Marrying a saudi man

I just wrote a long post to Clo Clo on this topic. There really are laws regarding whom Saudis can marry, particularly for some professions like the military. They only recently passed a law saying that Dept of Interior or military officers can marry Non Saudi women but still, they can only marry certain Non Saudi women. ANd the rules for Saudi men and Saudi women marrying Non Saudi spouses are not the same too. (Nice, not so easy to figure it out).

so check out the post I and others wrote to Clo Clo on this topic and do some serious research. I assume you are Muslim so that' will help you.  It's  hard to me to wrap my brain around the government telling me whom to marry but I can deal with it b/c I am married already to my "first" husband (of 29 years)  .

we are still in a commitment to get married till this time

This strikes me as very suspicious that you could have any kind of commitment since he, as a 'government official,' would have known about the laws to begin with.

Lots of Saudi guys are players. Be careful that he's not looking for a 'secret marriage.'

Hi Spitfire,

Thanks for a very good article that you share with Clo Clo, I learnt from it, if only you can give me ideas where i can find all this law, will be much appreciated.

Thanks Pal

spitfire8 wrote:

I just wrote a long post to Clo Clo on this topic. There really are laws regarding whom Saudis can marry, particularly for some professions like the military. They only recently passed a law saying that Dept of Interior or military officers can marry Non Saudi women but still, they can only marry certain Non Saudi women. ANd the rules for Saudi men and Saudi women marrying Non Saudi spouses are not the same too. (Nice, not so easy to figure it out).

so check out the post I and others wrote to Clo Clo on this topic and do some serious research. I assume you are Muslim so that' will help you.  It's  hard to me to wrap my brain around the government telling me whom to marry but I can deal with it b/c I am married already to my "first" husband (of 29 years)  .

Hi Alliecat,


Thanks for the headups  . . .

Best regards,
silver_taws

Alliecat wrote:

we are still in a commitment to get married till this time

This strikes me as very suspicious that you could have any kind of commitment since he, as a 'government official,' would have known about the laws to begin with.

Lots of Saudi guys are players. Be careful that he's not looking for a 'secret marriage.'

Dear Silver,

As Allie said, this is suspicious. If your man is a gov official, he knew two things. First, he knew he could not marry you at all, in Saudi Arabia. Second, he also knew if he truly really wanted to marry you and was willing to live in another country, then he COULD have married you already and still can. (Just not in Saudi).

So if the issue is, he wants to marry you IN Saudi Arabia, you guys just made your chances of marrying a lot smaller. The new law says Saudi men can marry certain Non-Saudi women. (Being from a GCC country would help but you are not from one of those countries. I do not know if you are on a list of prohibited nations BUT I DO KNOW it doesn't matter anywhere but IN Saudi Arabia.) And as you read on Clo's note, if you do marry this guy and live there, you will never get custody of children you have in the event of a divorce. And it is legal for him to have more than one wife there, unless you get something else in writing saying he won't but you'd have to be the first wife for that.

How long has he been where you are? Are you in the Philipines now with him?  Oh dear, it's not a good situation. But if he really loves you, the easiest thing to do is marry you where you are, and leave it at that. Moving to Saudi after marrying, would leave you in a legal gray area for now. Until the new law is implemented and fully practiced, (as in everyone "gets it" there) it'll be unclear as to what your rights are or whether the marriage is valid, etc.

You need to do some homework but hold him to that obligation too. In other words, why are YOU doing the research to figure out how to marry?  it's HIS Country that has the unusual laws, not yours. What does he SAY he knew? What does he SAY he wants? ETC...
I think you have a hunch and probably your instincts are telling you that he's not being forthright enough with you.Maybe he's not sure what he really wants to do or sacrifice vis a vis losing his family's support----but you should be getting honesty from him.

If he works for the Gov, he knows about the law/rules. Sorry. Don't even say or think you are "too old to be picky" about men. Give me a break. IF my husband passed away I would not be terrified of being alone. I'd be sad to be sure, But not afraid. I'm over 40 and not ugly and neither are you. I have NO fear of being alone for two reasons. First off, so what if I don't have a man in my life?  I'm content and I don't need a man to "make" me happy. Second, there ARE decent men out there so I have no reason to believe I"d be alone unless I wanted to be. Plenty of men (I have 5 brothers who all say this)  WANT a mature woman who doesn't play games or act needy. That can be you. Why not?

Check the Arab News and other web sites or the Saudi Embassy in your country, for their marriage laws, for marriages between non-Saudis and Saudis. You, or your man, should Ask for Article One of the new law or if they don't know that reference, then ask for a list of prohibited marriages and the things you have to do to get the application process going.

j-

@ Spitfire

I dont know how to thank you for all these, its a big help. In fact he doesnt know I am doing the research, I dont want to say that I dont trust him, but I was just wondering on his ellusive decisions. He cant do anything to marry me legally yet he dont want to release me from the commitment.

It is always difficult to marry someone who has some other religion than you have. I think you should think more deeply again.

What "commitment"? You mean he wants you to not date other men, and only be available to him? And yet he cannot marry you....maybe or maybe not...??

THINK...

I am a muslim too as he is.

hassanalishahengr wrote:

It is always difficult to marry someone who has some other religion than you have. I think you should think more deeply again.

Exactly . . .  I was asking for breakup yet he dont want to release me from the commitment. . .  he wants to marry me but only in Islam, and recently he just told me that he wants to marry more than one woman .. . .  which definitely I dont like, even if the Islam said that is permitted, but I myself cant accept it.
But he still dont want to give me freedom...
I as a woman with principle and word of honor has a headache bnow because of this so called commitment .. .  Some of my friends say just change my contact number and he cant contact me anymore, but that is not as easy as that because of my principle . . .
What else I could do?

spitfire8 wrote:

What "commitment"? You mean he wants you to not date other men, and only be available to him? And yet he cannot marry you....maybe or maybe not...??

THINK...

But he still dont want to give me freedom...

You're sounding like a victim and you need to get past this mentality.  You act like he's holding you hostage but how can this possibly be when you're in two different countries?!  You've never even MET, have you??!

Your friends are right.  Change your number--this has nothing to do with what you're calling principles--and get on with your life.

I don't want to be rude but one's race plays a big part in the Kingdom and I find it almost impossible to believe that this guy's family (the most important thing in a Saudi's life) would accept a Filipina daughter-in-law--even if he COULD marry you (and seriously, he knows they wouldn't accept you and he knows he can't/won't marry you).

He's playing you.  Move on.

Saudi Guys are really wonderful and kind ,it depends on your heart believes ....

legally he can marry up to 4 whatever the religion is except the non believers like some Asians ....i advise you to marry at both american & saudi sides

habibi masry wrote:

Saudi Guys are really wonderful and kind ,it depends on your heart believes ....

legally he can marry up to 4 whatever the religion is except the non believers like some Asians ....i advise you to marry at both american & saudi sides

Have you read anything above??

Dear silver_taws

All your thoughts are based on this

I knew and met a RESPECTFUL, GOOD MUSLIM Saudi man

If he were as you say "respectful", he would never start a relationship with you knowing that ANYWAY he cannot get married to a foreigner legally (and why at all registering at these matrimonial site??), he would never give you false hopes and would never keep you hold for himself.
The guy is playing, just stop thinking of him as of respectful and it changes the whole picture.

Zarvata,  You've made two points I absolutely agree with.

1.

Have you read anything above??

2.

stop thinking of him as of respectful and it changes the whole picture

Well said!

Thanks Allie for the thoughts.  I met him personally, I was in the kingdom and just got back home recently. Well I agree with you but its very difficult for you to change my personality, but somehow you are right that i need to get on with my life, INSHALLAH.


I really appreciate your ideas about their customs.

Alliecat wrote:

But he still dont want to give me freedom...

You're sounding like a victim and you need to get past this mentality.  You act like he's holding you hostage but how can this possibly be when you're in two different countries?!  You've never even MET, have you??!

Your friends are right.  Change your number--this has nothing to do with what you're calling principles--and get on with your life.

I don't want to be rude but one's race plays a big part in the Kingdom and I find it almost impossible to believe that this guy's family (the most important thing in a Saudi's life) would accept a Filipina daughter-in-law--even if he COULD marry you (and seriously, he knows they wouldn't accept you and he knows he can't/won't marry you).

He's playing you.  Move on.

Thanks everyone for the help . . . .

silver, best of luck to you, sweetie. 

I know you had your hopes up but sometimes you just have to move on, even if your heart is breaking.

Hi

I think the only advice I can give you is be very warey..I have had many non muslim freinds marry a muslim, and it has drastic results.... Do not change your religion or who you are for any person..If he loves you he will respect that. In Saudi it is VERY strict with regards to women, I have live there
I think take your time, dont commit... unless you know it will be fine... ask for lots of advice from everyone...

Knowledge IS power.. read up on Saudi, womens rights, and Islam so you understand...

I wish you luck...

Julie

Hmm Just read all the posts and replies that were not visible when I first posted....
They are right in saying be warned be suspicious....and be CAREFUL

Honey RUN don't walk, dump this guy, he isn't trustworthy. I have lived in Saudi, that place is hell on earth. Do NOT go there and don't marry him. You are free, stay that way. If you do this, I promise you'll regret it.

hey vw, welcome to the forum!  You're in Jordan, eh?  How would it be for a single American woman to go there on holiday?

I'd like to get around the Middle East while I'm here in Saudi but traveling seems difficult (and perhaps dangerous?) for a lone woman (and I know a traveling companion would make things easier but the people I know in Saudi don't seem to be interested ).

poor allie ... heeehehehehehe ... ahm ahm sorry.

poor salmon

Ali...you are not allowed to drive in Saudi... women are not al lowed to do a lot of things, Saudi is a mans world, you will need someone to take you and it wil have to be male... I would be VERY careful if I were you.............
Get hold of your embassy see if there is anyone willing to travel with you...Not local unless you know them...

good luck

Yep, know about Saudi--been here almost a year, hence my dilemma lol 

Oh, and the US embassy here sucks--they're good for nothing.

So, guess I'm back to where I started

I agree !!!! , I can relate . . . lolz  . . .

Alliecat wrote:

silver, best of luck to you, sweetie. 

I know you had your hopes up but sometimes you just have to move on, even if your heart is breaking.

Aww what a shame...I wish you luck and way...Cant you get onto a more european soil? or? do you not want to go back to the USA?

Oh, it's just about traveling!

Since I'm right here in the middle of all this, thought I'd like to visit the surrounding countries.

I can visit Europe any time (and have, many times) from the USA--we have excellent airfares.  But it gets very pricey from USA to ME so thought I'd take advantage of my proximity.

No its just not about traveling...I can see from all your posts where you are coming from... Just thought I would chat to you about traveling...

Iv been in Kuwait and Bahrain, I liked it over there, but then I am married so it was easier, In Kuwait I could travel, but Not sure of you could get in there without special visas...

anyway...good luck... and safe travels if you get to travel...

Julie

Thanks, Julie

Your welcome...

Julie, Nefri and VWbug, welcome to the forum!  Its nice to see more EAGLES joining in the fun!

Thanks CAF.

Best regards,

Nefri

CAF wrote:

Julie, Nefri and VWbug, welcome to the forum!  Its nice to see more EAGLES joining in the fun!

Thanks Nefri for the welcome

Alliecat, my family traveled by car to Jordan, as well as UAE, Oman, and Bahrain, but as you said it is way more problematic when you are a woman and on your own. One of my friends (a lady) who works at King Faisal went on a tour by bus, to Jordan and Syria, not sure though how they went about arranging for it.  People in the ME are usually really nice and helpful, join some tour, fly to the destination and you'll have a lot of fun.  KSA is just so not what the rest of the ME is.

If he can't marry you legally in Saudi Arabia, you will not be able to get a visa and live in the Kingdom as husband and wife. Receiving your iqama (permanent visa) will depend on producing the legal Saudi marriage certificate. Unless he is able to get the permission from the government to marry a foreigner, I would advise against marrying him. I just went through the same thing, but my husband had the permission to marry from outside. Even with the permission, it took about four months to get the official marriage certificate from the Islamic court.

To the recently joined, who are chiming in here...welcome to the forum.

It's good to have your perspective and experience here.

Lauraofarabia - Welcome to the forum.  I have a girl friend who is an American married to a Saudi. I'd love to get you both together as Im sure she would welcome your experience and support.  I'll contact her and get back to you.  Again, welcome!