Does one ever stop feeling like an expat?

I lived in New York for three years and never felt like a foreigner. New York has someone from everywhere. Anyone can fit in if they want to.

I am now in North Carolina and feel like a foreigner every step I take. The locals are friendly, southern hospitality, but I will never be one of them.

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I lived in New York for three years and never felt like a foreigner. New York has someone from everywhere. Anyone can fit in if they want to.

I am now in North Carolina and feel like a foreigner every step I take. The locals are friendly, southern hospitality, but I will never be one of them.

Why??

hichamlegion wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I lived in New York for three years and never felt like a foreigner. New York has someone from everywhere. Anyone can fit in if they want to.

I am now in North Carolina and feel like a foreigner every step I take. The locals are friendly, southern hospitality, but I will never be one of them.

Why??

Why what?

Why did I live in New York?  I went to school. Why did I fit in? For reasons stated. Why am I in North Carolina? I am going to a different school. Why are the locals friendly? For reasons stated. Why will I never be one of them? I do not look, sound or act as they do. Unlike New York, North Carolina does not have one of each.

What is "feeling like an expat"?
I always felt at home when I stayed in a place for more than just a few months (the list is in my profile) - except in Japan and Thailand, where the locals made me feel that I am not one of them.

Build a wall and make your neighbors pay for it.

I must repeat what Beppi asked, What is "feeling like an expat"?

I also felt at home everywhere we lived.  Every time I bought the ingredients for the day's meal at the local market without having to point at the products, crossed the street without hesitant or fear for my life, and explained to the city's administration staff on the problem with my property tax/utility bills, I felt part of that community. 

In short, being able to read, write, speak, and understand the local language, being willing to participate in the local custom, tradition, and activities, those things have always given me the sense of belonging. 

Having Asian facial features can make me stand out in the everyday living in small towns Europe, but I sometimes stood out when we lived in small town America (I'm an American if not by birth).  Still, that never made me feel like an outsider (if "feeling like an expat" means feeling like I don't belong.)  How people look at me has never changed the way I see and feel about myself, or how I feel about my life in that locale.

Re: Anne-Lise's question "Can your host country become your home country?"  For me, yes. 

I was born and educated in Vietnam, lived 2/3 of my life in various US states, French Polynesia every summer for a few consecutive years, almost a decade in Italy, a good part of a year in Spain, and Vietnam again for now and the foreseeable future.  I was an expat in the US until it became my home country.  The residents of Mo'orea happily welcomed me back each year, telling me that was my home and they missed me when I left.  Then Italy became my home country.  Then Spain.  And now Vietnam, my home country by birth. 

Where exactly is/was my home country?  Where I lived day-in-day-out for a long period of time.  Where I gave my heart, if not whole, then a large part.  Where I made memories and treasured them.  Where I surrounded myself with people who loved me, cared about me, and I loved and cared for them in return.  Where I couldn't wait to get back to after a long trip.  And where I cried (and they cried) when I left for a long time.

That's my definition of home country.  I've had several of them, all but one started off as a host country.

Great post, Ciambella. Thanks!
This attitude (which I share) requires oneself to focus on what people have in common, rather than what differs, and see oneself as world citizen (or, better call it human) instead of any smaller (and less relevant) entity.

beppi wrote:

What is "feeling like an expatr"?
I always felt at home when I stayed in a place for more than just a few months (the list is in my profile) - except in Japan and Thailand, where the locals made me feel that I am not one of them.

I am curious about Japan. That is a country I have considered living in and wonder how they made you feel outside.

Ciambella wrote:

I must repeat what Beppi asked, What is "feeling like an expat"?

I also felt at home everywhere we lived.  Every time I bought the ingredients for the day's meal at the local market without having to point at the products, crossed the street without hesitant or fear for my life, and explained to the city's administration staff on the problem with my property tax/utility bills, I felt part of that community. 

In short, being able to read, write, speak, and understand the local language, being willing to participate in the local custom, tradition, and activities, those things have always given me the sense of belonging. 

Having Asian facial features can make me stand out in the everyday living in small towns Europe, but I sometimes stood out when we lived in small town America (I'm an American if not by birth).  Still, that never made me feel like an outsider (if "feeling like an expat" means feeling like I don't belong.)  How people look at me has never changed the way I see and feel about myself, or how I feel about my life in that locale.

Re: Anne-Lise's question "Can your host country become your home country?"  For me, yes. 

I was born and educated in Vietnam, lived 2/3 of my life in various US states, French Polynesia every summer for a few consecutive years, almost a decade in Italy, a good part of a year in Spain, and Vietnam again for now and the foreseeable future.  I was an expat in the US until it became my home country.  The residents of Mo'orea happily welcomed me back each year, telling me that was my home and they missed me when I left.  Then Italy became my home country.  Then Spain.  And now Vietnam, my home country by birth. 

Where exactly is/was my home country?  Where I lived day-in-day-out for a long period of time.  Where I gave my heart, if not whole, then a large part.  Where I made memories and treasured them.  Where I surrounded myself with people who loved me, cared about me, and I loved and cared for them in return.  Where I couldn't wait to get back to after a long trip.  And where I cried (and they cried) when I left for a long time.

That's my definition of home country.  I've had several of them, all but one started off as a host country.

That is beautiful. While my situation is completely different, and I most definitely have a home country that is not the United States, I appreciate your experience.

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I am curious about Japan. That is a country I have considered living in and wonder how they made you feel outside.

The Japanese, at least at the time I was there (which was in almost ancient times - I heard that they became somewhat more open since), had a strong sense of who belongs and who not. That is for example reflected in their word for foreigner: Gaijin literally is "outside person". They were always polite and friendly, but looked at me and treated me very differently from one of their own. I hate this and as a result mostly hanged around with the other foreigners in my student hostel (they kept Japanese and Gaijin students in separate hostels). Since these were predominantly from China, I developed an understanding for the Chinese mentality which continues until today: I went on to live in Chinese-dominated places for nearly 15 years and am now married to one of them (from the diaspora - most mainlanders are too brainwashed for my liking).

An interesting post.

I myself have always felt at home where ever I have lived even more so with my last move because I bought the property I am in. Living in a small market town is also good if you integrate into the community.

I have seen so many posts on social media, complaining. Mostly from Americans and Brits that they can't get this or that in the shops or if they can they are expensive, then there are the opening hours of the stores with limited grocery shops on a Sunday and no 24 hours stores. People seem to forget this is Austria, its not America or Great Britain its a completely different country, a different culture.

If you are not prepared to move to a new country with an open mind, I am guessing you will always feel an Expat or an Ausländer (foreigner).

I have been to Egypt, Lebanon, ksa, Uae, Vietnam ,Indonesia and Malaysia.The only countries that felt as I am in my homeland and i'm not foreigner were UAE
and Malaysia  in particular( in every where they respect you and treat you as you Malaysian person ) .and The rest have some kind of racism that I felt by

beppi wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I am curious about Japan. That is a country I have considered living in and wonder how they made you feel outside.

The Japanese, at least at the time I was there (which was in almost ancient times - I heard that they became somewhat more open since), had a strong sense of who belongs and who not. That is for example reflected in their word for foreigner: Gaijin literally is "outside person". They were always polite and friendly, but looked at me and treated me very differently from one of their own. I hate this and as a result mostly hanged around with the other foreigners in my student hostel (they kept Japanese and Gaijin students in separate hostels). Since these were predominantly from China, I developed an understanding for the Chinese mentality which continues until today: I went on to live in Chinese-dominated places for nearly 15 years and am now married to one of them (from the diaspora - most mainlanders are too brainwashed for my liking).

All of my experience with Chinese sounds like your experience with Japanese; polite and friendly but always aware of who is one of them and who is not.

SimCityAT wrote:

An interesting post.

I myself have always felt at home where ever I have lived even more so with my last move because I bought the property I am in. Living in a small market town is also good if you integrate into the community.

I have seen so many posts on social media, complaining. Mostly from Americans and Brits that they can't get this or that in the shops or if they can they are expensive, then there are the opening hours of the stores with limited grocery shops on a Sunday and no 24 hours stores. People seem to forget this is Austria, its not America or Great Britain its a completely different country, a different culture.

If you are not prepared to move to a new country with an open mind, I am guessing you will always feel an Expat or an Ausländer (foreigner).

I cannot keep count of how many Americans, in particular, who complained about shops in Israel closing at sunset on Fridays. They could not take five minutes to learn a little about the culture. The primary concern was that everything was not open 24h, especially on weekends.

Ironically, where I live now, North Carolina, there is only one grocery store open 24h. Everything else closes early on weekends.

"Can your host country become your home country?"
Well, it's a matter of definition. When your host country becomes your home country, you are an immigrant, not an "expat" any longer. Here in my Caribbean island, we have a strong "expat" community that is really an immigrant community. We don't really try to merge with the native ethnic Caymanians, because they don't particularly want us here. The total population is 66,000, of whom about 20,000 are native or half-native.

Gordon Barlow wrote:

"Can your host country become your home country?"
Well, it's a matter of definition. When your host country becomes your home country, you are an immigrant, not an "expat" any longer. Here in my Caribbean island, we have a strong "expat" community that is really an immigrant community. We don't really try to merge with the native ethnic Caymanians, because they don't particularly want us here. The total population is 66,000, of whom about 20,000 are native or half-native.

But then one has to define expat. Some expats live in a foreign country the rest of their lives but do not consider themselves immigrants. Some immigrants only stay for a short while. I am in school, so some would not consider me an expat, but I have lived here for years and will continue for at least a few years more. Some expats go home far sooner.

At what point is one an expat, immigrant or something else?

There is no clear definition of the words expat, immigrant, foreigner, stranger, etc.
In fact there are probably as many differing opinions on this as there are people claiming to know what the words mean. In addition, there's hardly any topic evoking more emotions than who belongs and who doesn't.
Instead of classifying what divides, I prefer to focus on what unifies us. I am member of the human race, freethinker and world citizen - nothing less!

Different people would have different experiences.   Adopting a lot of the local perspective and customs is one thing, becoming fluent in a local language another.  Missing aspects of living where you are from is something else altogether.  It seems like people adapt best when they have looser ties to where they are from, as much as related to addressing the other parts, picking up the new perspective.

We went on vacation once nearly two years ago to Russia, and it was the first time in awhile I'd been able to look like local people do, except for a visit back to the States a year before.  In an odd sense it was like blending in, but of course being on vacation it was only very superficial. 

Back in Thailand a month or so later I had a strange feeling that I wasn't really out of place, walking around a rural area I wasn't familiar with at all, even though I stand out like a sore thumb, and am not fluent in Thai.  It just felt normal.  That was after about 10 years in the country. I had adapted a good bit prior to that but the feeling of normalcy had never kicked in to that degree.  A lot of it seemed to relate to just setting aside what other people probably thought of me.  It just didn't matter.  Long before that I had noticed that the less I focused on that the less others did; a sort of "indexing" issue, that I stood out more or less depending on what I thought.

The theme that someone needs to or could completely integrate might just be an odd way to arrange preconceptions.  People only fit in within their own culture where they happen to have connections.  Even though of course they "get" the perspective they still experience their own gaps.

Khalida.UNC just wait a few years and the southern draw will sneak into your speaking. After lining in Texas and NC for a few years and go home for holiday, all kept saying that I had the southern draw.
Go into the Smoky Mountains and it is very different than eastern NC. Be sure and get some moonshine.

In a similar vein with this subject is another good thread titled "Has living abroad helped you become a better person?"

You can participate here:  Expat forum

Texanbrazil wrote:

Khalida.UNC just wait a few years and the southern draw will sneak into your speaking. After lining in Texas and NC for a few years and go home for holiday, all kept saying that I had the southern draw.
Go into the Smoky Mountains and it is very different than eastern NC. Be sure and get some moonshine.

I lived in New York for a few years and never picked up their habits. I still only cross the street when the light is green.

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I lived in New York for a few years and never picked up their habits. I still only cross the street when the light is green.

Well, there you go, Khalida. Being an expat has made you a better person!

No way to get around it when your ID is Registro Nacional para Estrangeiros.
Sure many know and like me, but still introduce me as from US or estrangerio. At first it was "gringo"., but after seeing them a few times it is americano now.
Bottom-line government has you labeled, so unless go full citizen. your an expat.

If you speak the language fluently, know the culture intimately and love it, and seldom or never make slighting comparisons to your country of origin, even in your own mind,  then yes, you've likely stopped feeling like an expat.  It probably feels pretty good. 
It's important to remember, though, that all of that is going on INSIDE YOUR HEAD:  to the people of the country where you live, nothing has changed, and you still probably are "a foreigner".
I have more examples than i can count, most of them funny.  Recently, I asked an Uber driver a question, and he turned to my husband and said, "what did he say?  I don't speak English."  My husband laughed and said, "But he asked you in Portuguese."  The driver said, "Oh!" and answered the question.  He understood, but he didn't expect to understand, so he didn't until he thought about it.
A fun part of expat life is "blending in", but it's well not to forget, in at least a little corner of our minds that we still often stand out.

Like any other former lifestyle, it just takes a little enthusiasm to dig deeper into living it up. Appreciate the opportunity to learn something new. Never shy to ask, be open to the environment and soon anywhere of the world is part of your home. I love being a world citizen and I lived to travel to experience the world. I'm not sure if this applies to everyone, but I made a point to leave a positive energy everywhere I go, so that if I ever return to the place again, it will be instantly familiar with myself and the locals. Bottom line, treat everyone important, and everyone will regard you as important, eventually they embrace you as much as you embrace them in return.

Challenges will always exist to help you become better.

Gordon Barlow wrote:

Khalida.UNC wrote:

I lived in New York for a few years and never picked up their habits. I still only cross the street when the light is green.

Well, there you go, Khalida. Being an expat has made you a better person!

People in New York rarely wait for traffic signals. If living in New York changed me, I would not follow the laws.

RIO DE JANEIRO, BAZIL - Brazil comes 61st out of 64 destinations in the Expat Insider 2019 survey, ranking among the ten worst destinations in the world for the fifth year in a row.

Expats are particularly worried about safety and security (64th out of 64), but also unhappy with family life abroad (35th out of 36).

Brazil offers poor results across the board, ranking in the bottom 10 for three out of the five indices, and safety and security remains a huge problem for expats.

Friendly locals are not enough to boost Brazil past the halfway mark: it ranks 37th . . .