Vietnamese wife?

bta87 wrote:

Just ran into something that seemed strange to me. perhaps someone out there can tell me if this is VN custom. That is this " to deny a newly wed husband sex until the new bride has determined if he will be a good father". Is this normal Vn protocol?

No, not normal.

With me, I am a girl, and I have responsibility to make sure my family has a prosperous life because they was sacrifice for me too much.
Therefore, I really need my husband will care of them, of course, I also care of his family.

According to me, I wont have sex before marriage.
Cus with me, we can wait after marriage, it's normal.

Than,
  I agree with you. But this girl say no sex after marriage,not until she decides if I would be a good father to her child. In the U.S. we decide these things before marriage. This ladies position is we marry, do nothing, if she does not think I will be a good father we get a divorce. It sounds real crazy to me.

Denied sex until deemed a suitable father?  After you're married??  Who's the judge, her boyfriend??? 

My sentiments exactly. I have no idea what the judging criteria will be either. How in heck am I suppose to get a "10". Thought it seemed very odd, but it is a different culture.

You might want to watch your step in NT.  The locals might not  be happy about that woman getting murdered by her American husband.

Sorry went to wrong address!!

thanhmai296 wrote:

According to me, I wont have sex before marriage.
Cus with me, we can wait after marriage, it's normal.

She says she won't have sex before marriage because might get pregnant and get yelled at. I think that's the main reason most Vietnamese females avoid it before marriage. But yeah there's contraceptions and all sorts now but do Vietnamese use them often?

Why do you like Vietnamese girls to be ur wife ^^

Well it might not be all VN girls. However, there is a large sector of VN virtues not easily found. Myself I try to avoid those that do not have that grounding of good moral values. But I can tell you from what I've seen and heard any VN girl would probably beat out an American wife. Not to mention I find them some of the prettiest women on earth. Having said all that I am not yet married to one, so I hope it all works out as I think I know them. But stack them up against some other asian's the PI comes to mind. There the women don't know how to keep a dollar for a minute. VN women are far above to most men in the West in that regard. I do think they carry far to much of a load in the family unit here in VN.

Guys we are missing the point here. I am not speaking before marriage. I too agree with that virtue.
I am being told no sex until perhaps a year after marriage. If I pass some unknown test as to my ability to be a good father then and only then can I have sex with my wife (if she becomes my wife).
If I fail the test is divorce court here we come I'm out on the street. I'm use to this vetting process taking place before the marriage. I'm just wondering if I'm bumping into some VN custom here

That's been answered already.  People have said it is not a custom for Vietnamese.  Personally I think she is playing you.  Not sure what her endgame is but she'll either spend all your money or wangle a trip to the US where she will divorce you or just disappear.

Never heard of no sex after marriage. Does this apply only to expat only because I don't think this would apply at all to locals.

I think it's just an individual basis. Basically she's not prepared to have kids yet and making up a new custom to avoid the issue.

The last statement I think might be the case or close to it. She dearly yearns for children, but comes from a broken marriage, and is very hurt by it. She is a very virtuous women. Thus can not live with a man to see just how he will act. I suspect she wants the marriage part of it only as a license in society's eys to allow her to live with a man to "Check" him out. I think she is so fearful that here mate will abuse her children like she was abused. Just guessing though.

Yes one thing about Vietnamese women is there penchant for subliminal messages.

A good woman is hard to find, anywhere.  She is not like an apple, where one can choose between red, green or whatever hybrid types that they now have...  And she is definitely not like your dog, where you can scream or kick at her and expect her to come running to you when you call. 

Any woman is a being.  If you want her to be nice to you, then you must be nice to her.  If you want her to respect you, then you must respect her.  Standard stuffs?  Yes.  But a lot of guys don't seem to get it, though.

I have seen guys who are as goofy as Goofy himself, yet they want to get hooked up with the sharpest women they can find.  Talking about ignorance...  If that is not the recipe for disaster, I don't know what is. 

If two people are made for one another, there is nothing in this world that can or should keep them apart.

bta87,
Given that it has not been that long since you originally started this thread, I don't think you've spent long enough looking around. I agree with some of the above posters that this girl is just playing you. You need to consider that, and continue looking further. The consumation of marriage is an expected rite in most all cultures, and Vietnamese culture is no exception. If she says she's hurting from previous marital experience, she certainly doesn't need to be considering marrying you right now, and if she does, she should be prepared for the obligations that go with it. Anything other than that is just a bogus excuse. You need to slow it down and consider your options very carefully.

Hi
Im glad about the story you told him here
That s true.
Sometime, what he needs, the wife has, what he has, the wife needs. So they are fair to each other
But not easy to find out the one like that
As i know most of VN girls famous as coming to some one then taking money away , then leaving the man,
any way, life is all about learning !

Has all the ingredients for another epic thread!

Ashard,

Not quite, Amigo!  Jaitch is not here, and Anatta has not smelled this one yet. 

Wild_1 wrote:

Anatta has not smelled this one yet. 

Define "this"

msbamboo.2007 wrote:

As i know most of VN girls famous as coming to some one then taking money away , then leaving the man,
any way, life is all about learning !

So you think all foreigners stupid like that to give their money? Yeah, some minor incidents. Nobody take your money until you give them. Even they stole, it means you let them do that! About leaving... hmm.. may be many reasons! We cannot blame all Vietnamese girls. A very few minority only act like that. Not only in Vietnam... all over the world.

Ken Charma

Answer to Question one - They expect you have to have funds and property.

Answer to Question two - Be Careful when you run out/low on funds.

I found it helpful to know who she hangs around with. I hope that helps.

Topics "Vietnamese wife?" and "Dating in HCMC" are similiar with lot of replies, should be merged into one  ..... I say "Pros and cons of getting involved with a Vietnamese woman" or "Should I or shouldn't I take her home?"

Howie, I thought Jaitch is on a sabbatical. Anatta's now got a whiff i see.

hey guys HCMc in my understanding, is very much a Christian area,real Christians who follow the Bible dont have sex before marriage.I understand the idea and agree from the girls side, that the man should committed to the family, financially and otherwise, if he is not there for the long haul where is her support??? but from the mans side both should talk very much about this. Bad sexuall relations WILL ruin a marriage

mark stutley wrote:

hey guys HCMc in my understanding, is very much a Christian area,real Christians who follow the Bible dont have sex before marriage.

Haha...what universe are you living in. The vast majority of people in Saigon and Vietnam as a whole are Buddhist. There are a lot of Catholics here also but they are very much in the minority.

Oh, and 'Real" Christians don't judge either

mark stutley wrote:

hey guys HCMc in my understanding, is very much a Christian area,real Christians who follow the Bible don't have sex before marriage.I understand the idea and agree from the girls side, that the man should committed to the family, financially and otherwise, if he is not there for the long haul where is her support??? but from the mans side both should talk very much about this. Bad sexual relations WILL ruin a marriage

What should we do if we hungry? Yeah just eat. No other substitute! Likewise, if you need sex just do it with your partner or someone who like-minded. It's not a big sin as mentioned in the testament. This is new age, majority cannot follow religious ways always, even the priest! If we control it too much it will double hunger and make problem to the society
It's not easy to find out 100% perfect girl or boy here or anywhere in universe. And in Ho Chi Minh city not much Christians who follow the holy Bible! For that you just go and watch outside on Sundays when the novena finish. Then you can follow someone who come for 'special novena' after the real novena. I don't meant to hurt any religious beliefs. Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Islam or any other religious followers are just human being. If you strongly belief in something and try you can control all your emotions whether it is sex, ego or greedy. But who take time for that?
If jack fruit, we can pierce it with a knife and check, whether it is ripe enough or not. It's not easy in human beings, especially girls:D Xin loi em ois!

Ken Charma

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am beginning to miss Jaitch and his dry humor...

^Somehow I get the feeling Jaitch isn't missing us or this Blog.

Can I ask something, is the topic about "Vietnamese wife" or "Vietnamese young wife"? Does the topic owner open to the idea of having a Vietnamese wife of 50 years old?

thanhmai296 wrote:

With me, I am a girl, and I have responsibility to make sure my family has a prosperous life because they was sacrifice for me too much.
Therefore, I really need my husband will care of them, of course, I also care of his family.

I understand and sympathy with this way of thinking. I think Thanh Mai is a very traditional Vietnamese girl. But my point of view is totally different. If you want your family to have a prosperous life, YOU will be the one who do it, YOU will be the one who provides for them. The husband has no responsibility whatsoever to provide for the whole family. All I expect from the husband is treating my family with kindness and respect, and giving helping hands here and there. But once you let the husband provide for the whole family, your life become dependent to the husband and you become a commodity, not a wife.

VungTauDon wrote:

The vast majority of people in Saigon and Vietnam as a whole are Buddhist. There are a lot of Catholics here also but they are very much in the minority.

VungTauDon
I am not quite sure about that.

Here is what Wiki said

According to some sources, the dominate religion in Vietnam is Buddhism which accounts for more than 85% of the population. The second largest religion is Christianity, which makes 8% of the population:[7][8][9][10][11]
Buddhism, 85%[12][13]
Secular/triple religion, 80%
Hoa Hao, 3%
Theravada Buddhism, 2%
Christianity, 8%
Roman Catholic, 7%
Protestant, 1%
Cao Dai, 3%
Other religions, 4%

In contradictory, some other sources such as the CIA World Factbook state that more than 80% of the people claim to be atheists. Buddhists and Christians account more than two third of the remaining 20%. In this account, Vietnam is one of the most atheist countries in the world:[14]
Atheism, 80.8%[15]
Buddhism, 9.3%
Christianity, 7.2%
Roman Catholic, 6.7%
Protestant, 0.5%
Hoa Hao, 1.5%
Cao Dai, 1.1%
And other religions


There are many reasons for this discrepancy.
1. The current regime has not encouraged religions, so people either has not practiced it actively or are not willing to declare their religion.
2. Many Vietnamese consider themselves followers of đạo lương which can either interpreted as atheism or a mixture of Buddhism, Confuism and ethical lifestyle. Those people tend to go Buddhist temples on important holidays and pray to the ancestors at home.

Christians tend to congregate in certain areas, like Bui Chau, Phat Diem in the North and Ho Nai (and certain areas in Saigon) in the South.
Among the Vietnamese community abroad, Christians tend to dominate because their tendency to oppose communism (like in Poland).

Nearly every house and business I have been to I have seen family alters and such. Haven't seen very many crosses hanging on the walls

Anatta Do you remember that post from long time ago about the enforcers here that have a name that sounds like cnn with a lisp? Can't find the thread, just need the name...Thanks

VungTauDon

Because you live in VungTau, that is why. I'd recommend you to ask your wife to bring you to Ho nai area (near Bien Hoa). There are churches every 50/100m for a stretch of several kilometers.

Budman

Here you go
https://www.expat.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=228084

Bingo!!! Thanks Anatta

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