Dating/Marrying Tips for Expats :/

I read the OP, but substituted "Indonesian" for Vietnamese, and it pretty much still works.
Girls try to pass on their phone numbers as if you're the last male in the world, but it means very little, as the vast majority are only interested in you as a friend, being a potential husband is a lesser concern, but not impossible when you're as handsome and hunky as I am.
Of course, being a married man, I can't take the numbers because my wife would do something evil with two slices of bread, my sausage and one of the dogs from the estate.

I have just came here in HCMC, don't have too much experience in dating with local women but got some warning from  some of my friends here, I was convinced that local women are beautiful, but huge attention to our pocket, will stay loyal as long as we still have money. think we are rich, have a lot of money, see a beautiful sexy young girl go out with a big fat belly man? it's all about money. My friend andy lived here about 5 years, have a long last girlfriend who he pay all for her expenses, and even provide finance for her whole family. At last, he lost his job have to teach English to earn money, she left her, I was told and  think so too, only find the girl who is already rich, or can live on her own, or at least an well educated girl from the countryside, not some tricky sexy chick here in Saigon.

DanFromSF wrote:

I do believe wrote:

It's the bulge at the back of his pants she is interested in, not the bulge at the front.

I keep my wallet in my front pocket.  I win either way.

Say Dan, is that a wallet in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

eodmatt wrote:

Say Dan, is that a wallet in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

Always pleased to see you, Matt.

DanFromSF wrote:

eodmatt wrote:

Say Dan, is that a wallet in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

Always pleased to see you, Matt.

I'll keep my back to the wall! 

to, Smile 30,  why their culture is more civilized than ours? so wrong, the western culture has lost most of the things Vietnam still holds on to to MY mind this is why it attracts us, we ling for what you have. I had a great conversation with Vn lady last night abut this, we agreed Vn will be like the west in 5-10 years time with easy women every where and she joked that the way young Vn girls are wearing shorter and shorter pants, maybe soon they wear no pants at all, Donald Trump will really get a hand full. What i'm saying is DON'T be so envious of what we have now, ( I ) don't see it as very civilised

I agree.    Same, Same...     

Codyjack wrote:

I have just came here in HCMC, don't have too much experience in dating with local women but got some warning from  some of my friends here, I was convinced that local women are beautiful, but huge attention to our pocket, will stay loyal as long as we still have money. think we are rich, have a lot of money, see a beautiful sexy young girl go out with a big fat belly man? it's all about money. My friend andy lived here about 5 years, have a long last girlfriend who he pay all for her expenses, and even provide finance for her whole family. At last, he lost his job have to teach English to earn money, she left her, I was told and  think so too, only find the girl who is already rich, or can live on her own, or at least an well educated girl from the countryside, not some tricky sexy chick here in Saigon.

Some Vietnamese girls here care much about a man's wallet, not only expats' wallets, even with the rich girls. That's one way of living, find a rich person and lean on that person so they will feel more satisfy and comfortable ?!?

I have seen many girls like that, but surely not all of the Vietnamese girls/females. Some of them especially ones are good at English, have a decent jobs,  strong and independent and even they want to share the bill like in Western.

About the tips, I was impressed by OP's experiences but eventually there are some I find it very different with all the girl friends I know, will post a different reply on that matter when I have time.

Cheers.

3 - many women see dating as the first step to matrimony.   this is first thing i learned on my dating adventure.  the dating period can be as long as you want just know that at the end of the "date" youre expected to come bearing areca nuts and betel leaves.

--> Yes, most of women here don't date for fun. Most of them consider dating is the first step to matrimony (dating to see if he/ she is a suitable partner for marriage, or to see if they can fall in love with the partner)

4 - some women will sacrifice love for financial security for their family.   but they will love you regardless of their original intentions.   you can drive yourself crazy wondering if she loves you for who you are or what you can give her.   if you can accept the fact that she loves you and will take good care of you then youre good.

--> Yes, right. She will take care you well even if she didn't get marry you for love

5 - refrain from PDAs.   public display of affection is a no-no.  no holding hands or kissing.  i remember trying to kiss my ex on her cheek on our 5th date.   she reacted like i had smacked her.  or maybe i had bad breath 

(--> Yes, because most of kids here were taughted (by adults) that these action only do in the private room/ place. It's impolited to do like that in public. If you do like that, it mean that you don't respected people around you. And that kids grew up with that believability. Event then, they know it's not true, but it become the habit already, and Vietnamese care to Group society so much, so that why it's not easy for change in the short time. And the fact that, some Vietnamese people will be shy when see other couples kissing front of them)

--> I think there is not right or wrong, that is the different of cultures

6 - women expect the men to be the drivers.   so if you dont have a scooter or scared to drive get a taxi.  i remember several times my dates would refuse to sit on the back of my electric scooter.  "quê quá" - image is everything.

--> haha, right, or maybe your body is too big compare to the electric scooter so it look funny and that image attract the notice of many people around

7 - getting phone numbers from local women is not a big deal as it is in the western world.   they give them out like candy without hesitation. 

8 - unless she lost her family when you marry a Viet woman you marry her family.   if you dont get along with your in-laws youre screwed.

--> Yes, it's because in Vietnam, we give prominence to the "big family". and the wife also will take care the husband's big family more than her big family

9 - on the first few dates you can sometimes expect friends, family or co-workers to attend.

--> Yes, if she don't know you well, she want to be safe or sometimes she only want to have a close person beside her

10 - if youre dating/marrying a catholic/christian woman there are a whole new set of rules.

--> Yes. Vietnamese women get a catholic/ christian men, they also have to to the same

11 - if you have a quirky, dark, sarcastic sense of humor refrain from it until you get to know her better.  humor sometimes does not translate well.

--> It's not easy for foreigners to understand slang words from other language. In Vietnam, we use the same language, but sometimes, we have the same problems among Vietnamese people. That's also the answer why comedian from the north of Vietnam don't have show in the South and the same problem with the comedian from the South when go to the north for business trip.

I hope some of my individual comments will help you understand more about (general) Vietnamese.

Nowaday, there are many girls who go to oversea for studying University so they will behavior  moderner and a bit different. That mean these ideas are not for ALL Vietnamese women.

16 - always pay for the date.   don't do that dutch crap.  good god guys we make more money in a year than she perhaps her whole family will make in their life time.   

15 - if you've asked a woman for a date and she's hesitating offer her to bring a companion.   more often than not she will accept.  --> Yess

16 - always pay for the date.   don't do that dutch crap.  good god guys we make more money in a year than she perhaps her whole family will make in their life time.   

---> If you meet gold digger, it's poor of you. otherwise, if you have a date with well - educated, most of them will not withdraw money from you.

--> In Vietnam, even when Vietnamese women have a date with Vietnamese men, the men is always the person who pay the bill (coffee, restaurant, hotel), Why?

Because most of the Vietnamese men will feel unrespected if the women pay for them, he will feel more menly if he can pay for "his" women (like he can shelter for her).

SOLUTION if you don't want to pay the bill:

Step 1: have a date with well-educated girls
Step 2: Chose the coffee shop where they charge money at the time you finish order. So you will pay separately (such as: highland coffee,...). If not, please don't share the bill for the first meet, even when she is well-educated, rich and ready to share the bill

For long term relation, you can tell you her that you want to share the bill during the date time, but please tell gentle, gentle and clearly to avoid shock culture

it's not the money, it's the feeling

17 - on the other hand if you're on the first few dates and she asks for money for her family or go "sắm đồ" then its a warning sign. --> I agree

18 - the longer the "chân dài" the longer the bill.   i keed i keed. --> Yes, if she is not serious with you and don't want a long term, serious relation

19 - if you're in a serious relationship sleeping in the same room at her house is a no-no.   they will prepare a separate room for you or stay at a local motel.   you might get a visit from your local constable so its not worth it.  my ex-fiance had to sleep in a separate room when she came to visit me. --> Sure

20 - always bring something back for your GF's family when you return from traveling.   it doesnt matter what it is.  my relatives always complain i never bring anything back when i go "du lịch."  what can i say i like to travel light. --> Yes, that's right. it's culture, (some of family like your money and expensive gift but most of them are not. The gift only mean that you respect their daughter and her family. And It mean that you are caring them

21 - this is not a relationship advice just an observation.   doing things alone is frowned upon.   i like doing things by myself like eating, drinking, movie theatres etc.  except during lunch time you rarely see people sitting alone.  its taken as you have no friends/family.   which is not a good sign to them.

--> Yes, when I travel alone or do anything alone, people around are always curious about that why I am alone

When I flied to Singapore some years ago, there is a Vietnamese family in the same flight thought that I got a problem (love sick) and asked many many time why I travelled alone. Even I answered many many time that I'm OK, my friend had changed the plan so I travel alone because I wanted to visit this country one time, they didn't believed and worried for me. Even when the flight take off at the Changi Airport, they asked me again and asked me to go with them, to book room at the same hotel with them (as if they were worry that I can kill myself!!) . It's interesting but it's true

24 - for every expat/viet kieu complaining about unscrupulous Viet women there are just as many or more Viet women who have been duped by expats/viet kieus.   you just dont hear about it because they rarely talk about it.  although i feel bad for us men i feel more sympathy for the women.  if they are shamed by a foreigner they have very few options.   its the idiots who ruin it for the serious guys.  so if you just want sex and fun go to the local brothels where it belongs --> Agree with you
========

OBB wrote:

13 - even chatting on the net or talking on the phone for a period of time it could be considered a relationship.   how serious depends on the woman.

14 - if you want to know how far your relationship is progressing give her a ride on your motorscooter.   if she wraps her arms around your waist then you're in.   if not then keep driving.  (or use this trick.  drive really fast so she'll have no choice but to grab your waist.  i keed.   please don't speed there are lots of nuts on the road already.)

15 - if you've asked a woman for a date and she's hesitating offer her to bring a companion.   more often than not she will accept. 

16 - always pay for the date.   don't do that dutch crap.  good god guys we make more money in a year than she perhaps her whole family will make in their life time.   

17 - on the other hand if you're on the first few dates and she asks for money for her family or go "sắm đồ" then its a warning sign.

18 - the longer the "chân dài" the longer the bill.   i keed i keed.

19 - if you're in a serious relationship sleeping in the same room at her house is a no-no.   they will prepare a separate room for you or stay at a local motel.   you might get a visit from your local constable so its not worth it.  my ex-fiance had to sleep in a separate room when she came to visit me.

20 - always bring something back for your GF's family when you return from traveling.   it doesnt matter what it is.  my relatives always complain i never bring anything back when i go "du lịch."  what can i say i like to travel light. --> Yes, that's right. it's culture, (some of family like your money and expensive gift but most of them are not)

21 - this is not a relationship advice just an observation.   doing things alone is frowned upon.   i like doing things by myself like eating, drinking, movie theatres etc.  except during lunch time you rarely see people sitting alone.  its taken as you have no friends/family.   which is not a good sign to them.

22 - non-relationship advice part deux.   learn to haggle.  i was annoyed by the constant double pricing for foreigners.   if you think the price is too high go to the next stall and check out their prices.  you'd be surprised at the price differential sometimes.  for me i only haggle if its a big ticket item.   haggling over 5,000-50,000vnđ is not worth it to me. 

23 - im sure this is well known already but ill post it anyways.   vacationing with your GF in a 4-5 star hotel is against the law.   you have to pay for separate rooms and whats the point of that.   google for the 3 star hotels or less and they are more accomodating.   

24 - for every expat/viet kieu complaining about unscrupulous Viet women there are just as many or more Viet women who have been duped by expats/viet kieus.   you just dont hear about it because they rarely talk about it.  although i feel bad for us men i feel more sympathy for the women.  if they are shamed by a foreigner they have very few options.   its the idiots who ruin it for the serious guys.  so if you just want sex and fun go to the local brothels where it belongs.

Lyn-sunflower wrote:

16 - always pay for the date.   don't do that dutch crap.  good god guys we make more money in a year than she perhaps her whole family will make in their life time.   

15 - if you've asked a woman for a date and she's hesitating offer her to bring a companion.   more often than not she will accept.  --> Yess

16 - always pay for the date.   don't do that dutch crap.  good god guys we make more money in a year than she perhaps her whole family will make in their life time.   

---> If you meet gold digger, it's poor of you. otherwise, if you have a date with well - educated, most of them will not withdraw money from you.

--> In Vietnam, even when Vietnamese women have a date with Vietnamese men, the men is always the person who pay the bill (coffee, restaurant, hotel), Why?

Because most of the Vietnamese men will feel unrespected if the women pay for them, he will feel more menly if he can pay for "his" women (like he can shelter for her).

SOLUTION if you don't want to pay the bill:

Step 1: have a date with well-educated girls
Step 2: Chose the coffee shop where they charge money at the time you finish order. So you will pay separately (such as: highland coffee,...). If not, please don't share the bill for the first meet, even when she is well-educated, rich and ready to share the bill

For long term relation, you can tell you her that you want to share the bill during the date time, but please tell gentle, gentle and clearly to avoid shock culture

it's not the money, it's the feeling

17 - on the other hand if you're on the first few dates and she asks for money for her family or go "sắm đồ" then its a warning sign. --> I agree

18 - the longer the "chân dài" the longer the bill.   i keed i keed. --> Yes, if she is not serious with you and don't want a long term, serious relation

19 - if you're in a serious relationship sleeping in the same room at her house is a no-no.   they will prepare a separate room for you or stay at a local motel.   you might get a visit from your local constable so its not worth it.  my ex-fiance had to sleep in a separate room when she came to visit me. --> Sure

20 - always bring something back for your GF's family when you return from traveling.   it doesnt matter what it is.  my relatives always complain i never bring anything back when i go "du lịch."  what can i say i like to travel light. --> Yes, that's right. it's culture, (some of family like your money and expensive gift but most of them are not. The gift only mean that you respect their daughter and her family. And It mean that you are caring them

21 - this is not a relationship advice just an observation.   doing things alone is frowned upon.   i like doing things by myself like eating, drinking, movie theatres etc.  except during lunch time you rarely see people sitting alone.  its taken as you have no friends/family.   which is not a good sign to them.

--> Yes, when I travel alone or do anything alone, people around are always curious about that why I am alone

When I flied to Singapore some years ago, there is a Vietnamese family in the same flight thought that I got a problem (love sick) and asked many many time why I travelled alone. Even I answered many many time that I'm OK, my friend had changed the plan so I travel alone because I wanted to visit this country one time, they didn't believed and worried for me. Even when the flight take off at the Changi Airport, they asked me again and asked me to go with them, to book room at the same hotel with them (as if they were worry that I can kill myself!!) . It's interesting but it's true

24 - for every expat/viet kieu complaining about unscrupulous Viet women there are just as many or more Viet women who have been duped by expats/viet kieus.   you just dont hear about it because they rarely talk about it.  although i feel bad for us men i feel more sympathy for the women.  if they are shamed by a foreigner they have very few options.   its the idiots who ruin it for the serious guys.  so if you just want sex and fun go to the local brothels where it belongs --> Agree with you
========

OBB wrote:

13 - even chatting on the net or talking on the phone for a period of time it could be considered a relationship.   how serious depends on the woman.

14 - if you want to know how far your relationship is progressing give her a ride on your motorscooter.   if she wraps her arms around your waist then you're in.   if not then keep driving.  (or use this trick.  drive really fast so she'll have no choice but to grab your waist.  i keed.   please don't speed there are lots of nuts on the road already.)

15 - if you've asked a woman for a date and she's hesitating offer her to bring a companion.   more often than not she will accept. 

16 - always pay for the date.   don't do that dutch crap.  good god guys we make more money in a year than she perhaps her whole family will make in their life time.   

17 - on the other hand if you're on the first few dates and she asks for money for her family or go "sắm đồ" then its a warning sign.

18 - the longer the "chân dài" the longer the bill.   i keed i keed.

19 - if you're in a serious relationship sleeping in the same room at her house is a no-no.   they will prepare a separate room for you or stay at a local motel.   you might get a visit from your local constable so its not worth it.  my ex-fiance had to sleep in a separate room when she came to visit me.

20 - always bring something back for your GF's family when you return from traveling.   it doesnt matter what it is.  my relatives always complain i never bring anything back when i go "du lịch."  what can i say i like to travel light. --> Yes, that's right. it's culture, (some of family like your money and expensive gift but most of them are not)

21 - this is not a relationship advice just an observation.   doing things alone is frowned upon.   i like doing things by myself like eating, drinking, movie theatres etc.  except during lunch time you rarely see people sitting alone.  its taken as you have no friends/family.   which is not a good sign to them.

22 - non-relationship advice part deux.   learn to haggle.  i was annoyed by the constant double pricing for foreigners.   if you think the price is too high go to the next stall and check out their prices.  you'd be surprised at the price differential sometimes.  for me i only haggle if its a big ticket item.   haggling over 5,000-50,000vnđ is not worth it to me. 

23 - im sure this is well known already but ill post it anyways.   vacationing with your GF in a 4-5 star hotel is against the law.   you have to pay for separate rooms and whats the point of that.   google for the 3 star hotels or less and they are more accomodating.   

24 - for every expat/viet kieu complaining about unscrupulous Viet women there are just as many or more Viet women who have been duped by expats/viet kieus.   you just dont hear about it because they rarely talk about it.  although i feel bad for us men i feel more sympathy for the women.  if they are shamed by a foreigner they have very few options.   its the idiots who ruin it for the serious guys.  so if you just want sex and fun go to the local brothels where it belongs.

Cant agree with 24, love to know where the statistics come from.

colinoscapee wrote:

Cant agree with 24, love to know where the statistics come from.

The thing is, it's so subjective that it's hard to agree or not. The feeling of being duped is in the eye of the beholder. If a Vietnamese woman hopes for something serious with someone, sleeps with the man, then the man dumps her, she might tell people that she was duped. But was she? If he's made false promises, then maybe, but it's no always to clear cut. If a man covers a woman in gifts but then complains later on that she's a "gold digger", was he duped? Some people tend to see themselves as being duped even though they're often part of the problem.

@colinoscapee: Cant agree with 24, love to know where the statistics come from
====
24 - for every expat/viet kieu complaining about unscrupulous Viet women there are just as many or more Viet women who have been duped by expats/viet kieus.   you just dont hear about it because they rarely talk about it.  although i feel bad for us men i feel more sympathy for the women.  if they are shamed by a foreigner they have very few options.   its the idiots who ruin it for the serious guys.  so if you just want sex and fun go to the local brothels where it belongs --> Agree with you

--> sorry, I didn't explain detail. I didn't totally agree all items in 24, but I agree with this point: its the idiots who ruin it for the serious guys.  so if you just want sex and fun go to the local brothels where it belongs

For this point:

(for every expat/viet kieu complaining about unscrupulous Viet women there are just as MANY or MORE Viet women who have been duped by expats/viet kieus.) ==> not agree for text: As MANY or MORE, but there are few expat like that, I've heard about some bad guys. Not many, but sure, not all of expat here are good

P/S: Sorry, my English is not good, my job don't use English.

Your English is much better than my Vietnamese, well done.