Age prejudice...

Maybe a strange first post or indeed a strange issue !?
Firstly thanks for allowing my membership and hello to all .
Briefly, I'm 52 , live in Scotland , self employed of 2 small businesses and have traveled to Asia many time in particular Thailand and more recently Vietnam . i intend to live mainly in Saigon or Bangkok or initially stay a long time with my girlfriend .
i met a relatively young Vietnamese girl last year  and she's 34 and i am pretty shocked at the looks , comments and out right rudeness of prejudiced people . I look my age or slightly younger,I'm not in bad shape ,  she is quite beautiful and does look younger than her years , but the level of abuse and attention i'm finding even in Thailand or Vietnam is quite shocking and wondered how other people deal with this ? I even had an EX friend who suggested it was all money orientated or she was a prostitute! (ex friend ejected !) I am aware of the certain stigma and stereotypical views but how do couples in similar situations cope with this ? Thanks in advance for any opinions and or advance ,
cheers,
Glenn.

Vietnamese can be crude and like to gossip as a pastime! My dad recently past away in Saigon and during the funeral, my cousin and her sister was badmouthing my dad and his GF. I wasn't there because I was given short notice but my dad's GF called after the funeral to let me know what had happened. That's one of the things I hate about the older Vietnamese people is they will talk crap about anyone and gossip a lot.

BTW, your age gap isn't that much! My dad was about 30 years older than his GF. My sister is even older than his GF. It's mostly jealousy but could also be boredom in their lives.

qnbui :

Vietnamese can be crude and like to gossip as a pastime! My dad recently past away in Saigon and during the funeral, my cousin and her sister was badmouthing my dad and his GF. I wasn't there because I was given short notice but my dad's GF called after the funeral to let me know what had happened. That's one of the things I hate about the older Vietnamese people is they will talk crap about anyone and gossip a lot.

BTW, your age gap isn't that much! My dad was about 30 years older than his GF. My sister is even older than his GF. It's mostly jealousy but could also be boredom in their lives.

Aptly put, really.  :one

Unless you speak Vietnamese, is your gf translating these comments for you. Does your gf dress in a manner that attracts attention.

Im 22 years older than my wife and I never have this problem. I understand enough Vietnamese to know whats being said about me and her if its ever said.

glen67 :

Maybe a strange first post or indeed a strange issue !?
Firstly thanks for allowing my membership and hello to all .
Briefly, I'm 52 , live in Scotland , self employed of 2 small businesses and have traveled to Asia many time in particular Thailand and more recently Vietnam . i intend to live mainly in Saigon or Bangkok or initially stay a long time with my girlfriend .
i met a relatively young Vietnamese girl last year  and she's 34 and i am pretty shocked at the looks , comments and out right rudeness of prejudiced people . I look my age or slightly younger,I'm not in bad shape ,  she is quite beautiful and does look younger than her years , but the level of abuse and attention i'm finding even in Thailand or Vietnam is quite shocking and wondered how other people deal with this ? I even had an EX friend who suggested it was all money orientated or she was a prostitute! (ex friend ejected !) I am aware of the certain stigma and stereotypical views but how do couples in similar situations cope with this ? Thanks in advance for any opinions and or advance ,
cheers,
Glenn.

My *guess*:

Maybe your age is part of reason for the unwelcome comments, but I suspect it's probably some other factors, your race/ethnicity likely being a primary reason.

Do you talk with your girlfriend about this?

What does she say?

My Vietnamese girlfriend is half my age and yes we do get some looks, however I don't think it's just a Vietnamese thing. We are hoping to travel together to Ireland later this year and although my friends may accept our relationship I've no doubt the ordinary man/woman in the street won't.
I certainly think jealousy is a part of the problem, count yourself lucky and don't worry about it is my advice.

Malcolmleitrim :

My Vietnamese girlfriend is half my age and yes we do get some looks, however I don't think it's just a Vietnamese thing. We are hoping to travel together to Ireland later this year and although my friends may accept our relationship I've no doubt the ordinary man/woman in the street won't.
I certainly think jealousy is a part of the problem, count yourself lucky and don't worry about it is my advice.

I personally think you are correct about that.

It's a unique mix of jealousy, I think.

Some women will be jealous because the foreigner is often seen as being "rich", and the younger beautiful women are often the choices of foreigner men, not the middle-aged or older women who are ignored or rejected.

Some Vietnamese men will be jealous because they see the choice of a foreigner as a "step down" so to speak, and like SOME men all over the world, their sense of entitlement to women within their own culture is invalidated.

I also *think* that centuries of Vietnam being an occupied country has heightened a perception that some women (such as your younger, beautiful girlfriend) are "collaborating with the enemy", even though the military occupations** have all ended.

Someone will probably jump all over that statement, and I want to be clear that this is not a concrete concept, but a sincere search for some underlying reasons why some Vietnamese people are disturbed to see couples such as the OP and his girlfriend together.

Note: **Perhaps some Vietnamese citizens resent a new type of "occupation" by non-Vietnamese capitalists?

I put it all down to the fact that gossiping is a national obsession here. Check out the middle-aged and old girls around the markets and the end of hems. These women are commonly referred to as " bà táms".

"she is quite beautiful and does look younger than her years"

This might be part of your problem, they can look very young. Referring to my girlfriend, one of my sons said to me only half jokingly, "it's bad enough that she's thirty dad, but she looks about fifteen"

When I go out with my GF you can certainly see the looks we get from the men & the women & they are quite blunt with their comments especially the women. When I go out alone in the same area the same women are like fluttering their eyes, making blatant eye contact & trying basically hit on me. (not that I am a handsome sud either) All Vietnamese are in my experience a race of envious people & certainly as far as my experience goes all or most of the women are gagging to get off with a Western man be he old or young. 
As far as the age difference goes, I am 69 years old & she is 37, but like a lot of Asians she looks much younger. I had to lay down the law & tell her to stop wearing her Mini Mouse jam jams when we do our morning walks & when she took on board to wear jeans & T shirt the looks & comments were drastically cut!

Thanks for that and sorry to hear about such a funeral .
I guess the age isn't too big but she does look about 24 and tbh it has been more European people causing the issue abroad and admit upon her visa i'm not looking forward to the crap i'll get here in a tiny village in NW Scotland !

Thanks .I perhaps should have pointed out it was probably more European people who cause the issue mainly not so much the locals , i guess we'll just have to deal with !

Thanks Malcolm, yes i too will be bringing her here to a small village and know already generally people will be not accepting  and judgmental and historically it has been European people whom are the worse . i will heed your advice and count my blessings too !

thanks , yes possibly other factors and as above my issue has mainly been with European people , locals not too bad .
Yes i speak to her about it and she's just says she just looks at me and no one else and if we're happy why care - which is probably the attitude i should embrace and as above count my blessings .

Thanks for that . Up to now it's been more European people who have the worst behavior. i understand your comments and it makes sense  .
i think as well she's quite small , very cute and gentle and i'm a stocky bald bulldog with grumpy face  !
I will avoid the jim jams too, quite amusing  !!

unionjack :

When I go out with my GF you can certainly see the looks we get from the men & the women & they are quite blunt with their comments especially the women. When I go out alone in the same area the same women are like fluttering their eyes, making blatant eye contact & trying basically hit on me. (not that I am a handsome sud either) All Vietnamese are in my experience a race of envious people & certainly as far as my experience goes all or most of the women are gagging to get off with a Western man be he old or young. 
As far as the age difference goes, I am 69 years old & she is 37, but like a lot of Asians she looks much younger. I had to lay down the law & tell her to stop wearing her Mini Mouse jam jams when we do our morning walks & when she took on board to wear jeans & T shirt the looks & comments were drastically cut!

To be fair, I think if your girlfriend is 32 years younger than you, you must expect some looks! I'm in a similar position and I just ignore them and feel grateful for my good fortune.

glen67 :

i met a relatively young Vietnamese girl last year  and she's 34 and i am pretty shocked at the looks , comments and out right rudeness of prejudiced people . I look my age or slightly younger,I'm not in bad shape,  she is quite beautiful and does look younger than her years , but the level of abuse and attention i'm finding even in Thailand or Vietnam is quite shocking and wondered how other people deal with this ? I even had an EX friend who suggested it was all money orientated or she was a prostitute! (ex friend ejected !) I am aware of the certain stigma and stereotypical views but how do couples in similar situations cope with this ?.

It's not your age that is an issue, it's the age gap and the complete opposite in appearances.

I'm going to be very frank here and I hope no one will take this as a negative criticism.

As I have never met you and your gf, I cannot explain what happened to you two, but this is how a typical Vietnamese sees a typical mixed race couple: it's an exchange of money for sex, full stop.

The women may not be prostitutes IRL, but if a young, fit, beautiful Vietnamese woman puts up with a man who is older than her father, wrinkly, washed up, big paunch, stands out like an elephant in a room, doesn't make serious attempts to be friends with other Vietnamese, or only does it with superior attitude, doesn't respect Vietnamese culture, etc., then money is the only reason behind the match.

I know many couples in Saigon and VT who have never encountered this discrimination.  They all have one thing in common: the couples look like they belong to one another, in appearance, in smaller age gap, and in their ease of communication. 

I've mentioned of my extended family several times on this forum: more than 20 of us married other ethnicities, all for love.  The oldest couple have been together for 52 years, and the youngest just tied the knot last week.  Not one of those couples felt they were discriminated against, gossipped about, jeered at, etc and etc.  Why?  Because they fit together, they're married couples who are in it for life and it shows. 

Yes, Vietnamese can be crude gossipers, but generally speaking, there's at least a grain of truth in their crudeness and I don't think jealousy is always the culprit.  It's more in a way of  "You can do much better", or "How can you lie next to that body?"  "Xứng đôi" (well-matched) is a HUGE thing, perhaps the most important thing in couple matching in the eyes of Vietnamese.

That's wrong, I know, but I'm not in this country to change the locals' view to fit with my cultural standards.  I'm just an old Vietnamese American woman who has been married forever to an old British Canadian American, a man who, despite being very shy (too shy to even come out to say hello to Colin), always smiles when he doesn't understand what people are saying about him, always apologises for his very weak Vietnamese, and always shows his willingness to be the only Westerner sitting in the midst of rowdy Vietnamese for hours on end.  His humility is the main reason everyone we've met since moving here has gone the extra mile to make him feel welcome and comfortable.

unionjack :

All Vietnamese are in my experience a race of envious people & certainly as far as my experience goes all or most of the women are gagging to get off with a Western man be he old or young.

Perhaps you could cross the fence to see things from the other person's perspective instead of throwing around your wild guesses and maligning the whole nation for your bad experiences.

glen67 :

Thanks for that and sorry to hear about such a funeral .
I guess the age isn't too big but she does look about 24 and tbh it has been more European people causing the issue abroad and admit upon her visa i'm not looking forward to the crap i'll get here in a tiny village in NW Scotland !

A small village is probably just as bad as a bunch of old Vietnamese sitting around with time to kill. It's not something they see everyday so it's shocking to them. It's like when I was a little kid living in VN and we had an American soldier neighbor married to a Vietnamese woman. I was scared of the soldier although he was away a lot because I wasn't used to seeing American people. Hopefully it'll wear off in your small village.

Interestingly, on a trip back to Brisbane last year for some medical issues, we went to the cinema, my wife went to the ladies and a guy who looked about 50 came up to me and asked quite rudely how I got a young chick like that.
I am 72 and my wife 48, so I asked how old he thought I was, answer late 50’s early 60’s. Asked then how old he thought my wife was, answer late 20’s maybe 30. I did not reveal my age but he was dumbfounded to learn my wife’s age. My wife was brought to Australia when she was 4 years old, having been born in VT. So age discrimination happens in Australia the same way.
My wife has always told me that a Vn lady does not look at the age but the ability to look after and care for them and not to treat them like a Vn man apparently does...
Mike

My landlord is 72 and his wife is 35, and guess what, both of them are Vietnamese.

If the age difference is going to bother you, get out of the relationship.

People all over the world will flap their gums about things they don't understand. My wife is 22 years younger than me and I have been asked by locals if she is my interpreter or student, I just laugh it off.

Cultural trends in the western world

2020, on moral high horse with judgement and condescension,  :mad:

michaellieptourists :

... a guy who looked about 50 came up to me and asked quite rudely how I got a young chick like that

2010, man-to-man, with a nudge-nudge wink-wink,  :cool:

michaellieptourists :

... a guy who looked about 50 came up to me and asked how I got a young chick like that

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MEGAMAGA :

I see a lot of young Vietnamese gals going with old white guys.  They just want the passport.  They don't actually love you.  And sure it looks like crap.  Do you know why people stopped watching Fonzy on Happy Days?  No one wants to watch a 50-year-old guy picking up chicks.

The old guy with the young lady is laughing at the other old guy with the old,oversized wife.

[Post under review]

MEGAMAGA :
colinoscapee :
MEGAMAGA :

I see a lot of young Vietnamese gals going with old white guys.  They just want the passport.  They don't actually love you.  And sure it looks like crap.  Do you know why people stopped watching Fonzy on Happy Days?  No one wants to watch a 50-year-old guy picking up chicks.

The old guy with the young lady is laughing at the other old guy with the old,oversized wife.

Who laughs when she gets citizenship and dumps the geezer for a young stud?  That is how it always works.  There is no reason for a woman to go with a guy 25 years older than her unless its for the money and/or passport.

It sounds like you know squat. Maybe just trolling.

colinoscapee :
MEGAMAGA :
colinoscapee :


The old guy with the young lady is laughing at the other old guy with the old,oversized wife.

Who laughs when she gets citizenship and dumps the geezer for a young stud?  That is how it always works.  There is no reason for a woman to go with a guy 25 years older than her unless its for the money and/or passport.

It sounds like you know squat. Maybe just trolling.

He's just jealous because he has to settle for an old, oversized one.
:lol:

https://photos.google.com/u/0/search/_tra_/photo/AF1QipP9fUGsYJ9wDqjBzRWjTDDDgmwIAC7INLtIUEmm

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MEGAMAGA :

Come on guys.  Do you grandpas really think a young Asian girl will go with you for anything more than opportunity?  Be real.

Troll alert!!!!!

I wonder if its Jef again?

MEGAMAGA :

Come on guys.  Do you grandpas really think a young Asian girl will go with you for anything more than opportunity?  Be real.

Imagine, there are those who have been happily married for years.
And also imagine that not all women here want to go abroad.
This information will probably destroy your world view.  :o

Me & the new misus!!

[Post under review]

Moderated by Diksha last week
Reason : Political stances taken.
We invite you to read the forum code of conduct

Oh yeah, that 24-year-old gal is really in love with wrinkled skin, erectile dysfunction, and a receding hairline.

Well one guaranteed cure for an old guy with erectile dysfunction would be getting it off with a hot 24 year old Vietnamese I would think.

But hey MEGAMAGA I sort of agree with some of your posts & see where you are coming from.
Can I ask you to qualify your definition of young? is like 35 or 40 young in your opinion? cos I suspect any old grandpa with any sense is not gonna take up with a 24 year old but like this grandpa might just take up with a young 40 year old & both be quite happy. Bear in mind that a 40 year old Vietnamese lady probably been married with kids to a Vietnamese man & ditched is not exactly going to attract the cream of the crop Vietnamese bloke & live happy ever after that's 100% for sure. So the old grandpa Western foreigner who gives her a good life & security is a pretty good catch & for both I think its a contract...she gets what she wants in life & so does he & hopefully they live happy ever after.

unionjack :

Me & the new misus!!

I recommend reading this thread to learn how to add an image to a post here in the forum:

expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=725193

Spoiler Alert: If you scroll down on that page to MY answer, you will save time

(Some guy named ANDYPASSENGER posted a crazy method. He is now long gone, listed as "guest poster" so you can safely ignore him... 😁)

OceanBeach92107 :
unionjack :

Me & the new misus!!

I recommend reading this thread to learn how to add an image to a post here in the forum:

expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=725193

Spoiler Alert: If you scroll down on that page to MY answer, you will save time

(Some guy named ANDYPASSENGER posted a crazy method. He is now long gone, listed as "guest poster" so you can safely ignore him... 😁)

Ocean Beach, well call me mister stupid but I tried to follow your guidance & could not make anything of it to be honest!  So its just the written word for me on here from now on, what a carry on just to post a joke photo, wish I had not bothered now!

[Post under review]

MEGAMAGA :

40 is ok I guess.  Getting saggy there though and she will be looking 50 by next year.  White women age fast, Asian women stay young longer but age overnight when it comes.

Well, at least you call it as it is, a contract.

You have 2 choices:
1.  Go for a white woman who will take all your money, your property and leave you with nothing.
2.  Go for the Asian gal who will appreciate your money, stay with you but still milk you dry.

What a horrible cynical view of the world you have. Some of us love life and our much younger girlfriends who love us back.

MEGAMAGA :

Come on guys.  Do you grandpas really think a young Asian girl will go with you for anything more than opportunity?  Be real.

Absolutely, yes and I don't think it, I know it.

MEGAMAGA :

You have 2 choices:
1.  Go for a white woman who will take all your money, your property and leave you with nothing.
2.  Go for the Asian gal who will appreciate your money, stay with you but still milk you dry.

With your anxiety being ripped off by a woman, you will vegged out rich and alone.
I'd rather die poor and well pampered.

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