Suing my sons mother

Welcome to the forum Jason, sorry for your woes with your son but only an opinion, if you are sick and might die best to get your own house in order first, vindictive custody battles never end well, cost lots of money and aside if you are not around in the near future who is going to care for your son in the US/Philippines.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

@Jason Mclaughlin

I have actually married two filipinos in my time but, based on my own experiences, you would be wasting your time and money.  The legal system, such as it is, is heavily weighted in favour of the woman.  You have lost your case before you even enter the court room, simply because you are a man,  Men are treated like potential wife bashers and/or paedophiles and you lose all vestiges of self respect during the case.  I know many guys who are deeply scarred by their experiences in the family courts.  Men are always the perpetrators, women are always the innocent victims.  You can not win.  For your sake, do not even try.  I am sorry

I am sorry for your troubles, but withholding child support is not a good way to gain favor with the court. The child should be first priority, not trying to screw the mother of your child in court. You did not give a lot of details, such as the child's age, but might explain to her that if she completes the citizenship process, the child can receive dependent benefits  from SSA, if you are getting it.

When you say she is demanding things that were "not agreed upon" perhaps she had no idea at the time how expensive it is to properly raise a child, clothe them, get them into a decent school, etc. The cost of living has really gone up. As for the "gift" of American citizenship - it might or might not be a future benefit sometime down the road, but properly feeding and educating that child now is a guaranteed win.

@pnwcyclist

thank you all for your feedback. I have tried to have the child the mother and her lesbian girlfriend live in my apartment. They ended up stealing from me. I have tried to get them their own apartment, paying for everything they ended up leaving and taking the deposit for the apartment. I have been stolen from five times. We have an agreement in a local barangay that she will give citizenship and I will pay for Caleb‘s food education and everything else. She change the agreement. Of course, when a Filipina listens to her family and friends, it becomes a terrible situation for the father.

@cricketer2014

thank you. I am hearing the same thing from other people. And I have already experience this with the DSWD. You are absolutely right, and it is a shame, because mothers can be violent towards their children giving them PTSD.

There is no problem in the Philippines  that can't be solved,  with enough pesos

@Jason Mclaughlin,

It sounds like you may have very limited written proof already prepared and submitted to the Brgy?  By changing from a defensive submissive approach to a very clear offensive stance may be an option.  Here are the things I would consider, if faced with a like situation......

1st - I would find an international organization that allows a specific child to be sponsored.  Contact that organization and find out if you can add your child to the list of children being sponsored.  If so, create an account, and set up the donations for your child.  Since nearly half of all Filipinos still earn less than $2 a day, consider sending your child $5/day or $150/month or P8550/month.

Have said plan in motion so there can be zero chance of a RA 9262 action against you.  Once in place, let the local officials be aware of what has been done.   Stay strong and be firm with your resolve as this sends a clear message that you don't trust the mom but you are willing to support your child. 

No matter what, find a way to never pay cash in her hands again.... even if you set up a brgy person to collect the funds and ensure things like shots and basic care for the child is being provided.

Actions to also consider:

• Submitting a formal complaint to the Brgy that the previous agreement was violated and therefore you must consider all elements of the agreement to be void.
• Request PhilHealth account info and verification that you child has coverage (as confirmed by the Member Data. Records (MDR) and prepay that on an annual basis,
• Keeping the DNA results to yourself pending additional decisions.
• Perfecting an affidavit that list all of the previous contributions and violations of fraud as you state that you can no longer be active in the US Citizenship process without further evaluations.
• Put in writing that you will set up a Peso account in you child's name that can only be used by an authorized that has with limited withdrawals authority.
• Declare your belief in a written statement that the mother is untrustworthy and may not be able to properly give your child proper care, shared with the Brgy, PNP Women's desk and DSWD.
• Ask DSWD to provide you with a court approved custodian of the bank account for your child in writing.
• Identify that you will be returning to the USA in the near future and need this matter brought to the safest level for your child's survival.
• If sponsorship is not an option, go to a BDO or bank of your choice and learn what it takes to set up an account for your child.  Note:  Per BDO - "Children age 0-12 years old can open a BDO Junior Savers account and get a free BDO Junior Savers ID Card for as low as Php100.00 in initial deposit."  If this is in your name only and you grant a selected adult to be on the account, this can also work.
• Do not have any direct deposit retirement funds sent to any account here in the PI.

You must insist that all responses be official and in written form, in English.  If you are in the same area;

• Move away and do not share your new location. 
• Have any/all contact thru the local Brgy and PNP.
• Do not text or call to the mother or respond to the same, under any circumstances... as this continues the chance of being charged with RA 9262 will increases.  See below:

Caution!! Do not get into a situation where the mere filing of a RA 9262 case against you can bar you from leaving the PI with a "precautionary hold departure" order.....

"With the new rule on issuing precautionary hold departure orders, a person, then, can be barred from leaving the country despite the absence of the filing of an Information against him, or pending preliminary investigation and the determination of probable cause showing that he probably have committed an offense."

Source:  https://lawreview.ust.edu.ph/constituti … 20offense.

@Jason Mclaughlin

Calif-native has the best answer. In my experience you can't force the mother to care when she doesn't and is a POS herself. In my case I even sent support money to my daughter's school teacher to buy school supplies but that didn't work as personalities and "jismiss" got in the way. It's a very difficult situation and you run the risk of the mother being coached by unscrupulous people just to leverage your child to suck all the cash from you that she can.

Hello everyone,

Please note that some posts have been put aside from this thread. Nothing serious, these posts were not helpful.

Regards

Bhavna

if the mother does not want to give up the child, there is unlikely much you can do. So your best chance is to persuade her that it would be in HER best interest to do so. Maybe you can promise to help her get US citizenship as well? Give them free travel to USA to see how good life is there? just a bystander's advice. You need to decide whether you are mad enough at her to stop trying to get your son to USA.