What is true love with Vietnamese girl?

Adhome01  Reference:  "This is nice and inspiring but simply not true. There are 10's of millions of people in this world (including Viet Nam) that will always be poor, no matter how hard they try. "

That's what everyone was saying about South Korea and Taiwan right up until the late '80s. Obviously countries can pull themselves out of poverty, creating opportunities for the majority. But to do so, changes are necessary. In the countryside, traditional attitudes are a serious hindrance for those wishing a better life. In my wife's family, only a very small number have broken out of their hamlet and risen in socio-economic status. About the same number that have stayed in the paddies, yet branched out to different crops and animals that earned more money. The majority cling to rice farming, and tenaciously insist that their children do the same. So it is not a matter of "no matter how hard they try", it is a fear (their own or their parents') of getting out and trying.

Every country doesnt have the ability, resources or assistance from other countries to improve their economies. Most people in the world have no access to decent schools, jobs or financial help to change their future living conditions. Presently, almost half the world live on less than $2.50 a day (22,000 children die each day due to poverty). These people would be more than happy to change their traditional attitudes for a better life for their children. Maybe we should just give them self-help books to read instead of food to eat.

Is it also because the parents want every child they have to stay right there working in the rice because they all contribute to the support of the parents.. So if a child goes out to seek their own fortune that child may well be more successful but still at the expense of the parents back on the rice farm?

Adhome01 wrote:

Every country doesnt have the ability, resources or assistance from other countries to improve their economies. Most people in the world have no access to decent schools, jobs or financial help to change their future living conditions. Presently, almost half the world live on less than $2.50 a day (22,000 children die each day due to poverty). These people would be more than happy to change their traditional attitudes for a better life for their children. Maybe we should just give them self-help books to read instead of food to eat.

There are many successful people that had poor background. It is good that none of them wasting time looking for excuses not to try harder!

I come from a poor family and tried very hard to be where I am now. I didn't have anything to eat when I was 10 but I made sure I had enough money for studying! I became strong as a rock and that's why all my wealthier friends admired about me. People can look down on you if you're poor! If you a poor but strong person, nobody will disrespect you. And the people with excuses are the people that hardly receive respect from others. I used to live with 2.5 USD a week and I know what I'm talking about.

I wonder what natural resources countries such as Israel and Japan have that made them strong? And Vietnam with so much natural resources but still poor? Wanna make some excuses?

Was a very interesting post and I love your "can do" spirit as we say in the USA... Of course you were exaggerating at least a little:  "didn't have anything to eat".. Wish I could do that.. Nevertheless I like your outlook as well.. That even poor people in an underdeveloped country can still be very successful if they have the right combination  of work ethic and resourcefulness in addition to being smart.

Ngan Khanh wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

Every country doesnt have the ability, resources or assistance from other countries to improve their economies. Most people in the world have no access to decent schools, jobs or financial help to change their future living conditions. Presently, almost half the world live on less than $2.50 a day (22,000 children die each day due to poverty). These people would be more than happy to change their traditional attitudes for a better life for their children. Maybe we should just give them self-help books to read instead of food to eat.

There are many successful people that had poor background. It is good that none of them wasting time looking for excuses not to try harder!

I come from a poor family and tried very hard to be where I am now. I didn't have anything to eat when I was 10 but I made sure I had enough money for studying! I became strong as a rock and that's why all my wealthier friends admired about me. People can look down on you if you're poor! If you a poor but strong person, nobody will disrespect you. And the people with excuses are the people that hardly receive respect from others. I used to live with 2.5 USD a week and I know what I'm talking about.

I wonder what natural resources countries such as Israel and Japan have that made them strong? And Vietnam with so much natural resources but still poor? Wanna make some excuses?

What you are describing is what is know as the "working poor" and not people living in absolute poverty, those characterized by severe deprivation of basic human needs . You said you had nothing to eat when you were 10 years old but you're alive and not one of the 22,000 children that die of starvation every day. You said you were able to go school but what about the 75 million children that have not school to go to? You said you had wealthy friends but the truly poor never see a wealthy person, let alone have the opportunity to befriend one.

Because you cannot understand the difference between the working poor and people living in abject poverty, I know you have never seen true poverty. If you had you would be more grateful for the opportunities given to you (yes, they were given) and would be less condescending to the people who have never had them.

if you have a good education that's better enough, whether the person is poor or rich aint matter, strong education can cope up with good life 

Ngan Khanh wrote:

[
I wonder what natural resources countries such as Israel and Japan have that made them strong? And Vietnam with so much natural resources but still poor? Wanna make some excuses?

Japan and Israel owe most of their economic recoveries (after WWII) to foreign aid. Israel was basically bankrupt and Japan in ruins.  The United States has given Israel over 100 billion dollars since 1949 and still gives over 3 billion a year in aid. Japan was rebuilt after WWII with the help of SCIP and from billions of dollars in aid from The United States. Both of these countries wouldnt be where they are now without receiving help from another country.
Viet Nam is a developing country with one of the fastest growing economies in the world. When I look back to what Viet Nam was only 20 years ago, I'm amazed. It's predicted that by 2025 Viet Nam will have an economy close to the size of the U.K.

wilson_derry wrote:

if you have a good education that's better enough, whether the person is poor or rich aint matter, strong education can cope up with good life 

Maybe, but not everyone in the world has access to a education. In many places there are no schools, clean water, food to eat or a a place to sleep. If you have these basic necessities, you're better off than many other peope living in the world.

Adhome01 wrote:

It's predicted that bay 2015 Viet Nam will have an economy close to the size of the U.K.

In 2013,  Vietnam's GDP was roughly 170 billion USD, while the UK had a GDP of roughly 2.5 trillion USD, or nearly 15 times larger .  There's no way VIetnam will be anywhere close to the UK by 2015.

DanFromSF wrote:

Adhome01 wrote:

It's predicted that bay 2015 Viet Nam will have an economy close to the size of the U.K.

In 2013,  Vietnam's GDP was roughly 170 billion USD, while the UK had a GDP of roughly 2.5 trillion USD, or nearly 15 times larger .  There's no way VIetnam will be anywhere close to the UK by 2015.

Sorry, I meant to say by 2025 (I will edit it). This was a prediction by the PricewaterhouseCoopers. My point was Viet Nam has a fast growing economy and had made huge strides since changing to a market economy in the 80's.

Adhome01 wrote:

Sorry, I meant to say by 2025 (I will edit it). This was a prediction by the PricewaterhouseCoopers. My point was Viet Nam has a fast growing economy and had made huge strides since changing to a market economy in the 80's.

Do you have a link to that?  It seems to me of all the SEA countries, the Vietnamese people seem to be the hardest working, so I wouldn't be surprised if they see some incredible growth in the future.

Adhome01 wrote:

What you are describing is what is know as the "working poor" and not people living in absolute poverty, those characterized by severe deprivation of basic human needs .

"Working poor" is absolutely new definition to me! So the people that don't belong to "working poor" are the people that poor because they don't work? Not sure what's your point anymore!

Adhome01 wrote:

You said you had nothing to eat when you were 10 years old but you're alive and not one of the 22,000 children that die of starvation every day. You said you were able to go school but what about the 75 million children that have not school to go to? You said you had wealthy friends but the truly poor never see a wealthy person, let alone have the opportunity to befriend one.

I didn't eat. I mixed very little sugar with tap water and drink it to calm my stomach down. That's how I survive!

I still remember selling newspapers on the streets when I was a kid. Couldn't compete with the whole "newspaper selling gangs" so I earned less than 2,5 USD a week. Most of that I saved for school fees and learning English. When I reached 18, I applied for waitress position at a small bar/restaurant for 70 USD a month salary, and average 15 USD tips monthly. How did I receive the job? Because I spoke better English than other girls that also applied for that job. That was where I met wealthier people. After I got that job, I applied for a cheap-school-fee university, bought a cheap laptop and paid off after 1 year. Decided to learn German during that time because I realized how many Germans interested in making business in Vietnam and got a very good job later with that because not many people have enough patience to learn German. That's basically how I become who I am now.

People wouldn't blame the 22,000 children died each day due to poverty! It's their parents and their governments people would blame! If they were born in some place poor without school and basic facilities, they can move elsewhere for better living conditions! Do you have any idea how many people in Saigon coming from super poor areas in Mekong Delta and North Vietnam, working very hard here to send back the money to their families to fix the house, to bring their kids to school?? Do you know how many poor people from Africa in Europe or America working hard to improve their life? None of them wasting time trying to find excuses not to try harder and harder to have a better life. If one tries and still poor, he is not trying hard enough.

Adhome01 wrote:

Because you cannot understand the difference between the working poor and people living in abject poverty, I know you have never seen true poverty. If you had you would be more grateful for the opportunities given to you (yes, they were given) and would be less condescending to the people who have never had them.

So some Americans think they can come to Vietnam and try to teach me, a girl that had lived in poverty in a much poorer country, what is poverty with the statistical numbers they picked up from surfing the internet with their expensive PC, or watched from their flat screen TV, or read from the newspaper while eating McDonald's and drinking Coca-cola?? That stinks, much!

Adhome01 wrote:

Japan and Israel owe most of their economic recoveries (after WWII) to foreign aid. Israel was basically bankrupt and Japan in ruins. The United States has given Israel over 100 billion dollars since 1949 and still gives over 3 billion a year in aid. Japan was rebuilt after WWII with the help of SCIP and from billions of dollars in aid from The United States. Both of these countries wouldnt be where they are now without receiving help from another country.

And do you have any idea how much help do many countries in Africa and Asia receive every year from the world? However, they are still poor. Why?
You think the U.S really willing to "help" Japan and Israel billions dollars without condition, for nothing? Do you really believe the U.S is stupid or are you that naive? If the U.S and the Americans are that good and pure generous, I know some people extremely poor living in highlands in North Vietnam near the border with China that need some money to build a proper house and start a business to escape from poverty. Would you give out only 10,000 USD to help them? I'm sure they will give you back! Would you give them the money?

Adhome01 wrote:

Viet Nam is a developing country with one of the fastest growing economies in the world. When I look back to what Viet Nam was only 20 years ago, I'm amazed. It's predicted that by 2025 Viet Nam will have an economy close to the size of the U.K.

I have to laugh after reading this post. You really have no idea!

Vietnam's economy means that we're selling our labors for cheap, means that we sold most of our natural resources to get the money. What left of Vietnam in 2025 is environmental pollution, no more natural resources and billions dollars debts. I suggest you to read more! Really! And give sources where did you get the numbers! One can't just only tell things without proof!

I'm bit fed up hearing your excuses for the people that born in poverty and accept to stay in poverty for their whole life! I always admire smart quotes from smart people. One of those would be: "Do not argue with an idiot! He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience!" So I probably won't have any more further post regarding your excuses because it's kind of off-topic and I prefer to use my time to work harder and earn more money! 

Cheers,

I can tell you without a doubt that your struggles dont come close to those living in Burundi, Central African Republic and Sierra Leone.  I know because Ive been there. Ive also lived in Viet Nam for over eight years and have seen the worst poverty Viet Nam has to offer. The poverty in Viet Nam is nowhere close to the poverty in those countries and others like them. Your insistence that people chose to live in poverty and allow their children to die shows how little you know about the world. The bottom line is you have no idea what youre talking about; let alone what Im talking about. When youre not too busy making money do yourself a favor and google those countries and educate yourself about people who are less fortunate then you. I think if you do, like the rest of the people in the world, youll understand what Im talking about.

On Topic:
All joking aside, for the westerner thinking of marring a Viet national, this is a good example of the kind of lack of general education youll have to deal with. Im not saying not to do it or even that its a bad thing, just expect to do a lot of explaining. Again, this isnt a cut but I cant tell you how many long conversations Ive had about something a western sees as common knowledge.

Adhome01,

You haven't given any example of an educated point of view; if you know what abject poverty is then why don't you define it instead of rambling on with a lot of factoids? While your at it, define "working poor" so you can intelligently compare and contrast?

Extreme poverty is defined as  "...the absence of one or more factors enabling individuals and families to assume basic responsibilities and to enjoy fundamental rights." Chronic poverty is a prolonged occurrence of extreme poverty, where it "...it severely compromises peoples chances of regaining their rights and of reassuming their responsibilities in the foreseeable future."

If you think that Vietnam will have an economy close to that of the UK in the next 11 years then you just aren't, remotely, dealing with reality.

yttocs wrote:

Adhome01,

You haven't given any example of an educated point of view; if you know what abject poverty is then why don't you define it instead of rambling on with a lot of factoids? While your at it, define "working poor" so you can intelligently compare and contrast?

Working poor live below the poverty line but have access to basic human needs. People living in abject poverty don't have access to basic human needs like food, safe drinking water, sanitation facilities, health, shelter, education and information. Petty simple, really.

yttocs wrote:

Adhome01,

You haven't given any example of an educated point of view; if you know what abject poverty is then why don't you define it instead of rambling on with a lot of factoids? While your at it, define "working poor" so you can intelligently compare and contrast?

Extreme poverty is defined as  "...the absence of one or more factors enabling individuals and families to assume basic responsibilities and to enjoy fundamental rights." Chronic poverty is a prolonged occurrence of extreme poverty, where it "...it severely compromises peoples chances of regaining their rights and of reassuming their responsibilities in the foreseeable future."

My ramblings were directed to Ngan Khanh in an attempt to show her that there is a difference between those having the opportunity to pull your self out of poverty and those who don't. I shouldn't have bothered.

Adhome01 wrote:

Working poor live below the poverty line but have access to basic human needs. People living in abject poverty don't have access to basic human needs like food, safe drinking water, sanitation facilities, health, shelter, education and information. Petty simple, really.

Well then, buy your own definition, having to drink sugar water for want of food wouldn't qualify as working poor because there is no access to the range of basic human needs.

Then I have been very lucky maybe.

I think it has already been said, there are good and bad in every race. Im happy to be married to a Vietnamise lady, its the best thing i ever done. The house is in her name, if we split she will have it all, and she would be welcome to it. There again if i think we would split, i would have never brought a house in the first place. At the end of the day its still cheeper than being married and divorced in England. My wife is 23 years youger than me, i dont think she really loved me at first, but ive grown on her, and now i can honestly say she does. What the hell is love anyway? Its different for everyone.

Yes the $ can get her to marry the old ugly fat guy with a pension.. But she does not love him or even respect him for helping her to a better life than she would have had. And she doesn't respect him for doing it.  In fact she hates him... For even wanting to "pull her pants down".. And that will stop all too soon.. She even hates herself for going along with it at all.. And mostly what he finally gets for the payment of his last dollar to her is just hate from all of her family and his as well as contempt from everyone else who sees it... All just because of their (usually wrong perception) that the old guy is getting to " pull the pants down" of a young attractive woman.

And I almost forgot .. She will finally leave him anyway for a younger Prince Charming who may not have as much $ but can make her pants just fall off her without even him trying to..

nnthuy154 wrote:

I incidently read a story about a British man maried with a dirty Vietnamese girl. I fell very ashamed because I am Vietnamese too. You should agree that you may meet the good ones or the bad ones in every country, but especially the ones origined from the poor countries such as Vietnam.

You are wondering why I say so and feel strange when I say so. The fact is that many girls now take advantage of their beauty and fake sweet heart to trap many foreigners who are looking for a true love with Asian girls. There  are many reasons for Vietnamese woman to cheat them:
1. They want to leave Vietnam to emigrate to the other country
2. They are too poor and need money to help family
3. They are beautiful but lazy and want someone bring money back to her

Because of culture differences, the foreigner men cannot realize who the best for them. Once the woman want to trap you, you are hard to escape. I dont want to talk so much about the details of kinds of women but you should be aware of the kinds who always ask you for many things such as money, jewlery... or they always tell you about their relatives status like how poor they are and they are in need of some money.

Finally, if you are really looking for true love, you have to know basic about your girlfriend such as her family status, her relationship and her personality.

My viewpoint is never get married with a girl who is too poor or too little knowlege if I were you. They are too poor so they love money than you. They are too little knowledge so they cannot treat you as you want to get back from her.

Beauty is important, but honest is more important in the true love.

So the ones who I call the f***dirty girls, please keep your self - esteem and do not trap any guys here. What you are doing that make a bad impression about Vietnamese womwen in the world.

Why do you feel ashamed? Who knows what the truth is in that story. You are too young, darling. Bad stories are always on the newspaper but good stories are hidden and I believe there is a true love for anyone who is looking for it. There is no Vietnamese and No foreigners. Most of men, no matter what nationality is, can be attracted by beauty and sweet. And if he is trapped by unsuitable girls, it is just because he is not old enough or he is too hurry to find a life partner. It is not anyone's fault. It is a destiny.

It is complicated to talk about destiny. But there is one thing I am sure that you will pay a lot in your life if you still keep that thinking.

And a puppy is always a great Chick Magnet!

Dear Thuy, You have a very good heart!!  Thank You for you insight into this much unknown subject of Love.
I am from California and trying to understand a Vietnam woman I have to put myself in their shoes to see through their eyes. I know a college graduate and she worked 6 days a week for $400 a month with little to save after paying rent. What does a poor girl need _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ?    EVERYTHING!!!   iPhone, Home, Scooter,  set up her business, car, baby and pocket money about 5,000,000. at any given time.  I was used by a pretty Thai Lady
and the same goes there. First they hook you on Love then you are their own ATM machine. I lost only $40,000 Dollars. I know one guy lost a Hotel and a Home because a foreigner has to have property in his wife's name
( THAI LAW )  and she kicked him out.  Many foreign men go home broke and not easy to make it over when your 50-65 years old. Many Vietnam women marry and Divorce as soon as they get to America. Get free apartment and money from ex husband especially with a baby they get money for 18 years!!!  So a Foreign man should only date if he is not sure. A good educated Lady from a good family is the best choice with only a 20% chance of being taken advantage of exactly what your saying. I am still looking for a pure heart than has no hidden idea to marry me for money, my job is not easy but then again this is my only job.

no1eyeno wrote:

So a Foreign man should only date if he is not sure.

How about just learning to say No?  As in "No, I won't give you money.   No, I won't give your family money.  No, I won't buy a house/car/business in your name."   If they ask again, find another one;  SEA has no shortage of women.

DanFromSF wrote:

no1eyeno wrote:

So a Foreign man should only date if he is not sure.

How about just learning to say No?  As in "No, I won't give you money.   No, I won't give your family money.  No, I won't buy a house/car/business in your name."   If they ask again, find another one;  SEA has no shortage of women.

tell to the girls and you will find a good girl someday. Happiness is a long way and it needs patience right?

I think you know there are a lot of ants coming to a sweet cakes.

I am British and also have this dilemma. You are 100% correct in everything you say. For me to read your posting was like a bit of fresh air: it is good to know that there are some very decent Vietnamese girls like you @@

"An ugly girl belongs to you but a beautiful girl belongs to everyone".

Told to me by an old Viet man many years ago.

I had my share of the Viet girls who want want want. Free passage to a foreign country with visa-then walked off knowing all she had to do was SAY I was cruel to her- No proof needed- gets protection visa-immediate PR-therefore immediate pension.The value of being a lawyer was not wasted on that one. Knew all the loop-holes and no doubt had them studied well before setting her sights.
Next one- I need money for this, that, whatever. Didn't give so then I am mean blah blah.
Next one- struck gold! Asked for nothing. 6 years later, still happy together, migrated and asked for nothing-would go to Iraq if that is where I want to live!

ttrconnors wrote:

I had my share of the Viet girls who want want want. Free passage to a foreign country with visa-then walked off knowing all she had to do was SAY I was cruel to her- No proof needed- gets protection visa-immediate PR-therefore immediate pension.The value of being a lawyer was not wasted on that one. Knew all the loop-holes and no doubt had them studied well before setting her sights.
Next one- I need money for this, that, whatever. Didn't give so then I am mean blah blah.
Next one- struck gold! Asked for nothing. 6 years later, still happy together, migrated and asked for nothing-would go to Iraq if that is where I want to live!

Glade to hear it finally worked out for you. 33% seems about right here, that might be a high average even.

I've had a few friends come to visit and always give them this warning, "remember all those girls you bullshitted just to get in their pants back home? Well, here the girls will bullshit you the same way to get into your wallet".

It's not all about love. don't forget, Vietnamese have a total different set of mind, culture and values because of education background and general society environment .
Making a living in Vietnam is never easy. Getting out of the country is even more difficult .Married or having a foreigner bf could simply be the best way out. But how to sustain a long terms relationship ? They have no ideal, they have fear.' Fear ' and lack of self confident lead to for most of the problem.
For them ,Foreign man in Vietnam is like a butterfly in the garden. Love is by chance, not promise.
There's always someone out there eyeing on my cheese! OMG ! My beautiful days are numbered. What if....I will lost everything and people will laugh at me...! So worried! No...no...no!
SO:
When you think about sweet relation they think about best solution.
When you think about win win they think about I win you loss.
When you think about give and take the think about take frist give later.

In general, no one is wrong. Is just different expectation.

  Still being cheated?
When you live a place other than your home country, should use your brain and understand that you never get privileges and rights same as the locals. In short, don't believe anyone completely even bank 
$40,000? I must say you are crazy regardless of your age!
If you are still looking for a better girl (not perfect), you should find a girl who don't speak English and resides with parents    , if possible choose from a middle class family. After that you can teach her or send her to study 

no1eyeno wrote:

I was used by a pretty Thai Lady and the same goes there. First they hook you on Love then you are their own ATM machine. I lost only $40,000 Dollars. I know one guy lost a Hotel and a Home because a foreigner has to have property in his wife's name.
I am still looking for a pure heart than has no hidden idea to marry me for money, my job is not easy but then again this is my only job.

charmavietnam wrote:

  Still being cheated?
When you live a place other than your home country, should use your brain and understand that you never get privileges and rights same as the locals. In short, don't believe anyone completely even bank 
$40,000? I must say you are crazy regardless of your age!
If you are still looking for a better girl (not perfect), you should find a girl who don't speak English and resides with parents    , if possible choose from a middle class family. After that you can teach her or send her to study 

no1eyeno wrote:

I was used by a pretty Thai Lady and the same goes there. First they hook you on Love then you are their own ATM machine. I lost only $40,000 Dollars. I know one guy lost a Hotel and a Home because a foreigner has to have property in his wife's name.
I am still looking for a pure heart than has no hidden idea to marry me for money, my job is not easy but then again this is my only job.

It is such a absolute wrong thought. Marriage is not from "teaching" Many people believe like you do and they have met people they call " caves". Why? Those girls do not know English but it does not mean they are good. After teaching English, are you sure they will not break up and find a richer man? Then you will see you waste a lot of time and money on her.(I did not count on money you have to spend for her family when most of those girls depend much on their big family). Even a Vietnamese girl who doesn't know English and isn't attracted on you, it does not mean she does not like money. If you attract someone because of any reasons, that relationship will be ended up with the same reasons. I think at your ages, you know all of this when you are in a relationship with a Vietnamese girl. You know if she is taking advantages or not but you are willing to do that, so don't complain.

I don't want to tell this but I have known many girls have been cheated by foreigners.

no1eyeno !
I hope you understand what I mean 

Dejavu.dot wrote:

I don't want to tell this but I have known many girls have been cheated by foreigners.

Can you explain how the foreigners cheated these "many girls"?

DanFromSF wrote:

Dejavu.dot wrote:

I don't want to tell this but I have known many girls have been cheated by foreigners.

Can you explain how the foreigners cheated these "many girls"?

They stay in vietnam and have relationships with Vietnamese girls. After months, they fly back to their countries. Some of them ask for girls to invest to their business but disappear without saying. And as I know, some of those girls become lesbians or real flirts.

Dejavu.dot wrote:

They stay in vietnam and have relationships with Vietnamese girls. After months, they fly back to their countries. Some of them ask for girls to invest to their business but disappear without saying. And as I know, some of those girls become lesbians or real flirts.

So, perhaps they believed they were promised things that they never received and these girls are disappointed, but I don't see how they were cheated.