Dating in HCMC - is this normal or am I being scammed?

SteinNebraska wrote:

Traveler  3468 wrote:

All this discussion over a story about 1 girl...

To be fair, these threads are so common they tend to get a life of their own once the question is "asked and answered".  I think they are a bit fun because virtually every singe white expat that comes here has at least SOME type of story about their first VN dating life that may fall along these lines.  I think it's looking back of their own "early years" as much as anything.

Only white expats, does that mean dark skinned dudes have no problems.

SteinNebraska wrote:

Traveler  3468 wrote:

All this discussion over a story about 1 girl...

To be fair, these threads are so common they tend to get a life of their own once the question is "asked and answered".  I think they are a bit fun because virtually every singe white expat that comes here has at least SOME type of story about their first VN dating life that may fall along these lines.  I think it's looking back of their own "early years" as much as anything.

In addition, I am more than happy to provide experiences and perspective for these guys in hope that at least some can be saved from being taken to the bank and drained.  The information age has helped tremendously, including yours truly. 

colinoscapee wrote:

Only white expats, does that mean dark skinned dudes have no problems.

I cannot answer that.  What I can say is most of these stories appear to be of the fish-belly persuasion.

It's one thing to cover expenses, it's quite another to deal with dishonesty. If you're being lied to, get out now, you will thank me later.

Ohno Love.. Like what they always say there's alot of fishes in the sea.. I'm bad with dating aswell but I guarantee you if a girl likes you , you will feel it and you won't be having a doubt or questions in your mind. Try to date someone else and see the diference. If you thik you still prefer the 1st girl then there you have

Vietnamese girls are very open minded and very easygoing. Most Vietnamese girls are not hesitating to get in bed with the men they just met. The only way to find a good innocent girl is at the banks, offices...ect. VietCupid is not a good option to find good girls. Most girls from VietCupid are tend to find foreigner men for money and sex

asianrock21 wrote:

Vietnamese girls are very open minded and very easygoing. Most Vietnamese girls are not hesitating to get in bed with the men they just met. The only way to find a good innocent girl is at the banks, offices...ect. VietCupid is not a good option to find good girls. Most girls from VietCupid are tend to find foreigner men for money and sex

Not all, many on this site have found great woman and are happily married.

asianrock21 wrote:

Vietnamese girls are very open minded and very easygoing. Most Vietnamese girls are not hesitating to get in bed with the men they just met. The only way to find a good innocent girl is at the banks, offices...ect. VietCupid is not a good option to find good girls. Most girls from VietCupid are tend to find foreigner men for money and sex

Generalising is not a good thing.

Although Colin is correct that

colinoscapee wrote:

Generalising is not a good thing.

I will repeat what I wrote about a year ago that one of the big potential pluses  of teaching in public schools is that it puts one in contact with many attractive single local English teachers.   One of my TA's was an exceptionally attractive divorced woman, a professional singer in Q.1 in the evenings, who always looked stunning in her custom made áo dài.  Sadly for her, she had an autistic son which probably made her unattractive to local males.  Reportedly, she got nothing in child support from the boy's father.  As for myself, I am married but I still have eyes.   

colinoscapee wrote:

asianrock21 wrote:

Vietnamese girls are very open minded and very easygoing. Most Vietnamese girls are not hesitating to get in bed with the men they just met. The only way to find a good innocent girl is at the banks, offices...ect. VietCupid is not a good option to find good girls. Most girls from VietCupid are tend to find foreigner men for money and sex

Generalising is not a good thing.

In addition, opinions are just that opinions.  Can one find examples, of course, but as we know and based on personal experiences, it is far from the norm.

asianrock21 wrote:

Vietnamese girls are very open minded and very easygoing. Most Vietnamese girls are not hesitating to get in bed with the men they just met. The only way to find a good innocent girl is at the banks, offices...ect. VietCupid is not a good option to find good girls. Most girls from VietCupid are tend to find foreigner men for money and sex

Wow, you're describing a parallel universe. Where's the portal to that dimension? 

Been here many times, luckily when I first arrive it was to meet my GF (now wife) and have since moved here.  Life is good... with an honest VN wife / GF you will do fine.

Manny of our joint or mutual friends are her friends originally, out of which 5 are female and all very attractive in their own ways/

The OP mentioned that he didn't feel at ease and might be getting cheated somehow...  and yes maybe he is.

But having known some of my wifes VN friends for around 3 years and hear the experiences that they have.... then you will see why some girls seem to be dishonest.  I am not for a single moment going to ever say it is all the guys fault.

Girl 1 - in all the time I have known her, she has been single pretty much all the time.  She is stunning in every way, tall, slim, amazing smile... always immaculately dressed.  Always super polite.  She seeks a guy to travel with, settle down with etc.... and uses TINDER.  Yes Tinder...  and I see over the last 3 years has quite a few BF's etc.  None have stuck around for more than a month or two...  Most seem to be tourist types.  Should she be looking to avoid these ??  who knows.  But one guy complained once she is too noisy when she eats.... !!!  - something I have never noticed

Girl 2 - another Tinder fan... Chinese / Vietnamese girl, who again very pretty, a little shorter, speaks excellent English, very polite, very social...  again has used tinder for a long time - though she is a little more conservative and careful, but has same experiences as girl 1.  Meet guy... guy maybe here working for a few months or longer, seem to get on really well, seem like a good match.  But often is the case for her, the guy have many Tinder profiles, have a few girls on the go at the same time (more of this in a moment)

Girl 3 - works / manages a homestay so doesn't use tinder (at least not that I know of) but often meets a lot of people through her job.  She used to work in HCM but moved north for a quieter more rewarding life.   Hopefully find a more mature guy...
Long term relationships are more common for her, and she deserves it.  But last one (that I am aware of) is a VN guy, seem nice, hard working...
Comes home (when she lived in city) to find him sleeping with another girl in their bed. 

So it would seem that foreigner BF or VN guy can and do often treat their partners badly..  TINDER is where people go for hook ups.  The girls here, and amongst if not the most beautiful, honest and reliable - but when they get treated bad by say a tourist / back packer etc... is it any wonder when they meet someone new might seem a little guarded or maybe seem like they are not 100% honest ?  yes they could stop using crap like tinder... yes they could be more careful. But lets be honest, they are like everyone else, human, need love, care etc.

A point for anyone that does date and then marry a VN girl... don't cheat.. she will find out.  They have a social media page where they share photos of the guys they date.... post a photo - and se if any other girl is dating the same guy - it happens a lot.  I don't know the specifics of the page or number of members, but Girl 2 above date a guy - joined this page, and posted his photo, within a few hours another 8 girls also say they date him.

Finally the dangers of dating / marrying and then cheating = my wifes mother say she will hire a hitman if ever she finds or suspects I cheat :-O  -  wife says she will just poison me - not to kill, just slowly..   Im sure its just a joke - but hey you never know

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Finally the dangers of dating / marrying and then cheating = my wifes mother say she will hire a hitman if ever she finds or suspects I cheat :-O  -  wife says she will just poison me - not to kill, just slowly..   Im sure its just a joke - but hey you never know

Several decades ago, my nephew (Vietnamese) cheated on his first wife (also Vietnamese).  Everybody knew about it, but talking to him didn't bring any good result.  His mother (my cousin, may she rest in peace) decided to take the matter into her own hand.  She came to the other woman's work place, asked to see her outside, then literally beat the Hades out of her.  She slapped the woman upside the head, leaving quite a few handprints on her cheeks, cut off a chunk of her hair, then told her it would be her clothes off her body next time.  The woman ran into another shop to hide, then ran home.

The affair ended that day.  He continued to have other affairs although none was in the vicinity of his or his mother's home.

The marriage also ended but the ex-wife's good relationship with the family has stayed the same.  She, his second and third wives have always participated at family events.  He rarely did, probably was busy elsewhere with other women.

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Finally the dangers of dating / marrying and then cheating = my wifes mother say she will hire a hitman if ever she finds or suspects I cheat :-O  -  wife says she will just poison me - not to kill, just slowly..   Im sure its just a joke - but hey you never know

No joke mate.  Why do men married to VN women say "we sleep with one eye open."  Plenty of factual stories online, just search.  I don't know who gets it worse, the cheating man or the woman he cheated with, but she usually gets it first.

"Finally the dangers of dating / marrying and then cheating = my wifes mother say she will hire a hitman if ever she finds or suspects I cheat :-O  -  wife says she will just poison me - not to kill, just slowly..   Im sure its just a joke - but hey you never know"

Just wondering if your mother-inlaw speaks English, or was this told to you by your wife?

She speaks english also, like many people these days say these things in fun.... but im sure there is also som truth to it too.

you said it all Dear

WillyBaldy wrote:

asianrock21 wrote:

Vietnamese girls are very open minded and very easygoing. Most Vietnamese girls are not hesitating to get in bed with the men they just met. The only way to find a good innocent girl is at the banks, offices...ect. VietCupid is not a good option to find good girls. Most girls from VietCupid are tend to find foreigner men for money and sex

Wow, you're describing a parallel universe. Where's the portal to that dimension? 

Vietnamese women are like tigers, seriously.  just show them some meat haha.

Who in their right mind wants a 'good innocent girl?'  I think the guys on virgin-quests are under-skilled or under-equipped, don't want their woman to be making unfavourable comparisons.   

Jlgarbutt wrote:

Finally the dangers of dating / marrying and then cheating = my wifes mother say she will hire a hitman if ever she finds or suspects I cheat :-O  -  wife says she will just poison me - not to kill, just slowly..   Im sure its just a joke - but hey you never know

I have neither the inclination or the energy to be unfaithful, but if my girlfiend ever gives me grief, I'll threaten to peel the stickers off her fridge, then run like hell while she's reeling in shock from this horrifying notion.

Brick23 wrote:

I have neither the inclination or the energy to be unfaithful, but if my girlfiend ever gives me grief, I'll threaten to peel the stickers off her fridge, then run like hell while she's reeling in shock from this horrifying notion.

Don't forget the microwave and the TV!

😁😁😁

OceanBeach92107 wrote:

[
Don't forget the microwave and the TV!

😁😁😁

I peeled the TV at the last rental house.  I assumed was new and just delivered so I took care of it myself.  My wife corrected me later when she saw it but it was too late. Oh noes!

Oh, and it just occurred to me.  We went to hometown this weekend.  I bought her parents a new fridge after Tet because the old one wouldn't even get my beer to drinkable temp.  The new one is a Samsung and is completely sticker free!

Hansson wrote:

I've got to totally agree with colinoscapee.

No offence, but I wouldn't go out with a girl like that unless it was purely for fun.

It would be better to not rush into a relationship and wait for a nice girl to come along. That means someone that maybe hasn't dated at all, or if yes then only one local guy. I wouldn't date a girl who had been out with other western guys because that is an incredibly bad sign. I also wouldn't date a girl who either drinks or smokes. And I'd go for someone who was obviously a good girl. I'd also only go out with someone who was educated at least to university level. And as you so rightly pointed out, any girl willing to jump into bed so easily is not the sort of girl that I'd want to hang out with unless purely for fun.

Maybe this is my own personal taste, but I think I'm not the only one. Too many western guys get taken in too easily. Sorry buddy but I'd give her a miss. Just my opinion, but good luck anyway.

Observe the questions too, if she is a bimbo it will drive you to distraction

MarkinNam wrote:

Hansson wrote:

I've got to totally agree with colinoscapee.

No offence, but I wouldn't go out with a girl like that unless it was purely for fun.

It would be better to not rush into a relationship and wait for a nice girl to come along. That means someone that maybe hasn't dated at all, or if yes then only one local guy. I wouldn't date a girl who had been out with other western guys because that is an incredibly bad sign. I also wouldn't date a girl who either drinks or smokes. And I'd go for someone who was obviously a good girl. I'd also only go out with someone who was educated at least to university level. And as you so rightly pointed out, any girl willing to jump into bed so easily is not the sort of girl that I'd want to hang out with unless purely for fun.

Maybe this is my own personal taste, but I think I'm not the only one. Too many western guys get taken in too easily. Sorry buddy but I'd give her a miss. Just my opinion, but good luck anyway.

Observe the questions too, if she is a bimbo it will drive you to distraction

Hmm two sides to every story here, I know a few Vietnamese girls in their late 30s who are still very beautiful and are well educated that have dated or met foreigners here who promise them everything only to find that they are "players" and have dozens of girls on the go.

finding a nice girl? depemnds what you mean by nice... everyone male / female - white / asian has their baggage or back stories.

Smoking is a no for me... drinking is kind of n normal here, so you might struggle with that one.

Like anything you need to manage your expectations and be realistic.

MarkinNam,

"...if she is a bimbo it will drive you to distraction"

Can you define bimbo or provide a list of characteristics of same?

Lennerd wrote:

Can you define bimbo or provide a list of characteristics of same?

Or better yet, provide a list of bimbos.   

Lennerd wrote:

MarkinNam,

"...if she is a bimbo it will drive you to distraction"

Can you define bimbo or provide a list of characteristics of same?

bim·bo
/ˈbimbō/

nounDEROGATORY•INFORMAL
an attractive but unintelligent or frivolous young woman.

A gold digger is a term for a person, typically a woman, who engages in a type of transactional relationship for money rather than love. If it turns into marriage, it is a type of marriage of convenience.

Andybris 2020.

Thank you for the succinct and clarifying remark. Adding weight to yours, I found this:

"Bimbo is a slang term for a conventionally attractive, sexualized, naive, and unintelligent woman." It is Wikipedia. This comports with the intelligence characteristic, says nothing about frivolity, and introduces the naive and sexualized facets.

Since it's problematic that an unintelligent person can sometimes hide that fact (likewise, illiterates can sometime hide that fact, too), I have taken to generalized judgements about the addition of makeup to the various parts of the face. And thus find myself attracted to the women are so comfortable with their appearance -- and whether it's "attractive" -- that they wear no makeup whatsoever. Am I missing something in separating the bimbo from the not-bimbo? Speech? Behavior?

Lennerd wrote:

Andybris 2020.

Thank you for the succinct and clarifying remark. Adding weight to yours, I found this:

"Bimbo is a slang term for a conventionally attractive, sexualized, naive, and unintelligent woman." It is Wikipedia. This comports with the intelligence characteristic, says nothing about frivolity, and introduces the naive and sexualized facets.

Since it's problematic that an unintelligent person can sometimes hide that fact (likewise, illiterates can sometime hide that fact, too), I have taken to generalized judgements about the addition of makeup to the various parts of the face. And thus find myself attracted to the women are so comfortable with their appearance -- and whether it's "attractive" -- that they wear no makeup whatsoever. Am I missing something in separating the bimbo from the not-bimbo? Speech? Behavior?

Sounds like your over thinking the subject,,,,, 

Thanks for your opinion. I'll take it under advisement and consider thinking less.

Lennerd wrote:

Thanks for your opinion. I'll take it under advisement and consider thinking less.

You mean "ok"
Why use 2 letters when you can use  70+ , seems you like using every bit of your extensive vocabulary. Ha ha

Thanks for telling me what I mean. Best.

Lennerd wrote:

Thanks for telling me what I mean. Best.

Your welcome 

Andybris2020 wrote:

Lennerd wrote:

Thanks for telling me what I mean. Best.

Your welcome 

You're so nice 😉