Having, raising and taking care of a kid, I trust, it is not an easy work. I really want to hear from you guys what differences and what do you think about it from your culture perspectives.
In Vietnam, not all, but almost parents seem to overprotect their kids, an example:
- I understand that in western countries, when a kid is 18 years old he/she goes out of the house, find a way to be independent of the parent but here in Vietnam, except a kid (i) go far from home for study; or (ii) he/she gets married in order to leave the house. Otherwise, the parent will feel "ashamed" when their kids cannot stay longer with them at the same house though "the kid" is 40 years old!!!
I have seen few times that my western bosses taught their kids which made me feel amazing. Here are some examples:
- our office was under renovation work, the boss came with his youngest kids who was 1 or 2 years old at the time. She sat alone, and "put the sand/dust into her mounth". We were all yelling loud to let our boss know about that. His reaction was something like "oh, that's good, she must do not have enough sand in her body" and he did not do anything but continue his work.
If it was a Vietnamese father/mother, he/she would say "it's dirty, it's not for eating" and rightaway take the kid to the rest-room to wash her hand and mouth. Maybe not all, but I am pretty sure almost Vietnamese parent will react like that.
- I was playing with 3 years old daughter of my boss - "running around and catching" and she stumbled the carpet and fell down and cried a lot. I stopped and intended to help her to stand up. However my boss immediately say out loud "dont help her, she can stand up by herself".
If it was a Vietnamese father/mother, he/she would immediately run to the baby, blame the carpet which makes she fall down.
- 2 of the kids of my boss were playing together. Suddenly, the younger one hit her brother hard which seemed hurt the boy. The boy cried a lot, a lot. My boss ran near by and ask "are you okay? Just feel hurt, right? You still can do things, try to show me you are okay!" - and when the boy could stand up, moved around but kept crying, what my boss did was: "okay, you can cry if it helps you feel better but remember life will hurt you more!". Then, he turned to the girl and say: "you see that's not good when hurting someone, right? And remember, if you hurt someone, there would be another one hurt you more. Now, say sorry to your brother!". The boy was about 9 and the girl was 7.
I cannot say anything when seeing this and not sure how it helps for the kids at such ages with things like "LIFE will..."? Most of the case I have seen with Vietnamese parent that the parent will shout at the girl and say something like "it's not good, you must know it's your brother and dont hurt him..."
I have tried to explain the differences by the logical thing like: in developed countries, they compete a lot, the parent just do not want their childs feel weak in such competition, so they must prepare for their childs. But here in Vietnam, the parent were growing up through the hard and poor time, they just want to make up for their children.
However, I have travelled around some neighbour Asian countries and have seen that even in Hong Kong or Singapore which more developing, the parent raise and take care of the childs not much differences from the Vietnamese parent.
Okay, I know I talked too much but can you share what do you think?
Differences on raising and taking care of kids from different cultures
I'm not sure what country your boss is from. However, I'm from the USA and what you describe does not reflect the actions of most parents in my country I don't think. Except the moving from the home at 18 or so. This is very common in the U.S.. I too grew up under this thinking. Then I traveled the word and saw many other cultures that did not push the child out. My self I now would prefer not to push them out, but leave when they feel good about their ability to go it alone. Yet, I would draw the line somewhere, certainly by age 40 they would be long gone. I've never really come up with THE age they must go it alone. Thanks for the post by the way. I hope we get a lot of replies as I've always been intrigued by the differences.
Culture plays a major role here. Western cultures and Asian cultures are different. When Asians impose more restrictions on their kids, Westerners prepare their kids more self-reliant one for the future 
That you can see from here. So many girls come alone and work here from other countries. But very few Asian girls can work alone in a foreign country with courage! We learn from our parents and it continues...
We cannot say Asians loves their kids more, that's why they care more. Actually this is not care, spoiling their future from become self-reliance! Something we should change as with our culture.
Western culture nurtures the inquisitiveness and exploration ability in kids from a young age, other cultures are a bit more guarded.
thank you for your letter of concern of heart.
no you did not talk too much either.
I an American...of whom is about to be a new father of a Cambodian/Vietnamese child.
I think about the same as you express in your letter of heart.
I was pushed out at 18 to find my place in the world...and tried to come back a few times.
Now we...my wife and I live in Eugene, Oregon USA and will at some point in time move back to Asia.
Thanks again...and keep posting your letters of heart.
Many thanks for the shares so far. My bosses from France and US. The boss from US have showed me several times how amazing he has taught his kids and other stuffs. And from which, I realise that I either (i) do not like American people; or (ii) do love American people!!! Oh yeah! Many people have told me that they do not like American people... hahahaha 
Thats why I moved to VN…because i don't like American people, and I'm American:D
bta87 wrote:Thats why I moved to VN…because i don't like American people, and I'm American:D
I agree, I came here looking for a better life.
My thoughts on children, they are the most important part of living. Children need to be loved and nurtured. My heart goes out to unwanted neglected children. Sometimes I wonder
If I am responsible enough to have children again.
I really enjoy eating out and watching the children play while the parents eat. Sometimes the children will come up to me and put their hands up to me. Makes me feel good.
I am Vietnamese but grew up in Australia, my wife is Vietnamese and that's the way we treat our son. He can pick food he dropped in the house and eat, but not outside.
When playing with his cousin and his youngest uncle, we teach them to be gentle. When someone gets hurt, the one responsible must apologize and if needed, they will be sent to a corner for awhile.
bta87 wrote:Thats why I moved to VN…because i don't like American people, and I'm American:D
American do not like American! Sounds really really good and very honest!!!
Don't know about good, but I can tell you it is honest. Take your young child to a store and stand in the checkout line and have some rude fool cursing like a sailor in front of your child and see how well you like American's. Send your child to school where there has to be an armed policeman protecting the teachers from the children and you will understand why I don't like American's. Walk down the street or go into a store and have to view someones underwear because he thinks it is cute to "Sag". See a poor mother and father not cared for by their children or sleeping under a bridge and wonder why I dislike American's. Yet so many here yearn to go to America. Me I am happy to have been able to escape to another time and place.
My husband and I have different cultural backgrounds. When our daughter was born, we didn't decide that we were going to raise her according to certain cultural norms. What was important to us was that she was loved, protected and cared for properly to the best of our abilities.
Parenting styles are a personal choice, in my opinion. What may appeal to some may not to others. No parent is perfect, therefore no child will be perfect. She is 20 years old now. She's getting ready to graduate from college but is already working as a financial analyst for a major defense contracting company. She is happy, healthy, and optimistic about her future, so I think we did our job as good parents very well.
bta87, you don't sound like an American, though your English is fairly good. You sound like someone who spent some time in some stateside ghetto, never saw anything outside of it, indeed probably didn't see much outside your house, didn't like what you saw, and came home.
Your view of America (the U.S.) may be both valid and honestly stated, and still be that of a frog in a well. I.e., not the complete picture. I'm sorry you had such a hard time and never really got out to see more of the country.
ps. the plural of American is Americans, not American's.
lirelou,
You read a great deal into what I said, so it is understandable how you could jump to such a conclusion. To the contrary, I am an American who served 28 years in the military, was a very successful business owner and have been in every state in the USA but one. Every word of what I said is American based fact and I shortened the list. Perhaps your so ignorant you can;t see or understand the facts I stated. I provided the short list as well. I provided my viewpoint, not yours. I left the USA, there are many still there that apparently disagree with me. I am not suggesting that all see it the way I do. That is fine and their choice. Usually you sound like an intelligent person, but not always. This is one of those moments you don't sound your best young man.
MIA2013,
Bravo!!s Sounds like you did a wonderful job. However, coming from different cultural backgrounds how did that influence what you did not do that one culture would have done. I don't know if that is very clear what I'm trying to ask. For example; Take the VNese culture where a boy is treated like a saint as opposed to, say American culture, where he would not be. Did you have those types of situations? If so what are some examples. I know me using a male child is not a good example. O.K. a girl example. It seems girls here, in general, are not allowed to dress in a provocative way when young, whereas in the USA it is more acceptable. I really don't know many of the cultural issues in this area for VN, but I hope you understand my question.
I realize what you say is probably the desire of all parents no matter where they are from. It depends to a lot on where this child is raised. I' assuming you raised yours in VN. Hope you can provide more insight into this. Thanks for sharing.
bta87 wrote:....and have been in every state in the USA but one. ...
So...Alaska?
bta87 & Lirelou, thanks for sharing your views. I havent been into the US yet. Hopefully I can make the US trip sometimes next year, then I can compare! I have met many US people, some Vietkieu and some US people, they have showed me diffferent "US" so far! So, would love to experience the real life in US in couple of months!
THD,
Yes, your right, do you have your CIA operatives following me THD? Don't tell me you Goggled it.
Always wanted to go to Alaska but yet to make it.
bta87 wrote:MIA2013,
Bravo!!s Sounds like you did a wonderful job. However, coming from different cultural backgrounds how did that influence what you did not do that one culture would have done. I don't know if that is very clear what I'm trying to ask. For example; Take the VNese culture where a boy is treated like a saint as opposed to, say American culture, where he would not be. Did you have those types of situations? If so what are some examples. I know me using a male child is not a good example. O.K. a girl example. It seems girls here, in general, are not allowed to dress in a provocative way when young, whereas in the USA it is more acceptable. I really don't know many of the cultural issues in this area for VN, but I hope you understand my question.
I realize what you say is probably the desire of all parents no matter where they are from. It depends to a lot on where this child is raised. I' assuming you raised yours in VN. Hope you can provide more insight into this. Thanks for sharing.
bta87,
Well I'm not going to elaborate on my way vs other cultures. It's like opening up a can of worms. You know what I mean? I would just say that I understand the gender question, and yes I've seen it with my own four eyes, and some. Our daughter was raised in the U.S.A. We raised her in a authoritative style. It worked out good for us. But what was most important to us was that at least one of us was always available to facilitate her path in life.
aibiet150204 wrote:... I have met many US people, some Vietkieu and some US people, they have showed me diffferent "US" so far! So, would love to experience the real life in US in couple of months!
What is US people and what is Vietkieu and what is some US people?
bta87 wrote:THD,
Yes, your right, do you have your CIA operatives following me THD? Don't tell me you Goggled it.
Always wanted to go to Alaska but yet to make it.
Well, it was either that or Hawaii but many people would rather enjoy the nice beaches with girls in grass skirts than freezing their butt off looking at fat Eskimo girls (fat is a natural insulator against the cold).
MIA2013,
I can appreciate what your saying about can of worms. I don't think I worded what I was meaning very well. There is no need to reply or go further. I do understand the general idea of what you mean. I thin most parents operate from that point of view. I was just wondering if there were any cultural differences the impeded what the culture of one parent might prefer verses the cultural difference of the other. As an example the miss's and I were talking about whether our child will be expected to leave home at a certain age or would they be allowed to stay on for and indefinite amount of time. In the West we expect them to move on with there lives. Yet other cultures allow them to stay as long as they wish, and sometimes with no expectation they contribute to the family.
This, I think parts from the general concept as you stated. I still don't think I'm very clear so I will just give up. Happy things worked out well for you, and again thanks for sharing.
Tran Hung Dao wrote:aibiet150204 wrote:... I have met many US people, some Vietkieu and some US people, they have showed me diffferent "US" so far! So, would love to experience the real life in US in couple of months!
What is US people and what is Vietkieu and what is some US people?
- US people: anyone who holds US citizenship
- Vietkieu: anyone has "Vietnamese origin" - no definition of Vietkieu in Vietnamese laws anyway
- "some US people": anyone who was born and have been growing up in the US but not Vietkieu.
=> why do I have to answer all your WHAT questions?!?
aibiet150204 wrote:Tran Hung Dao wrote:aibiet150204 wrote:... I have met many US people, some Vietkieu and some US people, they have showed me diffferent "US" so far! So, would love to experience the real life in US in couple of months!
What is US people and what is Vietkieu and what is some US people?
- US people: anyone who holds US citizenship
- Vietkieu: anyone has "Vietnamese origin" - no definition of Vietkieu in Vietnamese laws anyway
- "some US people": anyone who was born and have been growing up in the US but not Vietkieu.
=> why do I have to answer all your WHAT questions?!?
Actually google already answered it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vi%E1%BB%87t_ki%E1%BB%81u
But I just wanted to see what your definition is. To start off, there actually are laws very specific to Overseas Vietnamese, or Vietkieu as the government is campaigning to make it easier for Vietnamese origins to live and conduct business in Việt Nam. On the top of my head, laws pertaining to owning property and VISA have specific language regarding Vietkieu. If they don't define what the term means, then how do they apply the law to that particular group of people?
Second, I find your answer conflicting. By your own definition, Vietnamese are people who hold Vietnamese citizenship (- US people: anyone who holds US citizenship). But to say that a Vietkieu who holds a US passport is not a US person (otherwise known as an American) is wrong. If a person holds a United States Citizenship, they are Americans, regardless of their ethnic heritage. It's that simple. That's how America views it.
But it seems with Việt Nam, there is a lack of advancement around the world stage to be proud of so when anyone of Vietnamese origin that lives in a developed country (and a citizen of that country) does something famous, Việt Nam is quick to claim that somehow Việt Nam has credit for it (famous by association?).
Anh Joseph Cao (first Vietnamese-American to be elected to Congress) is not really an American, he's Vietnamese!
Eugene Trinh (American Astronaut) isn't really an American, he's Vietnamese!
Kind of how Kenya thinks one of their sons is a President of the United States. Sorry, Barrack Obama is not an Overseas Kenyan, he's an American.
Could Mr. Hồ Cương Quyết (André Marcel Menras) ever walk the streets of Việt Nam and never be questioned that he's Vietnamese?
http://english.vietnamnet.vn/fms/societ … nship.html
Fat Eskimo girls...thermal blankets on the hoof?
Tran Hung Dao wrote:bta87 wrote:THD,
Yes, your right, do you have your CIA operatives following me THD? Don't tell me you Goggled it.
Always wanted to go to Alaska but yet to make it.
Well, it was either that or Hawaii but many people would rather enjoy the nice beaches with girls in grass skirts than freezing their butt off looking at fat Eskimo girls (fat is a natural insulator against the cold).
Tran Hung Dao wrote:aibiet150204 wrote:Tran Hung Dao wrote:What is US people and what is Vietkieu and what is some US people?
- US people: anyone who holds US citizenship
- Vietkieu: anyone has "Vietnamese origin" - no definition of Vietkieu in Vietnamese laws anyway
- "some US people": anyone who was born and have been growing up in the US but not Vietkieu.
=> why do I have to answer all your WHAT questions?!?
Actually google already answered it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vi%E1%BB%87t_ki%E1%BB%81u
But I just wanted to see what your definition is. To start off, there actually are laws very specific to Overseas Vietnamese, or Vietkieu as the government is campaigning to make it easier for Vietnamese origins to live and conduct business in Việt Nam. On the top of my head, laws pertaining to owning property and VISA have specific language regarding Vietkieu. If they don't define what the term means, then how do they apply the law to that particular group of people?
Second, I find your answer conflicting. By your own definition, Vietnamese are people who hold Vietnamese citizenship (- US people: anyone who holds US citizenship). But to say that a Vietkieu who holds a US passport is not a US person (otherwise known as an American) is wrong. If a person holds a United States Citizenship, they are Americans, regardless of their ethnic heritage. It's that simple. That's how America views it.
But it seems with Việt Nam, there is a lack of advancement around the world stage to be proud of so when anyone of Vietnamese origin that lives in a developed country (and a citizen of that country) does something famous, Việt Nam is quick to claim that somehow Việt Nam has credit for it (famous by association?).
Anh Joseph Cao (first Vietnamese-American to be elected to Congress) is not really an American, he's Vietnamese!
Eugene Trinh (American Astronaut) isn't really an American, he's Vietnamese!
Kind of how Kenya thinks one of their sons is a President of the United States. Sorry, Barrack Obama is not an Overseas Kenyan, he's an American.
Could Mr. Hồ Cương Quyết (André Marcel Menras) ever walk the streets of Việt Nam and never be questioned that he's Vietnamese?
http://img.cdn2.vietnamnet.vn/Images/en … 0504-1.jpg
http://english.vietnamnet.vn/fms/societ … nship.html
Very nice that Google can help you! :lol:but I can bet you on the thing of legal definition of Vietkieu in the (current) applicable Vietnamese laws. That's how it works in Vietnamese laws! Find me the provision that define "what Vietkieu means"! Except on the draft of "revised" Vietnam constitution! Oh, I recall you said somewhere that you dont gamble, do you?
charmavietnam wrote:We cannot say Asians loves their kids more, that's why they care more. Actually this is not care, spoiling their future from become self-reliance! Something we should change as with our culture.
Very true! Whereever in the world, Parents love children alike. But in Asia most kids have no self effort to stand up by own feet. Specially girls. From child-hood they are taught to think that they are a weaker-sex. So girls always hesitate to plan their future as they want. If one girl tries to break the chain, she will become 'bad' in the society. Children are controlled by parents and society. So they never try to do something new. This blunts their creativeness. Sometimes parents directly involve to select child's field of study. This directly affect the future of citizen. This is very bad. Children's living with parents until the age of 30, 40 is not necessary. That is killing old days' retirement of parents and freedom of both parties.
aibiet150204 wrote:Very nice that Google can help you!
Will these suffice or do you want me to keep digging into the exact language from the original law?
http://www.qdnd.vn/qdndsite/en-us/75/72 … fault.aspx
http://moj.gov.vn/en/ct/Lists/TalkingLa … ?ItemID=43
Tran Hung Dao wrote:aibiet150204 wrote:Very nice that Google can help you!
Will these suffice or do you want me to keep digging into the exact language from the original law?
http://www.qdnd.vn/qdndsite/en-us/75/72 … fault.aspx
http://moj.gov.vn/en/ct/Lists/TalkingLa … ?ItemID=43
The Vietnamese wording of the provision extracted from a legal document 
It is estimated that about 70 percent of the 4 million overseas Vietnamese around the world still maintain their original citizenship.
I wonder how many Vietnamese Guest Workers in places like Korea and Taiwan are being counted in that estimate. Guest workers would retain their citizenship. The great majority of Viet Kieu I've met in Canada, the U.S., and Australia are citizens of those countries, but there are a certain percentage of refugees who have never obtained their resident country's citizenship. Some do so for a reluctance to deal with any government, and some do so to hold on to their 'vietnamese-ness'. Seventy percent seems a bit large, especially since many of those Viet Kieu were born in the countries the reside in and have never held Vietnamese citizenship.
I should add "to their knowledge'. I seem to remember something to the effect that China at one time recognized any Chinese from overseas as a Chinese subject/citizen. Vietnam was obviously different in that those who left were mostly citizens of the Vietnamese State or Republic.
lirelou wrote:It is estimated that about 70 percent of the 4 million overseas Vietnamese around the world still maintain their original citizenship.
I wonder how many Vietnamese Guest Workers in places like Korea and Taiwan are being counted in that estimate. Guest workers would retain their citizenship. The great majority of Viet Kieu I've met in Canada, the U.S., and Australia are citizens of those countries, but there are a certain percentage of refugees who have never obtained their resident country's citizenship. Some do so for a reluctance to deal with any government, and some do so to hold on to their 'vietnamese-ness'. Seventy percent seems a bit large, especially since many of those Viet Kieu were born in the countries the reside in and have never held Vietnamese citizenship.
I should add "to their knowledge'. I seem to remember something to the effect that China at one time recognized any Chinese from overseas as a Chinese subject/citizen. Vietnam was obviously different in that those who left were mostly citizens of the Vietnamese State or Republic.
Yah, I've been wondering about that. The world would consider the 1954 split as two distinct countries right? However, would the Socialist Republic of Việt Nam consider any citizens of the Republic of Việt Nam, a citizen of the present day country?
One would think that once the South fell, the Republic of Việt Nam no longer existed and any Citizen of that country that fled overseas would be citizenship-less. They would pick up the new citizen in the receiving country, i.e. a South Vietnamese that fled to the USA would no longer have a Republic of Việt Nam citizenship (since the country no longer exists) and would pick up a USA Citizenship. I know Việt Nam currently does not recognize dual citizenship...so?
This is a kind of an interesting topic for me because America is such a hodge podge of immigrants, culture and ethnicity. Yet we are United because of these differences.
I don't really like it when people start to distinguish themselves apart. You can be proud of your heritage "I'm Irish-American, I'm Chinese-American..." but to drop the "American" entirely is just a slap in the face to all the men and women who spilled blood for a "land of the free and home of the brave".
Like on St. Patty's day, you often hear people say "Oh I'm Irish". You are? You're an Irish Citizen? STFU, you're an American of Irish descent! American first.
I know Việt Nam currently does not recognize dual citizenship...so?
Neither does the U.S. But since dual citizens often fly under the radar, entering the U.S. as American and then entering their home countries as expatriate nationals, the problems only arise when there is a problem that brings it to someone's attention. I.e., a drug bust or election to a position in one of the countries.
in a loosely related example: An retired U.S.A.F. colonel in Australia who was married to an Australian woman lost his retirement pay when he took Australian citizenship.
You can be proud of your heritage "I'm Irish-American, I'm Chinese-American..." but to drop the "American" entirely is just a slap in the face to all the men and women who spilled blood for a "land of the free and home of the brave".
More than that, it's intellectually dishonest. Akin to launching your film career in French cinema, enjoying all the benefits of French citizenship, then running off to Russia because you don't like the tax burden.
lirelou wrote:You can be proud of your heritage "I'm Irish-American, I'm Chinese-American..." but to drop the "American" entirely is just a slap in the face to all the men and women who spilled blood for a "land of the free and home of the brave".
More than that, it's intellectually dishonest. Akin to launching your film career in French cinema, enjoying all the benefits of French citizenship, then running off to Russia because you don't like the tax burden.
Yes Depardieu. The pity is he did perhaps the finest Cyrano de Bergerac in film. Well worth the time if you've never seen it. Makes his three musketeers flics look obscene by contrast.
ps, the climax of the film revolves around a battle in Flanders. One scene shows the French sneaking into a Spanish camp. The colors of the Spanish regiment carry the flag of the Basque (Pais Vasco) country, as do the colors of Cyrano's Gascon regiment. In essence the same nationality fighting for different nations. The Spanish and French armies of the period also had Irish regiments which occasionally faced each other on European battlefields.
lirelou wrote:Yes Depardieu. The pity is he did perhaps the finest Cyrano de Bergerac in film. Well worth the time if you've never seen it. Makes his three musketeers flics look obscene by contrast.
ps, the climax of the film revolves around a battle in Flanders. One scene shows the French sneaking into a Spanish camp. The colors of the Spanish regiment carry the flag of the Basque (Pais Vasco) country, as do the colors of Cyrano's Gascon regiment. In essence the same nationality fighting for different nations. The Spanish and French armies of the period also had Irish regiments which occasionally faced each other on European battlefields.
I'm surprised you didn't come up with an American example.
Like:
Eduardo Saverin, the billionaire co- founder of Facebook Inc. (FB), renounced his U.S. citizenship before an initial public offering that values the social network at as much as $96 billion, a move that may reduce his tax bill.
I love how other average departures till claim to be "Americans"
http://money.cnn.com/2013/09/04/news/ci … ip-us-tax/
Schneider framed the issue in more philosophical terms.
"Am I still American? Well, I certainly sound American; I know a heck of a lot about American culture," he said. "I haven't stopped being who I am just because I don't have a contract with the government."
Yah whatever buddy. You're now an Ex-American and now a whatever your country you have citizenship in.
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