Expat Just Bought House, Young Wife Possible Problem

W9XR :

Without regard to political correctness, I will delve into a taboo subject which has been avoided because there are some on this forum that it resembles.

The three most important things in a relationship/marriage succeeding are Culture, Language and Borders.

What chance of success for the long term, practically nil unless both parties accept the outcome in the future.

A good deal is when both parties are happy with the arrangement. In the beginning both parties are happy.

"HE"  gets a young, hot, sex toy or slave, submissive  woman.

"SHE"  gets security for herself and family.

"HE" is lovesick and goes to lonely hearts websites that cater to his dreams.

"SHE" lists herself on these websites trolling for a ? ? ? she can reel in.

(What are the motives for "HE" and what are the motives for "SHE")

This May/December relationship is wonderful in the beginning and starts drifting apart shortly there after and this is confirmed by many studies without the handicap of a different Culture, Language and Border. 

It's only a matter of time, if it gets this far, that she becomes a caregiver. Once one or the other or both realize this relationship is in the shambles, both try to cover their rear ends, except it's too late for him.

Winners & losers, she the winner and he the loser. What makes him the loser, because he will hang on beyond common sense.

I never heard of an educated successful Expat meeting an educated successful Filipina on a lonely hearts website, unless she is fishing for a green card and a trip to the states.

Absolutely spot on post W9XR. You hit the nail on the head. In most of these relationships the differences in Socio-Economic backgrounds are huge, leading to so many potential traps. First the Economic part which creates the opportunity for these May-December relationships in the first place. Different personal priorities, and opportunities for hidden motivations (financial security, green card, etc). Yet there are also honest cultural reasons many younger Filipinas might prefer an older mature man (stability, maturity, etc).

That gets to the cultural and language differences you mentioned, which I think are just as important (and ones that I frequently struggle with myself). Ways of dealing with conflict, truth, saving face, even the acceptance of larger age gaps. These societal differences can and often lead to misunderstandings in and of themselves, and can make sorting out the hidden motivations even more difficult. Ultimately, even under the best circumstances it can be hard to know what the true motivation and feelings really are, because both parties are coming from such a different realm of understanding and priorities.

"What makes him the loser, because he will hang on beyond common sense."

Unfortunately that last part is often true.. It is so easy to look from the outside and see what should be obvious from the inside, but frequently isn't..

moonunit0103 :
Lat61 :
moonunit0103 :

Told him he could bunk out at my house if he needed, but he needs to figure it out for himself, it seems.

I know it can be boring under quarantine. But to invite drama into your own house would be a bridge to far for me.

If hotels were open, I wouldn't have made the offer.  I feel sad for him, since my wife and I are inseparable and really enjoy each other.  I cannot imagine being in his situation.

You´re kind and a good man...

moonunit0103 :

He said he couldn't leave his apartment because his wife said he would be arrested if he did.  He also said that his wife told him his debit card did not work at an ATM machine!!!

Your neighbor should try to clarify with his wife what she meant when she said "his debit card did not work at an ATM machine" because there are times when a debit card really does not work.

During the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ), a lot of ATM machines were not operable or were available only on certain days.  Sometimes, there would be a piece of paper or cardboard in front that says "Under Maintenance" (which is the umbrella term for "broken", "no power", and "no cash") . Not all branches were open, and the ones that were open had shorter hours.

In the first week of ECQ, I went to BDO to deposit a check from another bank. But they did not accept it. Bank manager said they could not process interbank transactions at that time due to the ECQ.  Is your neighbor's ATM account with a US-based bank? Or is it with a local bank?  Perhaps the card really did not work due to limited banking services here in the Philippines and in other countries during lockdowns.

How fluent in English is your neighbor's wife? Sometimes, Filipinos who are not fluent in English would avoid explaining something in English because it's hard for them, and also frustrating for them when something they tried hard to explain ends up as not being understood. So she might say "ATM card does not work" or "no money on ATM" which in turn can get misinterpreted.

If I were your neighbor, I would open an ATM account for her with just PhP10,000 balance. Have her use that for buying groceries or withdrawing cash. Then when the balance is almost down to PhP2,000, I would replenish it by doing a transfer from another account which only I have access.

as FAM said above there are a lot of ATM's not working or working properly! Just today I had one tell me Temporarily unable to perform transaction! Machine next to it worked fine except it wouldn't function for a different card lol
These problems have been ongoing for a couple weeks now! I would try using it at a 7-11 or?? and see if that works before deciding ATM or money is a problem! I have always been able to use at a point of sale register

Hi lasvegan..... This is nothing new in the Philippines. There are many times the atm’s don’t work even before this pandemic. Living in the Philippines is like going back in time 30 years. They love in a bubble.i live half the year in Cebu and the other half I go back to U.S.

Told us back in March that I could not deposit a check from my USA account into my wife's BDO account because there is no courier service.  Instead we used Western Union, paid a dollar less, and got the cash in US dollars in one week instead of waiting a month.  Also used Western Union to transfer money between US accounts, transferred $2,000 and the service charge was $.99, took 8 days.

Just be careful when using your ATM cards!

https://travelscams.org/asia/philippine … ilippines/

I have been using Transfer Wise to move money, now that I have a BDO account.  Was thinking of getting a Dollar account, but do not see the need at this point.

moonunit0103 :

I have been using Transfer Wise to move money, now that I have a BDO account.  Was thinking of getting a Dollar account, but do not see the need at this point.

Same for me, using Transfer Wise moving dollars from the states to Peso account at BDO within hours.

We also have a dollar account at BDO but wasn't able to transfer Dollar to Dollar using Transfer Wise.

When I first came to the PH I use to write a check from a Stateside Dollar Account to BDO Dollar Account. It took 20+ days to be accredited, but cleared my bank in the states in one day.

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