Advice - Making Friends in Germany

I'm not sure if this is allowed here because I don't have a question. I have some advice for expats in Germany who say they can't find friends because Germans are cold and distant. I'm in several online expat communities, and this seems to be a very common theme.

Let me first say that I am a US-American living permanently in a small town in southwest Germany since 2012. My husband is German, and if you met him on the street he would be one of those above-mentioned. He is not out on a Saturday afternoon to make friends, and when he is in line at the supermarket he is not there to be friendly. I think many US-Americans miss the vacuous smiles of their compatriots, but you won't often find that in Germany. Germans smile when there's a reason to. But I digress…

Here's the thing: If you want to make friends in Germany, you need to be the active one. I have one piece of advice that every single person reading this can do easily no matter whether you live in a big city or a small village.

JOIN A VEREIN AND VOLUNTEER!!!

A Verein is a club, and there is a Verein for every possible interest under the sun (excepting underwater basket-weaving). What are you interested in? Photography? Chess? Any sport? Speaking English or Italian? Helping people with disabilities? Gardening? Cooking? Hunting? Hiking? Singing? Exchange programs? Search on your city's homepage for “Verein” and see which ones are officially registered. Contact the organizer and request to join. Ask if it's a problem that your German isn't very good yet. Join a Wandergruppe – you don't need to speak good German in order to walk/hike with a group of people.

In the US lifelong friendships can begin so mundanely as “You're from Germany? Cool! My neighbors have a German shepherd!” Connection established, friendship commences, and the next thing you know they're knocking on your door to borrow eggs and sugar. Germans tend to need time to decide if you are worth the effort, and this can take years. Do not expect instant friendships here.

When you become active in a Verein you are already spending time with people who have something in common with you. Show them you have something to contribute, that you will help and join in when & where you can.

And if one Verein turns out to be not your cup of tea, find a different one. There is sure to be a Verein out there for you. Even if you don't make friends fast enough for your taste, you will be involved in something that is good for you and/or helps the community - how can you go wrong?