After some gentle persuasion and two years of risking permanent brain damage as a result of banging my head on a brick wall, I finally got my father-in-law to change his approach to growing rice by moving away from chemical sprays to using a flock of Ducks instead.
I admit to a certain sense of achievement as after a long battle I watched the 500 Ducks I had bought for him scurrying down the lorry ramp and dispersing into the paddy field.
I visited around 6 weeks later to see how everything was progressing especially as I had also had planted a load of Coconut trees and populated the various channels with Catfish.
At first glance I have to say that it all looked quite idyllic but slowly realised that the number of ducks had significantly reduced. Was hard to tell by how many as the little buggers refused to stay still long enough to count them but the reduction in population was obvious to the eye.
When I brought the matter up during the evening meal, fish I hasten to add not Duck, I asked why there seemed to be so many missing. He said they had eaten one or two but most of the absentees had been stolen or gone AWOL.
The AWOL idea I rejected as, given the fact they cannot fly and the ideal environment the Ducks were in then it would be highly unlikely they would pack their rucksacks and walk over the horizon especially in small numbers.
The kidnaping theory also seemed somewhat improbable as the farm is isolated, well away from the road and they are very difficult to catch. The idea of a group of rustlers squelching around in a field of rice up to their dangly bits in silt under the cover of darkness seemed a little too far fetched even given that virtually nothing in Vietnam is safe unless it is nailed down. Having looked at a number of possible reasons for the reduction in numbers and having rejected various arguments from family members, including one concerning a Duck murdering cult that pranced naked in the moonlight with feathers on their heads, I returned to HCM without solving the mystery despite over the years having watched an entire series of Sherlock Holmes.
But I just couldn't get the mystery out of my head so after a few days I went back the area around the farm. Finding nothing suspicious I stayed the night in a very uncomfortable hotel taking on all sorts of life forms in hand to hand combat and rose at dawn having suffered a not insignificant blood loss and started to look around the market for live Ducks to see if there were any that had the same colour die marker on their heads but could not find any. When almost at the point of giving up I spotted 10 Ducks noisily scurrying around a small court yard at the back of a restaurant that all had the distinctive colour stamp on their heads.
When I confronted the owner and the cook about the suspected kidnapping and obviously imminent murders they were surprisingly helpful and the owner consented to calling his new supplier to order 10 more ducks to be delivered the next morning. The plot thickens.
Unable to face another night in the hotel which although very cheap was similar to attending a Blood Donor centre I chose one recommended by the restaurant owner. Similar result unfortunately although to give credit where due the insect combatants were more varied.
At dawn I was ready despite my immune system taking a beating and positioned myself just out of sight of the now empty courtyard where the Ducks had been, of all which I assume had taken up residence on the inside of the restaurants customers. Several hours passed and then at last the serial kidnapper arrived on his motorbike with 10 ducks crammed into a cage.
My absolute and perhaps rather naive surprise left me speechless. It was the father-in law and to add insult to injury he was utilising the new Honda I had bought him for the delivery.
Suffice to say the family discussion that evening was not for the faint hearted.
And guess what the irony is . . . The reason he was selling the Ducks was to pay for the chemical spray he had continued using as the price had gone up!
Concussion beckons methinks.