LETS HAVE A LAUGH BUT NO FILTH

An Irish family falls on hard times at the death of their father. The three brothers decide that they must go out into the world to seek their fortunes. One brother will stay in Ireland to look after their mum, one brother will go to Australia to make a bundle, and the third brother to New York where he'll do his best to make money and send some back to support dear old mum. The three brothers agree that they will always remember each other by buying a drink for the absent two brothers.

The brother who goes to New York walks into a bar and orders three whiskeys and three beer chasers. Bartender sets him up. This goes on for weeks. Eventually, the bar tender screws up his courage and asks, Why it is that no matter what you're drinking you always order three of them? The brother explains the situation.

Years pass with this pattern unchanged.

One day, the Irishman goes into the bar and orders two Guinness's. The bartender, draws the pints into the glasses and thinks to himself, ach, one of his brothers has died. He goes to set the glasses in front of the man and says, I hope this doesn't mean there's been a death in the family.

Oh, no, says the Irishman, nothing like that. My doctor told me I had to quit drinking, so I did.

ESL teacher's instruction to students.

"Please explain what is described in the following sentence;

At Thanksgiving, Gord gored the gourd."

A man walks into a zoo.

He looks everywhere but the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

It's a Shih Tzu...

Why you can't have 3 drumsticks... 🐔 🍗

I ordered on the same day, from Amazon, a chicken and an egg. In a week I'll be able to tell you which came first.

If you take out a standard home loan (mortgage) in the USA you'll be paying it back for 30 years.

If you rob a bank there you'll be out of prison in 10 years.

Follow me for more financial advice...

If you take out a standard home loan (mortgage) in the USA you'll be paying it back for 30 years.
If you rob a bank there you'll be out of prison in 10 years.

Follow me for more financial advice... - @OceanBeach92107

You might not get to keep the money if you rob a bank. . .  If you pay off the mortgage, you get to keep the house, well, maybe.

If you take out a standard home loan (mortgage) in the USA you'll be paying it back for 30 years.
If you rob a bank there you'll be out of prison in 10 years.

Follow me for more financial advice... - @OceanBeach92107
You might not get to keep the money if you rob a bank. . . If you pay off the mortgage, you get to keep the house, well, maybe.
- @Lennerd

So now you are channeling my mother? 😉

#PartyPooper

Visited my solicitor to help complete and notarize my final will and testament.

He asked me whether upon my death I wanted to be buried, or cremated. I said, "Surprise me".