Following your life partner in Germany

I never personally followed my partner here. I moved here on my own and met him after I'd been here for years. HOWEVER, a few years ago, my husband (then boyfriend) moved away to study in a different city. We were living together at the time and I originally planned to follow him there. In the end, I chose NOT to. I'd like to share some of my experiences with that, as well as some things I've observed with friends over the years.

First of all, when you're deciding to move for a partner, you have to think about yourself as well. You can't just do it to be with them. If you don't want to move somewhere, or that particular location doesn't really hold a lot in store for you, don't do it. This is a big reason I didn't move from Berlin to Jülich (a small city in North Rhine-Westphalia). It would have only been 3 years and I was freelancing at the time so I technically would have been able to work anywhere, but I didn't have any friends there, and since it's small, it's harder to meet people. In the end I decided that I didn't want to be sitting around at home waiting for him and decided to continue living in Berlin, where I have a huge support network. We had a long distance relationship for 3 1/2 years, I ended up finding another job here doing something I love (a job that wouldn't have been possible in Jülich), and he eventually moved home and we got married.

Whether you move for someone or have a long-distance relationship, success also depends on how strong your relationship is...moving isn't necessarily the easier option.

To add to that, some friends of friends moved outside of Germany together last year. It was her home and he was coming from this side of the world. He moved for her. They got married. In the end, he wasn't able to get his work visa processed fast enough and he ended up stuck at home most of the time. They split and he moved back here. It was really hard on both of them (they're both friends of different friends)...they made it through it and I don't know if they regret it or not, but it doesn't seem like a positive experience.

I knew another expat here once who moved here to be with a German guy she'd met when he stopped through her town on a road trip. She moved here at 19 and got married. They broke up when she was 21.

My cousin lived here for a while and when she moved back to Canada, her boyfriend at the time followed her. Vancouver is a notoriously hard place to make friends...people will be nice to you but won't invite you into their circles. He got a job easily, made a few expat friends and made an effort to enjoy it, but in the end it just didn't work.

I have seen some positive stories as well...I know a few couples who moved either here or away from here for each other, and they stayed together and built new lives with each other. But I think in those cases, the person who did the moving wanted to go to that place (in one case, she'd already lived there before and had friends there), and the relationships were solid.

Definitely not saying "don't do it." It could be a great experience! Just think about it really hard