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Going back to the UK without my soon 4 year old daughter

Last activity 06 July 2019 by Faryt187

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Faryt187

Hi,
I need to get some advice from who might relate to my situation. I have been living in South of France with my daughter’s dad and my daughter who will be turning 4 in September. We have been here for more than 2 years now but unfortunately our situation and my difficulty in adapting have just made me so lonely and unhappy, getting more and more depressed until it has taken toll on my health. Literally been sick every month and having a miscarriage last september. I have not been myself for a long time and it is more frustrating because i really have been trying but just finding it really hard. I did not realise how important it is to have the french language and without it i become very dependent or useless at most times. Especially finding opportunity to work. I have had good jobs before and plenty of opportunities specially living back in london tho expensive i knew how to get around and do things myself. I cannot already understand the french system but the bureaucracy and red tape on top of top, im completely lost. My our situation here in france has now taken a hit in my relationship currently living in the same house with my partner but living separately (i’m in the bedroom and he is in the living room) since january..we speak of only important things especially things that concerns our daughter other than that i just feel anger towards him and cannot even bare to look at him anymore. Even when he rants negativity around me i just try and block it. Its gotten worst when i have openly asked for help with my depression and somehow he managed to turned the conversation around as to he is the victim. Then everyone even his family seems to just distant themselves from me. So now i feel like everyone just turned their backs on me. I do not have any support system here in terms of family and friends but do have some of my daughters school friends mum that reaches out to me and offers emotional support which is really unexpected but im grateful for.. atleast im still being kept in check now and again to let me know that someone still cares. In july i will take my daughter on holiday with me to see my family and when we come back in september so she can start school again, i will leave for the UK because the longer i will stay here is i know the more damaging it will be for me and i would want to get better be better for my daughter. Her dad always goes crazy on the thought of me taking away or him losing his daughter. I have never done or said anything to make him think like this but he does eventho this is something i will never ever do to our daughter so its not a matter of question but he plays on this and uses it against me which i find really disgusting how can one think of such. To the point in some argument to threaten me that he will do everything so that our daughter cannot leave the country. This not only makes me sad but more angrier and frustrated too. Now i have this worries that what if one day he decides to do that im not in a position to fight my corner because i do not understand french first of all and he can manipulate the situation against me. I am hoping that he says this things because yes he is scared and say hurtful things but what if one day he acts on his thoughts. I need to find a way where my actions will not be used against me. Like leaving my daughter here to go back to france. My daughter have a british passport like me and i am dual filipino too so i have to register her birth certificate in philippines too. So in here that is her status besides having a french dad which i guess makes her automatically french if she chooses. So she have no documentation in french as of now. I cannot take her with me even if i want to because i know it will be a fight with her father and im not in a good position to do that either. I am trying to maintain what would have the least emotional effect on our daughter and my worries is that she is very in touched with her emotions the separation could be damaging to her. There is not much i can do in this situation but i would want to protect my rights as a mother moving forward going back to the UK. I dont want him to go to the police here after to say i have left and abandoned my daughter which they can put on records and use against me and have them rights to refuse me to see or be with my daughter. What can i do? I really need advice on this because im losing my head at the moment not knowing what to do. I do not want to lose my daughter but i cannot be here in France anymore either i just want to go back home.

Twista

If indeed your situation warrants a legal process, then it will be imperative to take an appointment in an association called La CIMADE. They can assist perfectly well in legal procedures. You should know that you have a right to Pro bono legal representation if you cannot afford a lawyer. Unfortunately many foreign women find themselves in the same situation as yours due to the fact that they don't quite understand the rights they have, and end up being very badly mistreated by their french husbands. Seek legal redress madam.

niceludovice

Hi, I'm sorry to hear that your undergoing through tough experience in your life I really feel for you. Where you about in France by the way as we are also in south of France Charente area in Passirac. I have two kids (5yrs old boy and 1.5yrs old girl). I know how difficult to lived in different place that we can't do anything . Althrought out my life I used to worked but here I find it difficult as I don't speak the language and what is worst most is I don't drive at all😟. I know I can't help you in legal way but if you need someone to chat with I'm just here😊

Faryt187

Thank you both for the reply, i really appreciate you taking the time to message. Just an update i have seen a pro bono lawyer in my local maison des droits and she adviced me to make an appointment to see her in her actual office so i did. She speaks english so its a big help for me. We had the chance to discuss further about my situation and i have felt bit more confident now eventho im still getting continuous bullying threats if snd when an argument arises from our text messages. Everything just seems to get lost in translation. As adviced i tried to keep my messaging to as minimal as possible and contact only when necessary so anything related to our daughter. Unless i want to apply for custody right away she couldn’t really help me much but referred me to do mediation instead to take things thru stages. Altho she did say to not leave without my daughter as this can be a problem for me after. But she did also mention that since my daughter is british and british born even with a french father the law that will be applied to her is European common law, so not sure how that differ. I am also thinking how will she be affected by brexit. I am planning for the mediation i have arranged on thursday to propose to the father as my compromise since i would have preferred to leave with ly daughter right away but because i want to protect her from how the seperation will affect her knowing that his father will not care for this just that he wants her yo stay with him period so i know he will be difficult, i will go to london without my daughter but she will spend her school holidays with me and from next school just before that she will then stay with me and it will be his turn to spend her school holidays with him. I just think this is fair and because she is only in maternelle that she will be fine to adapt with the change. This will be part of my proposal so unless he will be willing to compromise i worry that this can turn ugly and this im scared for my daughter. I am not even sure how the mediation process is and if my mediator will be able to do this in english. I am also due to go on holiday with my daughter to the philippines on the 23rd july until 1st sept so i just hope i wouldnt have any last minute problem that can hold us here.

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