, moving-too-fast head! Coming to this site means, perhaps, there's still hope for me to not step on too many triggers while I walk this minefield to the desired end! Thx Bob!

@Moon Dog Awesome! Thanks, Mood Dog. At my age, and desire to stop selling my soul daily to make a living, I doubt I have much more time or ability to take this path, but it sure makes sense!.

JMF_76JMF_76 said . . . . .
I was on Filipina Cupid for a few weeks, and have found someone I have gotten quite attached to. She was actually my second choice, but my Brother, who retired to Argao(?) South of Cebu City last Fall, frightened me off of the first one!

My main concern now is to make sure I am not being "set up" for a big crash & burn by pursuing a relationship before moving there.

I think this one is "safe," as she is 52, has a FT job (tho has difficulty with her boss and wants to leave it), is in Manila, owns the house with her sister, was never married, had a 20-year relationship that ended 4 years ago when he did not survive a heart attack at 50 y/o, and has a sharp 17 y/o daughter, heading for Locak College next year through a "Foundation," so paid for.
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You say second choice, Mark you are not buying a used car and kicking the tires. One member received two hundred responses. Some members found out their perfect match turned to be a perfect match for others at the same time.

So, when I said "Second choice" I was referring to timing, rather than a Silver medalist vs a Gold. I found the "second" a couple of weeks after the first, and after being quite attracted to the first. I have cut off that first one, as, whether from just scamming me, or due to her being pretty destitute but still sincerely interested, I was being looked at as the walking ATM. I was also finding the forst one to be superficial in her professed "love" for me. Unfoirtunately, this has started up with the new one as well, although it took a couple of weeks, and I didn't keep my guard up on this either, as I am quite attracted to her.

Welcome to the forum JMF.

Listen to the experience here, not suggesting you don't know what you are doing but for me? I see you are chatting with these lovely ladies for a few weeks and falling in love sight unseen. Stop it, come here and meet, see where it goes, I chatted to my current partner online for 6/8 months before we decided to meet (a flight back to Manila for me) and see where it goes, 12 years on we are still together, we still have disagreements but what we have both learnt is tolerance through thick and thin as we both love each other through many ups and down. Learning and commitment.

How can you find or claim love after chatting to a prospective for only 2 or 3 weeks, my simple suggestion is to slow down and absolutely don't let lust (your second head) make stupid decisions.

OMO

Cheers, Steve.

Welcome to the Forum JMF-76.

If you are in a position to make the move to the Philippines in the near future then I would say your best bet is to follow the advice from Big Pearl. Firstly you need to get a passport, then I would recommend doing a little research online to get a good idea of the best place to retire in the Philippines. Consider the climate (some places are cooler than others), then consider your hobbies and interests and look to retire in a place where you can continue doing them. No point in living inland away from the sea if you like surfing or maybe you like golf and want somewhere with good courses. After you have an idea, make a shortlist and go over for a few months and check them out. Check out some condos or houses to rent, taste the different foods, mingle with the locals and check out what hospitals and medical facilities are available. Also check into health insurance (not sure if you are healthy or have a few ailments and maybe you will need regular prescriptions for medication). When you have found a place suitable for yourself, go back home and make preparations for the move. You do not need a house or condo lined up before you move you can just rent using airb&b until you find a suitable place.

From what I have read on this forum and seen on you tube videos about $2000 per month will give you a good life style over there so no real need to panic about money. If you have a little more then great but do not forget to hold some money back for a rainy day and leave some in a separate bank account at home so if the worst does happen, then you have some money to fall back on.

Regarding women and online dating - You will be surprised at the amount of young beauties who are willing to throw themselves at you on these dating sites, hoping to snag a rich foreigner and a fair few of them are only after you for your money and will lie, scheme and deceive you to get all that they can. Now regarding No 2 (The 50 year old you are chatting with now), good age but if she has already told you she loves you within a short space of time and without ever meeting you then chances are she is just after your money. Also, you mentioned she has a sharp 17 year old daughter - well guess what, it would not be so unusual that she wants to snag a rich foreigner also and may even make a play for you. Obviously she is way too young and you would not consider that but similar happened to me. I recommend you read a topic I posted about 7 or 8 weeks ago called (Another One Bites The Dust), then you will see just how messed up these online relationships can get if you choose the wrong woman. Also I do have bad experiences through online chatting, then meeting these women so if you want more info, feel free to message me. There will be plenty of women after you when you get there so there is no real need to commit to one woman if you are planning to move there soon and you will be in a far better position to judge which one is genuine.

So to sum up - Get your passport, do some online research, go over there to check out a few places, make your decision where you want to live, wind down your life at home and prepare for the move and find a woman when you are settled in. No rush, just get your stuff sorted first.