He calls me Negative

Hello. My name is Babes, 47years old, a single mum, now out of job since last week of January. Today, after 4 years, my daughter's father finally contacted me through sms. When I asked him if he could just call me because I don't have money on my prepaid he said his phone cannot make a call outside United States. So, I put some P60 on my phone and told him texting will not work that way, since I have no job but I have a part time cleaning job once a week, not even enough for the food, even worse for my prepaid.

I have been asking this guy to help me for his daughter's sake. She is 4 years old now. He said he's been out of job himself for six months now.... same thing he has been telling me 4 years ago.

Now I'm just wondering is there anyone who can advise me what to do? There was a time when someone told me to go to a lawyer, ask for a letter which I am going to bring to the US Embassy and then  the EMbassy will send the letter to the guy. I don't like to do it because I don't want to make any trouble. Help me please...

Hello Babes.

Welcome to Expat.com! :)

Hope your problem will be sorted out soon.

Thank you,
Aurélie

no words to reply ............:(

If its true that he has no job,you will be wasting your money and time trying to get anything from him.Men in general should take care of thier kids,and woman shall also try to pick a good father to thier kids.Its a shame that the children are the ones that suffer for thier parents errors.If you cant afford a baby,just dont have it,until you have plan very good for it.I hope God provides for your baby,or try to find a man that can be responsible with your baby.Good luck.

Thanks Aurelie, Krishn and Borilove...:):)

It is very unfortunate that you ever even met that man.What i have seen in the 4 weeks i have been here,is that there is many like him,who dont want to pay or vanish.In most countries you take him to court,then if he dont pay,he gets locked up until he pays the arrears.Will it ever happen here in Phils? I dont think so!Read the tips expatfever has just put on for you,as it is really good advice.

Try uplifting yourself and get ahead. Start your own cleaning company, or do whatever you might enjoy, and be tenacious about it. A positive outlook on life will always produce positive results. Possibly Google Tony Robbins, a friend turned me onto him about a year ago and there are lots of free videos on YouTube that could help you out.

I've been thinking for quite some time now, and I noticed as humans we consume for happiness. When people buy things, they might not know it, but I categorize buying into a need or want. Wants are things people buy because they believe that the new dress or car is going to make then a better person, and that will lead to making themselves happy. Sadly buying wants adds to their insecurities, and ultimately they wind up having to buy more things to feed there sadness.

However with self improvement, and acceptance. Life will open new doors, and begin to get better with each act of improvement. I wish you the best of luck, try to remember love will find you if you do what your passionate about. Possibly you love children and you might want to start a daycare, or be a nanny. Unfortunately I"m not in your position and have not lived your life so I can't assess what is possible in your country yet. So it'll be up to you to decide what you can or can't do according to start-up capital that you have and what local laws prevent you from doing.

We live in one of the greatest times on the planet. The entire world can be found at the tips of your fingers at a local internet cafe. Anything you want to learn to do from how to start any kind of business, to how to make homemade soap and toothpaste can be found online, with easy to follow directions. Utilize all your tools, starting with your mind and I"m sure you'll find the solution.

Best of luck

If you believe you can or your can't, Your right.
Nothing has even been accomplished by not trying

Do you have a birth certificate identifying him as the father? Are you married with a marriage license registered with the US Embassy?  If no to both answers, then no point hiring a lawyer as there is no proof. If you have both or either, first go to the embassy and ask about what options you have. Dont hire a lawyer in the philippines, will want money too much money for something you can do on your own.

I do not think anything can be done... do you keep some documents belonging to him?

albertet :

I do not think anything can be done... do you keep some documents belonging to him?

Agreed. Plus you can't draw blood from a stone. Especially if the stone is on the otherwise of the world. If you were in the states everything could be taken care of. Only option if you are actually trying to make the level father pay would be to get to America and then spend thousands of dollars with a lawyer to get him to pay up. Then you still might reach the same conclusion about stones not having any blood in them.

You should post everything you have about this dead beat father  on the internet, his full name, address, phone number, facebook account, email account, and ask anyone and everyone to look for him, contact him and suggest he start taking care of his abandoned family in the Philippines. If we knew where to find him he might get just enough pressure to send you some child support.

Hello,I was wondering if the father of your child,was married to you in the philippines.Or here in the united states?I take it that the father is from the united states?if you were married to him then you can approach the consulate and prove to the united states gov or consulate that he is the father of the child.Did he sign the birth cert of your child?your situation Is very complicated.you been here in united states before?if you been here then you know how;s the process here.always prove that his the father of your child so that you can get a support from him.Make sure you have his full name and if you have his sociel sercurity number that would be great.If you go to the consulate they would have a better answer i,am sure.It maybe to early to just let it go,without checking.Wish you luck

try not to be disheartened.  atleast you've made a step forward in letting some of us know that you're looking for a job.  i'm currently traveling, when i return i will message you and perhaps i can help you settle into a job, if not within my own company, i can put you onto some friends.  meanwhile you can pm me as a reminder - i should be back within 2 weeks.
keep having faith.

sad to say i am not married to him and my daughter use my surname because he didnt sign the birthcert i sent him... claiming he didnt receive any documents... funny, but he got my pics and card enlosed plus my baby's hair... he said he wanted to take the hair for DNA test...

do u think i can really do that??... he once threatened to sue me if i make trouble for him like contacting all his families through phone or facebook etc... he still have an FB account though and just few days ago he texted me but he gave me the same shit he was feeding me four years ago...he got no job, no money..

hello sanjayh... i want to say thank you here right now... if you really can help me get a job i would really appreciate it. at the mean time i work as a part time cleaner in greenhills and once in a while do some ironing for a british family in ortigas... life is hard for me and my daughter now but i always look at the bright side because i have this beautiful girl who has become my inspiration... my strength, second to God. please text or call me on my cp 0929 497 3886.. God bless you po!

no robert i am not married to him, no documents that will prove his paternity because he's been playing games all this time and i realized it only after my baby was born.

hello to everyone who replied to my post here...:) thanks a lot to all of you... you are all great... i feel much better and i just realize that there  are people who really cares... may God bless all of you!

You should never worry at all about him making any trouble for you. Please tell us his name and where he is from, you should post pictures of your daughter on his facebook page and share with all his family. He must be a very heartless individual not to care for his child. Is he in US ? Just write his name on here and where he lives, there is nothing wrong with that when your looking for help.

dear expat fever.. i am broke... totally broke and one day work is enough for a day's meal.. i used to work in a small restaurant, that was the last job i got since i settle here in manila, thanked God my baby and i got by for one year, we were able to eat good food, pay the rent and  bills that's all... but thanks to your advise... i appreciate it.:)

So does NSO have the birth cert. on file and does it have his name as the father and his nationality ?

thank you... you are an american but still wants to help me... now i believe not all americans are ass""""....:D ok, may i know what are you going to do if i give you his full name,fb account etc... because i am really scared... i could have done it long ago but he always threaten me.

no, he doesnt have his name on the birthcert... and because he didnt sign the paper i had to register the baby in my family name. i sent him all the documents plus the baby's hair telling me bullshit like it would be easier for us to go to US if he could bring the hair for DNA test blah blaah blah

gotta run... thanks again to all of you... his name is christopher wayne spangler but on fb he uses christopher spangler, he is from tampa florida, email address is... next time ok.... i am getting goose bumps now!

Don't worry nothing bad will happen, there is probably a hundred guys from Tampa with that name. It's good that you put his info out there for everyone to see. All we can do from here is reach thru the internet and touch them. He sounds like he is really scared that he may have to pay child support. Don't worry, God will guide the way, just keep following him.

Speechless...

Good luck... Your post made me angry. I hope that your story will have a happy ending.

Hi,so sad about your situation i am robert's wife im a pinay.you know what dont be afraid,post your pics and your daugther to his fb acct,if i am in your shoe i will really bother him till the end and harass him to bad in his fb friend all his friends and tell them what he did to you and your daugther,and also tell him you are not virgin mary that you just gave birth to a white baby:)..he cant sue your from here to there,meaning if he can he has a lot of money to hire a lawyer from there,but i will tell you he cant sue you,if you can prove that is his daughter you can sue him.good luck to you..

I found online chistopher wayne spangler from flordia aged 30.Do you think that is his age?

I saw this on a web page about child support in the Philippines.

If you have a case which you would like to pursue in the Philippines, please contact Attorney Tankeh-Asuncion at syquia[at]intlaw.com.ph.
If you can ask them about filing a petition for child support and then contact Florida Dept. of Revenue for child support enforcement.
Customer Service
(all counties except Miami-Dade)
1-800-622-5437
7:30 AM-6:00 PM EST Monday-Friday
I know it will cost a couple hundred pesos to call but you don't have to do anything right away. Keep the info, go to their website in Florida, email the father and mention to him about international child support enforcement and that Florida has an office and he could be paying support back to when she was born, and if not you'll have his passport canceled until the full amount is paid to the state of Florida so they can deposit it into your account.

Hi, i would like to say thank you for putting this message on here, for people to read.. I suffer from depression, and the words in your message have made me feel a lot better about myself and life. So thank you very much, you have helped me as well as the intended reader :)

Yor welcome.Hope you can get out of dips and downs soon.Life is good if we make that way--good luck to you sir.

to mr lonely48 thank u for sharing a bit of ur story.true to what u have said sometimes u would only realize hw fortunate u can be when u hear or read about other people's story too..i have been through alot and what i have said here is only one of them..god bless u.

WE MUST EDUCATE OUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS,SO THAT THEY WONT FALL PREY TO THESE TYPE OF INCONSIDERATE SO CALL MEN,HAHAHAHH FAR FROM THAT,ALL THEY WANT IS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE INNOCENT ONES,PLEASE DO REPORT ANY SUCH ACTIVITIES TO THIER EMBASSY SO THEY CAN BE CRIMINALLY CHARGED.Thats why I stay away from those people I hang out with the natives only.But no all are like him,we also have kind hearted ones,hopefully NOW we can come together and help Philippines in its darkest moments,i hope and pray that life will soon be better specially for the people of leyte,bohol and northern Cebu.We must protect our children both girls and boys.Mabuhay and lots of love from new York city.Be brave and stay strong.

awww im so sorry to hear that... i dont think we should call him a " man " a real man will never walk away from his obligation specially his own kid. I know god has a better plan for you two ( you and your kid). Dont waste a dime to reply for his txt if he said he is jobless same as you well i think he just dont want to give you any suport.

Go slow, go easy, antagonize gently, don't frighten or  scare the chimp, I mean chap. Let the daughter, lead the way, post some pictures of her on his FB account, not a flood of pictures, be respectful, just one or two, carefully, selected pictures a month, always with the caption I miss you daddy, or  wish you were here, or this is what I did today, just show mostly pictures of everyday life, with daughter doing everyday things, like reading a book, or eating a piece of cake, or dressed up for Church. Use a voice message with your daughter speaking, talking, saying,  "I miss you daddy".  Or "I want to see you daddy". Or "hi daddy how are you". But do (all) nicely, and very gently, *don't* make him feel you are using the daughter as a weapon, don't use her to beat him over the head with, one or two voice messages a month is all, let the love of the daughter-father natural bond, lead the way.  Just stay consistent, but always, always, always, being nice, so he does not feel threatened. Let him see, hear, and realize what's he is missing, without his daughter in his life, what is passing him by, he will probably find himself looking forward to, and wanting to see the pictures, and hear her voice, and to know what his daughter is doing.... Maybe love from the daughter, will melt, and give strength to his terrified heart.

ezbabes :

to mr lonely48 thank u for sharing a bit of ur story.true to what u have said sometimes u would only realize hw fortunate u can be when u hear or read about other people's story too..i have been through alot and what i have said here is only one of them..god bless u.

Listen to what Ramblingroads has to say...You really don't have any legal grounds to go after him...You have to try to win his heart with the love of your child; then maybe he may melt like butter and break down and start making an attempt to help you and her...

Hello everyone. I am still looking for a job, part time or full time... mu daughter is now in kindergarten and there is no one to support us. Her dad still refuse to help and keep on making excuses.
If there is anyone who would like to employ a helper please feel free to text or call me at 63 09294973886 or pm me here.

You seem like you can communicate well in English, or at least in written speech. Would you like to try working for a call center?  The work shift really sucks, and you might have to find someone to take care of your child during the day. But still, you will have a regular salary, SSS, Pagibig and PhilHealth benefits, and often, a private HMO health insurance. 

About your child's dad, forget about him. Don't waste a single second thinking about him, whether it's hoping he would give you and your child money and love, or wishing that bad karma befall him for neglecting you and your little one.  If he's been lying to you all this time, you won't get anything from him. Just move on.

My assistant has a "repacking" business as a side line.  She buys items like marshmallows, black pepper, garlic, etc. in bulk from Divisoria and packs them in small plastic bags which she sells to sari-sari stores.  Ask a few sari-sari stores if they are interested to buy these from you.  You would need to invest on a plastic sealer and a small weighing scale.

your blessed you have a beautiful daughter :)

Hello FilAmericanMom. Thanks for your very kind reply. Yes, I've been thinking about working in a call center... Is there anyone you know whocan help me? .. by the way thank you for your suggestion   also to try that buy and sell business,problem is I don't have any money to start with.

Thanks Drew Lyn... :)

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