GF and Extent of Her Family Involvement

Inkwell wrote:

Wow 30 people!

I had a similar instance (but not even close to as drastic) which also occured in Ormoc

So I met my girlfriend about a year ago, we met in person randomly, she was working at a mall in Cebu. So we meet and sort of hit it off and then we text back and forth for a couple of weeks. Finally we meet again and decide to go to Ormoc for a few days. What I didn't understand at first was this also included taking two friends from Cebu to Ormoc.

When we arrived in Ormoc, the first time I had dinner with her family at their house, it was great, but.... afterwords when we were about to leave I was informed that the father bought the Crab on a loan and didn't have any money to pay for the food. So I paid off what the father owed.

Then I also wanted to throw a party for my girlfriends mother (it was her birthday), my gf said I shouldn't spend a lot of money on it at first. Then, when the planning/preparation/day of event happened things started to cost more money then I was originally told it would (we ended up renting a jeep and going to this big swimming pool/hiking area by Albuera. It was still I great day and I am very happy the party happened!

On that trip I also paid for the two friends and their food/housing. Then when we got back to Cebu the two friends came with us to the next hotel and at that point I put my foot down sorta. The friends went out on the town that night but ended up outside the hotel at like 3am. I went down and gave them $20 and they found somewhere else to stay.

On the 2nd trip we stayed mainly in Ormoc and we found an apartment to rent for about $200 per month. Nothing crazy happened financially. I ended up buying each of her nieces and nephews Christmas Presents. I learned a lot about Christmas in Ormoc.

While I was back in the USA in January, February, and March her cousin (who is a "Freshman" in college, I don't really understand the Philippines High School/College System yet) also stayed in the apartment. A couple months ago when I sent money she gave money to her cousin to help her with her schooling instead of what I sent the money for. So we had a fight about that (not that I don't want to help with schooling, but that was not what the money was intended for).

Now I am currently on my 3rd trip here and we still have the apartment. And financially we are doing fine, my gf also has helped me with finding some Filipino workers.

Mainly what I am learning is that I will buy something and it will not work/break and my gf is not much into complaining (I think Filipinos in general do not complain, but the rule should be universal..... if you purchase something new.... the product should work!).

The list so far of things that have broke/do not work within a month or less of use.

Shower Heater (Citi installed, but it only worked sparingly, next they will hopefully replace with the "low pressure" version)
Electric Fan (Bought at Robinsons because I thought buying there would be better "quality" compared to The One or HM)
Electric Outlet/Extension cord (Bought at The One, worked for about 3 days before the wires sort of melted together)
Plastic Broom (Bought at Xnpansion sp?)

To some extent its Caveat emptor you need to be able to discern quality products when you see them and not be driven by price. Many Philos price is very important and Ormoc is a reasonably sized town/city which should enable you to get good quality items. I for one have been to and through Ormoc many times and I am quite familiar and where you shop makes a difference. Consider the new SM or Giasanos if they are still around avoid the marketplace unless you know the product. I do buy the cheap rubbish from time to time ie thongs or flip flops as I use them the duration of my stay and leave them behind.

thewoodenpotter wrote:

To some extent its Caveat emptor you need to be able to discern quality products when you see them and not be driven by price. Many Philos price is very important and Ormoc is a reasonably sized town/city which should enable you to get good quality items. I for one have been to and through Ormoc many times and I am quite familiar and where you shop makes a difference. Consider the new SM or Giasanos if they are still around avoid the marketplace unless you know the product. I do buy the cheap rubbish from time to time ie thongs or flip flops as I use them the duration of my stay and leave them behind.

Yeah thanks.
I am trying to learn. In general the customer service is great, but I really have no background/understanding of these Asian Brands... so it is tough!
I was thinking about possibly starting to purchase things online, but that seems like a challenge in terms of receiving the product.

Thanks for the replies.  I have not had any trouble since we spoke about her planning things and spending my funds to include her family.  It wasn't a bunch, but I could see a pattern and wanted to stop it from continuing.  I told her that she needed to ask before making plans with others that included me.  I have read that it is assumed that whomever is more affluent picks up the tab if in a restaurant, but not sure if that is the custom or BS.

Moonunit13,

When dating, I never cared too much about spending some money. What better could I spend it on ? Also, I am a gentleman, so I pick up the bill, with a smile.

For me, it's okay if she invites some friends and family. I like meeting them as it tells me a lot about her. I also understand what a big deal it is for the friends and family.

I didn't expose myself too much, and there are certain boundaries. If money was really all they cared for, I moved on quickly. 

I've lived in many countries around the world, and had some good and some bad experiences, but when I met a Philippina for the first time in my life, I fell in love head over heels. Beautiful, funny, well-educated. It took me a lot of time and effort to win her

That is another way to look at it. My concern was not discussing plans before putting things into action.

I had a similar experience with my now fiancee about 1.5 years ago.  My first meeting I was met at the Manila terminal 1 by not only the girl I met online, and had chatted with for 3 months, but her entire family in a van(10people)..
All was fine that night... they dropped her and I off at the hotel(very trusting I thought because I was 50, and she was 26)... anyways...(I did get a room with 2 beds, and that is how the first night was.. lol)  anyways... the next morning the family met us at the hotel in the rented van, and we went to breakfast..
The van driver came with also. And recommended a restaurant his friend owned(I found out after)... It felt a little weird because my new girlfriend kept saying "up to you" when we ordered... and it was a seafood place in Manila.... anyways... after everyone ate like kings... the 6000p bill was handed to me.  The funny part was I still had not exchanged money, so had no peso, they did not accept u.s. Bill's or credit cards... so they had to pay... I watched as her family all gathered basically all the money they had between them and paid it... luckily one had their rent money or I do not think they would have had enough....  I had a heart to heart chat after that, and it has never happened again.  My fiancee is the best thing that has happened to me.  She is stunningly beautiful, and takes AMAZING care of my every need, and she is freakishly frugal with money.  I do give her an allowance of 100 u.s. every 2 weeks, and basically most of it goes to family from what I see... but I am good with that.  I have on occassion treated for some family events, but most of the time, I just show up, and everything is done.  My fiancee has had a couple struggles becasue she is sooo sweet with others thinking she is rich because of me... and ask her for money.  She is learning however, and now demands interest from the small loans that she is asked for... lol...

Long story short... Yes... if your a foreigner, you are rich... that's all there is to it...  ohhh... and if you go shopping, I suggest letting your filipina shop, and you stay back a ways so you do not pay the foreigner price.

.... and ALWAYS control your own money.  She does not touch my money unless I say, although now I am looser since I know she is much more frugal than me, and never abuses it.

Slowly slowly like this post.

I quickly made a rule they can order anything on the menu but if it costs more than mine they pay the difference to stop the ordering and wasting most of it.
Worked wonders especially if I just ordered soup lol
My wife's mother came over to the UK she soon  realised we weren't rich by western standards especially when she knew or mortgage gas electric food etc etc
And that we saved every penny so we can visit the Philippines every year

That's an I interesting way to do it.  I treated the family(10) to Jolly bee on the way to a day beach trip where I rented a jeepnee for the day. And should have done this!  Lol... I ordered a normal meal deal, and did not monitor the orders of the rest. Got to the table and the food started coming.  Everyone else ordered 2 meal deals each, and ice cream... lol... it was still only like 2000 pesos so about 4 dollars each (40 bucks) but I was a bit surprised.
It is all about control.  If you take control when you know you are paying, or decide to treat... just control it, and it's all good.  This all happened last year.  I have since treated the family to Shakey's, and Jolly bees, and also dinner a couple of times, but now we ave the family just sit down, and me and my fiancee go up and order for all.  It's all good now.  I remember that first time at Jolly Bee, my fiancee recognized what happened right away, and leaned over and whispered in my ear "sorry. They ordered too much", we talked later, and came up with the simple plan to control it any time we go to dinner.  It's more fun in the Philippines!  Lol...

I am a retired accountant, allow my wife to handle the money.  I give her $1,000/month which pays for all of our expenses for the month except cable and internet.  She buys all the food, she pays for the trips, decides which family members come with us and who pays what.  The family only ever sees me pay for books and t-shirts.  $1,000 is a lot when there is no rent or mortgage, electric about $50/month, but any "emergencies" come out of that money.  We have been eating and traveling well, and after 6 months my bank account has grown just with SSA deposits.  My wife also gets a monthly SSA check, so she also has plenty of backup.

Here is the rule I am using:
I don't (or try not to) give charity just because a relative wants/need something.
Instead, my wife and I paid college tuition fees so they can have a better chance getting a better paying job. If the child is failing subjects, we advise to get a course he/she can complete otherwise we pull back on the money. There is no use wasting his/her time and my money.
I read from another member's entry that they look at him as a walking ATM.

How much is college tuition there per month?

"PISA" ....1st refer to the rating & then decide accordingly!

For a Philippine citizen, just under USD 1000 per semester at the University of Santo Tomas.
A private Catholic university in Manila.

University of Cebu is $5-600/sem.  San Carlos University in Cebu about $1000/sem. Plus books in both cases. My GF just finished up a 2 year IT certification program at UC. I also have two kids in private schools - roughly $1000/yr each, plus books and supplies. It is a great deal to give them a decent education, compared to the useless public schools.

Wow... pretty good... Alot different than my son at Oregon State University.   Luckily he is in scholarship, but normally it would be 50k per year for what he is given.

moonunit0103 wrote:

Hi,

After spending 6 weeks traveling with my GF through the Central Visayas, we go to Ormoc, Leyte, to visit her family.  I have been letting her handling my money and she keeps meticulous records for our travels, and assumed  she would be as frugal once home.

Her family is very nice, but it seems that everything we do, there are cousins and friends whom she invites, which is assumed I will pay for everything.  She had mentioned going to Kalanggaman Island, and instead of the two of us, 30 of her family joins us, with me paying for the boat and most of the food. I bit my lip, and tried to be a good sport. I mentioned to her that some things I would like not to do as a family, bit as a couple, as well as me wanting to know what plans are instead of having things spring on me.

A few days later, we visit Tacloban  for an overnight stay (assuming this would be a couples trip), and she later tells me a couple of her friends are meeting us for dinner, and at the end of the meal, I wound up footing the bill.

The next morning she said we were meeting another of her friends, and I told her no.  I drove back to Ormoc not sure what to say. Once I calmed down, I sat her down and told her that she needs to check with me first before assuming I will be paying for whatever she wants you do and treating her family and friends. I also reminded her that sometimes I would like to do some thing just as a couple. She apologized and started crying, but I think my point was taken.

Is this typical? Should I not let her have access to my money?  I am really hoping this will not be a pattern.

It is typical to a point. A lot of expats do experience that.Think about how you can set limits in the future and how you will talk to your GF about that.

I was thinking  the beginning  of the problem is when America had bases at Subic Bay and Clark. I can only guess how many service men (maybe hundreds of thousands) over a period of years. Think of the impact on a third world impoverish nation.

Put two & two together, this was the creation of the monster, thousands of horny guys, too much money, too much booze and too many hot sexy babes poor babes.

Now today the Australian Sex Tourist trade, thousands of Aussies on sex tours each year enjoying their bacchanal, no holding back, "get" while the going is good.

Now all these tales drift back to thousands of losers back home thinking with money they can buy love and have a hot young sex slave, just answer an ad on one of the many web sites.

Now for the women of the Philippines, they have been condition to get all they can from Expats or future Expats because these foreigners have money to throw around or at least from what they have seen or heard. This is one of the few options for them or get an education and become an overseas worker. For them they are between a rock and a hard place, with a foreigner possibly one of the few hopes.

Wellsfry wrote:

Wow... pretty good... Alot different than my son at Oregon State University.   Luckily he is in scholarship, but normally it would be 50k per year for what he is given.

Haha go Beavers! Great school, Corvallis.. I lived in West Linn for many years.

W9XR wrote:

I was thinking  the beginning  of the problem is when America had bases at Subic Bay and Clark. I can only guess how many service men (maybe hundreds of thousands) over a period of years. Think of the impact on a third world impoverish nation.

Put two & two together, this was the creation of the monster, thousands of horny guys, too much money, too much booze and too many hot sexy babes poor babes.

Now today the Australian Sex Tourist trade, thousands of Aussies on sex tours each year enjoying their bacchanal, no holding back, "get" while the going is good.

Now all these tales drift back to thousands of losers back home thinking with money they can buy love and have a hot young sex slave, just answer an ad on one of the many web sites.

Now for the women of the Philippines, they have been condition to get all they can from Expats or future Expats because these foreigners have money to throw around or at least from what they have seen or heard. This is one of the few options for them or get an education and become an overseas worker. For them they are between a rock and a hard place, with a foreigner possibly one of the few hopes.

I think you're right. The poor Filipinas mostly worship white guys. My GF had two older sisters marry Americans and she grew up wanting the same. And a mixed baby. They are almost racist about it, lol. But as you mention, it is one of the few options available if they want to get out of poverty. I don't blame them in the least. I just feel bad when guys take advantage of them.

W9XR wrote:

I was thinking  the beginning  of the problem is when America had bases at Subic Bay and Clark. I can only guess how many service men (maybe hundreds of thousands) over a period of years. Think of the impact on a third world impoverish nation.

Put two & two together, this was the creation of the monster, thousands of horny guys, too much money, too much booze and too many hot sexy babes poor babes.

Now today the Australian Sex Tourist trade, thousands of Aussies on sex tours each year enjoying their bacchanal, no holding back, "get" while the going is good.

Now all these tales drift back to thousands of losers back home thinking with money they can buy love and have a hot young sex slave, just answer an ad on one of the many web sites.

Now for the women of the Philippines, they have been condition to get all they can from Expats or future Expats because these foreigners have money to throw around or at least from what they have seen or heard. This is one of the few options for them or get an education and become an overseas worker. For them they are between a rock and a hard place, with a foreigner possibly one of the few hopes.

Sad as it is...Life in general was never meant to be fair/just to begin with!

W9XR

I agree with all  you said. Sex tourists need to be caned and then put back on the plane.

Philippine Destiny wrote:

W9XR

I agree with all  you said. Sex tourists need to be caned and then put back on the plane.

Philippines. Corporalpunishment is prohibited...Need to go to Singapore for that!

manwonder wrote:

Philippine Destiny wrote:

W9XR

I agree with all  you said. Sex tourists need to be caned and then put back on the plane.

Philippines. Corporalpunishment is prohibited...Need to go to Singapore for that!

I remember vaguely some kid vandalized several cars years ago and was caned. It was a media frenzy in the US.

Yup...Michael Peter Fay (born May 30, 1975), better known simply as Michael Fay, is an American citizen who was the subject of international attention in 1994 when he was sentenced to six strokes of the cane in Singapore for theft and vandalism at age 18.

Just wanted to reiterate to OP that what he is experiencing is not necessarily a negative.

Filipinos help each other. And there is sometimes an expectation for those who have more to help those who have less. Not always, but it seems that you are in that situation.

Just be patient and observant to take your time to discern what the nature of it is. You know where your limit is. You are a kind person and I know that you will be skillful in explaining your boundaries to your GF.

Michael Fay now Has A Beard And Is A Respectable Casino Manager.

@moonunit0103

@adriano69  It seems you didn't learn the rules of the game before you came to the Philippines, it's not the girl you have to impress it's her family, if you can't impress her family hen your a waste of time.

@adhe riano69

@Wellsfry

@adriano69 That sucks... Wow... But true... I am with my second filipina... for the last 2+ years... and I had the similar experience when I met my first filipina about 4 years ago... we met at the terminal in Manila... we... as in her and her family of 13 people all packed in a van... I was shocked... but rolled with it... they asked if I was hingry...and I said sure..  we can stop for a bite... well .. the driver(not part of family) said he knew a good place... and they all agreed... so again... I rolled with it... I was naive back then... anyways... turns out this driver got a kick back from the owner (friend) of the seafood restaurant... And when we arrived... my girlfriend said it was up to me to order... FOR EVERYONE... I was pretty shocked... lol ... anyways... 6000 pesos later ($120 bucks) ...  they then happily dropped us off at the hotel I had booked, and they drove back to their house... needless to say my ex girlfriend and I had a heart to heart to explain culture, and expectations... so from then on, I told her plans are never made or discussed with any family or friends unless I am part if it FIRST... so I have more control... yes I did more... did the boat to the island and purchased a big fish etc... but i figure as long as your not blindsided with surprises... and control it some... then really it isn't all that bad... you can be creative and get away pretty cheap really... just buy Food and let them cook...  my fiancee now is basically the same... same expectations, except we started on the right foot, and she honors me by asking first, discussing, THEN asking family, friends... etc...  and I have to say this... I was married for 28 years to an American woman... and the difference is AMAZING... I am treated like a king DAILY... and have seen zero change in the 113 weeks I have been with my fiancee... 

@adriano69

@adriano69  good riddance to bad rubbish she was a user

I met an honest woman in davao last week. She organised a meal for 30 of her family and friends. When i asked who was paying she sheepishly said i was. When I refused(but offered to pay for 10), she had her bags packed in an hour, the taxi was booked and she was heading home. When i said i would pay she said it was too late. She wrecked my holiday. She told me this on the first full day of the holiday. She showed no signs of this before the holiday although she did politely request me to book certain hotels before i got there.

- @adriano69

@coach53 I would have also... 10 pigs is like 50k... not cool...B-Bye 👋🏼