A job like no other

Oh my goodness. I can feel the frustration, the sadness the hanging on to hope where you can.

Your sharing with us is a gift, thank you.

I appreciate your kind words Planner, yet this has become an avenue of venting for me, and it sure helps. I can't fathom those who go at this alone, and have no avenue to talk to someone or even just document the story behind all this. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

Here now the news!

We have found my birth certificate. Yes I do exist, and was truly born right here in river city. Santiago de Los caballeros.  2nd child born out of wedlock to my parents who married 20 days after my birth....lol
BUT! got to love my mother land. There is an error on my birth certificate. Seems they misspelled my last name. One letter and now I must travel to get this corrected. AYCARUMBA!

In your present situation, it is nothing more than a stubbed toe.

As the quietness and darkness of the night leaves us for the bright sunshine and the hustle of the morning, I'm reminded of the ones who sleep now. Mom, Dad, and probably 2 thirds of this city. Yes, this city does sleep, and I like that. Well! Maybe a few dogs don't sleep but otherwise, this city does sleep.

Over the last 2 nights we have dropped dads sleep medication down to a minimum. It has worked somewhat, though the jury is still out on this one. he has slept, and slept well. last night he gave a bit of a problem because he was wide awake when given his medication. In those instances i takes like forever for him to finally fall asleep, and last  night was like being out dancing under the stars with no end to the music in sight.
He finally did fall out and the rest was like skating on thick ice.

he seems to be livelier. NO WAIT! He is livelier during the daylight hours. his eating habits have not changed at all, and him asking for coffee no matter what time of day it is, is a never ending story.
through this all I think my admiration for my dad has increased. It's quite different when you come once a year, but only spend 2 says with them, and off to a resort somewhere for some R&R and lots of fun. OR you send for them so they can spend 3 days with us in Punta Cana. This is not the same.

I left behind  a good life in the states, but have not missed one minute of it, or of someone,. Don't regret making the choice to come here, and ending what could have been.
MY choice is made and  we will do the very best for my folks as I am sure you all would do for yours if this were your decision.

So it's a Holiday. My first here. Now to find something to do for the day, as I have been given the day to myself. Would be a great day for a ballgame, but the season is not here yet. Grab the poles we are going fishing! YEAH BUDDY!
Wish I could take my dad..........

How much wood
could a wood chuck chuck
if  wood chuck could chuck wood

Off on my journey to Santo Domingo to see about correcting my birth certificate, and getting my Cedula.
let the fun begin!....lol

I will not get stressed
I will not get stressed
I will not get stressed

Great attitude you have and it will be needed to tackle the capital!

I have come to learn through all this, that the powers who be, are the ones who want nothing but the best for themselves, and not really those who they are here to care for. They have adjusted to a lifestyle and now they won't let it go.
Power is a terrible thing to give to anyone who abuses it, and gosh it's being abused right here in river city. So much so, that I feel as if I'm fighting city hall.

One minute all is peaches and cream, and the next, without provocation the world blows up and the demons come out with accusations, demands, terminations, and take overs.
Meanwhile my parents roam the house without anyone to oversee their actions or mishaps if any, as they enjoy their time with neighbors and friends in the back yard.
I'm at the brink of throwing in the towel. I am trying to keep my composure but for the most part i think that the one taking care of my folks now are more sick than the old folks themselves.

dad is drugged up like a damn zombie once again. he can barely walk alone. She mentioned today that she is putting him in a wheelchair. WONDERFUL!
I just agree to keep the peace and not upset my folks. They are really the ones who will suffer with turmoil and chaos. So things might change or they may remain the same. I'll have to tune in tomorrow to see how the powers to be awaken from their sleepless night.
On a positive note, I'm sleeping right through the ordeals dads causing and am only awakened when she screams at him that HE is not allowing anyone to sleep. I just pick my head up and let her know that I was asleep until she began her rant. ......lol

August 14th was the last I came here to write, and as I noticed the time between updates I thought of a long time ago, ( actually my last year of marriage, 1996) when I did not write in my journal for one year after spending almost 5 years writing in them every day.
yes I enjoy putting my thoughts to pen. many have told me I should write a book. one day i will, but until then, here now the news.

It's been 2 weeks since my sister and I had a fall out. she took over caring for my dad, and  put him back on sleep medication both nights, and days right after breakfast. I do believe I mentioned that on my last post.
Since then I have had some time to get things taken care of for myself. As you know i get my cedula come Monday. I am super excited, because it opens up so many doors it is incredible. I can finally get my drivers license changed from the US to here. need not take any tests either written or driving. Been there done that....lol
do have to get my eyes checked because I do wear glasses, and from what I hear, you also need to get your blood type identified so I will be getting blood drawn as well. ( that scares me)
I have been leaving the house quite often to simply let my sister do her thing with dad. Out of sight out of mind. right?  Not quite.
I thought of him most every minute I was away. he was a zombie, and I hated seeing him that way, but for the time being all I had to do was bite the bullet and let HOPE take it's course.

The time I noticed that her world was crumbling was when she took care of dad during the night. Oh yeah! I laid there when he screamed at night and watch her while making believe I was asleep how she kept losing her temper with him. She screamed louder and louder as each night rolled by.
She'd  push him back down when he sat up and called for anyone. If he called my name I did not move nor listen as this was all about her.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste, and mine was working overtime as I held my composure and allowed her to continue losing hers.'
days and nights went by, and every time dad was just driving her mad. NO! not mad in a way that is upsetting, but  a mad where she is losing her mind.
She couldn't sleep. It was obvious.

if you've had the life of being able to get up at any hour  of the morning, ( she was a photographer) and you do this for years and years, your body is not going to change that routine or be happy if you try to change that routine overnight. It was getting to her where she could not think straight. That was starting to be a concern to me.

dad, being in his condition, never knew that he is taking medication that would knock him out for hours on end. Only challenge came that it just didn't take affect when you wanted it to. You had to wait until his body gave in to the drug.  She was starting to threaten him by telling him if he didn't fall asleep she'd give him more pills.

You just never know how far people will go when they are losing their mind. I could care less if it's family or not, and in this case it is his own daughter. Daddies little girl all her life, as she is the only daughter he has. But in a blink of an eye she was starting to feel the pinch of her actions and realizing that she could not do this alone.

This last Friday I had gotten my birth certificate fixed with a spelling error that appeared on it. I had been out of the house from 12:15 and did not return until after 4:30. needless to say I told her the occurrences of my day and how Monday i would be able to get my cedula, and I took care of this error with only one trip to Santo Domingo, and actually spent 1.5 hours in the office and left because I had number 65 in the DMV number system and the numbers called in that hour and a half were 15 and 16. Heck no! I left. The rest of the work was done by my cousin who knows someone in the system and got things done in a matter of days.  This bothered her.
it took her 9 months to get hers, ( she started in the states at the Dominican Embassy trying to get a passport). There she found there seemed  to be an error on my moms birth certificate and she went through all this trouble only to find that my mom had taken care of that problem in 2004.............lol nobody she went to could find mom's fixed name. She took in the paperwork stating the change was made, and vuaal! all is fixed.Things that make you go hmmmmmmm.

On that day, last Friday evening after dinner, she caved in. She told me. Something that has always bothered me about her. she never asks, she tells you. She told me that I had to take care of dad. That SHE NEEDED SLEEP. My jaw hit the floor, in shock, but inside I was doing cartwheels. My mind went into overdrive as I thought of the best way to handle this.  Well this was your idea and truthfully I'm enjoying my liberty, so thank you, but no thank you. This is all on you.
I could see right before my very eyes her color change. Fury took over, but she had no words to say. she stormed out of the room and dad was hers that night too. I was just riding this wave.
Friday night though, dad was his usual self in that he called out a thousand and one times but I noticed he was not sitting up. she came in a few times and he tried speaking but you could not understand a word he was saying. slurring his words as if he was drunk out of his mind. Saturday morning he was unable to bring the coffee cup to his lips. he couldn't even reach the cup to grab it. Kept missing the handle but think he had grabbed it. I was not a happy camper. I believe she had given him a bit more sleeping medication and possibly her herself not realizing what she might have done.

Saturday I had planned on playing golf, but she had to go to the cemetery to take care of some things. After she arrived it was rather late to play but i left the house anyway. Returned later in the day and asked her if we could talk. We sat down in the dining room and there I told her I'd take dad back and allow her to sleep. dad was still not all there even though she had not given him any medication during the day. I told her the only condition I'd give in to help once again was IF dad receive NO MORE medication of any type day or night. She agreed.

Last night I knew would be a challenge, but I was willing to live each day without sleep, but dad WAS NOT going to take any medication at all for the rest of the time I was here.
I took him inside the latest i have ever put him to bed and that was slightly after 7:30 maybe. Grabbed a book, and read while waiting for him to begin being a problem. he was. But the first thing i noticed was that he sat up. YESSSSSSSS! he sat up on his own and I thanked God for that. I smiled the biggest smile and knew at that moment I had my dad back. for 2 to 3  hours he sat up and laid back down. like riding a see saw he did this over, and over, and over again. Each time I let him lay back down. Some times he'd sit up for a bit of time and I'd ask him to lay back down and he did.'
last I looked at my cell phone the time was slightly after 11. The next time i looked at my cell  to see the time it was 5:15 AM.
We slept! hallelujah! we slept! he was sound asleep, and I got up out of bed.
He got a haircut and a shave this morning as I decided that something so monumental deserved a new look. I shaved him and cut his hair. My dad is now bald....................lol

I've reached a milestone. My full intentions from the moment I arrived on June 19th was to get him off this stuff. We've had a great day together, and his smile lights up my face once again. 


OH! one more thing! We lock the bedroom door now. and if we had a do not disturb sign to hang on the door knob? I'd do that too....................lol

NO! I did not play golf again today. I will.  soon enough, but for now I'm enjoy the fact

I GOT MY DAD BACK!

We're enjoying a day at the ballpark with a good cold beer as we watch the Mets game.
woohoo!

It seems as if an unspoken family internal rift has finally come to the fore. A peaceful resolution appears to have been reached. Good!  Dad is back, but the trials & tribulations continue, albeit, much less contentious. I could not do as you do, I'm not that strong. Perhaps because I never knew my natural father. My step dad did what he could, meant well, but we were never close.  I commend you for what you do.  I found that a few holes of golf was better AND cheaper than a shrink for relieving stress & tension.

Wow! another wonderful drug free night with long lasting constant sleep. I got up out of bed early as I went to bed early. It was a great day yesterday.

I came up on a saying this morning on twitter that truly says it all for me. it says how I have been able to remain focused and also have that HOPE i have sought.
It said:

EVERY DAY MAY NOT BE GOOD
BUT THERE IS SOMETHING GOOD IN EVERY DAY

There is my hope. it has been there all along in my every function of every day. dads smile, his laugh, my good nights sleep, the fact he ate well, he almost pulled an all nighter, watching the Yankees or Mets ball game with him, and remembering those days gone by. Talking with someone after putting dad to bed. There was and is something good in every day. Find it! It's there! You may not find it until the day's almost over, but if you look for the good? You will find it. It makes life so much nicer.

I leave this morning to finally get my cedula. 2 months and a week after arriving here I can finally say, I am home again.

I've decided to wait a few days and allow my sister to regain her deprived sleep, and then have a sit down with her. I have put together a plan of action which I've taken the liberty of putting on paper. something so simple a juvenile could do it. It's just a care for the folks schedule so that we can both have a life as well.

Gladys is our maid. she comes here 3 days per week, ( Tuesday thru Thursday) and stays at my sister Carmen's house Tuesday and Wednesday nights and then go back to Puerto Plata on Thursday after the work day is over. She was my older brother who passed away in 2016  girlfriend, so she is part of the family. she was with my brother for 15 years. she cleans does wash, cooks, changes sheets on the beds, and does anything we need of her.

It gives us those 3 days off sort of speak. Those 3 days I plan to show her how we can each get time to get out of the city and visit areas of this country that I am still not been able to visit even though I've been coming here every year since 1992 after becoming a US citizen.
I've enjoyed my liberty over the last few weeks, and now that I will have my cedula, it is time to get my drivers license and start looking for a good SUV to get me to wherever I want to be at the spur of the moment. Spontaneity is something I enjoy. It is my ability to get up and go as the thought of whatever comes to mind.

A new thread will be born then. I will call it " The adventures of a Dominican in  strange land called home."  stay tuned. things always get better, if you put your mind to make it be.   ALWAYS!

have a great day, and please, find the good in the day, and then smile a big smile. It's there!

The sleep last night was not constant, but sleep it was nonetheless.
We played dominoes until little after 8 and dad actually did enjoy the evening.
we shared a few glasses of juice and i think I might have overdone it for him as he certainly did not sleep soundly all night long.
we did sleep, but last night he did sit up quite a few times around midnight.
I thought for a moment that maybe this was going to be my first drug free nightmare of a night. Even came here to write but decided against it as I was not in a writing mood.
it was not meant to be this way. He soon asked to be taken to the restroom. Did his thing. Told ya I overdid that juice.......and he finally went to sleep soundly.
Ok maybe not soundly. He kept talking more last night while in his sleep. No he didn't call out names of anyone. He'd just moan a bit as if he was in some kind of slight pain. he did not awaken from this moan mind you so naturally i did not pay much mind to it.

I did get my cedula yesterday and took care of a few other  errands I had to take care of. I'm so glad that is over.
Tomorrow's adventure is acquiring my drivers license. OH YEAH! should be lots of fun.

have a great day everyone

There comes a time when everything must come to an end, and it is no different  for  this thread.
I have accomplished a goal which I stated earlier in these writings, and just as this one is accomplished another has just as quickly  taken it's place.
Through all this time I have learned once again what it is that I can do. what it is I WANT to do, and this time more important, What it is I MUST do.

MY dad is in the greatest of hands and receiving the greatest of care, as is my mom. WE are family and we laugh during the day, and sleep now during the night. woohoo!
I thank you all for allowing me the pleasure of sharing this story of my challenges with you. It has been a relief to have found this site one day while surfing. A channel I truly needed and helped me keep my sanity. Thank you once again.

I have, through all this, thrown myself back into the corporate world, and into something I am quite passionate about. I am heading into the aid of humanity. I have been shown that I  never will be able to sit still and will always use my brain to do something. I have realized that maybe retirement is not really where I'd like to be.
now don't get me wrong, there is nothing better than traveling this country, and that I will do for sure. But God has put something before me and knowing my ability made me see yesterday how quickly we can get this launched.
NO, this is not the last you've heard of me, but I hope the next time you read something I've written it might be a book, depicting the travels of the man who dared to believe that one person, be it man or woman, can make a difference.
enjoy this beautiful country i call home. It can give you all you ever dreamed of. You might have to reach for it is all. go make it happen.

I wish you all nothing but the very best that life has to offer. I hope that you all live to be 100, and me, 100 but minus a day, so I'll never  know that nice people like you have passed away.  Frankie Crocker....

We look forward to your next chapter!!!!

Sharing your travail with so many others has been a catharsis for you, & may it bring some understanding of the strengh we all need to face & to live with life's realities.  Thanks

Back home again or Frankie Crocker? (which doesn't sound too Dominican)

Anyway, my condolences with your Dad.
I just discovered your story about coming home.
Spent half an hour or so reading up on your situation.
Nice little story. Again, sorry about your Dad.
Tom. (from Cabrera)