I just want to know what vietnamese people think.

Again I'm just a visitor here in this sub-forum but I think this point is important, about painting cultures or individuals from certain countries with too broad a brush. 

Some generalities occur related to perspective, in regards to culture, but it's easy to slip into describing most of the people in a country, from there or foreign visitors, as all the same way, and people don't tend to work like that.  If they're filtered for some reason that can hold up, as in an expat forum where people might feel an affinity to a very local group perspective there (local in the sense of being part of that group, not regional).  Or from very limited area (physical region) and social class generalities can hold up better, but even then members of the same families tend to vary as people. 

A second split occurred in that characterization, between narrow-minded, non-integrated expats and broad-minded, self-aware and selfless types.  Oddly people do somehow tend to gravitate towards one extreme or the other, over time, to embrace cultural shift or not, but it's not quite that simple related to a good versus evil sort of spin.  Or at least not in my experience.  Someone could integrate fairly well and still be a despicable person or remain separate from local culture, and not well versed in it, and still be quite decent.

For me it works to balance noticing generalities that are meaningful carefully against individual differences (eg. painting Americans as being loud and culturally insensitive), and try to dig deeper related to noticing why foreigners might tend to not integrate or integrate well, to why such extremes might really occur.  I don't completely disagree with the broad conclusions stated here in discussion, they just work better filled out a little, and framed to limit what the claims say to what they really mean.

If I could bore you guys with a bit of philosophical background what I've just summarized follows a very familiar pattern, of reviewing two opposite sets of ideas and landing in the middle.  I'll explain.

Thesis:  expats and local Vietnamese people are share common attributes within their own groups, sharply divided into character types

Antithesis:  people vary much more by personal characteristic than by culture-informed perspective, attitude, or through adopting local moral norms

Synthesis:  people do vary according to broad patterns that emerge in outlook, more related to perspective and approach (ways of interacting) than to character type (good or bad), grouping into relative extremes as generalities.

I'm not sure all that really works, just trying to make the form clearer, and pass on more of what I meant.  I get it that I've got a strange way of looking at things.

bkk tea blog wrote:

Again I'm just a visitor here in this sub-forum but I think this point is important, about painting cultures or individuals from certain countries with too broad a brush. 

Some generalities occur related to perspective, in regards to culture, but it's easy to slip into describing most of the people in a country, from there or foreign visitors, as all the same way, and people don't tend to work like that.  If they're filtered for some reason that can hold up, as in an expat forum where people might feel an affinity to a very local group perspective there (local in the sense of being part of that group, not regional).  Or from very limited area (physical region) and social class generalities can hold up better, but even then members of the same families tend to vary as people. 

A second split occurred in that characterization, between narrow-minded, non-integrated expats and broad-minded, self-aware and selfless types.  Oddly people do somehow tend to gravitate towards one extreme or the other, over time, to embrace cultural shift or not, but it's not quite that simple related to a good versus evil sort of spin.  Or at least not in my experience.  Someone could integrate fairly well and still be a despicable person or remain separate from local culture, and not well versed in it, and still be quite decent.

For me it works to balance noticing generalities that are meaningful carefully against individual differences (eg. painting Americans as being loud and culturally insensitive), and try to dig deeper related to noticing why foreigners might tend to not integrate or integrate well, to why such extremes might really occur.  I don't completely disagree with the broad conclusions stated here in discussion, they just work better filled out a little, and framed to limit what the claims say to what they really mean.

Oh there are certainly people on here who post things that are generated from within their own narrow perspective that's for sure. But there are also people who post about the things that they experience in real life, some of which have “groundhog day” characteristics.

And there are those that view living here through rose tinted spectacles, and who view the entire population as being national dress wearing, conical straw hat dancing smiling paragons of cultural virtue.

The truth lies, as always, somewhere beneath the sweet and sour layers of veneer with which all societies and cultures cover themselves.

Incidentally, my wife tells me that when she was at school her class was taught that all British people are exceedingly polite but brutally arrogant and that all American people are open, friendly but naive and stupid.

I can't post on here what the general consensus in Vietnam is about Chinese people, according to most of the locals I know here.

So human beings being what we are will almost always show polarity or feel it even if they don't show it. As Tom Jones once sang “it's not unusual.....”.

bkk tea blog wrote:

If I could bore you guys with a bit of philosophical background what I've just summarized follows a very familiar pattern, of reviewing two opposite sets of ideas and landing in the middle.  I'll explain.

Thesis:  expats and local Vietnamese people are share common attributes within their own groups, sharply divided into character types

Antithesis:  people vary much more by personal characteristic than by culture-informed perspective, attitude, or through adopting local moral norms

Synthesis:  people do vary according to broad patterns that emerge in outlook, more related to perspective and approach (ways of interacting) than to character type (good or bad), grouping into relative extremes as generalities.

I'm not sure all that really works, just trying to make the form clearer, and pass on more of what I meant.  I get it that I've got a strange way of looking at things.

Subjectivity tempered by experience?

eodmatt wrote:

Incidentally, my wife tells me that when she was at school her class was taught that all British people are exceedingly polite but brutally arrogant and that all American people are open, friendly but naive and stupid.

It's amazing how well that actually does work, isn't it, even if there are plenty of British and Americans who don't fit in those types at all. 

To some extent I really am open, friendly, naive, and stupid, but not really so polite or arrogant at all, at least as I see myself.

bkk tea blog wrote:

eodmatt wrote:

Incidentally, my wife tells me that when she was at school her class was taught that all British people are exceedingly polite but brutally arrogant and that all American people are open, friendly but naive and stupid.

It's amazing how well that actually does work, isn't it, even if there are plenty of British and Americans who don't fit in those types at all. 

To some extent I really am open, friendly, naive, and stupid, but not really so polite or arrogant at all, at least as I see myself.

Well you can't be all that bad, after all you have a liking for tea! 

So, not from Boston then?

I was based in London UK for 14 years and extensively traveled from there. US 18 months, and to many other places. I find people are unique in their own world-view comfort zone. Live and let live, however, I try to give way to barking dogs so I don't get bitten.
I am keenly looking forward to the culture and Vietnamese community.

Vietnamese people seem nice, much as it works to generalize about such things, also related to only having visited.

About Boston and tea, there was some political back story going on related to that, oppressive and unfair taxation, probably all pretty moderate by modern standards.

KeithBob wrote:

I was based in London UK for 14 years and extensively traveled from there. US 18 months, and to many other places. I find people are unique in their own world-view comfort zone. Live and let live, however, I try to give way to barking dogs so I don't get bitten.
I am keenly looking forward to the culture and Vietnamese community.

You'll find it fascinating, rich and diverse. Like the food! In fact I would go as far as to say that banh mi from a street vendor for breakfast is the equal of anything else I have ever eaten.

Badwindayak, I suggest you wear an item of Dayak clothing. It may not atop peoplw from staring, but it will let them know you are not Kinh (Vietnamese).

bkk tea blog wrote:

Vietnamese people seem nice, much as it works to generalize about such things, also related to only having visited.

About Boston and tea, there was some political back story going on related to that, oppressive and unfair taxation, probably all pretty moderate by modern standards.

Vietnamese people are nice. So are people from every other country in the world. And some are bad apples. But you get that everywhere.

On this website - it being an expat website - you get people sharing experiences. They share the adverse experiences so that others don't suffer the same experience. Good experiences are also shared.

It's important to keep an open mind.

About Boston and tea: it's been a very long time since the Boston Tea Party. ***

bkk tea blog wrote:

If I could bore you guys with a bit of philosophical background what I've just summarized follows a very familiar pattern, of reviewing two opposite sets of ideas and landing in the middle.  I'll explain.

Thesis:  expats and local Vietnamese people are share common attributes within their own groups, sharply divided into character types

Antithesis:  people vary much more by personal characteristic than by culture-informed perspective, attitude, or through adopting local moral norms

Synthesis:  people do vary according to broad patterns that emerge in outlook, more related to perspective and approach (ways of interacting) than to character type (good or bad), grouping into relative extremes as generalities.

I'm not sure all that really works, just trying to make the form clearer, and pass on more of what I meant.  I get it that I've got a strange way of looking at things.

I think must of us understand your point.   Yes, there is good and bad in all countries, but there are generalities that apply to a broad spectrum of people (i.e., bell curve).  but as others have commented and every person I know from VN and whose has lived in VN all same similar things related to this topic.  Do all people stare, no.  Do all people say vulgar things, no.  Do all people smile, no.  However, I can guarantee if you are a westerner you will get stared at by a lot of people, will get a lot of smiles, some will expect you to pay more and sometimes a lot more (e.g., 300k for a 10k coconut), some people will say vulgar things to you and especially if you don't agree with them (e.g., pay 300k for a coconut) and most foreigners have no idea because they don't understand the language. 

Family, no different.  I have seen the same dynamics I experienced growing up in the USA with a multi generations in the same house.  Some get along, others do not.  I find the VN culture just amazing, yet very complex.  How can large families live together and sometimes they can be so respectful (e.g., TET) and kind and other days, they can be down right disrespectful and verbally abusive to each other that I never never experienced in my house.

Generalizations do paint a broad brush and I by no means agree with all of them.  However, they are useful in that in provides one with a knowledge and when it happens, it is not a shock and understood.  For example, most police in the USA are good people and abide by the law.  You dare not bribe a cop nor do they stop people for nonsense and expect a payout.  That is not common in the USA, but does it happen, yes, but rarely.  I have read about it, but never experienced it or heard it happened to anybody I know in my lifetime.  Understand?

Hi everybody,

Just want to inform you that i have moderated and removed some posts from this thread. ( political comments )

As a note, talking about politics is forbidden. It has already been pointed out in the Vietnam forum code of conduct.

Thank you for your understanding,

Priscilla
Expat.com team 

eodmatt wrote:

bkk tea blog wrote:

Vietnamese people seem nice, much as it works to generalize about such things, also related to only having visited.

About Boston and tea, there was some political back story going on related to that, oppressive and unfair taxation, probably all pretty moderate by modern standards.

Vietnamese people are nice. So are people from every other country in the world. And some are bad apples. But you get that everywhere.

On this website - it being an expat website - you get people sharing experiences. They share the adverse experiences so that others don't suffer the same experience. Good experiences are also shared.

It's important to keep an open mind.

About Boston and tea: it's been a very long time since the Boston Tea Party. ***

What political comment?

  ..murdered by a modest moderator..?   

I think you will find that the Bostonians liked their tea just fine.  It was King George's tax on tea that they didn't like.  If he had taxed broccoli tea, I don't think they would have cared.  I suppose that it was political, even if it was 245 years ago.

I had always though it was mostly a symbolic act but I just found on Wikipedia (the source of all truth  ) that the tea destroyed was 92,000 pounds (42,730 kg), a bit more than symbolic.  There were a lot of Bostonians having trouble downing their crumpets with no tea to wash them down.

"..having trouble downing their crumpets with no tea to wash them..."

    Phew !!   Dangerous words, Thig.   Wot's next?   Religion..?   

   This is expat.com.   We cannot discuss such stuff here...   

Someone could have reported the post, you will have to wait to see the reason behind it.

I am canadian and my wife is from hanoi and yes ounce in a while someone will say something nadty to my wife.she just ignore them.
Usually they are older less educated people.....but it does not happen often..
So just ignore them and enjoy the good people...life is short....

Before beginning an interview, two teenage girls once took several minutes in front of me to discussing whether they should address me as 'chú' or 'bác'. They finally decided on 'chú' and the interview proceeded.  It taught me the importance of getting your pronouns correct in Vietnamese.

ralphnhatrang wrote:

two teenage girls once took several minutes in front of me to discussing whether they should address me as 'chú' or 'bác'. It taught me the importance of getting your pronouns correct in Vietnamese.

The housekeeper in this building called me "chị" right off the bat.  That's the first time anyone addressed me that way since we moved here, so I was surprised.  It took a couple of minutes before she asked whether it's correct for her to address me that way.  I asked her age.  She's 15 years younger than I, and her mother is 8 years my senior.  Etiquette dictated that she should've call me "cô" or "dì", but what was I going to do, pulling rank?  I told her, "no matter, chị is fine."  She was so relieved.

In a "real" relationship (family, relatives), rank trumps age every single time.  Doesn't matter that half of my nieces and nephews are much, much older than I, at  the table, they would wait for me to sit down before they do.  Etiquette is even stricter with the Hanoi side of the family: they all hand things to me with both hands. 

On the first day of Tet, one of the nieces said, "In the US, you're the baby in the family.  Here, you're the big boss, the matriarch."  I almost fell over.  Me, the black sheep, the one sibling whose absence had never bothered the family, now a matriarch in the old country!  If they could see me now.

"In family relationships rank trumps age every time".
An interesting point. By normal rules my nephews would call me "Dượng", but I am informed that I am "the second most important male in the family" (a rather freightening revalation for some one at that time only newly married into the family). Does this explain why my nephews call me "bác" instead of "dượng"?

On the main OP topic.

The stories about the man following you and yelling at your and the bank guard are disturbing and issues like that should be resolved.

If it's old or really young people staring at you that's their problem not yours.  You've gotten the double whammy of them not being used to mixed race couples and the culture in general not used to open displays of affection.

There's also the slight chance that the two cases above combine to make you are a little sensitive.  A person staring at your for 1 seconds seems a lot longer then if they stared at someone else for 1 second.  After a while the rude long staring and the short quick glance start to get hard to differentiate.

On a lighter note, I'm Vietnamese American so Vietnamese women with non-Vietnamese men isn't a big deal.  I've always wondered though why the women keep dating really, really tall white guys.  It only occurred to me last week that maybe it was just that the VN women were really short.  LOL.

eodmatt wrote:

As my wife has told me often enough - many Vietnamese are "like a knife, sharp on both sides", the equivalent of the English expression, "two faced".

In English, it usually mean there's a fake nice face on top of a real mean face but there are still signs.  In Vietnam, the two-faced respect and disrespect for different people might both be that person's true nature.  Boggles the mind.

Yogi007 wrote:

You got that right Vndreamer,
Attitude is everything.   The Japanese have been described as “annoyingly polite & efficent “ in almost everything they do.

What a difference that stretch of ocean makes.   😆

After nearly 7 years here, I'm still trying to get my head around the lack of gratitude and level of inconsiderate behaviour.   It appears that no matter what you give , do for, or buy someone here.....it's never enough. 

It's all about what's coming next.

I often see a Japanese comparison and I always wonder. . .

How did the Japanese treat foreigners before WW2?
How different are the japanese now after being heavily influenced by the West?
Is this annoyingly polite and efficient behavior carried over into the next generation?
How much of the Vietnamese attitude now is due to their intrinsic character?
How much of the Vietnamese attitude is due to their communist upbringing?
How much better (or worse) can the next generation be?

The unanswerable nature versus nurture question on countrywide scale.

ralphnhatrang wrote:

By normal rules my nephews would call me "Dượng", but I am informed that I am "the second most important male in the family" (a rather freightening revalation for some one at that time only newly married into the family). Does this explain why my nephews call me "bác" instead of "dượng"?

Is your wife the older sister?  If she is, then bác is the correct term.  If she's not, then you're promoted due to your role in the family, not your rank.

Dượng is a brother in law (both older or younger) on mother's side.  Bác is older brother (by blood or by marriage) on father's side.  Relationship and rank can be switched from mother's side to father's side to show closeness or degree of importance.  Father's side is always more important than mother's side.

On the matter of rank trumping everything if two distant cousins marry then usually you marry down not up.  And before some says "ick, kissing cousins" keep in mind the fact that vietnamese may know their sixth cousins while americans may not even know their second cousin or even consider that family.  Second means one grandparent was siblings.  Six cousins means that their grandparent's grandparents were siblings.

On the matter of age, it gets tough for Vietnamese people to determine the age of foreigners because of differences in race, skin care products, sun exposure, etc.

Yes, my wife is the eldest daughter in her family. Her mother is the eldest of her sisters, but her husband is deceased.  The second eldest aunt (di) is widowed and living in France. The uncle who told me that he is the most important male is the husband of the next eldest aunt (di) living in Vietnam.

This was all very confusing when I married 20 years ago.

videriant wrote:

On the matter of rank trumping everything if two distant cousins marry then usually you marry down not up.  And before some says "ick, kissing cousins" keep in mind the fact that vietnamese may know their sixth cousins while americans may not even know their second cousin or even consider that family.  Second means one grandparent was siblings.  Six cousins means that their grandparent's grandparents were siblings.

The big difference is not how many levels of cousins we surround ourselves with, but because Vietnamese only call their cousins cousins.  There's no first or second or third.  No level whatsoever.

Ex:  My grandfather and your grandfather are brothers.  They each has a son.  The two sons are cousins.  In the North, they're introduced as anh em con chú con bác (brothers who come from two brothers).  In the South, they're simply called brothers because their tie is close enough for them to be considered blood brothers.

My father has me, a daughter; your father has you, a son.  You and I are cousins.  I call your father uncle and your grandfather great uncle ( ông chú or simply ông ). 

We both have one son each.  They are cousins.  My son calls you uncle, your father great uncle, and your grandfather great-great uncle ( ông cố ).  Your son calls me aunt and my mother great aunt.  To be precise, he calls my mother by one of the 3 terms:  bà cô (great aunt), bà trẻ (young grandmother), or simply bà (grandmother).  In Vietnamese culture, aunt is equal to mother and great aunt is equal to grandmother, therefore, bà is a perfectly correct term. 

The line continues the same way.  The children of the same generation are cousins (no level).  They address the previous generation as uncle/aunt, great uncle/great aunt, great-great uncle/great-great aunt, but there is so such thing as first cousin twice removed, second thrice removed, sixth cousins once removed, etc.  The generation above us cannot be seen as our cousins.  They're on the same rank with our parents.  The two generations above us are on the same rank with our grandparents.  etc

That's the reason I have nieces who are in their 80s, grandnieces who are of the same age group with me, grandnephews between the age of 11 and 55, and great grandnieces between the age of 12 and 36.  In American culture, I would be some sort of cousins to those grandnieces and great  grandnieces, but not here.  Here, I'm of the same rank with their grandparents, great grandparents, and great-great grandparents.

Distant cousins, as described in your posts, are cousins only if they're of the same rank (not necessarily same generation).  If they're not, it would be a distant great-great niece marrying a distant great-great uncle (or something similar) even though they're of the same age group.  She would be married up and he would be married down.

If they're of the same rank, down the line exactly the same way and the same speed 6 times, they're still called cousins (no level).  Their marriage is between distant but equal cousins, no one marries up or down.

ralphnhatrang wrote:

Yes, my wife is the eldest daughter in her family. Her mother is the eldest of her sisters, but her husband is deceased.  The second eldest aunt (di) is widowed and living in France. The uncle who told me that he is the most important male is the husband of the next eldest aunt (di) living in Vietnam..

You're definitely bác, although Southerners may call you dượng due to their quirky way of addressing one another.  In the South, relatives on mother's side are more intimate than on father's side and it reflects in their pronouns.  In the North, relatives on father's side is more important than on mother's side and it reflects in their pronouns.  Northerners are more formal, so the importance of a relationship has higher regards than the closeness of a relationship.  Southerners are more open so it's the reverse.  Dượng is the husband of dì, and because dì is closer to one's heart than cô (father's sister), dượng is closer to one's heart than chú (husband of cô).

If your wife were a Northerner, she would be called cô as an unmarried woman and bác as a married woman, in her own rights.

Due to your wife being the eldest sister, you're rightfully bác in all three regions of the country, but it's true that you're second to the patriarch (husband of the next eldest aunt).

Ciambella wrote:

The big difference is not how many levels of cousins we surround ourselves with, but because Vietnamese only call their cousins cousins.  There's no first or second or third.  No level whatsoever.

Actually, I was trying to point out that the problem is on the English side.  Levels of cousins is clearly defined in English genealogy but in common usage when most Americans say "cousin" they are thinking "first cousins".  Furthermore, the label "aunt" and "uncle" is forced into a square peg and the vietnamese (asian) language is blamed for it being complicated when truthfully the issue is first a case of differences in culture then language

(i.e. like how eskimos have 1,000 different words for different states of frozen water).
Eskimo 1 - Beware of the @*(@.
non-Eskimo 1 - What did he say?
non-Eskimo 2- I think he said watch out for the snow.
non-Eskimo 1- Why didn't he just use the word snow?  And there's barely any snow.  Crazy eskimos.  Hahahah.  *splash, freeze, drown*
non-Eskimo 2- Oh, my bad, he said watch out for the snow-covering-the-extremely-thin-ice-that-will-break-and-drown-you-if-you-make-any-loud-noises.

Eskimo 2 - Why crazy non-Eskimo laugh loudly and die when you clear warned him about the @*(@?
Eskimo 1 - *shrugs*

Ciambella wrote:

In a  real relationship (family, relatives), rank trumps age every single time.

...and that leads to all kinds of awkward situations, such as a middle-aged person having to call a 9 year old "uncle", or that an aunt and a niece being classmates, etc.

briansmithexpat wrote:

...and that leads to all kinds of awkward situations, such as a middle-aged person having to call a 9 year old "uncle", or that an aunt and a niece being classmates, etc.

A good number of my nieces/nephews are older than I, some of them are two decades my senior, and their children -- my grandnieces/grandnephews -- are in my age group.  It's not difficult for them to address me correctly and treat me with utmost respect, but it's awkward for me to respond appropriately. 

To solve the problem, I call them by their names instead of nieces/grandnieces and call myself "mình" instead of aunt/great aunt.  "Mình" is the best personal pronoun in Vietnamese language; it's a friendly term that manages to de-emphasize the ranking and pleases the strictest followers of etiquette at the same time.

For the middle-aged man in your example, calling the 9-year-old uncle and calling himself "tôi" shouldn't be a difficult thing to do.

Ciambella wrote:

briansmithexpat wrote:

...and that leads to all kinds of awkward situations, such as a middle-aged person having to call a 9 year old "uncle", or that an aunt and a niece being classmates, etc.

A good number of my nieces/nephews are older than I, some of them are two decades my senior, and their children -- my grandnieces/grandnephews -- are in my age group.  It's not difficult for them to address me correctly and treat me with utmost respect, but it's awkward for me to respond appropriately. 

To solve the problem, I call them by their names instead of nieces/grandnieces and call myself "mình" instead of aunt/great aunt.  "Mình" is the best personal pronoun in the entire Vietnamese language; it's a friendly term that manage to deemphasize the ranking and please the strictest followers of etiquette at the same time.

For the middle-aged man in your example, calling the 9-year-old uncle and calling himself "tôi" shouldn't be a difficult thing to do.

Yes, I use "mi`nh" from time to time too :-)

The how old are you question is common to all of East Asia, and the Vietnamese are culturally East Asian. Which bring up the question: It common among the Khmer Krom people of the Delta? Or is it used in Cambodia as well?

I do believe wrote:

.... People in every country, city and neighborhood stare at people who are different. Every single Caucasian foreigner lives with it every day all day when not at home. There are indeed people who are socially backward and uneducated who will comment or who stare pointedly but in Vietnam the old world exists shoulder to shoulder with the new world. My Vietnamese girl friends say they know what the whispers are about and they don't care. Some of the whisperers say that girl is a bar girl and some say that girl is very lucky to have a foreigner.

Yep. This was well said.
People stare at strangers all over the world: Asia, the Americas, Europe.
I have noticed and been told that public signs of affection are less appreciated than in the west.

It is not only strangers qho make snide comments. When my wife and I met twenty years ago, one of her aunts chided her for "taking up with a Western backpacker [Tay ba lo]".

She considered me most undesirable, which bothers me not a bit, because she is my least favourite aunt, while my mother in law is an absolute treasure and does approve of me.

Decades ago when my mother was still alive, she asked several times why I married a monkey.  Half of the family married men or women of other ethnicities so she was in contact with "foreigners" all the time (we were actually the foreigners in the US, but that fact totally slipped her mind).  Still, for some reason,  his body hair (dark brown turned light brown turned white by daily sun) bothered her a great deal.

I was already on my own for 22 years by then, so it wasn't as if I needed anyone's approval so I simply ignored the criticism. 

Now, Every. Single. Person, young and old, male and female, in my extended family here loves him to pieces.  The men tell him stories, the women feed him, the children play games with him.  During Tet, we spent a whole week in Vung Tau with 14 relatives, and I probably talked to him for a total of an hour.  That's all the time I could get him away from his adored fans.

I hope there isn't going to be a test on all this...

Not a chance, Ocean Beach.

Just a few people who wish to express how important they are

..to themselves...       

ekpassepartout wrote:

Do you think, just like anywhere else, it might be a person by person thing, depending on individual relationships?

Ok I'll admit my first reaction was to snark "Nah, on expat.com you get more points for generalizing and stereotyping" ... 

ekpassepartout wrote:

I am staying in a guesthouse now with a local family ... strangers don't get respect on faith or credit, but if you put in the effort to show respect and interest in the individuals you interact with, the barriers slowly start to come down.

There is the beginning of a 'new expat transition success story'. When I came to Vietnam I cheated, I already knew a local Vietnamese to train me. Whereas someone arriving alone should expect a confusing, sometimes difficult adjustment. (Which is why I say Vietnam shouldn't be a visitor's first foreign country experience). Staying at a guesthouse where the family speaks rudimentary English is a great idea. I have only seen guesthouses/B&Bs in the Mekong, wonder how common they are in other places? This could be a good general recommendation to all new expats...

Keep us updated please!