I need advice 😞

Surely it will be so wrong when you ask him to do it but to be so sure of his honest, you can ask him to come for your home there and get your marriage in your country then you can move with him to Egypt in peace and happiness.

No it's not wrong to expect he move out. Additionally divorce in Egypt is not hard though sometimes can get you expensive. So is he purposing an Islamic marriage to you or he will legally divorce his wife?

He will legally divorce his wife by the time I travel to him...
It is already in process with his lawyer in secret I spoke to his lawyer on video he advised me what documents I need from my country to marry him...
I can't get my head around why a secret divorce is this normal in Egypt?

Nothing in Egypt named a secret divorce !!!!!
If you can't see clear,
I think, he not honest with you

He said the divorce needs to be done in secret like kept from his cousin/wife for us to be married then his divorce will be finalised...

It isn't right,
Here in Egypt any man can get his divorce directly , no need for lawyer, also, he can't divorce her in secret ever, because they divorcing as the marriage must be in public

Really...
Why would he tell me this?
Now I am getting worried?
Would there be any reason for why he would want this to be kept secret?
Please I need to know.... ☹

Yes just think about it,  there are children involved it is not a secret and cannot be kept a secret for him to even say that sounds ridiculous.  And as I said being an Islamic country it is very easy for a man to divorce there the only thing that could impact is his financial obligations so it could get expensive but a divorce is not a hard thing.

Yes, her opinion is so right, you must think carefully and don't rush your engagement with him, be sure from every step you will make it.

I thank you both for your honesty, it's hard to hear that he's told me something that's untrue..
Why? I don't know or if I'll ever know....
I'm so glad I wrote on this tonight as it's been playing over continually in my mind for a month now...
Maybe it's not meant to be, hurt me with the truth but never with a lie... ☹

It's bad to hear abt divorcing when there are 4 children involved..I know u may say the matter of marriage is live but no dear, there are a lot of other things besides
U explained the issue from ur point and by the way u understand it, I think there is something missing
I assumed he from village or something and the lawyer is involved because of may be money or legacy u have to know and understand all the situation I'm not on his side but I just assuming
U been with him since a long time and still u don't trust him, this is the point that must stopped u, if there is no truoon a relationship the how can u be with him... Think abt that

Manal Essa wrote:

It's bad to hear abt divorcing when there are 4 children involved..I know u may say the matter of marriage is live but no dear, there are a lot of other things besides
U explained the issue from ur point and by the way u understand it, I think there is something missing
I assumed he from village or something and the lawyer is involved because of may be money or legacy u have to know and understand all the situation I'm not on his side but I just assuming
U been with him since a long time and still u don't trust him, this is the point that must stopped u, if there is no truoon a relationship the how can u be with him... Think abt that

I was on my mobile and on street so I mistaken a lot of words


"It's bad to hear abt divorcing when there are 4 children involved..I know u may say the matter of marriage is love but no dear, there are a lot of other things besides
U explained the issue from ur point and by the way u understand it, I think there is something missing
I assumed he from village or something "which means that they have there own traditions" and the lawyer is involved because of may be money or legacy u have to know and understand all the situation I'm not on his side but I just assuming
U been with him since a long time and still u don't trust him, this is the point that must stopped u, if there is no trust in a relationship then how can u be with him... Think abt that"

I advice you not to come here. First of all, he tells you that divorce is pretty hard, this is the first lie. Divorce is pretty easy for men. They can just say to their wives that you are divorced and she will just leave home.

Plus how can you trust someone who wants to leave his wife for someone he knew over the internet. How can you be sure he doesn't know anyone else online.

I saw lots of stories like this and they ended in nightmares believe me. He wants you to come here because it is his country and he will do whatever he wants to you

We chat some days up to 12hrs a day on video, when he worked away his wife went to lawyer and took everything from him his properties and his land...
They do not speak in the home nor share anything, he wants out of his marriage so much..
He said he asked his God to send him love and 90 days later I come into his life he believes this is a true blessing and looks at me as his wife, he does the most amazing and craziest things for me to make me feel loved he calls me his queen...
I really do love him so much, when you chat with someone so long each day you can fall in love I know I did...
He's my everything I yearn for him when we aren't together and he does the same, he wouldn't have anytime to chat online to other girls as I know his time is my time...
I would love if he left his cousin as her temper is bad and tries to get his attention or reaction by being sore on his girls she only does this when he is at home I've seen it by my own eyes...
It's best for everyone if he moved out, as he does everything for his children makes breakfast makes school lunches drives them to school opens his shop and works all day right through to 10 o'clock Egyptian time...
He even closes the shop to go make his children dinner then most times his children sit with him in his shop, as the mother doesn't seem to do much...
He told me to come to Egypt or if I didn't he would do anything to try make his way to me, we all know how hard it is to leave Egypt, I wanted to marry him to bring him home and start our life together he tells me to trust him and I do in most things just unsure and confused about a couple of things, like the divorce, why can't he move out?
I love him so much and rips me apart knowing he returns to the family home each night...

Hello Tania ,

His divorce case ends up wife taking all but also 40 % in total of his income. Being with children also is a weight !! . But not too much if he will be in west Europe working and living with you, 300£ will cover his weight up ! .
For that to happen within the shortest time , you should be supporting his relocation process and that will cost a lot but will happen at the end .
So as an advice you either wish him luck and support him as a friend but without involvement. Or become his girlfriend and lover till he gets nuts 😊 ! Cause he will be thinking all day all the way.
You can also widen your online communication and fall in love again with more suitable imagination and easier chances .But if you really feel ,that he is the one and I don't think so from an earth citizen  point of view , then make a plan and go for it . It's a 7 months process and he will be calling you my queen face to face in Ireland. 
Good luck !! 😊

Thank you for your message.. 🙂
What takes a 7 month process?

Hello Tanya ,

Getting divorced here in Egypt specially for men is a piece of cake   as they got the control to divorce   or to stay , the problem always with the wife which needs to go to courts if she wants a divorce and  the man does not want it . You have to consider that he got 4 children , Are they going to live with their mom or with him ? And let me remind you with something Here in Egypt Dads and moms are strictly attached to their children , what i mean  Outside Egypt , Children after 16 years , they can live alone without their parents , in contrary here in Egypt am 24 years old am still living with my parents at the same house .So if he promises you that he would leave them for their mother , He would  leave you at any time am just saying for your own good .

Look the man has children and a wife if this same scenario was happening in Ireland would you be encouraging him to leave his family? If the answer is yes then that says a lot about you

For a start in Ireland we don't have arranged marriages especially to our birth cousins, this man has left the family home but the family president insisted he return home asap, this is long before I came on the scene so I'd appreciate you not referring me as a home wrecker, I believe he is my soulmate and I will do anything to bring him home with me so we can start a life...His wife/cousin knows about me his daughters and I chat most days, we will always return to Egypt as family is very important...
I suppose you need to be in love to understand our position other than that you've got no idea...

Just make sure he loves you well and he is honest about that . Because if he is going to leave his 4 kids  it is kinda weird and suspicious . sneaky words and actions u will see it as everything  good at the first but after all everything appears

Thank you,
I do trust him he's a very well respected man in his city with good education...
We chat from morning to night he's a good man not just anyone, his grandfather was a very special man with powerful healing gifts that people would have travelled to see him...
I'm blessed that these gifts have been passed to him his grandson he sees our future together he's stuck in limbo and so am I...
His family are all well educated most are teachers and he has his own buisness...
It's just not some random man looking for a visa it was my idea to get married so we could be together quickly, he wanted to come here to study at university but that could take months...
I can't wait that long as I feel he is apart of my soul...It's a love story that is hard to make real...

Just so we are clear this is a public forum that you have posted on asking for advice that was my advice you will have to take the good and bad I'm afraid

Just out of interest you state he is a good man and your soalmate... and all is good? Why then would you invite the opinions of random strangers on the net


That said all the best with your new life....

Don't let your feelings lead you to make the biggest mistake of your life. I seen foreign women that came to Egypt and got married. Marriage turned out to be fake and the house she bought is gone. Here in Egypt there is a lot of fraud so be careful of what you do. If you are serious about him then you have to come to Egypt and date him here for a year and make sure you ask everyone that lives near him about him and his family when you are here.

25Knots....
Sure everyone can give their opinion and their advice that I appreciate, but comments from you, I find your comment unfair I'm not a home wrecker and nowhere  near it, you don't know my full situation nor his...
I'm sure it's easy for you to judge people but sure that's typical in today's world...

I wish you well in your life too...

Thank you and I have taken your advice on board...

Hi Tanya,

I feel very sorry for you.

Your situation sounds difficult, and I hope you can find a way out of the mess you're in.

Without wishing to criticize or judge, I'll just make a few comments that may offer some alternative perspectives:

1.) You say this man is your "sole mate" and I understand how strong that feeling can be. The reason I understand this feeling is that I've felt it for about five or six different women over the years. Each time, I was ready to lay down my life to make the relationship work, etc. And each time I felt I could never be closer to another human being, because the sense of love was so strong. And each time I was devastated when it failed. Erm... which makes me feel that this sense of someone being your "soul mate" is not really a reliable basis on which to make decisions. You may have the same feeling several times in your life for several people. It just depends how close you feel at the time. The "soul mate" experience can be repeated again and again and again... This may seem ridiculous to you now, but in the cold light of day, you'll see that it's true.

2.) On a related note, you said: "I feel he is a part of my soul...". Well, yes, I've had that too. And I've had (several times) the feeling that to lose such and such person would be to lose a part of my soul. It was like losing a chunk of my heart. And so I suffered the loss... and six months later, I noticed that I was feeling fine. Totally over it. Then, a year or two down the line, a new "soul mate" would come along. Maybe it's sick and wrong and strange, but that's how romantic feelings work. We're totally in their grip... until it all goes wrong, and then we're free. When we look back, it's hard to recall just exactly why we felt so strongly. The pain in our heart has gone, and we're totally back to normal.

3.) Even our "soul mates" can be selfish. Worse still, we can become the victims of their selfishness. We often regard intense love affairs as something sacred, and we worship our romantic partners as if they were saints. However, they are not saints. They are normal human beings. Which means that, even in the depths of their love, a part of them is selfish. Some portion of their motivation remains selfish, seeking to get something for themselves, even if they seem devoted to our happiness. We need to consider every possible angle, always on the lookout for those selfish motives. Aside from love, what else is this person after? Is it a visa? A passport? Some financial assistance? Some free sex outside of their marriage? A fling with a foreigner? A chance to move to a wealthy country? The excitement of a secret love affair? The risk and danger of cheating on one's wife/husband? Aside from romantic love, what do they want? And if they want any or all of the above, how pure is their love? The answer is "not very pure at all". I remember falling desperately in love with a woman and spending heaps of cash on her, buying her gifts and even considering moving in with her, helping to pay the mortgage and raising her son. (She had actually suggested I might be useful in this regard.) A few weeks later, she told me that she had only dated me in order to see if she still had what it takes to get a random man into the sack. She then asked my advice on how to catch a man with more money... Remember, the selfish motives are always just under the surface. And you may not find out before it's too late. Never forget this.

4.) Even our "soul mates" can tell lies and cheat on us. That's right, even those who are apparently "part of my soul", as you put it. Consider what proportion of people have cheated on their spouses, at least in the West. It's a very high proportion, isn't it? Within my own extended family, there are more marriages that have involved infidelity than not. My own parents, my aunts and uncles, all of my grandparents, my cousins, several of my friends... pretty much everyone, in fact. It's soooooo common for people to cheat on their partners. And that includes situations where one or both person feels their partner is their "soul mate". Actually, it's very, very common for people to regard their partner as their soul mate right up to the point that they find them screwing another person behind their back. It's really very, very common. I've seen it with my own eyes. And so, while you may be convinced of his love at the moment, you can't be sure that he will be faithful. Ask yourself a few questions. How do I know that he hasn't done this before with a foreign woman? How can I be sure that I'm the first person come out to Egypt on the basis of a promise, providing a few weeks of free sex, before getting back on the plane when it "doesn't work out"? If this current situation doesn't work, how do I know that he won't replace me with another woman within a few months, calling her "my queen", etc., and inviting her out for a holiday? If he's willing to leave his wife and kids for me, how can I be sure that he won't do the same to me at some future point? Once he's got the visa and a new nationality, how can I be sure that he won't keep a girlfriend in Egypt behind my back? How do I know that he doesn't already have another girlfriend in Egypt? What makes this guy so reliable? Being a teacher or a businessman does not make someone honest. Being middle-class and polite does not make someone faithful. And even is he seems honest and sincere, what guarantee do I have that he won't get bored with me five years from now and start some secret love affair with another woman, whispering into the microphone while I'm fast asleep? Yes, even our so-called "soul mates" may let us down. In my experience, cheating is the norm.

5.) Talk to foreign women who have had failed marriages to Egyptian men, and ask them what went wrong. In particular, speak with women who were lied to or cheated on, and find out what the tell-tale signs might be. For example. how about those "little white lies" that suggest there is some secretive plan going on? And ask what their partner got out of it in the end: visa, money, a new citizenship, a new start abroad, lots of extra-marital sex and the thrill of romance. Did these women feel they'd been naive? Did they feel (looking back) that they should have know their Egyptian partner had these selfish motives all along? Do they feel they should have been more aware of the lies and secrets? What do these women advise? Personally, I've never had a relationship with an Egyptian person, but I've known several foreigners who have taken that route. Some have wound up losing tens of thousands of dollars, as well properties, etc. Others have lost all their possessions, as well as having abortions, etc. I know at least one hotel in downtown Cairo that was bought by a foreign woman for her Egyptian husband, and when they split up, she had to leave the country, while he got the hotel. Very nice for him; not so nice for her. And I'm sure he used to call her "my queen" or something similar at the start. One of my friends, bought two flats and a car for his Egyptian girlfriend, who became his wife. She also bought lots of gold with his money. They he found she was cheating on him with an American dude. She'd also had an abortion and not told him about it. He was desperately in love with her... until he found out about the other man. My friend left that marriage having lost about 50,000 euros. I knew a Japanese woman who was "taken under the wing" of a kind and protective Egyptian man. He got her pregnant early on and pressured her to get married. She didn't want to get married young, so she went home and had an abortion. While she was out of the country, the Egyptian boyfriend stole all her belongings, including her laptop and all her college books and research. I suppose he sold the laptop. I recall that he was very kind and protective at the start; by the end of the relationship, she was basically having a mental breakdown. She never came back to Egypt. Yes, it can get pretty ugly at times. What starts as a stroll through a romantic wonderland can turn into a total nightmare. Talk to people who have been through this experience from start to end. See what they advise.

6.) Once you get involved with someone who has children in Egypt, you will find yourself tied to Egypt for the rest of your life. You may spend decades living in Egypt, or at least commuting back and forth, regardless of whether or not you like the place. The reason is that the children will need to be close to the extended Egyptian family. That's just how it works out here. And it means you will have to deal with the grandparents, cousins, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, etc., all of whom will have some share in raising the children. You will not be able to just involved yourself with your "soul mate" and disappear to Ireland together. The children will almost certainly need to spend the next 10 to 15 years in Egypt... so you would have to spend a lot of time in Egypt too. Unless you've already spent several years living in the heart of an Egyptian family, Have you considered how stressful that might be? There's so much family politics. And the emotions can be so strong. Actually, the element of family politics is one major reason that many Egyptians are desperate to leave the country, especially if they've had kids. One of my Egyptian colleagues is exhausted by dealing with both her parents and her husband's parents, who want to be involved in raising the children. She's stuck in the middle. Finally, she's decided that she can only find peace of mind if she leaves Egypt for good, moving to the UAE with her husband and kids. Would your Egyptian boyfriend be willing to do that for you? Or would you be stuck in the bickering, oppressive heart of an Egyptian family for the rest of your life? Or until you finally accept defeat and file for divorce? You would not just by marrying a man, but also his family.

7.) Perhaps you should try asking if you can speak with his wife? If you speak with her, maybe she will reveal some elements of the situation that you don't know about. If you ask to speak to his wife, and he refuses to allow it, ask yourself why that is. If their marriage is really over (aside from the divorce process), then why would you not be allowed to speak to her? Perhaps it's just because of the divorce? Maybe he doesn't want to accused of infidelity in a court case? But if his mother already knows about you, and the children already know, then surely the wife knows too? Personally, I think you could learn a lot by talking to her. See what she says about how good and kind and reliable this man really is. After all, if you marry this man, you will have to deal with the ex-wife anyway, because you will have to help in raising the children. So why not speak with her now, before you make any big decisions? She might open your eyes.

Okay, that's all I have to say on the subject.

I hope it all works out for you, one way or another.

David

He's lying to you sweetie , wake up and smell the coffee , did you meet his family

He's lying , sorry to say . No nice men in you country

I agree he's lying don't fall for his demise. He just wants something from you other than love. Please don't be a fool