Hi everyone,
Recently I met a French girl from this forum. We ate and talked happily for about two hours. Then I asked her to go (she on her bike, me on my bike) around there to take a look at two resorts. She worked in tourism, so I thought it was good for her. She agreed eagerly. We shared the bill. It cost 186,000 VND, and I asked her to share 100,000 VND. Then when the waiter brought back the change, I gave it all to her.
(Of course, when we become friends, I can pay all for her just like what we always do for our friends.)
The first resort is 1 km from the restaurant. While we were coming there, she asked me embarassingly where I was taking her to...Then we came to the first resort, and I pointed it to her. Then we continued to the second, just about 100 metres more. She tried to stop me and asked me again where I was taking her to next, looking more nervously.
I felt that she was worried that I was about to cheat her, deprived her of the motorbike and mobile phone and little money she brought for the lunch. A feeling of being offended overwhelmed me, and sadness too. My heart was broken. I was hurt. We had just had a two-hour talk, hadn't we?
I agree that there are stories about foreigners ripped off in my country, just like what's happening in Thailand, Cambodia, China, anywhere with tourism. I also watched a clip in which a group of young men took away belongings of another young man on a street in London in the daylight, and read another story about a soldier cut into parts in the street in London, but no one cared. Cheating, ripping off, killing...are happening every where, not only in Vietnam.
But these stories cannot represent Vietnam and our people. It's just a small part of the population. But why do some foreigners always ask: "Is it true that Vietnamese people usually try to get our money?" I don't know what they mean by 'get our money'. If it means that we usually let you pay our meals or drinks, then it may be true, just because you often choose restaurants or cafes where bills are calculated by dollars. A bill may equal our one month salary, then we cannot afford. However, if it means that we always try to cheat you for money and steal your belongings, then firstly,think about who you are making friends with - an uneducated person,a girl with heavily make-ups working in bars or massage?
I work in education. I believe that my students and colleagues and millions of other Vietnamese people are kind and...clean. I have my English classes at home, and sometimes some students pay me more than the real tuition fee (just because they are afraid that their calculation may be wrong). Then I always call them to give back the money. But I'm not the only one living up to the values.
Vietnam is still a poor country, but our living standards get higher and higher, and our self-respect always stays strong. What we lack now is not money. We only lack chances to see the world. We need more time to be international citizens.
Just a few frank words late at night. Still sad and hurt about the rendez-vous, and asking myself if I should find more friends.
Thuy in HCMC.
There is a trustworthy Vietnam, for sure
Very nice of you to share this story. I think when meeting strangers trust has to be developed. It takes time but once it does develop you will have the best of friends.
I'm always amazed at the Vietnamese that trust me open up their entire house and wealth of food for me despite it's all the possession they have.
I think you should not lose faith. Good things will come to those that do good deeds. It may not be immediate but it will happen to those more often not when we least expect it.
The solider killer and beheaded was a random act of terrorism not a real reflection of England itself. A lone female should not take a trip from anymore she has meet and talked to for 2hrs in any country. It has nothing to do with you being Vietnamese. It's just how the world is today.
Being French, she may have been concerned about peoples feelings about the French history in Vietnam. If she was new here, someone back home might have told her stories that made her fearful. When I first told a very good friend I was coming over here, he thought I was crazy and listed the war as a reason. Then again 2 cultures having a friendly talk there might have been a miss communication. The important thing is to remember not to let the behavior of one interfer with your life and have fun.
Maybe she wasn't clear on what u wanted to show her. You really can't blame her for not being too comfortable.
Just don't take things personally. If you meant good, she will see it.
when i was in Hanoi my tour left without me, so I walk every day, I meet lots of VN people,1 day my feet very tired so i sit in a cafe,for coffee, lady owner bring toffee for me, no charge then man brings sunflower seed for me , no charge , then 3 young boys come on scooters, not speaking much but trust laugh enjoy, 1 boy talks with lady she say to me boys good want to take me for ride around lakes district, I go and have very wonderful time. Sometime we need to take risk-- chance, most people are good, 1 or 2 bad enjoy your life with your eyes open
When I went to Vietnam with my parents we mostly stayed at their vacation home on the family compound. We travelled along the coastline to various beach resorts together. Before I left I decided to pop smoke to TP HCM by myself. My family was very upset and very concerned for me travelling alone. They told me a lot of scary things.I rented one of those Mercedes vans owned by a distant relative. I can't speak or understand Vietnamese but I had a great time. I stayed at New World Hotel in D1, took mostly Mai linh taxis plus a lot of walking around. Never once did I get ripped off or felt like I was in danger but then I am no fool either. Lol. I pretty much stayed to myself and found various places to explore to satisfy my desire for adventure. Hint# I have done a lot of travelling to good places and very dangerous places so I have some experiences from them.
I don't think that the young French lady intentionally wanted to make you feel uncomfortable but depending on her situation, experiences or lack of, and resources she was in my opinion just being cautious. Let's say if you had visited the U.S. like Los Angeles (I have lived there!) I doubt if you would want to talk to any strangers! LOL. You was nice to her and as long as you know that you were able to show her how good a lot of Vietnamese people are in Vietnam then you shouldn't feel sad.
too true, in Perth it is not common for strangers to talk to any one it seen that people are affraid of crime much worse than VN
I understand why you share your story here.
First, can't blame on her or you, if you make the point clearly and have a list where u r taking her to then should be fine, as you said u r an education girl you should be listed on everything u r gonna do with A NEW FRENCH girl.
For Vietnamese they always think I do this MEANT good for others (, so when u take her around and around means good for her ? )
Second : u said un- educated girls , bars and massage girls shouldn't trust on them ? This one u gotta check out, don't hold in a sense.
Agreed u were sad and hurt... But, u also brough nervous to that FRENCH girl, just think if that FRENCH girl was you ? Will you go around and around with a local girl just for two hours chat ?
The thread just to shows u r a good girl that's what u mentioned above I guess.
As u said if u were an educated girl, do second think on what I write here. Being a Vietnamese girl... A LOCAL girl ... I advice you first of all should make ppl trust on you first then show them what's good for them ( not what you think is GOOD for them ).
And note this, French ppl won't believe you unless they feel comfortable with you.
Ngaunhien: I didn't say things I did were good for her. I just told her to go to see two resorts nearby. She agreed. Then she was nervous and said she wanted to return.
Two hours talking about our work and life. (I work in education). Is two hours still not enough for someone to see whether I am a criminal or not.
I agree with Mark, saying sometimes we should take risk/chance along with your wisdom.
2hrs is not enogh to know a person. Put youeslf in her shoes.
Look up an older thread where a 'best' friend sold her friend.
thuy.le wrote:Ngaunhien: I didn't say things I did were good for her. I just told her to go to see two resorts nearby. She agreed. Then she was nervous and said she wanted to return.
Two hours talking about our work and life. (I work in education). Is two hours still not enough for someone to see whether I am a criminal or not.
I agree with Mark, saying sometimes we should take risk/chance along with your wisdom.
To be frankly and be honest to yourself girl, two hours is nothing.
Even you too girl ! U won't give your safety to a stranger ! Aren't you ?
Now a days not everything have to be EDUCATION.
LOL.
Anyway, thanks for your comments, you guys.
Human nature is complex and mysterious. When people interact, it's about the chemistry. The length of time does matter too, and 2 hours may go past but the talk content did not reveal much of each other's personality. Talk about work reveals the work behavior but may not reveal much outside of work! Trust takes time to build and point is you may have rushed her a bit. Anyhow, as the others said, you have done your level best and should not interpret actions by others as a slight on you but broaden your mind to see the cautionary stance adopted by the French lady. Forget any hurts and move on joyfully. My respect goes to those who are 'truly' in education. It's noble enough...
thuy.le wrote:LOL.
Anyway, thanks for your comments, you guys.
Accepted your thanking.
good point sploke 77, we can never think our experience is same for every person, 2 hours not enough to leveal persons life good or bad even years may not reveal all VN girls seldom tell all , just thinking of Kahn 44 dating his girl, VN ways are difficult for us to laearn too much baggage
I think when we meet some new friend and want to take them somewhere, it is better to explain them clearly about the route and the places that you want to take them. Yes trust take time and two hours are nothing. Even I am a Vietnamese I would not follow someone to somewhere on the first day I meet him/her. She is in a country that is foreign to her so that is total understandable.
Safety is always important regardless of being in Vietnam or another developed country. Point being, the French girl was still learning about you and so she was wary of the situation. Also note, you only had a 2 hours conversation about randomness of life. Let's keep it simple and note - 2 hours of good conversation does not equate total trust. What world do you live in?
Rather, you would put total trust with a random stranger in another foreign country after having a nice conversation? Reality check for you!
Just use your common sense. Don't get too offended if someone is being protective or aware of their surroundings.
Dude, it doesn't matter if it's vietnam or not. If my sis were to talk to a complete stranger for 1-5hrs then follow him/her to somewhere she's not familiar I'd give her a good smacking myself.
No need to stress out thuy.. it happens even in modern cities and countries. I'm sure your french friend also felt guilty and somewhat dismay after she realized your good intentions.
some vietnameses did a lot of stupid things , and accidentally , it created a bad image beyond foregeiner's eyes.
kool wrote:No need to stress out thuy.. it happens even in modern cities and countries. I'm sure your french friend also felt guilty and somewhat dismay after she realized your good intentions.
Hi Kool, yeah she tried to get back to me. Maybe she knew me better.
This thread was posted a year ago. I've more grown up now, and I've just logged back in this forum today after one year. Re-reading this thread, I feel a bit funny about my feelings at the time. I was too emotional.
Thank you guys for your sharing.
do not be embarrased,we all say things yesterday which sound silly - immature, this is how we grow remember our mistakes 
Hi dear
I saw your profile on Expat.com web site . i live and work in Brunei and coming to HCMC fist time in first week of Feb 2015. I know Vietnam is nice culture and respectful peoples.
I like to know more about your culture and vietnam language.
I can teach you English as well.
if you dont mind please reply me in email , [email protected]
thank you.
salaziz wrote:Hi dear
I saw your profile on Expat.com web site . i live and work in Brunei and coming to HCMC fist time in first week of Feb 2015. I know Vietnam is nice culture and respectful peoples.
I like to know more about your culture and vietnam language.
I can teach you English as well.
if you dont mind please reply me in email , [email protected]
thank you.
These are they types of ads people should be leery of. If anything, Vietnamese are too trusting of foreigners. In my experience, in a actual relationship/friendship, a Vietnamese is more likely to be taken advantage by a foreigner than the other way around.
Stranger-Danger
Sploke77 wrote:Human nature is complex and mysterious. When people interact, it's about the chemistry. The length of time does matter too, and 2 hours may go past but the talk content did not reveal much of each other's personality. Talk about work reveals the work behavior but may not reveal much outside of work! Trust takes time to build and point is you may have rushed her a bit. Anyhow, as the others said, you have done your level best and should not interpret actions by others as a slight on you but broaden your mind to see the cautionary stance adopted by the French lady. Forget any hurts and move on joyfully. My respect goes to those who are 'truly' in education. It's noble enough...
Good comment!
We need time to know each other and when they need help, we are willing to do!
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