Missing my "lover" (Portugal)

I know the feeling of yearning to be in a foreign country, and thinking everything will be magically different and better.

However, once you get there, after a few months, it's much the same as being in your homeland, just with a different language and a different set of faces you see all the time.

I love living abroad and for various reasons I donŽt anticipate returning to my homeland, but the reality of daily life abroad is that it's pretty much the same in a lot of ways as life anywhere else is. I see the exact same faces many days of the week too, they're just Norwegian faces instead of American faces. I spend a lot of my time doing the same boring things in Norway as I did in Iceland and I did in the States. Gotta buy groceries, gotta do my laundry, pay bills, take out the trash, recycle bottles, exercise. The novelty of the buttons on the washing machine wears off soon enough and it's just routine, wherever you go.

The one thing I DO like about living abroad is that it tends to force you into situations where you're likely to meet people from other cultures. Immigrants tend to hunt out other immigrants. If you're really missing a certain culture, find out where the new arrivals hang out and go hang out with them. There are TONS of Portuguese speaking people in New England (yeah, many are from Brazil, but it's a start, right?). It just takes a bit more effort to get outside your comfort zone when you live in it, but it can be done.

Yeah i realize i'll have to do the same things, it would be the same things i'd need to do on a daily basis. I lived in Portugal as a kid, i've stayed long periods of time there lots of times. I know its the same things, and of course it's not always spectacular. I'll have to work, there will be rainy days, i will be bored sometimes, i won't like every meal i eat, i won't like eery person i meet but that's just living the world is not perfect and although i'd love to almost say Portugal is perfect to me, it's not! It has its downfalls but all-in-all if i were to experience these "rainy day" these "people idon't like" that "meal i don't like" i rather experience it there than anywhere in the world. The point is i'm happy there and life is about being happy and doing things you want to do.
     There had to be a reason why you movef to Norway and Oceland at one point, no? Do you prefer living there or in the US? The US is a good country and that's why a lot of Euros, South Americans, everything go to live there, but I have this whole world and preferably, i don't want to choose to live there. I don't like the American culture and lifestyle of living, i grew up in a Portuguese houshold, me and my family all lived the way we did at one point in Portugal and of course having American friends and going to school and other places everyday i see the American lifestyle and i just don't agree with it, there are a lot of reasons i prefer Portugal but that would defenitly be number one.
       I am not going against what you are saying AT ALL you are right on most points but as an expat i just want you to understand what I am going through, because like I said you moved out of your country for a reason as do most people, and i want you to understand my reason, thank you

Alexavieira wrote:

Yeah i realize i'll have to do the same things, it would be the same things i'd need to do on a daily basis. I lived in Portugal as a kid, i've stayed long periods of time there lots of times. I know its the same things, and of course it's not always spectacular. I'll have to work, there will be rainy days, i will be bored sometimes, i won't like every meal i eat, i won't like eery person i meet but that's just living the world is not perfect and although i'd love to almost say Portugal is perfect to me, it's not! It has its downfalls but all-in-all if i were to experience these "rainy day" these "people idon't like" that "meal i don't like" i rather experience it there than anywhere in the world. The point is i'm happy there and life is about being happy and doing things you want to do.
     There had to be a reason why you movef to Norway and Oceland at one point, no? Do you prefer living there or in the US? The US is a good country and that's why a lot of Euros, South Americans, everything go to live there, but I have this whole world and preferably, i don't want to choose to live there. I don't like the American culture and lifestyle of living, i grew up in a Portuguese houshold, me and my family all lived the way we did at one point in Portugal and of course having American friends and going to school and other places everyday i see the American lifestyle and i just don't agree with it, there are a lot of reasons i prefer Portugal but that would defenitly be number one.
       I am not going against what you are saying AT ALL you are right on most points but as an expat i just want you to understand what I am going through, because like I said you moved out of your country for a reason as do most people, and i want you to understand my reason, thank you

I agree with you completely. I have been travelling as a kid. Unfortunately, I was born on US soil and spent a formidable part of my youth in America. People are more genuine in other parts. Life has more zest in other countries. I came back for work and every day is a struggle to not fall back into depression. I am young and feel like my life is wasting away here. All I can say is if I had the opportunity I would never have come back and if I have the opportunity I will leave permanently. I won't make that mistake.

Get out while you can and live life to the fullest. I wouldn't wish this country on my worst enemy. Most people come here with false hopes and dreams and they come here mainly for work or better life. Being from Europe this is a huge step down in life. Every breath is meaningful overseas. Here it is like a job. It takes more and more effort to take the next breath.

Im so happy you understand where i'm coming from, its so rare that somone undertands! I cannot agree more, i think about my life a lot and totally feel lit wasting away, all i think about is how great itll be in the future living in Europe, i cant even enjoy life because i dislike it here so much.
From the people, the food, school system, daily life, transportation, weather, what you have it i hate the culture in general.
Its so hard when you go from Europe to this country, peolpe that talk about how "wonderful" it is here are the ones who have never left the US. They have no idea how bad it acctually is compared to the EU.
Its so hard knowing you have to wait for somthing you want, but im willing to wait forever to leave here and go back to my country, for i do not consider the US my country.
From the very little time i spend in EU eery year, im happier in those 1-2 months than i am for 10 months here in the US, i genuinly do hate to say that but thats really gow i feel, i have no respect for a lot of things here. And i just know i belong in EU.
I will be back as soon as possible.
I really suggest for you to do the same. If you really want to be there you need to go back. Take that chance, its so worth it.
Thank you.

you asked why I left- I wanted the adventure and I believed, like you, that everything would be magically perfect if I didn't live in the States anymore.

however, after the first few months where everything seems incredible and rich and fascinating, you inevitably settle into a routine. That routine inevitably involves frustration over bureaucracy in foreign languages that is often designed to exclude you, as an immigrant on a visa. Particularly in these economically strapped countries, there can be certain amounts of unfriendliness to foreigners who are perceived to be "stealing" resources from the locals, even if you are paying your own way through taxes and work contribution.

As for why I've stayed? I met someone and he's not American, and the Scandinavian work-life balance is great. I'm working a job I'd have never been able to get in the US. Plus, I know the flexibility and benefits I gain here are not part of the average American worker's experience.

I'm not trying to dissuade you from moving- I'm just trying to point out to you that it's not going to fix every ill you perceive is wrong with your life. A lot of things can be REALLY frustrating about living somehwere else, things you'd not see as a brief visitor/child/tourist. It just may take a few years to realize that's the case, and by then any friends-and-family support network you didn't realize you had in the US might be totally dissolved.

Im bot really pictureing a perfect fantasy living in PT, it has its problems, everyday isnt gunna be magical, ik that the time ive stayed wasnt always like that.
But in general, that isnt even the reason i want to go. Regardless, from my disagreements with American culture and style of life, as i said the above post, school in America is VERY overpriced and the education is not as advanced as in Europe, so i feel as if id be getting a just as good education an pay less for it.
Living costs are also very low there
Im not trying to jump to conclusions, but for now i mainly desire attending university there, and traveling long term stays in other EU countries. This is what i love and im not sure if you feel as much for EU as i do, for all my life ive had a huge love of it, i always knew i loved it better than my home here.
Thats really good to here about your job an all, that there were better oppurtunities for you here, an im not surprised, there are a lot of oppurtunities for even Americans in EU.
As for the being American thing, all my life coming here ive never really recieved any sort of that negativity from who ive met, maybe i will i dont know, but if anything they enjoy beingin the company of me even more because i am half American. They always seem very optimistic and interested to hear my story. But still, that could change into disregards or maybe its because we are speaking in terms of different countries.
Europeans are good people, but i could see why they would feel that way about Americans.
All-in-all, i am happy to get your take on this, thank you

To the above posters. One thing when going overseas never say you are American unless you really are and have no cultural expertise and cannot truly identify with or come-off as something else. Also, other countries don't like Americans for so many reasons but primarily it is their arrogance and self-entitled mentality. Make sure you are or act humble overseas you will win friends and build the right contacts for your jobs. Fortunately, humility cannot be faked so it helps us separate the Americans that don't matter and those that do.

There is no such thing as being half-American or whatever unless you are referring to your mental make-up. America is a culture not any genetic stock. Don't say that when speaking with a European especially educated ones. You are American or not. You choose where you belong and where you fit. Fate may throwt you in a country and place but that doesn't define you. You define you. It is how you think and feel on the inside.

Mdg, do you have any posts on this site that are not negative and overtly hostile toward your host country?

If it bothers you than, dont bother reading it, i put this up for viewers who want to view my insightand wht i think, if you find it negative go find a post that you like and comment on that. Theres no point of your comment it has absoloutly no relavance to what i said, i want peope to comment who have advice, agree, or want to give me their opinions on what MY post said.

Alexavieira wrote:

If it bothers you than, dont bother reading it, i put this up for viewers who want to view my insightand wht i think, if you find it negative go find a post that you like and comment on that.

Note that she was not commenting about YOUR post, but the other commenter here. I agree with her though- every post by that user is extremely negative! I guess it shows that all sorts are expats but it's unfortunate that he has such a negative opinion of the country that is currently hosting him and providing him work.

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

Mdg, do you have any posts on this site that are not negative and overtly hostile toward your host country?

ECS wrote:

Alexavieira wrote:

If it bothers you than, dont bother reading it, i put this up for viewers who want to view my insightand wht i think, if you find it negative go find a post that you like and comment on that.

Note that she was not commenting about YOUR post, but the other commenter here. I agree with her though- every post by that user is extremely negative! I guess it shows that all sorts are expats but it's unfortunate that he has such a negative opinion of the country that is currently hosting him and providing him work.

Funny am I not entitled to my opinion or should I be a mindless peon to the masses. To get the record straight I don't hate the country or the people. I don't wish them or the place ill or malice that is beneath me and my time. What I hate is living here. What is odd is that both of these people don't know me and make assumptions from my post. My posts are for the original poster only. She was referring to people who resonate with her feelings and can help her to live the life she wants. Not to have someone tell lies or tell her that her feelings and experiences are not valid.

America is not a host country and I am not a "foreigner" in the typical sense. I am a US citizen, which I hate to admit. I spent at least 40% of my life on US soil. I have experienced extreme racism here and intolerance when I was younger. America claims to be diverse but it alienates and segregates those that are different and from different creeds/backgrounds. However, I don't expect the above commenter's to understand because they are Caucasian. No other place or people has treated me the way I have been treated here. After having travelled so many places and coming back to it, I have seen it for what it is. I used to be an overly blind typical American. I am glad I am not any more and look forward to getting rid of my citizenship the chance I get.

I have only shared my experiences, sympathies, and advice to posts which resonate the same dissatisfaction that I have. I have not gone on other posts where people are happy about the place and told them they are wrong, however, all the posts responded to me attacking me are from Americans who cannot accept that the country and people are responsible for how they are viewed by the world's countries and its citizens.

Many people share my sentiment only few are brave to state it or would waste their time. I would rather take the fire from others that are not understanding and intolerant towards other's experiences and views, in order to help those that are in a similar situation or feel at a loss in their lives. Saving a life can mean more than delivering them from death. It is delivering meaning and happiness however that individual perceives it to their individual being. "Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world." - Talmud

But as usual I expect harsh criticism and mindless attacks towards me as a person I have experienced it growing up here as a small boy and don't expect that to ever change.

Alexavieira wrote:

If it bothers you than, dont bother reading it, i put this up for viewers who want to view my insightand wht i think, if you find it negative go find a post that you like and comment on that. Theres no point of your comment it has absoloutly no relavance to what i said, i want peope to comment who have advice, agree, or want to give me their opinions on what MY post said.

Hey Alexavieira don't let other's lack of understanding get to you or bring you down. Don't waste your time trying to make them understand. Follow your dreams and follow what brings you meaning and happiness in your life.

There is a whole world out there which you are fortunate to have experienced and understand. I pity those that are overly fanatical about their ideology and way of life. Their intolerance and lack of understanding reflects on them.

A Thai monk I met here told me this simple statement after feeling disgusted with his visit here. "They are born in this country and will die in this country. Most will never know and are not willing to expand their horizon unless it conforms to their world-view. All we can say is a prayer for them to learn peace and tolerance." This is true for many people in many countries, but it is amplified ten-fold here.

Thank you. I appreciate that. For once, im happy somone umderstands my concern for this country. Ill ge out of here as soon as i can but for now im happy to have others help me with my plans.