Marrying Vietnamese woman

I am comfortable now going on a first date and get asked "what's my job and how much I make"

Hmmm been with the same Vietnamese lady for 22 years, all she knows about my job is I fix computers, as for "How much I make"  she could care less, as long as, as she says "we have enough, don't worry"............we have separate bank accounts, have life insurance policies on each other (really for the kids and they are adopted)  and are benificiearies of each others accounts.................Marraige is a partnership and thats how we live.

Back to the post, I sincerley wish his friend best of luck, but a lot of us here have seen it before, this man was smitten by a woman half his age, I don't see this lasting more than a few years, soon her family will be pressuring her for Motorcycles for everyone, houses on the family farm (if one exists) it can turn out to be a nickle and dime me to death existence.  I know, I have built three houses (not expensive mind you) for the family - wedding gifts and believe me, over 20 years I have been paid back in spades.  You marry an Asian, you marry the family and if you know that coming in, you have a chance.

GuestPoster69622 wrote:

no Andy , no baby , in general Vietnamese women are like that , whether she is from the bar or a village or student her goal is foreign boyfriend to spend on her money and relocate to another country , and she will make you spend money ...u

Blah, blah, blah.

What do you base this on? All the Village, bar, students you have known?

It's clear from this post that you never get out of your house, for if you did, you would see how wrong you are.
No need to answer; but just want you to know that your comments are ignorant at best and racist at worst.

@Ciambella, I sincerely appreciate you posting my thoughts on the subject matter because I respectfully disagree with oceanbeach's post.  I have tried with less words, but like I said, if others have not experienced others, they will have to learn the hard way.

However, I truly feel sorry for those who have not experienced a good VN woman.  For those who have, we know it, we have similar experiences and similar comments (e.g., my wife has never asked me how much I make, she could careless).  I will leave it with this as this sums up it nicely:

My VN wife is the most amazing, loving, caring, nurturing, respectful, honest and good hearted person I have ever met in my life.  My goal in life is to be like her because without a doubt, SHE MAKES ME A BETTER PERSON.

vndreamer wrote:

@Ciambella, I sincerely appreciate you posting my thoughts on the subject matter because I respectfully disagree with oceanbeach's post.  I have tried with less words, but like I said, if others have not experienced others, they will have to learn the hard way.

Why would you disagree with Oceanbeaches post? He essentially agrees with you - as does Ciambella. I'm guessing that you misunderstood his post.

Megalodon wrote:

Why would you disagree with Oceanbeaches post? He essentially agrees with you - as does Ciambella. I'm guessing that you misunderstood his post.

Not the impression I got from Ciambellla and it is possible you misunderstood her post, but I think Ciambella is best to answer your question.

vndreamer wrote:

Not the impression I got from Ciambellla and it is possible you misunderstood her post, but I think Ciambella is best to answer your question.

No, YOU misunderstood. His opening line was:

"It's getting really irritating listening to mostly men talking about why and how Vietnamese women fall in love and get married."

And MOST of those in this thread have not been kind to Vietnamese women. Oceanbeach was speaking out AGAINST this. You can choose to disagree, but the rest of his post goes on to make that assertion. Oceanbeach can clarify what he meant.

Megalodon wrote:

vndreamer wrote:

Not the impression I got from Ciambellla and it is possible you misunderstood her post, but I think Ciambella is best to answer your question.

No, YOU misunderstood. His opening line was:

"It's getting really irritating listening to mostly men talking about why and how Vietnamese women fall in love and get married."

And MOST of those in this thread have not been kind to Vietnamese women. Oceanbeach was speaking out AGAINST this. You can choose to disagree, but the rest of his post goes on to make that assertion. Oceanbeach can clarify what he meant.

You have a right to your opinions, but you do not speak for me nor do you have the intellect to be Nostradamus and to decide unilaterally what others understand or misunderstand.  I did not respond to his post (which i disagree with a lot, despite your opinion) because as usual, somebody on this thread thinks they are right and everybody else is wrong.  Have a nice day and please do not respond

I'm due to maeruy in January to a long term VN girl, and have to say all the negative comments are very harsh to say the least.

Yes you marry into the family, but have oi say they are all super supportive and always kind, caring, selfless.. Much better nhan any experience of an English girl I have had the experience of.

Suee I'm sure there are some bad ones out there.. But trust me find the rihht girl and she will care for and look after you no matter what

vndreamer wrote:

You have a right to your opinions, but you do not speak for me nor do you have the intellect to be Nostradamus and to decide unilaterally what others understand or misunderstand.  I did not respond to his post (which i disagree with a lot, despite your opinion) because as usual, somebody on this thread thinks they are right and everybody else is wrong.  Have a nice day and please do not respond

Sorry vndreamer, but we can only go by what people POST. And it is quite clear that Oceanbeach was indeed standing up for Vietnamese women. The fact that you cannot see that is sad.

Sorry, had to respond. If you don't want another response...  then YOU don't respond. Have a great day.

vndreamer wrote:

Megalodon wrote:

Why would you disagree with Oceanbeaches post? He essentially agrees with you - as does Ciambella. I'm guessing that you misunderstood his post.

Not the impression I got from Ciambellla and it is possible you misunderstood her post, but I think Ciambella is best to answer your question.

Wait.

You "respectfully disagree" with my post because of an "impression" you got from @Ciambella's post?

And, in order to find out what that impression is, we should ask @Ciambella, not you?

Your opinion definitely carries a lot of 'wait'...

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Wait.

You "respectfully disagree" with my post because of an "impression" you got from @Ciambella's post?

And, in order to find out what that impression is, we should ask @Ciambella, not you?

Your opinion definitely carries a lot of 'wait'...

Let's be clear.  I respectfully disagree with some things in your posts because (I personally disagree, irrespective of Ciambella's response.)  However, again, based on my impression of her response, I did not feel a need to respond as in my opinion, she did a fine job. 

Then what happened?  Someone questioned whether my understanding of Ciambella's post was either in agreement or disagreement with your post.  What was my response:

  "I think Ciambella is best to answer your question". 

Thus, I agree with you, it is not my place to answer and responded accordingly. 

With respect to my opinion, it is up to each individual to determine whether they agree or disagree and it has nothing to do with carrying a lot of 'wait'.  I joined this group in hopes of helping others who venture into the world of VN from relationships, to family matters, to visa issues, K-1 visas, marriages, economics etc. and I always try to qualify my comments as, "based on my experiences" as I know others will not have the same.

With all due respect, I sincerely hope this clears up any "misunderstandings" on this matter.  Merry Christmas,  and Happy New Year and to all a goodnight! 

..and (sadly) there is no emoji for a dog chasing it's tail...     

🐕🐾🐕.......😆

Woof woof....

Merry Christmas Bazza

and to all a good night  -  Peace.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_FOQ7-P30


From the 1970's  Dave Mason one of the best artists Britain sent our way.

Yogi007 wrote:

🐕🐾🐕.......😆

Woof woof....

Merry Bazza?

..I admit I don't have your adroit adaptivity,
yet barely imagine a bear going to the dogs...

You may fool a few, but we know the real deal...
   ..so, wot other skills do you have up yer sleeves..?

   ..or must we wait until the New Year..?
     It's Ok, we're used to the suspenders, it's just that
     our expectations are excessive.

      C'mon.  It's the festive season.   Time to be a caring bear..?        

          ..or else...     
.

[Post under review]

Maybe all he has to do is pay yes money lol I'm concerned for possible jail time for him for lying on the marriage application?

All women (and men) make you pay in a relationship.  It can take the form of money, time, emotions or all of the above.

If you can't fulfill those needs to land a western woman who doesn't care about money do not run to asia, be a US$30,000 millionaire and then complain about them not being like the woman back home.

Where all the billions of good asian women?  At home with the loving husband and family who speak their language and understand their culture and share their interests.  Or at a minimum, make efforts to.

videriant wrote:

All women (and men) make you pay in a relationship.  It can take the form of money, time, emotions or all of the above.

If you can't fulfill those needs to land a western woman who doesn't care about money do not run to asia, be a US$30,000 millionaire and then complain about them not being like the woman back home.

Where all the billions of good asian women?  At home with the loving husband and family who speak their language and understand their culture and share their interests.  Or at a minimum, make efforts to.

Well said.

However, the OP is about a man who isn't complaining.

From all accounts by the OP, he seems to be very happy with the situation.

It's his "friend" who has the problem, and she has many supporters here without anyone having heard his side of the story.

We have many Western forum posters who ARE happy and have NO complaints about their marriages or long-term relationships with Vietnamese women.

P.S.

It's helpful to quote the specific post to which you are replying. Thanks.

Faire wrote:

What happens if an American man (59) is already married in the USA but does not disclose this at the consulate in Vietnam when he married the New Vietnamese bride (25 yrs old and already pregnant by him before marriage). her family and she do not know of this oversight on his part. But I do because he is still married to me. What can be done . Will the Vietnamese justice ministry object to this major oversight in granting the marriage? Or will he have to divorce me first and then remarry or does he stay married despite already having a USA older wife?

I don't see how this is possible. To marry in Vietnam, you need certain paperwork - such as an affidavit of being single, divorce paperwork notarized and sealed by the state secretary of state...  and what they call a "certificate of no marriage." How could this guy marry someone without this paperwork? I can imagine getting around one or two of the documents, but not ALL of them concerning past marriage. What area of Vietnam was this supposed to have happened?

Bazza139 wrote:

..and (sadly) there is no emoji for a dog chasing it's tail...     

What about one for beating a dead horse?
:horse:

..not tonight: I have a headache...     

I am an Australian Migration agent. He may seek medical dna test to confirm either baby his or someone else. He doesn't need to sponsor here. He doesn't want her to be here in Australia.

sounds like your friend is seriously str5ange.

taking things backward, it startles me that you say he has no intention of bringing her to AU. that seems  very odd thing. so wtf is he doing if he not go there and she not come here? what does he want a Asian paramour? but he he decided to marry her (and that sounded an extremely sad and bizarre event). i think it too weird to be able to give any advice

Sounds like you found a good one. I know they are out there. A sweet girl approached me yesterday at the movies but the language barrier was too much. I could tell she was a nice girl. Just there with a girlfriend and seemed to be curious about me. Man, the language is hard.

Ciambella wrote:

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Perhaps the women will begin to speak up here, but I doubt it.

I've spoken up, not for myself since my marriage with a Westerner (English Canadian) took place in the States after I already became an American through and through, not just in language and citizenship but also in thoughts, manners, and view of life, after I became financial independent and didn't need a partner to help pay the mortgage or built a college fund for the children.

I've spoken up on behalf of my relatives, friends, and acquaintances, the hundreds of local Vietnamese women who over the decades have married Japanese, Australians, New Zealanders, Americans, Canadians, Germans, French, British, Italians, Dutch, and Spanish. 

Before their marriages, the women came from all walks of life -- poor, middle class, and upper middle class; high school education, college, and graduate degree; they were between the age of 19 and 50 at the time they wedded.  They married for security, for lust, for love, for companionship, and for their disdain of Vietnamese men.  They wanted to move overseas and they want to stay put in their hometowns.  In short, I know MANY, MANY, MANY different types of women who married foreigners, but they all had one thing in common:  they're all from good families and they all live their lives as good women. 

In plain words, they did not work in bars and lounges, did not have Tinder and OKCupid accounts, did not make friends with men online, did not address all foreigners by the familiar "anh" or by the first name no matter the age of the men.

Among those HUNDREDS of women, a great majority have stayed married to the same spouses, have contributed to the family income and happiness by either working outside of the house or stay at home taking care of their husbands and children.  Many of them do both.  The newlyweds among them have only been married for a couple years, the oldest couples were wedded in the '60s, and the rest are enjoying their 20 - 30 years of marriage.

Again, the number of happily married, faithfully married Vietnamese - foreigners I've known is in the hundreds, much higher than the number of all the bad relationships being told on this forum combined.

There are some posters here who boasted that they had many experiences with Vietnamese women and they're all liars, cheaters, adulterers, and gold diggers.  I would like to know where they found those women and what the age gap is between them and the women.

I'm sure there are YOUNG Vietnamese women who are out to catch foreigners with thick wallets, just as there are many American women who have been doing the same thing.  As a local director of the Miss USA Pageant during the '90s, I personally knew many beautiful women in Southern CA (not in the pageant business) whose entire adult lives were devoted to the goal of catching rich boyfriends and husbands. 

As of yesterday, Dec 10, there are 96,908,500 Vietnamese who live in Vietnam, with 979 male for every 1.000 female.  As the median age is 31, my quick estimation says there are at least 25,000,000 Vietnamese women of marriage age.  How many of them are participants of the kind of environment where they meet foreigners on daily basis?  I dare to say the percentage is very small, probably not worth to mention, but if you only expose yourself to those environments, then certainly those women are all you know.

Another thing to consider:  If the women you meet are 30 or 40 years younger than you, if there are barriers in your communication, if you do not share any interests, if the first and last thing you see in her is her youth, pretty face, and toned body, and if you can be absolutely honest with yourself to admit that the biggest thing you can bring into the relationship is not your wits but your bank account, then you will understand that she's doing the same thing to you as you're doing to her: you both are using one another.  You use her for what you cannot find in your home country at your age or circumstance (youth and beauty), and she uses you for what she cannot find in her country (security and better future.)

In short, in that party of two, you both are the bad guys.  No one puts a gun on your temple to make you open your wallet to some women who are in the same age group of your children at home.   No one puts you in a trance to make you believe that just from travelling across an ocean or two, you suddenly become slim, trim, handsome, debonair, 30 years younger, and the best catch in the market.  You're the same person here as when you were in your home country, so why do you act differently, then blame the bad outcome on another person, a woman whose job is to please foolish men?

I've spoken up before without good result, and I wouldn't have repeated myself if not for OceanBeach's comment above.  What I said before and what I'm saying now are not particularly wise or profound.  It's just plain common sense, folks. 

Women and men are the same all over the world.  We all want love and companionship.  We all want comfort, security, faithfulness, and respect.  Our birthplaces and nationalities do not make us good or bad.  Our finance circumstances do not make us good or bad.  It's our characters and self respect that do. So, do yourself a favour and hang out with the women who have good characters and self respect, and while you're at it, pick the ones who are quite a bit older than your offsprings, who wouldn't have any problems being seen as a step-parent.

After all, there are 25,000,000 women of marriage age out there, so why limit yourself to the handful whose top recommendation is the availability for sex at any given time?

Brilliant!

Well said as usual ciambella.

I whole heartedly agree with the above about the blanket characterization of Viet women. It sounds as tho he had had a brilliant experience with a Viet woman of fine character and a family that raised her as such. He's a lucky man. Yes there are many women in every country on the planet that are of suspect character but there are also many many that are beautiful insife and out. I met such a Viet woman thru friends and Viet family that had a hard time seeing a man such as myself unmarried - you know how they are. After several trips to VN and development of close relationships with several families - unbeknownst to me they began scouting for a suitable Viet women of that inside/outside beauty I refer to. In there network they found such a person. After several meetings between Viet families and an “interview” with a brother who already lived near me - it was agreed by the father and mother She would be allowed to “talk” to me - via internet. Very sporadic chats and I really just went along with it for my friends. Didn't expect anything to come of it. I was 48 she 28. After a time she just kind of showed up near me living with her brother - she'd gotten s student visa to take her MBA here. I didn't even know she was here until one day one of my matchmaker Viet friends told me - after several months she called me - I told her family I would watch over her and guide her while in the US. It didn't take ling before I discovered she had a heart and character as pure as freshly driven snow. She was after nothing - nothing at all. She had never even been out on a date - ever. I was the first man she'd ever really been exposed to. I realized what and who she was and felt a moral and spiritual obligation to treat her with purity and as the delicate blossoming flower she was. I did so - but foolishly waited 5 years before asking her to marry me. Her family accepted me with open arms. We first married here at a dry courthouse before a judge. Purpose was to ensure everything was legal and she would have no trouble getting back in the US after we then had the big ceremony at the church in Saigon and a very big, festive wedding party for all her family and friends at the Saigon Hotel - five star everything was official. We love each other mire today than even back then. It's been 20 years since we met and coming up on 16 years of marriage. Her character is impeccable and her beauty remains pure and true inside and out. I'm an extraordinarily fortunate man.

Seek true character and inside beauty and you will find it in a proper Viet woman - seek what so many describe them as on this forum and you're sure to find that as well. It requires patience and sacrifice on your part - but I assure you a proper Viet woman can be the most beautiful flower in the world - and they're out there.