Old men with young Vietnamese wives/girlfriends

Than you very much. You replied this very well!👍

gulshan555 wrote:

this reality i am in my 60+ widower since i was 40  having had many girlfriends... but marriage is another issue   while the going is good enjoy it...why commit to a long term relationship...move on!

I for one, don't really see a difference. It's more about the relationship and what each partner wants and needs. In my 50 years of sexual relationships, other issues are far more dominate than age difference and in fact, the one time I had a girlfriend who wanted more sex than I, she was older.

It's what you make it. If you think it will be an issue, it will be an issue.

Maggiemac wrote:

So is the ex-pat community in VN full of men married to VN women?  Are there many western women there, as a decision to live in VN would be based on forming female and, to a lesser extent, male friendships.  Not being able to speak Vietnamese will limit my ability to form strong friendships with locals so other Westerners would be important for me.

@Gobot did share some good ideas and thoughts.

This is the first place I've lived overseas, where I was not able to speak the language.  For me since, living with and like the locals is 99% of why i like living or traveling overseas, I would not be in Vietnam unless I could learn the language enough to get by or in my case, I have a GF to lead me around by the nose.

Maggiemac wrote:

So is the ex-pat community in VN full of men married to VN women?  Are there many western women there, as a decision to live in VN would be based on forming female and, to a lesser extent, male friendships.  Not being able to speak Vietnamese will limit my ability to form strong friendships with locals so other Westerners would be important for me.

There are certainly a lot more men than women among the expats in VN.  For obvious reason, most of the men (even married men whose spouses stay behind in their home countries) form relationships with VN women in one form or another.

I've often seen Western women in groups that were made up mainly of Vietnamese women.  They all spoke English with a few Vietnamese words thrown in here and there.

hi guys i am reading and laugh at some post for my humble experience in Vn i have seen many couples with huge age gap mine is 14 years diff my wife and .I guess men realize that vn women that says "we dont like vn men , we dont care about age its just a number .... " Guy you clearly understand what doest mean we dont like vn men WHY coz vn men will not give you money to support your relatives vn men will take your phone and will check who do u texting , i like older men WHY coz you have been working many years save a huge amount of money in the bank for us 2-300$ is nothing for them money to live whole month vn men are not stupid at all and all vn women tricks wont pass through them Vn is all about money i love you i miss you mean : man new bills are coming come back home to pay them . I am married for a country girl far from bars and clubs but its still the same .Guys never forget that vn is protecting vn citizen and Law is always with them buying a house or land its a gambling she can kick you out any time and the court will say she is right so my advice is u guys can love eachother but 0 cash in hand new motobike and new iphone full fridge thats all i have seen many guys giving salary to vn girls 1000$ for me its crazy she wants to support her family she can goes to work vn salaries are 6-10 tr (500$)

Mihail is right. Many of them choose foreign or expat men due to financial needs.

Even in the Philippines,lots of women I know, dont want to marry a Filipino men, mainly the men play around, its even worse men who have money  and come from very wealthy families, thats why there many single women who have kids, thats why they dont want to be solo mums, because the the men dont support the woman and the kid.

lack of respect and manners. Have seen couples here who go out for a meal and sit in silence playing on their phones instead

Manners here for the most part doesn't exist, I often wait for women to enter or exit lifts and buildings first, saw one guy here barge his way past myself and the woman in front who was pregnant. When I pulled him up on it he shrugged. Fine ignore me, but don't push the heavily pregnant woman out if the way.

Now when I see him I walk in front of him if he is waiting for the lift he don't like it.. but cannot say anything

you're only as old as the woman you feel 

Jlgarbutt wrote:

lack of respect and manners. Have seen couples here who go out for a meal and sit in silence playing on their phones instead

Don't think of it as a phone. Think of it as a marriage counselor

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Jlgarbutt wrote:

lack of respect and manners. Have seen couples here who go out for a meal and sit in silence playing on their phones instead

Don't think of it as a phone. Think of it as a marriage counselor

Im sure apple would love an app for that

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Manners here for the most part doesn't exist, I often wait for women to enter or exit lifts and buildings first, saw one guy here barge his way past myself and the woman in front who was pregnant. When I pulled him up on it he shrugged. Fine ignore me, but don't push the heavily pregnant woman out if the way.

You might want to talk to some VN and ask them what is the custom in VN.  I understand your position, but I was taught the man goes first (elevator, doors, etc) as it is shown as a form of respect, just like the west shows respect to a woman by allowing her to go first. 

It was difficult at first, but my wife refused to go first.  But when she explained it to me, I realized it was a form of showing respect to the man, then I was more comfortable entering and exiting first.  In addition, I never had any person, man or woman, have an attitude when I entered or exited first in VN.  Please understand that when you see a man and a woman in an elevator, the man is likely going to exit first in VN and it is a sign of respect so don't get so upset.  I am assuming the guy shrugged you off and thought you were just an uninformed westerner and did not want to bother with you.

FYI - I am not going to tell my wife she is wrong.

vndreamer wrote:

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Manners here for the most part doesn't exist, I often wait for women to enter or exit lifts and buildings first, saw one guy here barge his way past myself and the woman in front who was pregnant. When I pulled him up on it he shrugged. Fine ignore me, but don't push the heavily pregnant woman out if the way.

You might want to talk to some VN and ask them what is the custom in VN.  I understand your position, but I was taught the man goes first (elevator, doors, etc) as it is shown as a form of respect, just like the west shows respect to a woman by allowing her to go first. 

It was difficult at first, but my wife refused to go first.  But when she explained it to me, I realized it was a form of showing respect to the man, then I was more comfortable entering and exiting first.  In addition, I never had any person, man or woman, have an attitude when I entered or exited first in VN.  Please understand that when you see a man and a woman in an elevator, the man is likely going to exit first in VN and it is a sign of respect so don't get so upset.  I am assuming the guy shrugged you off and thought you were just an uninformed westerner and did not want to bother with you.

FYI - I am not going to tell my wife she is wrong.

Are you a man or a mouse 😋

Sure I accept that if the people were related that might be the tradition here, to walk up and ignore everyone else waiting for the lift and barge in is just pure ignorance

I was not there so I can't opine on that.  Just gave a perspective in the general sense.  Yes, people can be @@@holes and I could write encyclopedias on that subject matter.

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

Jlgarbutt wrote:

lack of respect and manners. Have seen couples here who go out for a meal and sit in silence playing on their phones instead

Don't think of it as a phone. Think of it as a marriage counselor

vndreamer wrote:

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Manners here for the most part doesn't exist, I often wait for women to enter or exit lifts and buildings first, saw one guy here barge his way past myself and the woman in front who was pregnant. When I pulled him up on it he shrugged. Fine ignore me, but don't push the heavily pregnant woman out if the way.

You might want to talk to some VN and ask them what is the custom in VN.  I understand your position, but I was taught the man goes first (elevator, doors, etc) as it is shown as a form of respect, just like the west shows respect to a woman by allowing her to go first. 

It was difficult at first, but my wife refused to go first.  But when she explained it to me, I realized it was a form of showing respect to the man, then I was more comfortable entering and exiting first.  In addition, I never had any person, man or woman, have an attitude when I entered or exited first in VN.  Please understand that when you see a man and a woman in an elevator, the man is likely going to exit first in VN and it is a sign of respect so don't get so upset.  I am assuming the guy shrugged you off and thought you were just an uninformed westerner and did not want to bother with you.

FYI - I am not going to tell my wife she is wrong.

Sorry but this sounds like a pretty lame excuse/explanation to the point he made to me. Next thing you will be telling us is that the woman should walk behind the man because the men are superior. So when a man tries to jump the queue of women at the supermarket check out, tries to jump the queue at the airport check in, tries to jump the queue at the parking lot check out, its because its traditional & acceptable, Naa you need to make a better excuse for bad manners that that I think.
Any time for example I enter the elevator & there are ladies waiting I always say ladies first & none have ever said...........oh no sir, please you go first, I want to show respect to you because you are a man

goodolboy wrote:

vndreamer wrote:

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Manners here for the most part doesn't exist, I often wait for women to enter or exit lifts and buildings first, saw one guy here barge his way past myself and the woman in front who was pregnant. When I pulled him up on it he shrugged. Fine ignore me, but don't push the heavily pregnant woman out if the way.

You might want to talk to some VN and ask them what is the custom in VN.  I understand your position, but I was taught the man goes first (elevator, doors, etc) as it is shown as a form of respect, just like the west shows respect to a woman by allowing her to go first. 

It was difficult at first, but my wife refused to go first.  But when she explained it to me, I realized it was a form of showing respect to the man, then I was more comfortable entering and exiting first.  In addition, I never had any person, man or woman, have an attitude when I entered or exited first in VN.  Please understand that when you see a man and a woman in an elevator, the man is likely going to exit first in VN and it is a sign of respect so don't get so upset.  I am assuming the guy shrugged you off and thought you were just an uninformed westerner and did not want to bother with you.

FYI - I am not going to tell my wife she is wrong.

Sorry but this sounds like a pretty lame excuse/explanation to the point he made to me. Next thing you will be telling us is that the woman should walk behind the man because the men are superior. So when a man tries to jump the queue of women at the supermarket check out, tries to jump the queue at the airport check in, tries to jump the queue at the parking lot check out, its because its traditional & acceptable, Naa you need to make a better excuse for bad manners that that I think.
Any time for example I enter the elevator & there are ladies waiting I always say ladies first & none have ever said...........oh no sir, please you go first, I want to show respect to you because you are a man

Obviously you completely misunderstood the post.  Forget about it.

vndreamer wrote:

goodolboy wrote:

vndreamer wrote:

You might want to talk to some VN and ask them what is the custom in VN.  I understand your position, but I was taught the man goes first (elevator, doors, etc) as it is shown as a form of respect, just like the west shows respect to a woman by allowing her to go first. 

It was difficult at first, but my wife refused to go first.  But when she explained it to me, I realized it was a form of showing respect to the man, then I was more comfortable entering and exiting first.  In addition, I never had any person, man or woman, have an attitude when I entered or exited first in VN.  Please understand that when you see a man and a woman in an elevator, the man is likely going to exit first in VN and it is a sign of respect so don't get so upset.  I am assuming the guy shrugged you off and thought you were just an uninformed westerner and did not want to bother with you.

FYI - I am not going to tell my wife she is wrong.

Sorry but this sounds like a pretty lame excuse/explanation to the point he made to me. Next thing you will be telling us is that the woman should walk behind the man because the men are superior. So when a man tries to jump the queue of women at the supermarket check out, tries to jump the queue at the airport check in, tries to jump the queue at the parking lot check out, its because its traditional & acceptable, Naa you need to make a better excuse for bad manners that that I think.
Any time for example I enter the elevator & there are ladies waiting I always say ladies first & none have ever said...........oh no sir, please you go first, I want to show respect to you because you are a man

Obviously you completely misunderstood the post.  Forget about it.

Well I have lived here in Vietnam for nearly 14 years & never heard from any of my Vietnamese friends, ex wife & GF describing what you say.
Just showed your post to my Vietnamese GF & she just looked puzzled & said she had never heard about this Vietnamese custom. Might be something about the age of your Vietnamese wife or the region she comes from, but I personally think this if it is traditional as you describe it is from the long distant past & not for young Vietnamese women. My experience......Old & young Vietnamese women appreciate a man showing them respect & give back respect in return.

goodolboy wrote:

So when a man tries to jump the queue of women at the supermarket check out, tries to jump the queue at the airport check in, tries to jump the queue at the parking lot check out, its because its traditional & acceptable,

The part about the parking lot check out reminded me of a time when we were in the scrum to get out of the parking lot at our local Big C basement lot.  I failed for a moment to exhibit maximal aggression and a couple on another bike came from behind and cut in front of us.  I told my wife to "scold him for me" but she replied that she did not need to because his wife was already giving it to him a good scolding.  Apparently his wife too did not know about or agree with the cut in line is OK custom.  Most Americans are actually a little amused by the extremely polite queuing up manners of the occupants of Great Britain and we may fall somewhere in between, but Vietnamese must fall on the extreme opposite end of the spectrum for manners, or lack of them,  while in line.

I was at Mega Market getting some things the other day.  I was standing in line at the fresh food scale lady.  There were three of us there.  A VN guy walked right up in front of the three of us and dropped his veggies in front of us.

The lady weighing things grabbed his stuff, thrust them into his hands and sent him to the back of the line and berated him for a few seconds before going back to weighing.  He stood there sheepishly.  I really appreciated seeing it.

The amount of times I have slapped a hand of someone trying to place their package in front of mine at the post office is numerous.

colinoscapee wrote:

The amount of times I have slapped a hand of someone trying to place their package in front of mine at the post office is numerous.

you should think you are lucky, chance would be a fine thing, any lady can place her "package" in front of mine anywhere any time!

SteinNebraska wrote:

I was at Mega Market getting some things the other day.  I was standing in line at the fresh food scale lady.  There were three of us there.  A VN guy walked right up in front of the three of us and dropped his veggies in front of us.

The lady weighing things grabbed his stuff, thrust them into his hands and sent him to the back of the line and berated him for a few seconds before going back to weighing.  He stood there sheepishly.  I really appreciated seeing it.

I personally think your experience the other day was the exception rather than the rule. For example,  I have been in a private financial discussion with my Relationship Manager (at a desk not inside an office)  & someone will invariably draw up a chair right next to us, have a quick look at whats going on then thrust their ID or book into the face of the Relationship manager & immediately she will drop what she is doing for me mid session & start doing what ever for the other customer & thats happened quite a few times, please believe me!

goodolboy wrote:

colinoscapee wrote:

The amount of times I have slapped a hand of someone trying to place their package in front of mine at the post office is numerous.

you should think you are lucky, chance would be a fine thing, any lady can place her "package" in front of mine anywhere any time!

Being much younger and more handsome, I can be selective. 

Regarding respect for males vs. females, this recent news article touches upon the matter:

40,800 female births doomed in Vietnam every year
https://e.vnexpress.net/news/news/40-80 … 32724.html

Every year, the long-standing preference for boys in Vietnam's society terminates 40,800 baby girls before they are born, according to the United Nations Population Fund.

While Vietnam has made progress in reducing gender discrimination over the past several decades, gender-biased sex selection continues to be a widespread practice.

This is an adverse manifestation of the "son preference, which is anything but a benign tradition, a product of gender-biased systems which place higher social status to men and boys, and which favors male over female children," the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) stated

Of course, this applies to many Asian cultures, such as China, India, etc.

johnross23 wrote:

Regarding respect for males vs. females, this recent news article touches upon the matter:

40,800 female births doomed in Vietnam every year
https://e.vnexpress.net/news/news/40-80 … 32724.html

Every year, the long-standing preference for boys in Vietnam's society terminates 40,800 baby girls before they are born, according to the United Nations Population Fund.

While Vietnam has made progress in reducing gender discrimination over the past several decades, gender-biased sex selection continues to be a widespread practice.

This is an adverse manifestation of the "son preference, which is anything but a benign tradition, a product of gender-biased systems which place higher social status to men and boys, and which favors male over female children," the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) stated

Of course, this applies to many Asian cultures, such as China, India, etc.

WOW....never knew that!! you would think it would be opposite, most Vietnamese women actually have a job of some description & take care of their families, not like most men round here anyways, all they seem to do is sit around coffee shops or play billiards!

goodolboy wrote:

johnross23 wrote:

Regarding respect for males vs. females, this recent news article touches upon the matter:

40,800 female births doomed in Vietnam every year
https://e.vnexpress.net/news/news/40-80 … 32724.html

Every year, the long-standing preference for boys in Vietnam's society terminates 40,800 baby girls before they are born, according to the United Nations Population Fund.

While Vietnam has made progress in reducing gender discrimination over the past several decades, gender-biased sex selection continues to be a widespread practice.

This is an adverse manifestation of the "son preference, which is anything but a benign tradition, a product of gender-biased systems which place higher social status to men and boys, and which favors male over female children," the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) stated

Of course, this applies to many Asian cultures, such as China, India, etc.

WOW....never knew that!! you would think it would be opposite, most Vietnamese women actually have a job of some description & take care of their families, not like most men round here anyways, all they seem to do is sit around coffee shops or play billiards!

This has been a serious problem for many years.

After watching many males here grow up and to still be attached to mummas nipple, you have to wonder why anyone would want one.

Sorry, but Vietnamese women are known to be one of the most money worshipping grabbing superficial ones out there. Not saying all but as a collective thinking society like VN goes, good chance you meet one, the next one will be pretty much the same. I have tried but definitely not worth the trouble. Good luck to whoever wants that because you will need it.

expatec wrote:

Sorry, but Vietnamese women are known to be one of the most money worshipping grabbing superficial ones out there. Not saying all but as a collective thinking society like VN goes, good chance you meet one, the next one will be pretty much the same. I have tried but definitely not worth the trouble. Good luck to whoever wants that because you will need it.

Its obvious you havent dealt with Russian women.

expatec wrote:

Sorry, but Vietnamese women are known to be one of the most money worshipping grabbing superficial ones out there. Not saying all but as a collective thinking society like VN goes, good chance you meet one, the next one will be pretty much the same. I have tried but definitely not worth the trouble. Good luck to whoever wants that because you will need it.

That pretty harsh when you see the ones that do work are often paid a pittance to try and support their families.

Next time you are in a coffee shop and see some young girl being interviewed by a much older guy who offers to pay her a maximum 2 million a month and then adds if you need money come to me... It's a way for him to give her some more money in return for sexual favours.

On the flip side the "prefered" child being male... Haha so they can stand and pee in the street, spit at your feet... Smoke and drink all day ? Not all of them but an awful lot of them

Don't discount the importance of continuation of the family through the male line.  This is a core element in Confucianism.  I may have told this story before (a sure sign of advancing senility  ) but my wife's father was relocated from his VC unit in Ben Tre, the place where "we had to destroy the village to save it," to an office job in Hoa Binh outside of Hanoi because he was the last male member of his family.  A long walk from South to North perhaps, but a much better arrangement.  This is rather astounding if you think about it and indicative of a strong cultural effect.  I believe it was more than just a humane policy but something more basic.  The preference for male sons stems from the same cultural outlook.

US forces had a policy with respect to the draft, commonly called "sole surviving son", but it applied only if the older sibling was killed in combat.  The concept was similar but the cultural backing for the policy was not nearly as strong.

vndreamer wrote:Just curious, what age is considered an old man and what age is considered a young wife or the age difference?

There is a "rule of 7" also called "half age plus 7", google. The younger person should not be less than half the age plus 7 years of the older one. Don't know where the rule came from.

age rule -- ages when married
66 / 40 --- Rupert Murdoch 66 / Wendi Deng 29 = rule breaker (37 year diff)
58 / 36 --- Donald 58, Melania 34 = oh oh (24 year diff)
54 / 34 --- Brigitte 54, Macron 29 = cradle robber (25 year diff)
54 / 34 --- George Clooney 54, Amal 38 = pass (16 year diff)
42 / 28 --- Demi 42 / Ashton 27 = missed by one year (15 year diff)
-@gobot

Rupert Murdoch been busy.  Wife #5 coming soon.  At least she meets the rule of 7 now.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-styl … 04456.html

The thread that couldn't die.

Unlike...

vndreamer wrote:Just curious, what age is considered an old man and what age is considered a young wife or the age difference?

There is a "rule of 7" also called "half age plus 7", google. The younger person should not be less than half the age plus 7 years of the older one. Don't know where the rule came from.

age rule -- ages when married
66 / 40 --- Rupert Murdoch 66 / Wendi Deng 29 = rule breaker (37 year diff)
58 / 36 --- Donald 58, Melania 34 = oh oh (24 year diff)
54 / 34 --- Brigitte 54, Macron 29 = cradle robber (25 year diff)
54 / 34 --- George Clooney 54, Amal 38 = pass (16 year diff)
42 / 28 --- Demi 42 / Ashton 27 = missed by one year (15 year diff)
-@gobot
Rupert Murdoch been busy. Wife #5 coming soon. At least she meets the rule of 7 now.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-styl … 04456.html
-@SteinNebraska

Not sure the point of digging this up!!

vndreamer wrote:Just curious, what age is considered an old man and what age is considered a young wife or the age difference?

There is a "rule of 7" also called "half age plus 7", google. The younger person should not be less than half the age plus 7 years of the older one. Don't know where the rule came from.

age rule -- ages when married
66 / 40 --- Rupert Murdoch 66 / Wendi Deng 29 = rule breaker (37 year diff)
58 / 36 --- Donald 58, Melania 34 = oh oh (24 year diff)
54 / 34 --- Brigitte 54, Macron 29 = cradle robber (25 year diff)
54 / 34 --- George Clooney 54, Amal 38 = pass (16 year diff)
42 / 28 --- Demi 42 / Ashton 27 = missed by one year (15 year diff)
-@gobot
Rupert Murdoch been busy. Wife #5 coming soon. At least she meets the rule of 7 now.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-styl … 04456.html
-@SteinNebraska

Not sure the point of digging this up!!
-@SimCityAT

Thats me scuppered then, better look for an older model of Ms My before it turns nasty😍

vndreamer wrote:Just curious, what age is considered an old man and what age is considered a young wife or the age difference?

There is a "rule of 7" also called "half age plus 7", google. The younger person should not be less than half the age plus 7 years of the older one. Don't know where the rule came from.

age rule -- ages when married
66 / 40 --- Rupert Murdoch 66 / Wendi Deng 29 = rule breaker (37 year diff)
58 / 36 --- Donald 58, Melania 34 = oh oh (24 year diff)
54 / 34 --- Brigitte 54, Macron 29 = cradle robber (25 year diff)
54 / 34 --- George Clooney 54, Amal 38 = pass (16 year diff)
42 / 28 --- Demi 42 / Ashton 27 = missed by one year (15 year diff)
-@gobot
Rupert Murdoch been busy. Wife #5 coming soon. At least she meets the rule of 7 now.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-styl … 04456.html
-@SteinNebraska

Not sure the point of digging this up!!
-@SimCityAT

At least THIGV and I would agree that it wasn't a violation of the forum code of conduct... 😉

vndreamer wrote:Just curious, what age is considered an old man and what age is considered a young wife or the age difference?

There is a "rule of 7" also called "half age plus 7", google. The younger person should not be less than half the age plus 7 years of the older one. Don't know where the rule came from.

age rule -- ages when married
66 / 40 --- Rupert Murdoch 66 / Wendi Deng 29 = rule breaker (37 year diff)
58 / 36 --- Donald 58, Melania 34 = oh oh (24 year diff)
54 / 34 --- Brigitte 54, Macron 29 = cradle robber (25 year diff)
54 / 34 --- George Clooney 54, Amal 38 = pass (16 year diff)
42 / 28 --- Demi 42 / Ashton 27 = missed by one year (15 year diff)
-@gobot
Rupert Murdoch been busy. Wife #5 coming soon. At least she meets the rule of 7 now.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-styl … 04456.html
-@SteinNebraska

Not sure the point of digging this up!!
-@SimCityAT

Meh, I was just reading through this thread again from the beginning, saw this and happened to remember seeing a news article today about Rupert hooking up again.  It was just timely.

vndreamer wrote:Just curious, what age is considered an old man and what age is considered a young wife or the age difference?

There is a "rule of 7" also called "half age plus 7", google. The younger person should not be less than half the age plus 7 years of the older one. Don't know where the rule came from.

age rule -- ages when married
66 / 40 --- Rupert Murdoch 66 / Wendi Deng 29 = rule breaker (37 year diff)
58 / 36 --- Donald 58, Melania 34 = oh oh (24 year diff)
54 / 34 --- Brigitte 54, Macron 29 = cradle robber (25 year diff)
54 / 34 --- George Clooney 54, Amal 38 = pass (16 year diff)
42 / 28 --- Demi 42 / Ashton 27 = missed by one year (15 year diff)
-@gobot
Rupert Murdoch been busy. Wife #5 coming soon. At least she meets the rule of 7 now.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-styl … 04456.html
-@SteinNebraska

Not sure the point of digging this up!!
-@SimCityAT
Meh, I was just reading through this thread again from the beginning, saw this and happened to remember seeing a news article today about Rupert hooking up again. It was just timely.
-@SteinNebraska

Neither has anything to do with Vietnam.