Insight on relationship

Hi, guys.
I'm portuguese, 29, and I have been in a relationship with a gorgeous filipina woman (33) since May last year. She works as a financial advisor at a reputable ensurance company operating in the Philippines (won't divulge it here for privacy reasons) which was proved after I sent her flowers sometime. She didn't know and she thanked me after with pictures.

Of course, I have had multiple videochats with her. Very shy. Has a gorgeous 8 year old. She never asked me for any money and she showed me a lot of pictures from when she visited Tokyo.

So, I think I pretty much covered all the bases here. The thing is, since New Year's, I couldn't get in touch with her until I decided to contact some colleagues of her. You know, I was worried about all the typhoons happening recently in the country.
She eventually messaged me saying she was very disappointed with me reaching out to other people and stuff and was even mad about it. But after we talked a bit she told me she was with her mother in the hospital and didn't know when she'd be back in Manila.

The thing is, she knew I was coming to visit her. I've been here about a week and a half. And this far she hasn't even gotten my messages on WhatsApp.

Now, with all this information, what do you make of it?
I want to believe the whole situation is just complicated somehow and there's nothing to worry about. But I need an outside perspective right now.
I mean, if it ended up being some scam wouldn't it make sense to be just the opposite, to show herself asap? I've heard about the ones that don't show themselves but they do ask for money, which really isn't the case.

Any fresh outside perspectives would be appreciated.

P.S: I kind of feel bad about exposing the situation on a forum. I feel like I'm somehow betraying her. But I'm going crazy thinking about this.

I feel for you.... Traveled half way around the world to meet the girl of your dreams and she doesn't even meet you at the airport...That would have been the end of it for me, unless we had planned to meet somewhere else....There's so many "Red Flags"....Her getting upset with you when you were worried about her.... Not telling you about her mother in the hospital.... And the end all... You're there and won't even return a text....
My only advice would be... Enjoy what time you have left on your vacation and do some sight seeing.... It's a beautiful country with lots to see and do....And who knows you may even meet someone new....
Chalk this up to a life lesson and move on....

Easy one to sort out.

Block then delete her on all media, then get out and enjoy your holiday with a serious bit of memory loss on one part of it.

Loads of lovely ladies in Asia, so ditch her.

There is no reason for her to refuse to communicate with you no matter what the problems could be with her mom.  Did she lose her job?  Doesn't she want you to meet her mom?  Makes everything she does or says suspect.  You need to move on, plenty to do and see in the Philippines without thinking about  this one woman.

mugtech :

There is no reason for her to refuse to communicate with you no matter what the problems could be with her mom.  Did she lose her job?  Doesn't she want you to meet her mom?

You forgot not wanting him to meet her husband - or I could just be suffering from an outbreak of suspiciouswomanfishingontheinternetformenwithcashitus.

Thanks for your insights on this. Though, you know... it's not that easy to "find someone new". I mean, it's a funny situation at best and she'll have serious explaining to do but the thing is I still like her very much.
And also, she doesn't seem to be that kind of woman at all.
I believe in good in people. And that they deserve a second chance.

But one thing is certain, meeting her while still here or not I won't be able to come to the Philippines in the near future so she'll have to go to me. And that's how you know how much someone is willing.

Also, it doesn't make sense that she'd have a husband she didn't want me to meet. By that line of thought I think the most common thing to so would be to ask me for money to be able to apend here. Which is really not the case.

But yeah, I thank you again for your insights. Let's see what the future will bring.

Not a scam, she was just probably with someone else for the past few weeks. Very common here. No way she would have avoided you for a month if she wasn't involved with someone else. And yes it happened to me early on.

Well, it's been a little over a week and a half. But still, I get what you're saying.
I don't want to believe any if this is true. But there's always that small bug in the back of my mind.
And that's why I just messaged her (whenever she actually gets it) breaking it off,, basically. Though, I left the door opened if she still thinks it's worthy but she'll actually have to include me in her life. And if that happens when I'm gone from the Philippines, if she wants to see me again she'll have to go to me, in Portugal.

Yeah, I know I'm being kinda soft but I just can't be all ruthless about this.
Let's see what happens. I certainly won't contact her again if she doesn't. I'm sad but that's how it's gotta be...

Anyway, thanks for your insights. This is something I deep down already knew that had to happen but I just didn't want to deal with it.

Well from my perspective. If the Filipina fancys you they tend to me heaven and earth to make sure they are there to meet you. If your still keen ring her company and ask to speak to here. The receptionist will recognise that your a foreigner and so would put you through to her asap. Now if that fails and or the receptionist isn't helpful etc, move on you haven giving it your best shot.

Hi. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
But I don't think I'll go that far. If she wanted to she'd have contacted me already. I mean, I guess there isn't a place that remote that you can't even send or receive one little message.

That's what it is for now. If she's still willing afterwards (and a good deal of explanation) that's yet to be seen.

It pains me to do so, but if I don't even if this continues it's just going to be more of the same. And I think a relationship, whoever it is with, should be a shared thing. Hence the name.

But I am still willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. We'll see...

taiko1989 :

Well, it's been a little over a week and a half. But still, I get what you're saying.
I don't want to believe any if this is true. But there's always that small bug in the back of my mind.
And that's why I just messaged her (whenever she actually gets it) breaking it off,, basically. Though, I left the door opened if she still thinks it's worthy but she'll actually have to include me in her life. And if that happens when I'm gone from the Philippines, if she wants to see me again she'll have to go to me, in Portugal.

She just ruined your attempt to meet her, costs plenty of your money for no results.  You really think she would try to come to Portugal as a tourist?  Using only her own money? At age 29 you have plenty of time to save more money for the future, move on to allow yourself the freedom to be single and young.  Free your mind.

She will never receive a Shengen visa... she is too young for that. Only old people can receive this visa as they dont work anymore, only tourism for them .

Yeah, I know what you mean. But that's her problem, not mine. But if she does take the effort (both financial and otherwise) of going then I think that must mean something, right?
And why not? If the requirements for a Schengen Visa are these https://touringbuddy.com/visa-requireme … -republic/
Then there doesn't seem to be anything special about it. I mean, if she can support herself in Japan she can certainly do it in Portugal.

But yeah, I'm not worried about that right now. I've known rejection and women playing men for some time. So I'm not that surprised. But I sure am, on the other hand, because I've come to look at her as my plus one in life.
And she could still be, who knows? Humans are imperfect creatures who sometimes make bad decisions.
But I'm also prepared for the opposite.

I guess there's no point in thinking any more about this. If she wants me, she'll have to come get me no matter where I am.

Amen to Mugtech. I am in Siquijor with my GF, an RN, and things could not be better. I made a point of not doing a video call in order to keep things from becoming emotional. She is single, never married, has her own money, and is very frugal with spending my money and is very attentive to me.

I chatted with other girls so that if one girl flakes out, I have several others to look up.  Fortunate for me, she was everything she claimed to be, and it has been like a honeymoon on our  A woman with kids from another man makes things complicated, unless she is a widow.

If I was in your shoes, get on DIA or FC and check out some local girls and meet face to face.  Hope you are able to salvage your trip.

Say Dude, their phones come attached to there hands when they are born here. They are texting while taking a dump.
If she wanted to get in touch she would. Move on, maybe she just changed her mind and doesn't want to tell you. Different ways of thinking here.

Yeah, I'll be sad but it will pass.
The thing about her kid I knew from way back so that's not really an issue, unless it would be in case of getting her to another country.

And this wasn't really intentional. It just happened. But yeah, this was an exception, because I don't plan on being on any more LDR's nor do I'm planning on moving to the Philippines.  (Only if it was to Japan hehe)

I feel for you Taiko an I’m sorry that you had to go through that but what everyone said above, is pretty spot on.
Girls here are a peso a dozen. Grab the Tinder app and get yourself several lined up before the day is even over. You’ll need several as a few prob will stand you up anyway. Hahaha
Seriously though, thousands of them here looking for foreigners. ;)

I feel sorry for you but I have just found out my girlfriend is also cheating on me and she is married with two kids. Over the last couple of months the amount of time she chats to me (I am in England and she Davao by the way) has decreased, she sends me the odd message but usually when she wants money and I made it clear to her on at least four occasions I will not send her money. I was willing to go retire over there, provide for her and her two children and settle down but I am not sending money when I am not there.

I am lucky because her sister is in a relationship with an Australian guy and we are in touch and he tells me she is out drinking a leaves the kids at home and I am also in touch with her good friend who lives in the same house and she tells me not to send money because it would only be spent on drink and clothes and not essentials like food and bills. Her friend even sent me a picture of my so called girlfriend and her bloke and says she has lots more. The only thing that puzzles me is why her friend has so many pictures of them together but it does seem like their relationship has cooled and it is her friend who ends up looking after her kids when she is out.

My luck with Filipino women is not good although I find it is easy to find them on facebook but most seem to want money.

Hey.
Yeah, that's bad.
I mean, did you send her money even once?
I think it's a bad sign when a woman (in any country, not just filipina) starts asking for money when you're not even that close yet, specially when uou haven't even met (that's what I got from your message, I could have gotten it wrong).
The one I'm talking about in the main post never asked me for money (I honestly kinda thought she would in the beginning but ahe never did). But at the first sign of someone asking me for money when we haven't even met and/or we're not that close is a no no for me.
I mean, I don't like to fight over money but it IS hard earned money, right?
About the kids, well as long as they're honest about having them it's anyone's decision if they're ready and/or they don't mind to adopt them as their own.

But the worst part is the lying part and having a husband even.

I can't be certain but I'd wager that although there are many cases where they're accomplices there must surely be many more where not even the husband knows of his evil wife's mischief...

But yeah, above all, there are exceptions yes, but generally the human females are wonderful beings. 😁

Hopefully we can avoid those evil doers as much as we can and find ourselves our goddess. 😁 (golden rule for me is no money, either one of us should be able to support himself/herself)

What happened was we got together on Facebook, exchanged messages for two or three months and I went to see her in Davao. My flight got in very late so she came to the hotel the next day with her cousin and sister and for the next 12 days we spent our time together, both the two of us and with her sisters, sisters boyfriend and cousins and had a great time. She stayed with me at the hotel a couple of nights and we went to Samal Island and stayed there overnight and had a lovely romantic time together.

The last night we went out, just the two of us and she sang love songs to me on the Karaoke machine and had a few drinks. She was very sweet and loving.

When I came home we were messaging every day telling each other how much we loved and missed each other and then I made a mistake and went to Tacloban to see another girl and I think there were a couple of photos of us together on Facebook that she may have seen. I later deleted them. That is when the relationship turned cold and she was messaging me even less but still sending me love hearts but she would not tell me she loved me,

Most of the time now she just asks for money and what her friend told me about her drinking and seeing another local adds up with what somebody else has been telling me. Yes I once sent her money and flowers but it was on her birthday and I have not done since.

Well, flowers on her birthday (and even if it wasn't) is pretty much okay, of course. But I wouldn't have sent money.
We portuguese say something along the lines of... one thing is being friends, another is business. Which basically means you really can't ever start mixing it. Because when you start adding money to the mix you are setting yourself up for failure. It will depend on the person, of course.

Of course, if you want to specifically test a person's reaction and subsequent behavior by adding money to the mix then yeah, be my guest. That's an excellent test. Otherwise, just don't do it...

And yeah, since you talk about it, it may well have been that the reason for her to turn cold, her seeing those pictures from you and that other woman (but then again, the reason might be completely different... you know... these are women we're talking about... lol).

But if you're still with her try to talk to her and set a breaking point on your relationship. If you can get things straight for the bith of you great... if not, well that's up to you what you want to do with that.

And yeah, I get that when you have a bird's eye view on the situation it's much easier to give your opinion. Harder when you're experiencing first hand (like my own situation).
Damn feelings, right? Lol

Cherryann01 :

then I made a mistake and went to Tacloban to see another girl and I think there were a couple of photos of us together on Facebook that she may have seen. I later deleted them. That is when the relationship turned cold and she was messaging me even less but still sending me love hearts but she would not tell me she loved me,

Well DUHHHHHH!!!!  Not to be judgmental but it would seem that you in fact destroyed that relationship. If the roles were reversed, would you bother being serious with her any more? doubtful. I certainly wouldn’t.
Who knows, maybe seeing another girl was what drove her over the edge and got her drinking to drown her sorrows and gave her an IDGAF attitude. Maybe not but, that definitely was not a good move on your part if she was in fact in love with you.

Yeh I agree that I shot myself in the foot (so to speak) but I think she has been going off the rails for a while now. She does not seem to care about her kids and just leaves her friend to look after them when she goes out. Her friend also tells me that she is distant and funny with her now.

Just another case of her having multiple lovers on the go. Pinays are flaky.

This is why you pipeline more than one girl in case one flakes on you.

Yeh I do have more than one girl on the go but if I am honest this lady is the one constantly on my mind and I am now thinking how her friend would have so many pictures of her and this other bloke on her phone especially when my girlfriend is married and her friend knows him.

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