This question is general, omitting particular names, but the situation is real. I am not sure how to deal with it, so any constructive ideas are welcome.
First, this concerns a friend of mine, a woman who lives in the US, but has been a lot in India. She has had an Indian fiance, having known each other for about eight years. He lives in a middle sized Indian city. They tried to get married in India, but the Indian bureaucracy put up so many obstacles as to make it impossible. So they applied for a fiance visa for him to come to the US, where they would get married. At the visa interview to which he went, he was told that the visa request had "insufficient evidence" and would go into "administrative review", which is often a bureaucratic name for burying it. He had been overconfident, and the treatment he received at the embassy triggered an asthma attack; he collapsed, and was taken to his home to recover. His family is against the marriage (my friend is not Indian), so much so that at one point in the past they burned his passport. This time they are making it impossible to contact the fiance: a number of the woman's friends in India as well as several agencies have been told that the fiance either is at work, or has moved to another city, or actually has a family elsewhere, or simply doesn't exist. All of which are demonstrably untrue. Someone else answers his cell/mobile phone and email. The woman did get some information from the taxi driver who took the fiance from the embassy to his home, and a bit of information from neighbors, but the only direct information from the fiance was a very short and ambiguous email message telling her that he was in a bad state. The question is how to get directly hold of him to have him give an attorney power of attorney to represent him for an appeal on the visa case. I had thought of a private detective, although besides being expensive, I don't know what an outside person could do that the Indian mutual friends of the couple haven't already tried. I thought of having the fiance at least getting brought to court by an alias warrant in a breach of marriage case, even though the case would eventually be lost by the woman, but it probably would not get that far because the fiance's mother is experienced in bribing officials. I thought of getting someone mascarade as an official from the lottery or something, but all my ideas ran into some practical hurdle of Indian life. So, any other ideas? Many thanks in advance.
Conundrum about Indian family ties
I am afraid you are seeing this case from western prospective, assuming the indian guy is willing, honest, but utterly helpless.
The Indian guy is (hopefully) adult of age, and if he were willing, he would have contacted the lady even against his relatives' consent. He can also find a job and move to another city, where he would not be supervised by relatives all that much.
I am afraid that the situation is kinda worse for the lady. The family is opposing, and the guy AGREES with his family, yet for one reason or the other prefers to hide from the lady, rather than having a direct conversation.
Maybe he can't say "no". Maybe he is afraid of confrontation. Maybe he was lying all the way through.
It is unfortunately very typical in India to end the relationship by disappearing, and it is in the tradition to lie, especially to foreigners (it is considered clever)
I suggest you both treat this case as "runaway boyfriend" situation and stop trying.
PS: I have also lived in India and dated several indians
Thanks for the speculation, annakozy. It was a reasonable try, but in this case not correct. It has been some time since I first posted that, and in the meantime there have been developments. The guy contacted the woman, and explained what happened. He was indeed very ill, unable to leave the house, where the family controlled the phones and computer. He recovered, and is now communicating normally. He still is making efforts so that they can marry and live together, but the family is still opposing the relationship, fighting it tooth and nail. The two usual ways to get married ran into problems: by law, to marry in India, they must do it in the district where the man is resident. They tried twice; the marriage is posted, and the family found out about it and got to the officials. One official outright refused to marry them, citing as a reason that the woman was not Indian; the next one demanded a huge amount of money. Then they tried to apply for a "fiance visa" to the US, which is designed to allow such couples to marry, but as mentioned, that ended in fiasco. The couple are still trying: they will apply for a special permit to allow them to be married outside of the man's district, and then get married in another district in India, out of reach of the family, under a special law that allows this. But they are not certain that this will be possible. They will try to arrange everything by June, and get married this summer, but at the moment they are doubtful of their chances. There are other possibilities, but not many. With this updated information, if you have any good suggestions, I would be glad to hear them.
Hello Nomadreid,
I am quite moved i must say! Given the current situation there are few tricks left to try.
I am not a law expert but being an Indian I can pretty much understand the scene and can think of few theoretical options. Moving out of the district/state will be your only feasible option as the boy's family will find out about the marriage with the help of locals and local officials no matter how discreet you try. Despite our respect to our Judiciary system millions of people here bend/by-pass/break the law by bribery and using the loop holes. I am not suggesting you to break any law but the special law you've mentioned here WILL definitely work if you take some 'special' measures (if you know what i mean).
Speaking of moving to other district/state, do consider moving from far away from the boy's native. However it must be a place where you can find a lot of foreigners (like, really lot). Say Goa or Pondichery for example. So that your friend (the women) can live with her fiancee while working on arrangements on their marriage. The notaries, attorneys and 'register office officials' in those cities might be familiar with expat/foreigner related jobs and they can help you. You still can register the marriage totally complying with the Indian marriage act but you might have to 'buy' your way in. The marriage certificate issued by the local register office is a legible document which can be used anywhere in India to settle down. Making Indian and expat friends in those cities is vital in order to reach the right 'middle man' for your register office works.
Search if Pondicherry can be considered (unless this whole story started there) as I've heard about foreigner marriages happened there via friends of friends.
Regards,
Ravi.
Hi, Ravi,
Many thanks for the well-thought-out advice! I have passed it on to the woman involved. It sounds like a good idea, and I will let her find out how long the fiance has to live in that area (Goa, Pondicherry, etc.) in order to get the residency necessary to get married there. The problem is that the fiance has a job in Uttar Pradesh, and the woman has a job in the US. Because it will be quite a while before the couple can then get permission to live together in the US (the visa is not easy, even for married couples), the two need to keep their respective jobs until he can move to the US. (Her job allows her to spend her summers in India with him.) Of course, if he could get a job in Goa, Pondicherry, etc., that would solve the problem, but his qualifications are not strong enough to beat out the strong competition in those areas for jobs. (Anywhere there are that many foreigners, there is a stiff competition for the few jobs available.) Nonetheless, it is worth considering, and maybe they can find a way to follow up on your suggestion. So again, many thanks for the help!
All the best,
David
Articles to help you in your expat project in India
India is a vast country with unique and interesting diversities. There are ample of opportunities and places to ...
Sports have always been an important part of the country's entertainment and culture. People are passionate about ...
We took trek bikes on rent and set off on a beautiful journey of one long day to Cauvery fishing camp. The ...
New Delhi is an exciting city and offers a wide variety of attractions for some quality leisure time over the ...
While living in New Delhi, you may encounter a variety of social situations. Sometimes you might have some leisure ...
New Delhi is the official national capital of India. The city is rich with a population of all age groups with a ...
