Dating a Vietnamese girl

Replacement vs. responsibility & respect: the Viet woman wins...     

tunnelrat69 wrote:

I had already had a Vasectomy before I met my Viet Lady, after 16 years together, no kids, she asked if it would be okay to adopt two neighbor kids, at that time 4 & 5 yo.  I said sure, but you didn't have to ask me, she immediately gave me 'the look'  (you know the look??) "Yes, I am supposed to ask you, you're going to be the Papa!!"   That is the respect they show without a second thought.
They are now 10 & 11 and I could;t be happier, they changed my life.

Best post in these "Vietnamese Girl" threads!

Congratulations!

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

tunnelrat69 wrote:

I had already had a Vasectomy before I met my Viet Lady, after 16 years together, no kids, she asked if it would be okay to adopt two neighbor kids, at that time 4 & 5 yo.  I said sure, but you didn't have to ask me, she immediately gave me 'the look'  (you know the look??) "Yes, I am supposed to ask you, you're going to be the Papa!!"   That is the respect they show without a second thought.
They are now 10 & 11 and I could;t be happier, they changed my life.

Best post in these "Vietnamese Girl" threads!

Congratulations!

I too have mentioned the same thing to my wife. Seeing as there are so many orphans in Viet Nam, I feel it to be a good decision in so many ways.

(you know the look??)   So true, but thanks for the laugh, almost choked on my coffee.  I would have it no other way.  The respect in our marriage is off the charts.

Dear  Male whom dating Vietnamese girl. If you are not success in your relationahip not because where you meet her or whats she does. Have you ever question yourself what and why you with her. Myself also never success in relationship, maybe there is wrong from very beginning as we start as we drunk and we easy with each other.,maybe,..bla..bla.,!!!

hoang1983 wrote:

Dear  Male whom dating Vietnamese girl. If you are not success in your relationahip not because where you meet her or whats she does. Have you ever question yourself what and why you with her. Myself also never success in relationship, maybe there is wrong from very beginning as we start as we drunk and we easy with each other.,maybe,..bla..bla.,!!!

Could we just copy and paste this answer every time one of these threads begins?

Love it! 

Hopefully all will be OK with her as it sounds like you've done some wise checking.  But, I have witnessed that some paranoia has saved many a man's butt.

OceanBeach92107 is an expert on Vietnamese women. He does not like to hear the opinions of those who have already unpacked their suitcases, moved out of a hotel and have a place to live, and are not single men, and have been here more than a year.
But there is a ton to be learned about Vietnamese women. This happens to one of the most frequent topcs on this forum. So keep asking and ignore those who have never had any experience with VNese women.

Clearly, OceanBeach is an expert as you say...
We have just celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary and have a 9 year old son.
We have spent many years traveling to and from Vietnam and now live happily in Saigon.
I think we understand most things pretty well now!
Mike

Except for the knowledge that,

a) the (mostly young) woman look for a breadwinner because she has to take care of the children and also her parents when they are old (as there is no pension scheme).
and
b) you not only marry the woman but also her family,

there is no difference regarding money between Asian and Western women in my opinion.

Therefore the discussion about "Understanding Viatnamese Women" is ridiculous.

What is important is that you can read the behaviour and signals of each person and nothing else.
When I see in my home country or in Thailand the annoyed and bored young sexy Thai women next to their old, washed-up men, it doesn't surprise me if this can't go well for long. But the men don't see that themselves because they are rather busy with their macho ego to present their young, sexy Thai trophies.
I'm sure with a down-to-earth (and maybe not so sexy) woman it looks completely different.

And I can also tell you, I had an old friend in my home country who caught his wife with the neighbour and the court adjudgeed her (with the 2 children) the condominium and the VW Touareg while he had to move into a small 1-room apartment.

So stop talking about a phenomenon (Vietnamese women are only out for the money) which doesn't even exist.

I'm not saying that our marriage must last forever, but I can say for sure, that if the marriage fails, then because of me, it's because I didn't treat her the way I should, or because I didn't read her signals properly.

vndreamer wrote:

Ik68 wrote:

It doesn't matter what she did in the past because it's in the past. Forget it.
Learn and accept the vast amount of cultural differences because even a small thing will have you wondering why she isn't picking up or responding to a text and it could be an anniversary of a dead relative or something.
Know your place in her world too, you are 5th in line remember that. Family, money, friends, work then you.

Ok mate, I am going to give you my opinion based on my experiences, both gold diggers and good girls,  in VN and each point above in your posts are red flags and here is why:

1.  Her past, forget it?  Wrong, it is extremely important to understand her past.  First, because for her, you knowing her past is extremely important that you know who she is and what she has done.  Example, my wife had 1 bf in her life before she met me.  I knew about him and everything from the beginning.  Second, to this day, she still tells me that she is sorry that she had 1 bf before me and it hurts her that we did not meet earlier.  Fourth, she is definitely going to want to know your past, even if she does not ask and will ask you to forget all of it and devote yourself to her 100%.  You need to understand how serious marriage and love is in VN with both types of women as even the gold diggers look for real love, but usually are to focused on money. 

2. Not worry about small things like not picking up or respond to a tex and it could be an anniversary of a dead relative or something?  Again, VN women who are serious will respond to your call and text faster than flash gordan, even if there is an anniversary or something similar.  Example, when my father in law passed away and we were just BF and GF, I was in the USA but you better believe, I participated in all the formal ceremonies related to his passing via live video.  A good VN woman will share everything with you and let you know where she is, who she is with, what she is doing and will even ask your permission before she does just about anything, especially if she thinks it might hurt you.  I ask you to test her, tell her she did not text you after you texted her and watch her go crazy and send you screen shots of her text to you.  Trust me, it works well.   In addit ion, even one of the gold diggers i met warmed up to me after I asked her why she did not text me right away or soon after my text, she stated "i like you, but just that, if I really loved you and was serious, of course I would text you right away and be in constant contact with you".  Bottom line, a VN woman will be in constant contact with you 24/7.  As i say, VN GF's are like possessive GF's on steroids.

3.  Know your place, you are 5th in line?  Dude, you better get out of that relationship ASAP because that is not normal for a VN woman in love/married.  You better do some homework.  When it comes to love, marriage and your family with her, YOU are #1, no exception.  You come before her VN family, work, extended family etc.  Of course her VN family is important, but you are #1.  Once she marries, you are her husband and she will devote her life to you to make you happy.  She will share all family secrets and listen to you first.  If you do not get that from your wife, there is a big problem.

I wish you the best of luck mate, but based on your posts, I would have serious doubts.

Wait a second, VNDreamer, clearly we are married to the same woman. But how come I've never seen you in our house!

Vietnamese girls are so interesting girl but you should know her more. Time will come she will be inlove to you.