Old men with young Vietnamese wives/girlfriends

phikachu,

The thing to remember is that Bac was still an 18 year old girl when I left Viet Nam in 1972. The fact that she had seen and experienced more war than almost anyone who lived through a war doesn't change that fact.

As to "PSYOPs." all of the MED-CAPS, the Christmas Gifts given to the children, the picture on the cover of her book, are considered PSYOPs despite the fact that we dug into our own pockets and asked for goodies from our families to provide Christmas gifts for the Children.

I forgot....what was this thread about?

Diazo wrote:

I forgot....what was this thread about?

Happens a lot

Diazo wrote:

I forgot....what was this thread about?

About old men with vietnamese wives and how it's panned out.

I think 70yearold guys life story is rather relevant, on topic and damn interesting too. I'm going to buy that book on amazon and read it the moment I can.

Oh I think it is a great story also. And the portion that pertained to the thread was great as well. But we did get a bit off topic and before the police came I thought I would drop a hint. Maybe we should start a book review thread. I am also going to get the book. But if we are not careful the thread will wander into the book and lose sight of what the OP was asking. 70 Year Old always has a lot of interesting yarns to be sure. Nice fella.

perhaps better that we police ourselves than having the mods spank our peepee's!!!

Diazo wrote:

perhaps better that we police ourselves than having the mods spank our peepee's!!!

We should not talk about spanking on a thread of this nature as the gentlemen involved are advanced in years so might well have dicky tickers.

More seriously, as long as posts aren't going to upset anyone, don't advertise services of any sort and aren't 20 million miles off topic, there won't be any issues to care about.

Come this December, I will have bought the earrings and paid the two Cows purchase price for the teen-aged bride of what will be 46 years(1971-2017). Note, at that time and place, an 18 year old unmarried girl was considered to be an ancient, old maid, spinster.

The book, except for a few echoes, dos not have much to do with today's, especially big city, Viet Nam. That is mostly a very good thing. But, I knew and remember a lot of the people in the book. Some are even still alive.

To put the time frame into perspective, the Indian Wars in America only officially ended about the same distance in time, 46 years(1924-1970) before Bac and I met in 1970.

^
An interesting post that shows cultural norms in one country can be extremely different in another.
After all, look up the age of consent in the US and UK not much over a hundred years ago.

Fred wrote:

^
An interesting post that shows cultural norms in one country can be extremely different in another.
After all, look up the age of consent in the US and UK not much over a hundred years ago.

And if memory serves, before the year 2000, 13 was considered a legal age for  a girl to marry in Viet Nam.

In Texas about 20 years ago, a 60+ neighbor married a 16 year old girl. In reality, the girl had a very serious and very expensive disease and our 60+ neighbor had a government job with good insurance. Their was actually a bit of legal paperwork required. But, the marriage did save her life.

The US age of consent was 10 or 12 in 1885 (from memory) and that was about the same in the UK.
I can't remember which state it was, but it had 7 as a legitimate age for sex at about the same time. I think it was raised to 16 a few years later.
People rant on about old men with younger women as if it's perverted in some way, but it's really just social norms in any given place.
That isn't to defend kiddie fiddling in any way, but social norms and nature don't always match up well.
Personally I don't think most girls are mentally ready for serious relationships until much older than their bodies are capable of reproduction, but nature says their ability is the limit, not an age set by government.
Younger ladies or girls don't suit my tastes, much of that being the inability to hold a reasonable conversation and have a serious relationship, but I won't knock such as the Mosuo who deem the age of consent as the age the girl becomes sexually mature, and no couple ever gets married or even stay together.
The girl chooses the man, and age isn't a factor as far as their society is concerned, but we might well say a 25 year old Mosuo man is a paedophile if he has sex with a 12 year old girl.
Their whole system is really odd as far as most of the world sees, but their norm is what works for them, and has done for countless years.

The above said, a man who deliberately hunts out multiple young girls for sex or brags about conquests isn't covered by that, and I would tend to be a little concerned about him.

Fred,

Your point about being able to hold an intelligent conversation with a woman is very well taken, as is an actual ability for both parties to consent or not. But, getting much deeper risks moving into politics. Politics is forbidden on this site and I  believe that is wise decision.

The debate is commonly more about emotion than common sense and emotions can be strong.
In our society any relationship outside cultural norms are taboo so tend to produce strong reactions.
I noticed a set of posts some while ago where a man of about 70 seemed to be bragging about young girls (notice the S) of around 16, something that set my pervert antenna buzzing.
However a man of the same age meeting ONE girl of an age over 20 or so, I would tend to deem to be 'a lucky bugger'.
As long as they both know what's what and are happy with the situation, not a lot of hurt but obvious care has to be taken by the man because there's a chance such a girl loves his wallet a lot more than him.
I saw that here with an old Dutch guy who married a nasty local woman who ripped him off in a big way, leaving him homeless and penniless in a foreign country with no hope of staying legally and nothing back home.
Sad as hell.

Fred said,

"However a man of the same age meeting ONE girl of an age over 20 or so, I would tend to deem to be 'a lucky bugger'."

Being in that age group, a woman would be lucky to get around 10 good years out of me. Even in today's Viet Nam, her chances of remarriage would be slim for her. I really don't want to do that to someone that I genuinely care for. My wife Bac, who is toward the end stage of a fatal disease, on the other-hand, thinks more like you.

First things first .. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles and hope the lady is as comfortable as possible.

After that, I have no problem with an older man and a younger WOMAN as long as both know the deal and neither is out to exploit the other.

Their is a tradition in Viet Nam of what is called "family hope" or "family savior." The terms are not exactly the same.

An actual, almost always male, "family savior's" life almost always winds up rather less enjoyable than spending years, even decades slowly drowning to death in a particularly foul cess pool.

My wife Bac was that rarity, a female "family savior," with everything that that position entails. This is what the book is all about. For those of us who have survived a war, a lot of things in the book are hilarious. But, we have a very warped sense of humor. The late General Mackinnon absolutely got the Foreword that he wrote for our book right.

"He who knows himself, and knows his enemy, wins without danger.
Sun‑tzu

Bac Eaton's story is a graphic picture of the struggles of a young Vietnamese girl and her family in war-torn Vietnam. It should be required reading for all who served there, as well as their families and friends. It explains in simple yet powerful language the forces that were acting on the Vietnamese nation, while we, the United States, were so closely involved. These forces, religious, ethnic, political, and always life-threatening, were never fully understood by the Americans. Whether we were serving in Vietnam, had already served there, or were directing the conflict from Washington, D. C., we never knew what we were facing. This failure to understand made our efforts to meld the South Vietnamese people into an effective cohesive force an exercise in futility.
In a simple but compelling way the author describes the harsh realities of life in the hell of Vietnam. It is miraculous that anyone could maintain any kind of day to day existence much less dream of the future under these conditions. Bac is living proof of the spirit of the South Vietnamese people and their ability to surmount overwhelming odds.

Robert N Mackinnon
Maj. Gen. USA Retired"

Well I am 49 my girlfriend is 34 we are a great match we never have any problems at all we don't ever fight she is just a great person, Someone said stay away from the bar girls well if you want fun go for it if you want a wife stay away from the Bar girls. It's just a money pit.

Steven

I don't think that 34 and 49 is the subject of this thread, though I'm happy to talk to guys who find a "keeper." A good friend, about my age, died fairly recently. He would have been around 70 and his wife around 30 when he died. They were both good people.

I married my "old war buddy" here in 1971. She was 19 at the time and I was 27. It doesn't look like she will be with me for our 50th anniversary. Her health is just too frail.

Sam

Sorry too hear that Sam, I don't know what I would do if my wife wasn't going to be with me much longer. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your wife

rlhull

Thank you. She has had an amazing and good life and has been able to do a lot of good for a number of people.

Just curious, what age is considered an old man and what age is considered a young wife or the age difference? 

I'm 38 years old, married with 2 kids. I am an old man. There's nothing left in my life that I want but to serve my kids and wife. I've enjoyed it all thus I'm an old man.

My wife though is young. She brings happiness to me everyday. Rejuvenates me. Gives me strength to get through my days. She's 38 years old.

What's that saying. Age is a state of mind.

Wait till you get to sixty eight mate

Age is just a number it's how you feel that matters. Like I said before I'm 69 and my wife is 32 but she makes me feel like I'm 39

vndreamer wrote:

Just curious, what age is considered an old man and what age is considered a young wife or the age difference? 

There is a "rule of 7" also called "half age plus 7", google. The younger person should not be less than half the age plus 7 years of the older one. Don't know where the rule came from.

age rule -- ages when married
66 / 40 --- Rupert Murdoch 66 / Wendi Deng 29 = rule breaker (37 year diff)
58 / 36 --- Donald 58, Melania 34 = oh oh (24 year diff)
54 / 34 --- Brigitte 54, Macron 29 = cradle robber (25 year diff)
54 / 34 --- George Clooney 54, Amal 38 = pass (16 year diff)
42 / 28 --- Demi 42 / Ashton 27 = missed by one year (15 year diff)

Mmmm..........haven't soon Boo Boo around lately.

Must have been devoured by a Cougar.

rlhull wrote:

Age is just a number it's how you feel that matters. Like I said before I'm 69 and my wife is 32 but she makes me feel like I'm 39

I think it's just social norm. Look at the French with that Macron president who's 40 and his wife is 60ish. And this is apparently normal in France to marry much older women.

In the end as long the married couples are happy who cares what the age difference is.

Could you all work it out to maybe... a few months each year in VN?.. looks like to me that's what most families like that do..

I'm amazed at how many VN women say they don't like VN men as husbands... they say VN men just consider it a time homered pastime to beat their women, stay drunk, smoke a lot, refuse to do any household work... and I've seen it in practice quite a bit..

I have been giving this much thought and prayer, finally coming to the conclusion even a dirty old man and gold digger relationship is fine as long as both people know the score and both get what they want from it.
That falls down when the man is too daft and gives the woman all his cash or leaves himself open to being ripped off and loses it all anyway.
Perhaps the latter by giving his wife a credit card linked to automatic payments from his bank account.

Hi Ralphnhatrang,

Wow, that's amazing that you get to live in NT that long. I'm so Jealous. I was born in NT, but have been living in the US for several decades now. I was in NT not long ago and met a group of badminton players and the play everyday at the NT beach in front of the citadines building if you and your wife interested.

Enjoy your retirement sir and best wishes,

Cp713a,
As I wrote in my post, my family and I are living back in Australia now, so sorry, I can't accept your invitation to badminton. Enjoy Nha Trang.

Hi Guy`s !
I just stumbled across this site/forum, and I have enjoyed reading all your posts. :-) I am a 50 year old British male, and I am married to a very beautiful 33 year old Vietnamese lady. We are crazy about each other :-) Unfortunately we cant live together just yet :-(

I am very lucky, my wife (Nhu) comes from a very good and very successful family. They have more money than I will ever have. So she has never asked me for a penny. She has just received her 5 year spousal visa for the UK, but unfortunately the UK government refused her 4 year old son a visa :-( We have our local MP challenging the home office on this matter. She has just returned to Vietnam after 2 wonderful months here with me. When I am 55 years of age and can access my private pension, then and only then will I be 100% financially able to retire to the place I call home.

Many of my friends ask me, why wait until 55 ? Her family are rich and will take care of you. And believe me they do, every time I am in Vietnam I am treated like any other member of "OUR" wonderful family. But my answer is always the same. I will not retire to Vietnam until I can be certain I have enough money of my own to give me the standard of life I require for a minimum 30 years lol. I should be so lucky :-)

Anyway, thank you all for some wonderfully entertaining posts.

And Sam, I shall buy Bacs book, it sounds fascinating ! I hope your good lady is still with us.

God Bless !

Mike

All so interesting sir!.. I want to read every word!

68 was so nice and young. Enjoy every minute of it while you still can.

And I don't think I ever heard a story like that where she didn't finally leave him anyway... and usually for some loser...

Me and My Lady have been together 22 years and we are not married.......asI have said before on tis forum, I don't believe in the Institution of marriage....don;t needs piece of paper to tell me I am "Married".....Sam hit the nail on the head in his many posts, age is just a number.  I am 68, she just turned 40, Mekong Delta gal, never went a single day to school, used to hide under the window of the classroom to learn how to read & write Vietnamese cause there was no money for school, she is a successful business woman now and  has traveled with me to a dozen countries to live while I worked.  We are still together, and really cannot stand being separated very long, so I now only work 6 months a year.   A good Vietnamese lady is what I call "A One Man Woman"  they wouldn't have it any other way.
Peace

tunnelrat69 makes very good points.

But, our situations are very different, mostly because I am retired US Military. The legal differences and advantages between a girl-friend and wife status are huge for the wife of a retired American Soldier.

"A one man woman"   Yes, indeed, if you are lucky enough to find one.  I have been so blessed with the most amazing woman on the planet.  I have debated started a blog on my experience and utmost respect for Vietnamese women, in general that is since there are bad apples in every bunch.  However, my wife is what I would consider a typical traditional vietnamese wife.  She blows me away daily with her committment to our marriage, family, love etc.  I have never met a person who really tries to make each day better in so many ways.  The sheer committment is off the charts.  You guys know what I am talking about.  I just feel sad for those men that get taken to the cleaners.