Signs to show marriage

Sploke77 wrote:

In most Western and developed countries, when a girl gets married, she wears a ring on her finger to show her current 'attached' state. Is this the same practice in Vietnam? Or are 'modern' girls deviating?

VN's love gold, what better way to have an excuse to wear some.
At weddings many guests give gold rings as presents, especially  family members. I've wondered what they do with all these after, melt them all down and cash them in?

Of course there. Vietnamese also wear wedding ring!

Sploke77 wrote:

In most Western and developed countries, when a girl gets married, she wears a ring on her finger to show her current 'attached' state. Is this the same practice in Vietnam? Or are 'modern' girls deviating?

A diamond ring is preferable nowadays!

charmavietnam wrote:

A diamond ring is preferable nowadays!

That is for the engagement, which is strange when you think about it, Diamonds are more expensive than gold, but an engagement is a lot easier to end than a marriage.

Why I ask is that I noticed a certain lady is ring-less. But when I chatted with her further, she said she only got married a month ago and have no kid yet. She seemed sincere and I wasn't looking for a gf..

Sploke77 wrote:

In most Western and developed countries, when a girl gets married, she wears a ring on her finger to show her current 'attached' state. Is this the same practice in Vietnam? Or are 'modern' girls deviating?

My experience, some wear rings on left hand, some on right, fingers do not matter, no rings could still be married.

Sploke77 wrote:

In most Western and developed countries, when a girl gets married, she wears a ring on her finger to show her current 'attached' state. Is this the same practice in Vietnam? Or are 'modern' girls deviating?

My experience, some wear rings on left hand, some on right, fingers do not matter, no rings could still be married.  Could be very confusing in looking for a date. Just ask is easy way. I will never ask why no ring. Did that once, was told family hungry, sold ring.

Maybe she doesn't want someone to cut off her finger for the gold?   My mom who is (Vietnamese) and my dad didn't wear their rings after they got married. My husband and I don't wear our rings either. We do a lot of gardening so it isn't practical for us.

Sploke77 wrote:

Why I ask is that I noticed a certain lady is ring-less. But when I chatted with her further, she said she only got married a month ago and have no kid yet. She seemed sincere and I wasn't looking for a gf..

My "certain lady" is ringless, and we have been married for over one year. Why? Because at the time we were married, I didn't have the money for a proper ring, and she didn't want a ring until we saved enough to buy a proper one. So, the answer could simply be a situation similar to mine.

If I remember correctly, wasn't a part of the notarization of marriage the ritual of 'exchange of rings', and then , you may now 'kiss the bride'? I had worn that gold band since then. To each his/her own, but I , for one, will take this object on my finger, as a pledge to remain faithful, till ' death us do part'. You can wear gloves while doing gardening, so I find that a flimsy excuse or justification!!

Sploke77 wrote:

If I remember correctly, wasn't a part of the notarization of marriage the ritual of 'exchange of rings', and then , you may now 'kiss the bride'? I had worn that gold band since then. To each his/her own, but I , for one, will take this object on my finger, as a pledge to remain faithful, till ' death us do part'. You can wear gloves while doing gardening, so I find that a flimsy excuse or justification!!

Hey calm down. What's wrong with you? My husband and I have been married for 27 yrs. Our rings stay in our safe, where it will be safe. No need to wear rings to prove fidelity. Our long marriage is a testimony itself that we love each other.

Sploke77 wrote:

If I remember correctly, wasn't a part of the notarization of marriage the ritual of 'exchange of rings', and then , you may now 'kiss the bride'? I had worn that gold band since then. To each his/her own, but I , for one, will take this object on my finger, as a pledge to remain faithful, till ' death us do part'. You can wear gloves while doing gardening, so I find that a flimsy excuse or justification!!

I wore gloves while operating a 200 ton brakepress, they didn't stop me from losing part of a finger.  Many factories ban wearing of rings/jewellery,  for safety reasons, maybe this is one reason we see married women without wedding rings?  Plus after a while the gold wears thin, from washing clothes , dishes , etc.

MIA: dun get uptight, I said: to each his own, right? You have your lifestyle, I have mine. But your 'picture' look so young, cannot believe you are in forties?? Thanks to modern technology, we get instant messages and feedbacks.. What will we do without www.?? Perhaps, Singapore is a safer place than US, in some aspects.

Sploke77 wrote:

If I remember correctly, wasn't a part of the notarization of marriage the ritual of 'exchange of rings'

Yes, exactly that - a "ritual", not a requirement. You are no less married without a ring than you are with one. It depends on the venue and the official performing the ceremony. My wife and I were married in a county courthouse near my hometown, not a church. Churches are the venues that usually involve rings in the ceremony. And that ring is no guarantee of fidelity, either. I've seen many men with prostitutes/girlfriends on their arms and rings on their fingers.

Spoke,

I'm 45 yrs old. So what? Some people have good genes and some don't, what does that have to do with our rings?

[keep that kind of rude comment for you]

MIA2013 wrote:

Bluenz,

Yes, those are one of the reasons. Our original rings got so bent up from gardening with "gloves" we had to replace them. But I don't expect some the same dork that referenced another Vietnamese member to a "bar girl" because her English wasn't up to par with his standards. He likes to shoot off his pie hole before he thinks.

Hahaha, he was sucking up to you. But I do have to admit, 45 yr old Asian females, ( well most ), do look good for their age.

In my notes from my Vietnamese classes in the USA, nhẫn cưới is in the second month of the very first class.

i guess it's the same anywhere else. although, not wearing a ring doesn't mean unmarried.

i also do not wear mine since jewelries are not allowed in my work.

and keep cool guys! :-)

bluenz wrote:

But I do have to admit, 45 yr old Asian females, ( well most ), do look good for their age.

oh, and i have to agree with this. :-)

namron wrote:

bluenz wrote:

But I do have to admit, 45 yr old Asian females, ( well most ), do look good for their age.

oh, and i have to agree with this. :-)

Lan is very attractive. Her husband is very lucky and heavily armed. Back to the topic, rings here are not a good indication of marriage status. Always safer to ask.

ancientpathos wrote:

...rings here are not a good indication of marriage status. Always safer to ask.

Before you ... what?

ChrisFox wrote:

ancientpathos wrote:

...rings here are not a good indication of marriage status. Always safer to ask.

Before you ... what?

Before you propose, of course.?????

yes, rings here are not a good indication of marriage status. My wife doesn't wear  her ring too.  I bought her a variety of gold jewelry, but she wears none.

My sister-in-law has been married for about 9 years, she doesn't now, and as far as I know, has never worn a wedding ring.
My wife wears engagement and wedding rings but usually takes the engagement ring off before going outside.
The wedding ring stays on but is nearly always hidden by gloves whenever she/we go out anywhere.

ChrisFox wrote:

ancientpathos wrote:

...rings here are not a good indication of marriage status. Always safer to ask.

Before you ... what?

Always safer to ask prior to a dinner invitation.  Otherwise you get to have dinner with the husband and children. Food was great, kids were fun and the husband was a good guy.

ancientpathos wrote:

Always safer to ask prior to a dinner invitation.  Otherwise you get to have dinner with the husband and children. Food was great, kids were fun and the husband was a good guy.

Good answer.

I think it depends. When I lived in the country many young girls copied how I had my rings on my hand. I had to explain that means marriage and they had no idea. But here in the city, people seem to know what it means to Westerners, since some do it too.

The Highland tribes exchanged bracelets at the betrothment ceremony. The Marriage ceremony among the Jarai and Rhade consisted of the couple placing one of their feet on an ax (axblade) while the animist priest prayed over them. I saw several Vietnamese (Kinh) men wearing tribal bracelets in Pleiku and they were married to Jarai girls. Of course, the tribes exchanged bracelets for friendship as well.

Khmer Krom marriages used to start off with the family of the prospective bride arriving at the groom's house to chew betel nut. And I've seen photos of a Cham wedding where the groom was wearing a head-covering very much like a Saudi, which is a recent addition.

I suspect there are as many custom regarding rings as there are
cultural traditions in Vietnam, and cultures like languages are forever borrowing from each other and changing. I suspect the ring is a recent adoption in some, and older in others.

As for nha toi, she prefers that I wear my ring in my nose with a cord attached to each side. When she wants me to turn left, she pulls on the left side, and to turn right she pulls on the right side. (Nhu vay mot con trau - like a water buffalo) ;-)

Hi all,

Some off topic posts have been removed from the thread for info.

Regards
Armand
Expat.com Team

Hair styles! Can't believe no one's mentioned hair styles and marriage. I'm assuming this has died out, but this is the way I remember it.

Central Vietnamese girls wore their hair really long when they were single. When they married, they kept their long hair but had a way of wrapping it up to make it look short.

South Vietnamese girls wore long hair below their shoulders when single, but cut it after marriage and kept it above their shoulders.

There was a certain Central Vietnamese we knew who married an Irishman (originally from Dublin). She was then in her late 30s but wore her hair down to near the small of her back. My wife's clique, all Southern girls, always gossiped about her on account of her long hair. I kidded them about being jealous and they all got really angry with me, saying that no decent married woman would wear her hair that long. But they agreed that some Central women they'd known did so, but that was because they were ignorant.

How about Northern women and hair? Any customs related to marriage?

I've heard of women after they are married they would put their hair in a bob or something.

Is it Singapore where a woman cuts her hair short after marriage?

I just talked to my fiance and she's adamant I always wear my wedding ring. She said she'll wear hers forever and never take it off and I should do the same too otherwise if one goes missing it's bad omen.

khanh44 wrote:

I've heard of women after they are married they would put their hair in a bob or something.

Is it Singapore where a woman cuts her hair short after marriage?

I just talked to my fiance and she's adamant I always wear my wedding ring. She said she'll wear hers forever and never take it off and I should do the same too otherwise if one goes missing it's bad omen.

I haven't taken mine off since day 1 almost forty years ago. Bad omen? I'd say it would be like life threating if I ever lost it.

lirelou wrote:

The Highland tribes exchanged bracelets at the betrothment ceremony. The Marriage ceremony among the Jarai and Rhade consisted of the couple placing one of their feet on an ax (axblade) while the animist priest prayed over them. I saw several Vietnamese (Kinh) men wearing tribal bracelets in Pleiku and they were married to Jarai girls. Of course, the tribes exchanged bracelets for friendship as well.

Khmer Krom marriages used to start off with the family of the prospective bride arriving at the groom's house to chew betel nut. And I've seen photos of a Cham wedding where the groom was wearing a head-covering very much like a Saudi, which is a recent addition.

I suspect there are as many custom regarding rings as there are
cultural traditions in Vietnam, and cultures like languages are forever borrowing from each other and changing. I suspect the ring is a recent adoption in some, and older in others.

As for nha toi, she prefers that I wear my ring in my nose with a cord attached to each side. When she wants me to turn left, she pulls on the left side, and to turn right she pulls on the right side. (Nhu vay mot con trau - like a water buffalo) ;-)

Very interesting cultural phenomenon.  There was a newspaper article in Thanh Niên News about this but for the Dao ethnic minority in Lào Cai Province way way up North.

http://www.thanhniennews.com/index/page … style.aspx 

I like the idea of the bracelets.  It's larger and you can engrave cool stuff on it.  The only thing you can engrave on rings is this:

lirelou wrote:

....

As for nha toi, she prefers that I wear my ring in my nose with a cord attached to each side. When she wants me to turn left, she pulls on the left side, and to turn right she pulls on the right side. (Nhu vay mot con trau - like a water buffalo) ;-)

  It's funnier if you provided the graphics to go along with the joke, Master D....here ya go.

Budman1 wrote:

...
I haven't taken mine off since day 1 almost forty years ago. Bad omen? I'd say it would be like life threating if I ever lost it.

For you and your wife this Thanksgiving Day.

Thanks Tran Hung Dao that was nice of you.

I do have a ring with the Ash Nagk engraving, I had it done in Saigon