Newly Single and want to keep busy

Hi cecco,

Welcome on Expat-blog!

Your topic has been moved on the Thailand forum.

Hope you get lots of ideas from members very soon.

All the best,
Christine

I for one suggest you try Bangkok because there are so many more options available in the big city.  My second choice would be Pattaya because it caters to foreign residents and tourist much better than any other place in Thailand in my opinion.  Both offer easy access to other parts of Thailand and other countries for holiday trips.

In reading one of your other post about locating a good maid I would like to offer a suggestion.  Don't get one and learn to take care of yourself and not be dependent on someone else to take care of your day to day needs.  I for one clean my own apartment, take care of laundry and shop for groceries.

I have been retired and living alone for six plus years in Bangkok and never had a maid during that time.  The way I look at things I didn't have a maid in USA so why do I need one in Thailand.

Well, can you talk to me about BKK.

Where would I live? In Chiang Mai I had a nice apartment that was fully furnished and cost me 15,000 baht a month, 7 baht for electricity.

I want a bathtub, where I live.

I don't know a good area of Bangkok either.

I don't know anything about BKK.

Pattaya I don't like because of the low quality of girls in the bars, and I am not into prostitutes or bars.  The reason is that I am not into bars, is that I like bars, and I like to drink, so, I don't like being around bars or alcohol (temptation).

Also, I don't like the concept of paying for friendship. I'd like to meet a really nice woman, but one who loves me, not one who wants to bleed me.

I'd appreciate any help you can give me on BKK expenses, recommend to me where to live, and what to expect to pay for a budget.

I am also thinking of moving to areas like Mahalsalakam, or Ubon Ratchathani, or the like .. 

I loved my wife a lot. I am still crying every night.  I would like to find somebody to love again.  I want to find a pretty younger woman who loves me for who I am on the inside and not for how much salary I give her.  My wife before, I supported fully and we ate in expensive restaurants daily. She never worked or cooked or cleaned the house.  We had a washing machine, so we jointly washed clothes and hung them to dry. Not much work.

Her mom said she kept the money I gave her for our wedding as a "salary" for her daughter, and then she wanted me to give her 50,000 baht and 10,000 baht a month salary to get her daughter back plus pay for a wedding.  I loved Ami a great deal.  I have a headache.  We were spending about 800 baht a day average for meals in restaurants and she had everything she wanted or needed.  I just don't "get it."  I am now in the USA and people are worried about finding 20 dollars (600 baht) to pay for car insurance, people are losing everything and everywhere I drive, cars and the like are for sale.  And yet, my wife wanted "more" and "more."  I would love her back, because I love her, but I am becoming convinced she didn't love me. She has not called me in a month now.

But, I still cry, and am crying now as I post this note.  I love, and loved her so much. 

I need to find a way to "get over" her, which doesn't seem possible at this time.

Apartments in Bangkok can be rented for 5k baht and up depending on size and location.  Generally speaking you pay more when located near skytrain or subway but good deals can be found like my current apartment building (check:  sarannuch.com).

I currently budget 65k baht a month and live a comfortable life that keeps me happy.  What one does during the day and evening depends on a persons likes and dislikes.

Would you be so kind as to give me a bangkok expected budget?

Normally, in Chiang Mai, I live well on less than 30,000 a month.

I pay 15,000 rent

utilities 3000

motorcycle 3000

gas for bike   2000

food etc.  7-15,000 a month

I don't go to bars, but in BKK I am thinking I would be tempted, people tell me. But I have not been to BKK for many many many years.  Also, I am now finding the concept of paying somebody for their company and attention is nauseous.  I am praying that the Lord will find one me one of HIS daughters, who can love me for real, and whom I can love for real.  I really want to "love" and "be loved" again.

Can you give me some idea of a budget layout. 

sarannuch.com/room.php  I looked here at this place, and it's wonderful, from the photos.  Do they include TV and Internet (NOT TOT)? 

What do the utilities run in Bangkok?

What do you do for daily activities?  When I was living in Pai, I would just cruise around the hill sides all day, going here, going there, sit and drink tea, and read.

In Chiang Mai, I go to lunch at the Empress, or dinner at the Duke's, and walk around the moat, go to a movie weekly, and read.

Bangkok, I have no idea what I'd do in a big city.  I really appreciate anything that you can teach me. It appears as though this conversation is between just the two of us.

Are all of the women in BKK really carnal (love money too much)? 

60,000 baht a month is a lot, I think. I had a budget like that, and even more before, but my ex spent all my money.  What are people earning in Bangkok, but of course, I don't have a job.   I have no idea how to even get a job at my age.

Oh, in Chiang Mai, the rental rates as published on the internet, are never what you pay.  Normally they are discounted 20-50 % (I know some Thai folk were paying half what we white folk were paying).  But where I was living in Chiang Mai is not the most ethically managed.

Do places like Baan SaranNuch discount the online price?  Do you know the name of the Manager, and his phone number?

Cliff

cecco wrote:

I don't go to bars, but in BKK I am thinking I would be tempted, people tell me. But I have not been to BKK for many many many years.  Also, I am now finding the concept of paying somebody for their company and attention is nauseous.  I am praying that the Lord will find one me one of HIS daughters, who can love me for real, and whom I can love for real.  I really want to "love" and "be loved" again.

Sounds like you are trying to hard to find love. Find a lady that has a job or shop and does not want to stop working just to be with you.  My current girlfriend of 3+ years has small shop and would not stop working because she wants to be self sufficient.  Love is very elusive in this country but don't give up.

Can you give me some idea of a budget layout? 

My rent is:  11,000 baht
Utilities:  Under 3,000 baht
TV and Internet: 2,500 baht
Transportation:  Combo of Skytrain, taxi's & buses 2,500 baht
Food/drink:  budget 30,000 baht


sarannuch.com/room.php  I looked here at this place, and it's wonderful, from the photos.  Do they include TV and Internet (NOT TOT)? 

They do have free TV but it is mostly Thai with a couple enlish news channels.  I purchase True vision gold package in addition to the free channels.

Internet is accessed with prepaid cards.  I normally get 700 baht card which gives you 85 hours and it last me a month.

What do the utilities run in Bangkok?

Electric and water cost vary depending on owner of apartment. The place above charges:  Electric 6 baht per unit and water is 25 baht per unit.

What do you do for daily activities?

Activities vary from one day to the next but include movies, shooting pool, fishing, chatting with other expats that live in same building or elsewhere and exploring different parts of city.  Sometimes I make a day trip down to Pattaya and return in the late evening. Lunch and dinner offer a wide range of places and locations in Bangkok or you can have delivered to your apartment. Also great little restaurant located where I live that is meeting place in the evening for residents. 

Are all of the women in BKK really carnal (love money too much)? 

You will find good and bad no matter where you choose to live and it is up to you to filter out the bad one's using your big head not the the little one. Don't overlook those early warning signs when dealing with these women.

I have talked with young Thai men and they have the same complaints about women only wanting money so we must be careful.

60,000 baht a month is a lot, I think. I had a budget like that, and even more before, but my ex spent all my money.  What are people earning in Bangkok, but of course, I don't have a job.   I have no idea how to even get a job at my age.

I don't work either but have always controlled my spending because I know what I can and cannot afford.

Do places like Baan SaranNuch discount the online price?  Do you know the name of the Manager, and his phone number?

You cannot bargain with owner at this place because of location and fact it is always fully occupied.  As soon as someone moves out within days it booked.  There are some places that will bargain but it will depend on occupancy rate. 

Cliff

Hello Cecco ...

Interest to stay in Silom ? It's downtown and near with MRT, BTS, Bus Stop and Taxi ...

Me and my bro rent the place at Silom Soi 6 ... Appartment is new and it is service appartment .. nice and clean too . Around the area has a lot of Resturants and Bar as well ... If you pay 300 bath, you can get cleaning service as well. But no kitchen and can't make heavy cook. The place is More than enough for One person. Studio Unit with 30 to 35 sq.m.
I think ( I am not so sure about it )
We pay
Rent - 9900 Bath,for
Water -  7 bath
Electric - 15bath 
Internet -  350 bath  (If you don't want, you no need to pay )
TV+Frige - 250 bath each (If you don't want, you no need to pay )

By viewing this site , our place can't be as good as this for sure.
sarannuch.com/room.php

Wow, this is very good information.

I am thinking if I should go to Bangkok now, and not other places in Thailand.  I have my stuff stored in Chiang Mai, not sure what to do with the stuff.

Oh, how this "breaking up" causes problems

Cliff

well ... our apartment is not very big apartment and there is 5 floors only and one floor has 6 studio rooms and 24 hours security with CCTV camera. they provide key card too ...

For my advice, come down to BKK for visit 1st and see around that where do u want to stay ? even though,I am also new here ... I can help you out if you want while i am staying here ... I come here for only 2 months with my little brother ... But I am not tour guide and I dun expect anything from you ... I just wanna help someone who need helps. That's all ... If i am not available to help, i am not going to do it no matter what

all the best ya ...

cecco it doesn't matter where you settle just remember to take it slow and enjoy your single life for a while.  Don't get taken in by the first pretty face that may come along because its usually the aggressive one's you must watch out for in this world.

Should you have more questions please feel free to ask.

quietsoul wrote:

well ... our apartment is not very big apartment and there is 5 floors only and one floor has 6 studio rooms and 24 hours security with CCTV camera. they provide key card too ...

For my advice, come down to BKK for visit 1st and see around that where do u want to stay ? even though,I am also new here ... I can help you out if you want while i am staying here ... I come here for only 2 months with my little brother ... But I am not tour guide and I dun expect anything from you ... I just wanna help someone who need helps. That's all ... If i am not available to help, i am not going to do it no matter what

all the best ya ...

=
u r sensitive, i like that trait.

u seem to also be honest, i like that too.   It's a breath of fresh air.

thanks for talking to me tonight.

Hi!

I empathize with you.  I'm a Canadian man in my late 50's as well.  I'm moving to Thailand to live with my Thai girlfriend in Phuket.  She was a "Bar Girl" 7 months ago, and I've fallen in love with her.  I know ... heard this tale a thousand times.  I'm leaving a job that pays more than 5 times the money that I'll be making in Thailand, but I can't stand to be apart from this girl. 

I think you would be the ideal person to ask for advice.  Every rational, intelligent bone in my body tells me "not" to go to Thailand and give up so much ... every bone .. but I've bought my airline ticket and I've thrown out 50 per cent of my things to prepare for this adventure.  Like you, I'm no longer a young man. 

Here's the problem ... and it pains me unbelievably to tell you this ... I flew down to Phuket on Valentine's Day and found condoms under her mattress.  I believed her story that "they weren't hers."  Later I found out that she had given her phone number to 2 guys in a Sauna and one of them was calling her every night.  She told me that they just talked.

I've been with her for 7 months and I love her but she has drained my life savings.  She tells me over and over and over that she loves me and would die without me.  What do you think?

I can see that you have gone through something very similar... I would love to hear what you have to say.

Confused ...

Garfield

Dear Garfield:

I am sorry.  You are being worked.

First, I have been in Asia since late 1978.  Most of time has been Thailand.

My wife, I met by accident. I love her very much.  They don't think as independent people.  They are tools of a larger unit.

No girl needs to work in the sex industry, and no man needs to go to the sex areas.  I am now becoming convinced that all of these girls already have husbands, boyfriends, families and they are lured by the money that people on vacations supply.  Men throw money at them, and tempt them to betray their families.  My wife, I have known since she was young, as I have known her family for many years.  When she became older, her family said the natural course was for her to be my wife, and they dropped her off and said "she's your wife now."

I spent a lot of money for her, I bought things to set up businesses and everything disappeared.

I bought a wedding ring, and it went to "mother's older sister for safe keeping."

I stayed in Chiang Mai in a 15,000 baht a month apartment (which is expensive for Chiang Mai, and took her out to eat each and every day to one of three places:  (The Duke's, Saichon Buffet, Empress Hotel Buffet).  Daily budget for food was about 600-1100 baht.  Each DAY.

Christmas and her birthday are the same.  I took her to a hotel Christmas celebration, paying 1500 baht each + a tailored dress and fixin's. Dress was 1800 baht and fixins were another 600.  That is 3000+2400 = 5400 baht.

Her birthday, the previous year, she wanted a new bicycle, which I bought for 2800 baht, and she never rode.

Each day I would give her 500-2000 baht for shopping, she would not carry a purse and want to go together. So I carried the money, and we went shopping.

She had her own computer, I bought her 2 cell phones, and many Lisu clothes (one outfit for a Lisu woman is no less than 1,200 baht as the shirt is 630 baht and the skirt is 350 baht - minimum).

I bought her many shoes, exercise equipment, and gave her cash.

Now, something happened. She and her family are saying I only gave her 30 baht a day salary, for 4.5 years so everything has finished.

Now, her family is "Lisu (shi)" as I told you.  The connections run very deep to the ancient ways. Lisu controlled the opium trail for thousands of years.  They migrated to Thailand in the 1920's and are not a large tribe inside of Thailand. Outside of Thailand they are mostly Christian, Thailand they are not Christian.  My wife is from an area known as Baan Sow Dang, which is in Chiang Mai Province, a ways from a place called Baan Watchan.

I love her 100%, and I would die for her in a heart beat.

I have sent about 160,000 baht to the extended family on the mountain.

I have not had her phone number now, for about 3 weeks or longer.  Her mother says she has no telephone number. We have been trying to contact her through her mother, but have no idea if the mother even relays the messages.  She had a new phone just a few days before she left. One night she got a call at about 7pm telling her to leave the next day 7 am.  She left and would not allow me to accompany her.  She said she was going back to Sow Dang to get a new Thai ID issued as the name of her area changed, and she is a Thai National.

The stories go on and on and on.  I can tell you this:  Your girlfriend is not an independent agent.  Your girlfriend is being controlled by outside forces.  Your girlfriend is part of picture much larger than you can imagine (literally).

I now refuse to go to areas like Phuket, or even Bangkok.  I have gone there, so I am not saying you are more evil or stupid then me.  I was stupid too. I am only saying to you, "stop" and never go to these places again.

Next, realize that not a single attractive Thai girl needs you.  They already have a man, and you simply took her from another one, if he didn't rent her out to you. 

Thai's are not takers, they are givers.  But my wife is now telling people that I didn't give her a salary and I think some foreigner has now offered to pay her to be his girlfriend. She is my wife, who lives on a budget from 40-70,000 baht a month, without an actual salary, but she has EVERYTHING (2 TV's, 3 Computers, eating in 4 and 5 star locations EVERY SINGLE DAY, 6 cell phones, plus skype worldwide calling, bicycle, clothes, and money on the table in a glass, money in her atm, money in my pocket, and money given to her daily).  But I fear that some foreigner couched "a salary" which she translates as cash. I might be wrong, nobody will give me detailed information about her. But I love her.

My advice:  I cry as I give you advice. I cry a lot.  You are a victim.  You are in love to give, she is in love to receive.

Your basic values are not the same.

Love mandates giving.   One guy in my building, after talking to me, told his girlfriend he couldn't afford to keep giving her 10,000 baht a month.  So she left him and went to BKK. She got some physically uncomfortable job and called him and said, "why do i have work like this when I have a farang (literally in thai: "fruit to be peeled") boy friend.  Just the use of the word "farang" is disparaging and should never be used by a woman regarding her beloved. 

My wife never worked.  She just wanted more money, and I am cheap.  I have not heard one person tell me stories about how my wife says I am kind, or generous, or loving, or a good provider, or a godly Christian man, or the like. NOT ONE person relays a story to me of how my wife protects my greng jai. 

Lisu culture is for the woman to enrich her man, not impoverish him, and unlike the Thai hill tribes - who are fined 200-300 baht for sleeping with a man outside of marriage, the Lisu laws are 30,000-50,000 baht! But, many foreigners don't know these things.

Furthermore, Thai culture forbids a woman from telling you "my family wants" in regards to a marriage situation.  The woman may either choose to be silent, or she may choose to be Thao Gaee for you (as she knows where her families assets are hidden).  But, she may NOT be Thao Gaee for her family.  This is forbidden.  Now, if you are perceived to be equal to, or above her father in Thai society, you may choose to be your own Thao Gaee (not wise if you choose this), or you may have a Thao Gaee.  Her FAMILY (not her) may have a Thao Gaee. Thao Gaees speak to each other, and each family's Thao Gaee relays the negotiations back to them.  In the end, gifts to each other (not only you to her)will be presented at the temple at the time of marriage.  If you buy a house, it will be a house only, her family will provide the land.   If the land is purchased by her, and her money, nobody else's money and no tricky business, the land can be willed to you, in your name, and you can own the land, in your name, upon her death.  But, while this is Thai Law, the LTO has never allowed this to be, but it is Thai Law.

Again, remember, any girl you will meet in places like Phuket do not have the respect of the Thai society.  Also, every girl you will meet in Phuket or the like already has a current, or an abandoned and betrayed husband or boyfriend elsewhere.

Also, remember that in Thailand, Thai's are as good as throwing flowery words upon you, as turning their words in sordid waste lands  -- and will do what suits their purposes, not yours.

I cry a lot as I write this missive to you. 

You erred.

Clearly we did not find what the wisest man in history taught us:  ... we did not find an excellent wife or a blessing from God.

We have been fools. 

We have gone to places to facilitate and fund the destruction of families.

We must repent, both of us!

Do you know that ALL of these types of people are linked to the Mafia.

And, do you know that there are levels of respect (fear) between various ethnic mafias?

And we fell in love with women who are integral members of the dark side of the equation.  And, now we are crying because we lost something we thought we had. We never had them.  They were always "had" by those who control them.

One day I was with some people. One man complained of being misused by a young girl.

One person said, "Oh, you payed her to * you, and then she * you, now you are complaining that she did what you paid her to do?"  Think about things. Did you ever PAY your beloved?  A person in Chiang Mai, out of college, working 14 hours a day, will earn a salary of about 220 baht a day.  Out of that salary they buy clothes, pay for boarding, buy food, toiletries.  A person on the mountain, working day by day makes about 100 baht a day when there is work.  When it's raining, there is no work. For us to have 100 dollars, we must earn 130+ dollars.  So if a man gives 10,000 baht, he has had to earn 13,000 + baht (taxes and the like, plus there is a conversion rate loss as well).

I had given a good deal of money to her and her family early on in the relationship, and they said "he, stopped."  They thought it could go on forever.  I saved 300 dollars a month, for years, to have a little retirement, and now, they want me to pay out that much as a salary in addition to 100% provision for my wife.  I don't have the money to waste. I am responsible for caring for her, feeding her, providing for her, and providing security.  To provide and maintain I must cut expenses by 50% in order to prepare for the depression which is overshadowing all of our economies. We are the brink of a world war.  I have a home in America to support. And, my wife only cares about not getting a salary from me.  Please, never again support these evil cities of Kuala Lumphar, Phuket, Pattaya, BKK, Angeles, or any of these magnet areas where young women are lured away from their husbands to work for a "salary."  Pray Pray and Pray. I think that God is getting angry.  And when God rises from his chair, it's time for the children to run and hide. Daddy is angry now.  And, our great God and father is getting angry!

I am praying for the day that Thailand, Singapore, Malaysia, and yes, even the USA, grow up and teach people the truth!  We are controlled by hill tribe and mountain people mafia's who are laughing as they are destroying the very fabric of our societies, destroying the notion of "family" at it's very core.

Surely, when the Lord God Almighty rises from His throne in anger, we would be wise to bow in awesome fear.

God is bigger and more powerful than the mafias, with which we have found ourselves associated.

Please join me in sackcloth and ashes.

With our tears we must PRAY or ourselves, and for those we love, and yes even for the mafia's which control them. We need to PRAY.  God must rise up, and God must deal judiciously with the men who have touched our wives.  God must act, as His character demands action.  If we are God's sons, then those who touch our wives must fear God's mighty hand, as we fear God's mighty hand.  God must be revealed to be Himself.  I fear the day that God rises from His throne to act on our behalf.  God must show the world that our prayers and our words are not ours alone, but come with His authority.


You should not have ever spent money in Phuket, funding a land which lures women from their husbands to money.  I love my wife, but she has no concept of love.  She just wants more money.  and I love her!

Please understand.  Thai's do not want men who are not "keneow" they want men with money IN their pocket, not wasted.

Proverbs 2

The Pursuit of Wisdom Brings Security

1My son, if you will receive my words
         And treasure my commandments within you,

2Make your ear attentive to wisdom,
         Incline your heart to understanding;

3For if you cry for discernment,
         Lift your voice for understanding;

4If you seek her as silver
         And search for her as for hidden treasures;

5Then you will discern the fear of the LORD
         And discover the knowledge of God.

6For the LORD gives wisdom;
         From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

7He stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
         He is a shield to those who walk in integrity,

8Guarding the paths of justice,
         And He preserves the way of His godly ones.

9Then you will discern righteousness and justice
         And equity and every good course.

10For wisdom will enter your heart
         And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;

11Discretion will guard you,
         Understanding will watch over you,

12To deliver you from the way of evil,
         From the man who speaks perverse things;

13From those who leave the paths of uprightness
         To walk in the ways of darkness;

14Who delight in doing evil
         And rejoice in the perversity of evil;

15Whose paths are crooked,
         And who are devious in their ways;

16To deliver you from the strange woman,
         From the adulteress who flatters with her words;

17That leaves the companion of her youth
         And forgets the covenant of her God;

18For her house sinks down to death
         And her tracks lead to the dead;

19None who go to her return again,
         Nor do they reach the paths of life.

20So you will walk in the way of good men
         And keep to the paths of the righteous.

21For the upright will live in the land
         And the blameless will remain in it;

22But the wicked will be cut off from the land
         And the treacherous will be uprooted from it.

---------------
<< Proverbs 7 >>
New American Standard Bible    
The Wiles of the Harlot

1My son, keep my words
         And treasure my commandments within you.

2Keep my commandments and live,
         And my teaching as the apple of your eye.

3Bind them on your fingers;
         Write them on the tablet of your heart.

4Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,”
         And call understanding your intimate friend;

5That they may keep you from an adulteress,
         From the foreigner who flatters with her words.

6For at the window of my house
         I looked out through my lattice,

7And I saw among the naive,
         And discerned among the youths
         A young man lacking sense,

8Passing through the street near her corner;
         And he takes the way to her house,

9In the twilight, in the evening,
         In the middle of the night and in the darkness.

10And behold, a woman comes to meet him,
         Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart.

11She is boisterous and rebellious,
         Her feet do not remain at home;

12She is now in the streets, now in the squares,
         And lurks by every corner.

13So she seizes him and kisses him
         And with a brazen face she says to him:

14“I was due to offer peace offerings;
         Today I have paid my vows.

15“Therefore I have come out to meet you,
         To seek your presence earnestly, and I have found you.

16“I have spread my couch with coverings,
         With colored linens of Egypt.

17“I have sprinkled my bed
         With myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.

18“Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning;
         Let us delight ourselves with caresses.

19“For my husband is not at home,
         He has gone on a long journey;

20He has taken a bag of money with him,
         At the full moon he will come home.”

21With her many persuasions she entices him;
         With her flattering lips she seduces him.

22Suddenly he follows her
         As an ox goes to the slaughter,
         Or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool,

23Until an arrow pierces through his liver;
         As a bird hastens to the snare,
         So he does not know that it will cost him his life.

24Now therefore, my sons, listen to me,
         And pay attention to the words of my mouth.

25Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways,
         Do not stray into her paths.

26For many are the victims she has cast down,
         And numerous are all her slain.

27Her house is the way to Sheol,
         Descending to the chambers of death.

-----------------
Proverbs 31

Description of a Worthy Woman

10An excellent wife, who can find?
         For her worth is far above jewels.

11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
         And he will have no lack of gain.

12She does him good and not evil
         All the days of her life.

13She looks for wool and flax
         And works with her hands in delight.

14She is like merchant ships;
         She brings her food from afar.

15She rises also while it is still night
         And gives food to her household
         And portions to her maidens.

16She considers a field and buys it;
         From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17She girds herself with strength
         And makes her arms strong.

18She senses that her gain is good;
         Her lamp does not go out at night.

19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
         And her hands grasp the spindle.

20She extends her hand to the poor,
         And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
         For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22She makes coverings for herself;
         Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23Her husband is known in the gates,
         When he sits among the elders of the land.

24She makes linen garments and sells them,
         And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
         And she smiles at the future.

26She opens her mouth in wisdom,
         And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27She looks well to the ways of her household,
         And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28Her children rise up and bless her;
         Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

29“Many daughters have done nobly,
         But you excel them all.”

30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
         But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31Give her the product of her hands,
         And let her works praise her in the gates.

I do agree with straydog, You need to look for the one who have already a job and a big plus will be if they have traveled around or lived somewhere else rather than just Thailand.

You also need to keep very clear with whomever you meet, that you aren't a cash machine. And therefore if they ask ( they rather demand it actually) for a present, or any other sort of money for something else alarm bells will need to sound in your head and you will need to move on. Had friends in similar situations.

And as for Garlfield, Life in Thailand is awesome, but you need to be very alert. And never trust a bar girl.

Thank you very much.  I know that you're right, but my heart is completely broken.  I spoke with her on the telephone this morning because I thought there was some discrepancy in my bank account at the Siam Bank in Phuket.  She told me that she only withdrew 17,000 baht of my money ... and she swears up and down that is all she took (of my latest wire transfer) ... I spoke on the phone with my bank and someone has used my debit card in Phuket to withdraw over 100,000 baht in the last week.  I called my girlfriend (fiancee) again and asked her about this.  She again swore up and down to me (and got angry) and said that she only withdrew 17,000 baht from my account.  I am the stupidest man alive.  I bought her a new motorbike, countless pieces of jewelry, and paid for her family's "brand new" house in Ubon.  I'm such a fool.  I thank you for your words.  I am so, so sad. I gave up everything for her, but I know I'm being played.  I feel so, so sad. Thank you.

Oh she might have left your bank card somewhere near her either friends or family.
Another one of the tricks, will get mad and make a big scene. Best thing u can do its cancel her access to the account, create a new one transfer the money there and thats it. If she calls just say "i cannot trust you anymore" ( as much as it hurts) She then will make even a bigger scene to draw you back to her. Ignore it completely, and begin to think of moving somewhere else rather than phuket, to A- Start a new chapter B- preserve your dignity.

And you were beiing played from the very start, as harsh as it sounds it is true, sadly.

Garfield it sounds like you are on the road to ruin that so many western men have traveled. I know the feelings run deep but from what you describe the warning signs have been there so its time you face up to the facts and cut and run.

A few years ago one of the English language newspapers ran the results of a poll in which high school students were asked what they thought about lying and eighty percent thought it was okay, otherwise you would be look down upon by your peers.  This is something you should keep in mind when dealing with Thai people.

Hello!

Thank you both for your honesty.  I know that you're right, but my heart is torn apart.  I'm a mess.  I really, really loved this girl.  I was blind to all of her lies.  I know she has more than 1 other boyfriend.  I know it.  I don't know why I believe her lies.  Now she tells me that the bank must have made an error!

She has the gall to tell me that "she" is telling the truth and my bank manager is lying to me about the funds in my savings account!  I looked her straight in the face and said these exact words: "If you just tell me the truth, just this once ... I will give you another 20,000 baht.  Just try and tell me the truth, I beg you." 

I said those exact words to her and she replied that she only took 17,000 baht from my bank account.  No one in the world has access to that account but me and her.  Nobody!  My bank tells me that everyday for 5 consecutive days someone used my debit card and withdrew 20,000 baht per day.  That's 100,000 baht.  She has my debit card.  I canceled the card this morning.

As mentioned in an earlier blog, when I was away in Korea ... I flew back on Valentine's Day to surprise my fiancee and some condoms fell out of from behind the mattress as we were making love. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.  I believed her when she said they weren't her condoms. 
What is wrong with me? Do I need help?

The same Valentine's Day surprise "visit"  ... her cellphone kept ringing all night ... she tried to turn it off, but I answered it first and there was a "farang" man on the phone asking for her!  Again ... she told me that "he" was nothing to her. .. she said she loved only me.

I am such a fool.  I am such a stupid fool.  I moved my job, everything, my life to Phuket ... at a huge loss in salary and now I have nothing.  I built a house for a poor family in Ubon ... I guess I can take some solace in that.

Thank you all.  You help more than you can imagine.  I'm sure you know the pain that I'm in.  I'm in more pain because I will never know the truth ... she cannot speak the truth.  Amazing.  I have begged her .... but it will not leave her lips.

I love her beyond all reason and I'm just a pawn to her.  That hurts so, so much.

Thank you again.  I will survive, but I know I have to endure a lot of heartache now.

Have a wonderful day.

GarfieldtheCat

Truly Sorry to hear all the Story from "GarfieldtheCat and Cecco" ...  I can understand you all feelings and pain ... I am sure that it's very hard to pass this time being alone.

I agree on what LuisF and Straydog said and again " you guys are not CASH Machine" ... Please don't close your eyes and trust whatever girls said.
One more please do not Trust any bar girls and massage girls, their attitude and mantally are already spoiled. Can't fix it any more. They will not know what is the actual Value of Caring by Someone. They would Only see MONEY in their eyes.
One thing, you can't find True love or Life partner or True companion from those places.
There might be some good girls working at those industories but the percentage will be very less and hard to find ... please be alert.

Actually I hate those people who are using someone and digging something for their selfishness or own benefits ... I deeply HATE them. They are just Suckers, always looking opportunity to suck the blood from another.

Well ... what i would like to say to you is please try to move on and get rid of all the thing that you have done. Please remember that " You are not alone ". I am the one who also with bleeding heart and sadness. I am also trying to move on and forget past but it's so hard...I even can't stop thinking again and again about my beloved. Until now, I am always be there for him no matter what. I dare say that He is a good person that I ever met. That's why I feel more painful broke up with him. I will set him free if he is happy without me.

Everyday I console myself and I believe I deserve better than that. I am strongly sure You guys also deserve better than those girls ... There might have a lot of people out there whom their situations are worse than us. Cheers you guys ....

" WE CAN DO IT " " WE CAN MOVE ON" And " WE ARE NOT ALONE" ...
~ God Bless Us ~ n ~ Cheers ~

Thank you so, so much for the kind words.  I know that you are right, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.  I'm sorry that you have gone through this pain as well.  It is terrible.  Losing someone that you love is like losing an arm!  (I think that I would rather lose an arm than go through the pain of a lost love.) 

You seem to know a lot about Bar Girls.  I suppose I should have listened to my brain and not my other body parts.  I still can't believe that I could be so blind.  I spent so, so, so much hard-earned money on her.  I've begged her to tell me the truth, but as one of you has advised me - I think she is so far beyond the truth ... that she doesn't know what is true and what isn't.

I feel very sad for her. I wanted to show her the world.  I took her to Canada and we lived in Korea for a month.  She had never been outside of Thailand.  Never been on an elevator!  I thought that was so cute and adorable.  Fact is ... she didn't see me as a "real" person. I now know that she thought of me as only a "walking wallet."  I don't know how someone can be so cruel. I think that Bar Girls meet so, so many men that they lose a lot of their ability to "really" feel.  That is kind of sad and doesn't make me feel any better.

Thank you, again, it's people like you ... who share your experiences, knowledge ... and (yes) your pain that make this loss seem almost bearable!

Thanks ... God ... I am such an idiot.

My heart is shattered.  I am so sad.

She has already moved on.  I know she is looking for her next conquest already.   

Have a great day everybody.  (Sorry for being such a downer.)

GarfieldtheCat

Garfield:

your thinking is not correct.

First. you think as an individual unit.

Thais and the tribes, see no reason to think as an individual unit.

All girls in these businesses are in with the mafia/triads/tong.

if u want to see what i mean, go to Hat Yai and just sit and watch the triads do business.

Now, please understand, they are part of a  large organization.  The mountains of Thailand/Burma are full of things we can't talk about.  Also, hill tribes still have slavery.

you need to know who controls the loyalty of these tribes. Also something we can't talk about.

When  I read your posts, I like you, but I worry about you.  You do not HAVE a CLUE as to what is going on in that part of the world.

Please understand.  Poo Wah is like a governor.  But many, like the lisu, don't even know who is the poo wah, but always reference "like the old ones taught us."  The Thai national Lisu can't read Lisu, which was brought to them by a missionary named Frazer in about 1945. Before him, and until today, everything is passed down by week long songs, for thousands of years, week long songs!

But, the allegiance of those who live in peace and safety in the mountains is because of their links going up the food chain.

Everybody in the groups must pay, in order to maintain peace and safety. 

Which means they are always beholding to the peace and safety of their home areas.

Until a few years ago, the board of governors told them they could no longer move ever 2 years (following opium harvests).  But, while they may tell you they have no house, the next question should be: "on which mountain, don't you have a house?"  They ALL, regardless of age, have one or more houses.

The problem that we have, is guys like me who try to put our wives on budgets, get introduced to guys like you.  You guys are giant magnets which draws them away from us.  And we lose them, you lose them, and they become * machines.

Also, you do not love her. You are co-dependant. I am sorry to tell you so bluntly, but we all need bluntness  to wake us up.

She needs about 1700 baht a month, not access to your bank accounts. (that is for her to survive and live).

If a woman is beautiful, a virgin, with a masters degree, you might pay as much as 50,000 to the family for a dowry, but they will give her gold!  If a woman is not a virgin, she pays YOU! you don't pay for her.  A woman who is no longer bordesuit has lost her value to a Thai, which is why many women go to man farang (baked potatoes).   Once they have gone to areas like phuket or pattaya, they are no longer clean, it's like they have leprosy.  And, if they are not virgins, they are despised.  Thai society is very upstanding and moral.  The problem with ice cream is that it is temporarily delicious, and tomorrow, we are fatter than the day before for some reason.  The cure is certainly to eat more ice cream. !!!!

My wife was taught by these whores who talked to her to ask for 350 dollars a month allowance and 2,000 dollars for her mom and and and and.  That is ridiculous.  I went to a psychiatrist in Chiang Mai. I liked him a lot.  He told me to give a girl only a little, what she needs. don't give her more.

The problem is that we spoiled them, and your girl became an obama (gaan buu cha doi eng) = narcissistic in English, but the thai word is so much more clear than the english word.

Garfield, cut your losses, and chalk them up to stupidity .. you learned, and now, you worked your life to enrich another man's family.  The bible speaks real highly of Israel when it enriched others with blessings God had intended for Israel alone.

Do not cast your pearls before swine, and if you don't know what a swine looks like, FIND OUT !!! WE ALL NEED TO KNOW HOW TO ID A SWINE.

OKAY, I WILL GO BACK TO CRYING NOW.

P.S. TAKE OFF THAT TIE AND BUY POOR MAN CLOTHES!  U DO NOT WANT TO LOOK LIKE YOU CAN AFFORD A TIE. ALTHOUGH REALLY GORGEOUS TIES AND CUFF LINKS ONLY COST 80 BAHT WHOLESALE IN CHIANG MAI, U STILL WANT TO LOOK POOR. THE WHITE SHIRT ALSO MAKES U LOOK RICH.  BUY A NICE BLACK OR GRAY T-SHIRT.  YOU ARE RETIRED. LOOK POOR!!  IMPRESS NO BODY.   NEVER GIVE A HINT THAT YOU HAVE ANY MONEY.  DON'T PAY FOR OTHERS.  IN THAILAND, WHOMEVER INVITES, PAYS, AND THEY PAY EVERYTHING. DON'T INVITE. BE INVITED. IF PEOPLE TRY TO GET INVITED, WALK AWAY, YOU ARE DONE  .. YOU NOW FOUND ANOTHER SWINE.

Look in Asia, there is no such thing as "helping" as you know "helping" Helping is something you pay for, and if they didn't pay YOU, then YOU didn't help them !! remember, in asia, "HELP IS WHEN YOU GET PAID, IF YOU DON'T GET PAID, YOU DIDN'T HELP, YOU INSULTED OR GOT USED." Memorize this concept too.

Truth. ..  Thais tell the truth to their "groups" but not to you.  When a tribal council meets, or assigns an overseer, they obey the counsel.  Mountain and Hill Tribes are far more afraid of Tribal Counsels than they are of entire Armies.  Your girlfriend could care less what the local police have to say, what terrifies her is the tribal counsel.  Ever see a tribal prison?  nope.  they just finish you if you don't comply.

Welcome to Asia.

Thanks, I think.

Look in Asia, there is no such thing as "helping" as you know "helping" Helping is something you pay for, and if they didn't pay YOU, then YOU didn't help them !! remember, in asia, "HELP IS WHEN YOU GET PAID, IF YOU DON'T GET PAID, YOU DIDN'T HELP, YOU INSULTED OR GOT USED." Memorize this concept too.

I really don't understand this concept ... Can you please make it more clear ? thanx a ton

"One more please do not Trust any bar girls and massage girls, their attitude and mantally are already spoiled. Can't fix it any more. They will not know what is the actual Value of Caring by Someone. They would Only see MONEY in their eyes.
One thing, you can't find True love or Life partner or True companion from those places.
There might be some good girls working at those industories but the percentage will be very less and hard to find ... please be alert."

Hey it's not that hard to find good girls, but it's hard that you have a chance to meet them. This country cannot run if most women are money hungry like that. Look, you come to Thailand as tourist expats. Who else you can meet but bar girls. And bar girls??? they are so professional in seduction. Not only Thai bar girls are like this, so are all-over-the-world bar girls. They are poor. They got rough lives. I sometimes have sympathy for them. Well, not all of them evil. I met a few bar girls who became very good wives to expats. But how much percentage of the good ones? How many people in the world win a lottery prize? same same) Please please you guys read Stephen Leather's Private Dancer. Lessons learnt should be taken from the story, not only read and still follow the same path. BTW GarfieldtheCat and Cecco I feel sorry for you, too. If you're interested in making any normal Thai girl friends, please leave me a message. I would like to help. I have lots of good female colleagues at work. But please remember they are ladies who are working in a good company. Start from being friends first. Start from a lover like bar girls you end up being heart broken.   
(I'm not a scam and have no advantage on this. Just want to help.)

There are all kinds of people in this world so one cannot say which country or nationality is good and do not cheat or lie.  This can happen in any part of the world and being expats in that country, one may be tempted or being cheated.  Likewise when one is a tourist for a short spell of time too.

Personally, I believe if one is greedy, one will sure fall for the trap, whether its get rich fast, girls etc. 

The best way out is always pause for a moment and do not get 'hot' over matters.  Some guys after drinking a couple will start to go wonders and their mind is no more with them.  They let emotions take control of themselves.

I am not saying I am perfect as I got cheated before but one pick up and learn.  If one never make mistakes then one never learn new things.

Who can say they are perfect or they never make mistakes?

Most important thing is be sober and be cool to know the person better.

Its very common for some ladies who works in massage or bars etc to try to make more money and its 'easy money.'  Do remember 1 thing - exchange is no robbery.  Its just that she is smarter and outwit you.

Sad to say some western guys jump into the situation so fast because they look at Asian ladies different from their own nationality.  Do not be surprised that these ladies is going around with other men as well. 

Many western guys who came to Asia and for a very short period of time, they ended up with an Asian lady.  Its very fast as some of these Asian Ladies are like eagle and they know who are their prey.

The problem is simple, they feel pampered and they lost their head.  Big difference between pamper and being loved.

Wish you all the best guys and please take it easy.  If you fell, stand up and walk again.  Please..... do remember not all ladies are bad and neither all men are bad too.  It takes 2 to tango.

Dear All,
I have just moved to Bangkok and I am new here. I am sorry for your sad stories about love, ex-wifes and ex-girlfriends. I know, that it is easy said but hardly done, but you have to get over it, close the old door and open the new one. The world is still full of good women who are mabye waiting for you somewhere.
I wish you lots of luck. Anyway, as I am new in BKK and somebody of you know some good places to go out for drink, I would love to join you and meet new friends.
All the best for all of you.
Cheers
Simona

There is a lot more to the story then we are allowed to even verbalize.  So as you get to know Asia, try to fill in the blanks.

But let me explain some things.

There are locations in Asia where the underworld call "bases." Each of the major Asian countries has these cities.

Some countries, like The Philippines and Hong Kong, even have cities of people who don't exist.  While they may be busted frequently, they soon refill.  Guards are on the inside, not on the outside.

Some countries have mountain people who had worked in the drug business for very long periods of time.  They are able to enter information about their organization via cell phones, and can recharge on any solar cell anywhere.  The rural mountain areas have many cell phones.

Many NGO projects put helicopter pads in rural areas.  Helicopter pads are very useful for residences who are branching out their businesses.  Although they cost 3,000 usd an hour to run, it may be efficient to use them.

The mountain areas have peoples who literally love gambling and play cards with their children when cash runs out (literally).

In some of these areas of Asia, the network is efficient and the movement of people is watched. Some of these tribes are so old, so entrenched, so powerful, that they can reclaim people at any time, anywhere.  When foreign men, who think as individuals, fall in love with a woman who thinks as a member of a tribe, who is beholding to others powers for her family's and villages safety, she is beholding to the family and village, and while she may verbalize loyalty to you, her loyalty to you can be trumped by a phone call, or a covert meeting in a shopping area.

Burmese use church organizations to move people to "refugee camps" in Malaysia.  There is a underground railroad which thrives.  Also, Burmese can walk around the mountains, learn many languages, and then go to government offices and claim to be a "native born national," and get citizenship, although they are not, in reality, a citizen of the country.

churches then recruit ministers from countries to the Americas, who are not citizens of the country where they hold a passport as a citizen.  The ministers become receiving persons for the sending people back in foreign lands, like Burma.  In many areas, like Doi Saket, you have orphanages with no kids.  So the orphanages share orphans to qualify other orphanages to get donations from western countries.  In many cases, people will claim to be a minister, recruit money for a church, and the big beautiful church has the pastor, and his wife and the sole members. Many times the wife goes into the City because her husband is boring.

side note:  people that give to missions are really stupid!

because of the NGO (churches etc) sending young missionaries who know nothing to the mission field, with huge wads of tither's money, they have created an image that all foreigners are rich, and have nothing to do with their money but give it to others.

So, people create an image of poverty, which may or may not be real.  many city dwellers,with high incomes, prefer to spend weekends and holidays in bamboo or rural housing then stay in the cities in gorgeous apartments.  The image of poverty is good for brochures to get money. Everybody is in on this, as the missionary gets more money, the country gets more money, the mission board gets more money, the people get more money.  everybody gets more money, because people (inclusive of Christians) GIVE according to photos and brochures and believe the scam. 

Note: I am a born again Christian with a degree in Bible from Multnomah School of the Bible.  I am not bashing my Lord and Savior, I am merely talking about some of his anthropocentric and narcissistic pew sitters.


Now, in all of this, we find a large segment of men, around the world, in search of feminine women.  And, in Asia, women can rent out their femininity or the like.  That being said, I too find the femininity in Asia women to be very attractive.  I have never dated a Caucasian woman in my life.   I have many friends, but I just don't "feel" the femininity coming forth as I do in a great many Asian women.

Also, I am not interested in family courts in the USA. (divorce court).

So, when the women we might find in Asia come to us, there are many things in play, in the back ground.

Now, combine their culture, what they bring to the table, with what you bring to the table.

The only one who can unite is Jesus Christ, through the power of His Holy Spirit, where our language is the verbally plenary inspired word of God.  When GOD HIMSELF becomes our newborn focus and His glory becomes our natural goal, then we can unite.  But unless "Christ is the answer" to all of our problems and differences, then we shall be in conflict accusing each other of being "sinners" (which we are, and which we remain). Failing in relationship after relationship after relationship.

Dear Brother Ceco,

Walk by the spirit and all shall be well.  Put your trust and faith in HIM for HE never leave you nor forsake you.  Being a Christian, walk by faith and not by sight.

When you look at HIM, all will be well for sure and I believe you know what I am talking.

GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY,

JCSHINE:

Is this what you are trying to say?

REVELATIONS 2

Message to Thyatira

      18“And to the angel of the church in Thyatira write:
      The Son of God, who has eyes like a flame of fire, and His feet are like burnished bronze, says this:

      19‘I know your deeds, and your love and faith and service and perseverance, and that your deeds of late are greater than at first. 20‘But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bond-servants astray so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. 21‘I gave her time to repent, and she does not want to repent of her immorality. 22‘Behold, I will throw her on a bed of sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds. 23‘And I will kill her children with pestilence, and all the churches will know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts; and I will give to each one of you according to your deeds. 24‘But I say to you, the rest who are in Thyatira, who do not hold this teaching, who have not known the deep things of Satan, as they call them—I place no other burden on you. 25‘Nevertheless what you have, hold fast until I come. 26‘He who overcomes, and he who keeps My deeds until the end, TO HIM I WILL GIVE AUTHORITY OVER THE NATIONS; 27AND HE SHALL RULE THEM WITH A ROD OF IRON, AS THE VESSELS OF THE POTTER ARE BROKEN TO PIECES, as I also have received authority from My Father; 28and I will give him the morning star. 29‘He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.'