First Impression Should Never Be Trusted

It really depends on the conversation you have on the first day, if you're too polite or shy to ask real meaningful questions of course you'd get hypocritical answers because everyone tries to behave their best the first time around. You can see someone's true color by how they answer your well thought questions so be prepared prior to the meeting and you'll realize you don't need a year to know a person. One or two days are enough if you follow and listen to your intuition, it's never wrong, if you feel a bad vibe coming out, however you may like tbe person, then there is really bad vibe and ypu need to bail. Our brain would maybe wanna make us stay by giving us various reason such as different mental or physical attraction but energy doesn't lie, a bad vibe is a bad vibe, whether how our rational mind tries to convince us different the irrational mind (emotional mind) is always true to its source, which is our feelings toward someone or something.

I agreed, but gedging someone is not an option. We are living in a community with lots of different personalities. we are interacting with different personalities every day. so we have to know those who interact with us. otherwise, things may go wrong.

If we all knew how to tolerate each other, be more kind and understanding, the world would be a better place. Yet it starts with me and you.😊

Well, it is an inspiring idealistic post but unfortunately, I have a completely different view.

We have a limited amount of time available to us on any given day, in any given year and in life.  And this time faces severe pressure from work, family, travel, sleep and a million other things including people.

To maximise the time for the things that matter, there is no escaping rapid judgement to figure out whether a particular person is worth spending your time on.  And I am sorry but if the answer is no; so be it.  Not everyone has the time to stick around and explore for the depths of goodness that are in each person but seem to be very well hidden for some idiots....err sorry people . 

I would much rather walk away and spend my time on someone who matters.  If there is a future interaction and I get a different impression at that time then yeah I would reconsider.

So to me, first impressions matter.  A LOT.  And I am totally ok having this applied to me in return.

According to science, one has a gut reaction to a person you've met with in 10 seconds or so. And it turns out to be accurate, even if it takes 20 years to find out your first impression was right,  whether a good or negative guy reaction

Yes my gut reaction has served me with almost 90%+ accuracy all my life.  Hence why I said what I said.  Why bother to waste time looking for redeemable features.

go wrong in what way ..? I think that these platforms say that knowing I do not think it is possible, you mean talking ... because the problem that the world is full of false people who are used to lying so I believe much more in honesty, values ​​and Respect independently what the other person represents.

yes, we each have 24 hours in a day and that is it. I try to pack into it as much as I can, but sometimes it is a waiting game. I have framed up and set a picture in my garage/muyhely and that paint will take 24 hours to dry. I can shout and scream at it as much as I want, but it will still take 24 hours to dry, says so on the back of the tin. I want to paint the gate, kapu, but have to wait until sunlight before I can see what I am doing, this time of year I imagine sunrise is about 7am Hungarian time. already walked about six kilometres this morning, four miles, just round the block to get some exercise,.

I have a very limited amount of time because my wife works abroad and i only usually get to see her at weekends, so  i try to reserve weekdays for normal boring stuff, and keep weekends special. it is about time management, really. I have the same number of hours in the day as everyone else, no more, no fewer. I just use them as wisely as I can.

Which is often not  very wisely

Speaking for myself, I believe first impressions should not be trusted, particularly when the person is wearing religious clothing.

Living in London, I wonder what the majority of peoples' first impression of me, when they see me wearing "Jala'biya and Im'ma" (thobe and turban). A "Muslim extremist"? "Intolerant religious nut?" "Someone living in the 7th century?" Something along those lines? Very likely.

In fact, they couldn't be further from the truth. I'm certain MANY will have the COMPLETE wrong first impression of me. Neither is my mother very religious, yet her hijab will lead to some assuming she is.

I remember a friend complaining to me, that the men at her University do not approach her, and she thinks it's due to her clothing. Which might be true. When in fact she has no issues at all with speaking to people of the opposite gender. Actually, it's what she prefers and wants. She very much welcomes it!

One of my aunts wears the Niqab. And trust me, whatever thoughts that many will probably have about her, I assure you, none of them are true! My brother has a huge beard. I rather not talk about him. It's funny sometimes what people might think when it comes to "religious" people. Their first impressions.

But then again, I do the same mistake. For instance, I see your photo, and have my assumptions, which might also be completely wrong.

However I think life is too short to find out whether we are right or wrong. Does it matter if we are right? Or wrong? Does it matter if people think I'm a nutter? Or someone proud of his roots and culture?

Not to me at least. I am who I am. Like it - good. Don't like it - good. I honestly couldn't care less what first impressions I give off. I do not go out of my way to be liked by anyone. Nor do I care if I'm disliked (there are a few exceptions).

This is not to say I am anti-social, but I don't give much thought or time anymore to what people think about me unless it can make a difference to my life. Nor do I give much thought about what I think of others, again unless they matter to me.

I no longer ponder about my experience of first time meeting someone. To me, it's just another meeting like any other. What I now think about is whether it's worth my time to be in touch with them or not. If there is a need for them or not. And no, I'm not selfish.

I find the older I get, the less meaningful first impressions become to me. I don't think I even take note of them any more. I don't judge people. It's now simply all about whether they are worth having around or not, even if I found the first meeting a deeply distressing experience!

XB23 wrote:

Speaking for myself, I believe first impressions should not be trusted, particularly when the person is wearing religious clothing.

Living in London, I wonder what the majority of peoples' first impression of me, when they see me wearing "Jala'biya and Im'ma" (thobe and turban). A "Muslim extremist"? "Intolerant religious nut?" "Someone living in the 7th century?" Something along those lines? Very likely.

Depends, doesn't it. I would think, you are a devout Muslim, or perhaps a Sikh with the turban (obviously I haven't a picture to go on ). If I see someone in traditional Jewish clothing, I am not sure Hassidic is the word, I think, hmm, that person is Jewish. If you kinda "advertise" your religion in that way, you can hardly NOT expect people to get the impression. If someone wears a cross, you think, oh, that person is a Christian....

I lived in and around London for many years, all my family are Londoners, so I think actually you are rather tainting Londoners with that statement. My family also lived in Cairo, where obviously dress codes are a bit different, so it is not as if it would particularly occur to me that you were an "intolerant religious nut"... I would just think, "this person is Muslim"...

Now, it works both ways... I am white British and live in Budapest, I tend to dress in a suit (not always, but mostly) as the pockets come in handy for keeping your wallet, cigarettes, bus ticket, etc etc. Because of my colouring (I am fair haired, what is left of it) I tend to get confused either for a German or being constantly pestered by tourists asking me the way to this and that as they assume I am English (which as it happens I am) - why should they, just because I have a suit on? It is not as if I am speaking in English, I am speaking in Hungarian, no doubt with an "accent".... so people's first impressions of me tend to be that I am some tourist full of money, when I have lived here in Hungary five years and have a Hungarian wife of eight years standing, and so on and so on... I didn't CHOOSE to look white British, did I? So stereotypes are not only for "minorities". In Hungary, I AM a "minority", but I chose it.

"Living in London, I wonder what the majority of peoples' first impression of me, when they see me wearing "Jala'biya and Im'ma" (thobe and turban). A "Muslim extremist"? "Intolerant religious nut?" "Someone living in the 7th century?" Something along those lines? Very likely." [XB23]
My first impression of seeing you dressed like that in London would be exactly what you presumably want it to be, namely: "I am an ethnic Arab from a foreign country". If we met, you would have already begun the conversation, just as it you handed me a business card that said those words. I wouldn't care, and you wouldn't care that I was (apparently) an ethnic European. My response to your opening might be "Hello, what country are you from, and how long are you here for?" You might respond, "You sound English. Do you live in London or somewhere else?" Our conversation would carry on from there. We wouldn't even mention religion, because the context wouldn't require us to do so.

First impressions are all about context. If you said you'd been born in England and had lived there all your life, I would resent your "dressing up" to deliberately give a false impression, and would dismiss you as a damn fool (though I wouldn't say so) and walk away.

I agree , never never ever trust first impression
Remember I’ve went you leave with someone you think you know you take surprises this generation don’t not much about dignity, morality , honesty , values manners and trust.
Is a shame but this is the real world we live.
the values ​​were left behind because today the one who has them is called outdated or you are not accepted by society.
Thanks and have a blessed day

I dont think first  impressions always is perfect.Its always important to give People the benefit of the doubt & get to know them.U will be surprised to know they could offer more.

If you really know, how to judge a men (man - woman) for the very first time, then is pretty obviously "someone has already lost from the very beginning". Except, if you keep taking serious signals of maturity on the issue of impression...then the whole discussion goes directly to different level...

Maybe you right. But in this days is very hard to do.

If you really want to impress some1 on some issue....then I really glad to tell you, you have failed 100%, even if you try 2nd time to impress the same person or different person, then you failed again. And is much worst the failure the 2nd time then you really think (twice failure) on impression topic, Jesus Christ, this one I wouldn't dare to challenge myself.
Seems people, we really have the virus of wrong impression into our "DNA"!!

Andreas Balaskas wrote:

Except, if you keep taking serious signals of maturity on the issue of impression...

Oh, I immature with age...

Ruthyw wrote:

Maybe you right. But in this days is very hard to do.

Yes, I don't think it is just in these days but has always been. I am not into dating because I have been married eight years, and it is surprisingly easy for women to fancy me - I don't notice so much as I am not interested, I have my one and only, but my wife sometimes say oh she gave you a look she really fancied you, I just don't notice. I am not particularly handsome in my view, I am not going to make the front cover of Male Vogue, I have a big bald spot and a salt-and-pepper beard and usually a cigarette hanging out of my mouth I can't see what is attractive about that, but a chaqu-un sa gout, each to his own taste. My wife tend to point out people and say I think HE is attractive or SHE is attractive, but that is just people watching... I think it is a very personal thing, I find my wife the most attractive woman in the world, but she is not going to make the cover of Vogue.

I think it partly comes down to just quirks or eccentricities, I am a bit eccentric without noticing I am... and that seems attractive to women.... at work I just take off my hat and lump all my keys, sandwiches I have made for lunch, passkeys, bus ticket and so on into my hat and a girl I was training said that is just funny, that is just strange... well you have a handbag I don't so it just gets all lumped into my hat.... and I think, again, she was strangely attracted to my eccentricity but I obviously was not interested, I don't notice.

If you want to get ahead, get a hat. I am a big fan of millinery, and also going bald it is good for keeping the cold off your pate. Also good for keeping the flies off your paté but that is a different thing...

I agree with you. It's a bite strange that first impressions in today's societies revolve so much around appearance. Because the truth is that, after knowing someone for some few days or weeks, an individuals top-most priority in his/her relationship with the other changes from appearance to one or all of the traits you mention (honesty, trustworthiness, etc).

This makes me wonder that perhaps, first impressions is more of a social trend in the way we judge people. Someone may be very ugly, filthy, offensive, poor in real life, but will at the same look very flashy, polite, well-dressed, "make-up" beauty or handsomeness on Instagram, Facebook or twitter. It's like society is pushing us to have this double outlook. 

It's funny to think that I've some bad, ugly, poor, disrespectful friends in my life for years, but I will still not give this new guy or girl the chance to be my friend because of my first impressions of his/her appearance.

Gordon Barlow wrote:

First impressions are all about context. If you said you'd been born in England and had lived there all your life, I would resent your "dressing up" to deliberately give a false impression, and would dismiss you as a damn fool (though I wouldn't say so) and walk away.

I am not sure, what you mean by a false impression. I am English, I can dress how I like, actually I am a naturist/nudist and if I had my way I wouldn't wear any clothes at all, but I am not allowed to do that. Clothes DO make an impression, otherwise why would the clothes stores and fashion magazines forever being trying to sell us clothes? I know for myself, even with my own wife, if I am in my blues doing some work around the house, she treats me very differently from if I am in a suit and tie. And I have known her, and she me, for years. I am the same person underneath, for good or ill, insh'allah I hope I am a good man. People WILL treat you differently. I can put a dinner jacket/tuxedo on right now. I will be treated differently from if I have my blues on.

Like in Cairo most men where a Galabayeah that is transcription from Arabic so I am not sure how you say that, but a long kinda frock coat, if you wore that in Budapest it would seem very strange. I don't know any mosque in Budapest but they must exist, I suppose.... insh'allah we all live together in harmony. I have no religion really but have studied the Quran, studied the Bible and Talmud, it is the same Religion, the Judao-Christian faith, I have been to beautiful mosques in Cairo and Tunisia and Morocco and Spain, and marvelled at the wonders of the architecture. I can't think there is one in Budapest but there maybe is.

My local church here in Budapest, the bells call to pray at six in the morning  for mattins, at midday, and at six in the evening for evensong I assume. There are some beautiful churches in Budapest. Just respect someone's beliefs, that is all you have to do. Who knows, God is everywhere, he is in the flowers and bees and how you treat other people, that is what God, Allah, Jehovah, is, how you treat other people. You can pray every day by doing His work, you don't have to go to a mosque or a church or a synagogue, it is how you treat other people. That is doing God's work.

La illaha illah allah, Mohammad rasul Allah. There is no God but Allah, and Mohammed is is prophet. I can remember that from many years ago. But there is no God except the one you believe in, and Allah and the Christian God and the Jewish God are the same God, and all you have to do is respect your neighbours, be nice to other people, give a bit to charity when you can, that is the way you serve God. Whichever God you choose, he is the same God. God is ALL OF US, TOGETHER.

First impressions is probably the most accurate reading you’re ever likely to get of the person you’ve just met. It is in the way that person receives you as another person. Anything else is social and cultural and that can shift depending on the needs of the individual.

Nope. I interview people a lot, and if they do not turn up smartly dressed they do not get the job. I don't actually care how people dress, but that THIS IS THE CODE, THIS IS THE EFFORT YOU MAKE TO GET EMPLOYED. You can't be bothered to put on a tie or, for a woman, a nice blouse and turn up in your shitty jeans with holes in them? You ain't getting the job. It is something called RESPECT. If you can't respect your employer, why should I respect you? Tell me that straight. I don't even bother to sit down and go through the basics, you can't be bothered dress smartly for an interview, you don't get the job, simple as that.

That’s exactly what I said. The way a person treats or receives you at an initial meeting tells you everything you need to know about them. A person presents themselves exactly as they are at an initial meeting with them.

That’s exactly what I said. The way a person treats or receives you at an initial meeting tells you everything you need to know about them. A person presents themselves exactly as they are at an initial meeting with them.

I have gone through about 100 resumes/CVs every day for about six months... I am very good at rejecting candidates. I am very good at spotting the right ones, also. Don't turn up smart, says "can't be f- bothered, that I think this job is handed to me on a plate". No it is not, sir or madam, it d. well is not, now f. off and go and get another job that pays less and has worse hours and working conditions. If you cannot be bothered to dress smartly, like every interview site you ever went to tells you to, you are not getting the job. I must have twenty silk ties in my drawer, and silkworms growing on my mulberry although I have no idea how I am to spin the silk, I will get a spinning wheel somewhere, it is not difficult to dress smartly. You know how you tie a bowtie? Same way you tie a shoelace knot... it is not difficult, do you want to do a tie with a four in hand or go round the back, there are lots of ways to tie a tie knot, just DO it. It is really not that hard, if you go to an interview, dress up and look your best. My rubbish bin has about a hundred CVs/resumes each day from rejects, and it takes about three hours of my time to interview someone. Strangely enough, whenever I go for an interview, I get the job first time every time. That is partly because I know my stuff but partly because I dress smartly and make a good first impression... which I thought was what this topic was about

Very well said! I always land the job I want too! I am coming to Vietnam in march 2019 and I will be looking for employment. I am a Registered Nurse with my Bachelor Degree and am willing to take a different kind of work if Nursing is not on the table although I heard of new clinics opening so, I may need to teach or have a mini first aid class the possibilities seem endless !! Great Post!!

Cat

Hsakyi wrote:

That’s exactly what I said. The way a person treats or receives you at an initial meeting tells you everything you need to know about them. A person presents themselves exactly as they are at an initial meeting with them.

And also I have to think, how is this person going to represent to customer? Oh, they are going to customer wearing torn jeans and a three day old t-shirt are they? Now, obviously, it depends from job to job, most of the time I am either naked as  I am a nudist/naturist or in a pair of working blues covered in paint. It would be absolutely fine for me to turn up in a pair of working blues, CLEAN ones, to a job interview as a painter or dustman, that is appropriate workwear - and to have a suit and tie on would maybe be a bit overdressed, I am hardly going to turn up in a dinner jacket/tuxedo. I am STILL not going to turn up with paint under my fingernails, and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I MIGHT make some kind of style statement by having a pencil behind my ear (which is where it usually is) or under my watch-strap (where it is if it is not behind my ear).


I also ALWAYS have a copy of my own CV/Resume as companies tend to get mangled copies through agencies, and because I am somewhat experienced or multi-skilled I have to take out stuff from my CV for each company, not put it in. I never EVER lie on a CV but what is relevant to one company is different from what is relevant to another, and believe me, a CV/resumé gets read in about thirty seconds before it goes in the rubbish bin/trashcan. I always have a pen and pencil and a notebook, so that I can take notes from the employer. There are little tricks you get to make yourself friendly with the employer, oh, please, forgot your pen, I lend you mine (a nice fountain pen) and so on, I have been on both sides of the table and know how it works.


Actually, what most people tend to forget, is that the employer WANTS to employ you. That is why they advertised for a job, "we need someone to do this and that". You more or less talk yourself out of it, they need someone to do a job, you are the right person for the job, thanks, here's your starting date. They are NOT there to somehow fail you... that is the last thing they want. People fail themselves by just not being able to cut the mustard and you wonder why they bothered turning up. I WANT to employ you, why do you think I asked you to come here today? Last thing I want is to find out you are a hole in the air and then have to do the whole lot all over again.

I actually turned away an interview candidate, some years ago, who had come about four hours by train from somewhere in Wales, to Cambridge, England and was about an hour late. It is not really his fault the train was late. What WAS his fault is that he didn't phone up to tell me. There are phones on trains, there are telephone boxes at stations, you have a mobile phone. You have loads of opportunities for telling me you are going to be late, and I will go OK, s- happens,  see you at 1pm instead of 12pm. Nope, you didn't do that. Now, how am I going to ever trust you with a customer? YOu are going to get into a traffic jam, your flight is cancelled, s- happens. But you did not THINK to call me up and tell me you were going to be late. Am I supposed to wait around all day twiddling my fingers, just for you? He had to have a nice trip back on the next train as I just refused to see him. Pillock. I hope he learned his lesson then.

And anyway at an interview, you should never be late. You get the earlier train, the earlier bus, the earlier flight or whatever. Usually I arrive for an interview about an hour before it starts, to give myself some leeway and then think what am I going to do for an hour? And go to a coffee shop or just mooch around the shops, or whatever it might be, to pass the time, NEVER been late for an interview. Fifteen minutes before the start, present at reception, say I am SImon Trew and I am meeting Bert Fegg at 12pm or whatever, and magically I tend to get the job. There is not really any secret in interview technique, the company WANTS to employ you, why do you think they asked you there?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I have been mis-led by my first impressions on more than one occasion. I wish there was a simple guidebook to understanding people’s behavior and personality when you meet them for the first time.

I would appreciate any advice on this.

Taken

My first impression of this whole forum was: 'what is this, some normies trying figure out life?'  I am happy to be wrong.

Expatrey wrote:

some normies trying figure out life?'  I am happy to be wrong.

You are wrong. I have not heard the word "normies" before, but I assume in some sense it refers to "normal people". Now, my dear old sweetheart, I have been speaking in Hungarian, English, German, Hungarian Deaf Sign which I do not do very well, as I only learned British Sign Language. I am bisexual but faithful to my wife.

Now, I am trying to figure out life. I haven't worked it out yet, it is an entire puzzle to me and I have been 46 years on this planet, it makes no sense to me at all. There are huge amounts of things that are entirely baffling to me. That is the FUN of it. You are just wrong.

onecookie wrote:

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I have been mis-led by my first impressions on more than one occasion. I wish there was a simple guidebook to understanding people’s behavior and personality when you meet them for the first time.

I would appreciate any advice on this.

My father used to say "I have been misled" and deliberately pronounced it like "muzzled", i.e. that he mislead people by misleading them with the word "misled"... I have been totally muzzIled by this communications form or whatever. I suggest you also learn how to spell "misled". It does not have a hyphen in it, not in my dictionary.

Thanks for the spelling lesson.

“ I have been totally muzzIled by this communications form or whatever.”
“Muzzled” to prevent (a person or group) from expressing their opinions freely.
“Misled” to cause (someone) to have a wrong idea or impression about someone or something.

I may have misled you but, I did not try to prevent you from expressing your opinion.

onecookie wrote:

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I have been mis-led by my first impressions on more than one occasion. I wish there was a simple guidebook to understanding people’s behavior and personality when you meet them for the first time.

I would appreciate any advice on this.

I have certain tricks and trades but I am not a psychologisdt. First I shake hands (if it is a man) and if a man will not shake hands with me, then he is an ass, ActUALLY i would offer my hand to shake for a woman but although we are alll supposefd to be equal, women don't tend to shake hands so much, so I wouldn1 regard that as an outright refusal, they just wonder why i offered them a handshake, so then I kinda judge that way. The fact of the matter is that you ARE judged on first impressions. As it happens I went out in my whistle and flute sorry cockney, in my suit and double cuffed shirt which i usually wear, I think the AMerican is French cuff, to take my missus to a little restaurant we like, and was treatet very nicelly. I will bet you all Lombard-street to a China orange if I turned up there in my blues covered with paint, I would not exactly be treated the same way, even though they have gone through the washing machine and are perfectly clean. First impressions DO count, I get treated completely differently if I am ni my whistle than if I am in my blues.

It works both ways around, though. If you go into a spare parts shop with a whistle on, you are going to get overcharged, y ou want to go there in your blues. But, yes, first impressions count

That’s a load of pony.