The dowry

The dowry.:

this is new 4 me.
How much money I have to pay? ,.
Does the value of the dowry has to do with the status of the family? ,
she tells me that according to the fees $$ I pay are the children she gives me,
(I have to pay extra money for the children?)
it comes from one of the more rotten family of kenya (I've seen in my life more rotten people )

Yes, the dowry is an important element, certainly in the Kikuyu marriage process.  I am unsure of how other groups arrange this.  In this culture, the dowry is not the brides decision  The amount of dowry is decided during meetings between the families involved and certain members (usually the older men) of the community, prior to the actual wedding, then it is for you to provide!  Its actually a bit more complicated than this, but I am trying to simplify.

Traditionally, the dowry might have been animals (goats, or cows, for example).  I assume, but am not absolutely sure that family status does affect the dowry.  Apparently, the amount of dowry is supposed to be related to the dowry paid for the brides mother, at her wedding.  Certainly some families can be a bit excessive in their demands. 

To the best of my knowledge; the dowry is not related in any way to number of children at all, as this is unknown at the time of marriage

I don't understand your part about 'one of the more rotten family of Kenya'.  At least for Kikuyu's this is an extremely important part of their culture and should absolutely be respected, if you want to marry a Kenyan (Kikuyu) woman.  Its nothing to do with being rotten.

My tribe has a system of paying dowry; I have met couples who have negotiated for amounts that is affordable for the groom as well as come to an agreement on the mode of payment. Never allow yourself to be bullied into paying something outrageous that you cannot afford.

Dowry is not usually related to the number of children.

The variables are;
1] Tribe - different tribes ask for different things {e.g. Kikuyu bride price is in goats alone, Luhyas goats and cows etc}
2] Clan - different clans within the tribe ask for different things {in my clan it is 100 goats; others 90, and yet others 110 etc}
3] Family - in addition to the main bride price, families will ask for supplementary items {honey, sword, water tank, traditional beer etc}

How much money? The items themselves are NOT negotiable! But you can negotiate on the cash value of each and on which items you want to convert to cash. Things likes swords and water tanks are some times not convertible into cash!

Bottom line: it is intended to teas the groom to see how serious he about the girl! So approach it with a positive mind and you will enjoy the whole process

Dowry has got nothing to do with kids, it's like a token of appreciation and if the woman you want to marry is telling you all those stories then she doesnt love you.

when a family demand so much just becasue their daughter is learned or their family status then it will look like they're selling her. You are supposed to give what you can, in our tribe, dowry can't be paid in full, it's like cutting ties, it's a continuous relationship that bond you to them .... So relax, i'm sure all will go well.

All the best.

If you are marrying someone who already has kids which you want to take over, there is an expectation that you should compensate the family for bringing up those kids thus far.
The issue of the family status will arise in dowry negotiations because of the difference in the value of money. The value a rich family attaches to one shilling is less than that a poor family would. Generally all communities in Kenya look at foreigners and especially the Whites as rich people and therefore expect more from them ( to put it in a nasty way, they think they have hit a goldmine)

It would help to know what tribe she's from as different tribes have different systems of determining dowry. Another criterion to bear in mind is her educational status. Some families insist on being "compensated" appropriately for having taken their daughter through university.

Above all, dowry is an important aspect of marriage that is highly respected. The bride to be typically has no say in this matter. It is usually her older male relatives (dad and uncles), that determine the dowry.

Hallo sir,i was tryingb to find some information about kikuyu dowery,im married to a foreigner,we have 2 children,though he married me with a daughter,now mymother asked for money which i thought was way to high,at first she had asked for600'000the we negotiated to 400'000. i still think that money is a lot,and im thinking of only giving100'000. besides im muslim married to a muslim,while they are christian  i.e my family,actually im not supposed to be following that culture coz in islam mahari is given to the woman,not the family,what is really the actual price of dowery,juu naona my mother wants to make money out of my hubby,thanks

As far as I am aware, Kikuyu dowry has nothing to do with religion and generally considered to be very important.  As far as I am aware, the dowry is discussed at length and decided upon by a group of elders in the community, rather than by the parents of the bride.  I also understand that these days, the price can be high, but I wasn't aware that it was negotiable. I have been told that the husband is supposed to pay whatever is asked for.

Also, as I understand it, for your husband to be accepted by your parents, as your husband, then the traditions should be respected.  If you don't want to follow your culture and traditions, then why would you be concerned about this?

Moderated by Priscilla 3 years ago
Reason : message removed : please post only in english on this english speaking forum
New topic