Relationship between a practicing bearded muslim and a wetern woman

it depeneds woman  . if she is a good woman then it 'll success ! what's ur religion ?!

Hello hbachou,
This is a complex topic.
I don't know if you are the bearded man or the Western woman. I will speak here in general terms about mixed relationships trying to avoid gender confusions.

I am an American woman married to a Moroccan Man. I was educated as a Christian, and my husband is Muslim. I speak to you from my own experience. I have been with my husband 3 years and we live in Marrakech, and my husband has a good job here. We don't plan to leave Morocco, but as I still have family in America there maybe a need that I may need to return to the USA at some point. Of course I would expect my husband to accompany me if this were to occur. So far it is working well. 

As with relationships everywhere, if it will work is all dependent on the individual people. Each of the motivations for entering into a relationship must be clear to the other. If they have similar motivations, then it will work just fine. Don't misunderstand me. Cross cultural relationships shouldn't be entered into on a whim. Before you enter into one, it is important that both you and your  partner spend a long time learning about the differences your in your family's upbringing and other strong societal influences that makes each of you unique. This is especially so if there is a differences of religion between the two individuals. I assume that when you say "a bearded and practicing open minded man" you mean a Muslim man. But, "Western woman" is not clear.
Is the "Western woman" as just a woman who was never educated in Islam such as a Christian or Jew, or is she a Muslim born in Europe or the USA?

If she wasn't always a Muslim, or hasn't already converted she may become conflicted about converting from her native religion. This is an issue that can break a relationship. If this is an expectation of her Muslim man. It urgently needs to be discussed between the both of you.

Western culture places very complex expectations on its women. She will be from a very career minded society, while the man's Islamic culture is more family focused. What this means is Western Women are taught that her career is more important than having children. She may want to delay marriage yet continue to be socially involved with a man much longer than most Muslim men expect. For a Muslim man, using family planning methods after marriage so she can continue her career might be out of the question. Another differences is that Western Women may not be comfortable with the practice of living with multiple generations in a single house the way a Muslim Man will likely have grown in and may expect his family to continue to live. So, she may object to eventually living with a man's mother or grandmother. For me, we choose to live in our own house away from family.

Another issue is your other family member's expectations.
What do your parents think about this relationship?
Does your partner's parents have any thoughts about it?
Will you eventually marry?
If you marry, will you plan to have children?
Where will you live?
The answer to these questions may seem obvious, but never assume. The answers can have huge consequences if these topics are ignored.

Western culture has very different expectations of acceptable male and female roles and behaviors in social situations. This is true about Western women even if she was born into a Muslim family. What Islamic society says about and views about behaving respectful and offering protection of women, western society views as being oppressive to a women's freedom. Simply being born Muslim will not have changed the ideas about her career. More importantly are other traditionally Islamic gender role expectations her man understand but she may not have experience with. If not addressed these can become problems. For example: she may not understand why she is being to asked to eat with other women in another room, or dress differently when male guests comes to visit the man. This can cause some disagreement if you are not prepared for it. I am fine with this, but some other American women I know are not.

Wester Women often have authority over men outside of her relationship too. A Western woman may become offended when a male member of the man's family (his father or brother) expects her to yield her authority to him about ordinary household decisions or family business. This can be frustrating when it occurs, but if you have good communication in the relationship and the man supports her, it doesn't need to be a continuing problem. There will be family members of his who don't understand. 

Yes, mixed relationships can and do work if both people are willing to work at it. Good luck in your life choices. I wish you all God's blessing and happiness.

i think you very very much for taking time to reply to me .
The problem in my point of view is because the Islam is the religion the most miss understood in the world , and   Islam is not only miss understood by non Muslims , but also by some  peoples that are Muslims too .
I just have to mention here that the  prophet mouhamed when he was dying he said ‘ oh men taking care toward your wifes ‘
I agree with you that there is a difference in culture between the islam culture and the western one , but as you told when we are clear , sincere and we talk about every thing the relation can be successful .
I just have to mention here that the  prophet mouhamed when he was deading he said ‘ oh men taking care toward your wifes ‘
There is an other thing , when there is love we ca do miracles ,  and if really you know what is meaning the world “love” then you can I understand what I mean.
About your questions ;
Another issue is your other family member's expectations.
-    Thanks GOD my family having a very bid respect for me and when I choose my wife all my family will accepts her and if they know that I'm happy with her they will be too happy for me.
What do your parents think about this relationship?
-    The some reply above.
Does your partner's parents have any thoughts about it?
-    We are just discussing in general I don't mean specially my self .
Will you eventually marry?
-    Surly when I talk about a relationship with a practicing muslim I mean marriage , and marriage is not meaning specially marriage with papers , it can just religious papers without any papers .
If you marry, will you plan to have children?
-    Yes , marriage can includee children .
Where will you live?
-    We are talking about a marriage in marakech , but the will be just with her husband not with his family
so I wait your reaction

Hello again hbachou,
I understand we are probably not speaking of your choices of a wife.

My husband's family are very supportive. I enjoy them very much, but if I had to live with them this might be a problem. Their lifestyle is too far from mine. I am a middle-aged woman and my current marriage is my second. My parents are not an issue as I was an abandoned child, so neither my father or my mother have any concern over who I am married with. I have one grown daughter who is not happy about many parts of my life. She is close to her father and this is fine. She left my home several years ago and she is now married to a man who is very against all Muslims. She reflects his ideas. So she lives quietly with her husband in the USA far away from me. Perhaps if God is willing she may eventually see things differently. It would be a blessing to my life if I were to have another child, but at my age it would be an act of God.

I would never suggest that anyone in your family would reject your choice of wife, but as you said we are not talking about you. I am just trying to tell you what others have found to be true; If a woman is reluctant to accept the authority of other men in her man's family, and he support her over them it may cause some conflict between this man and these men in his family. This can cause relationship problems. It is best to establish when and for what reason she will be expected to be submissive and when she can object. These are natural for women who have grown in an Islamic culture, but difficult for women who didn't.

The idea of marriage being a natural part of having a loving relationship with a man is not always the way Western women understand things. This is true for a great many Western men too. I know several people in the USA who are intimately involved for years and never marry (religious or on paper). This is also a fact for having or not having children. In Western culture many married people choose never to have any children in order to have a longer career. Another point worth mentioning is that many Western women who never get married still choose to have children without men. This is considered acceptable in western culture. Child brought up in a family like this still has full rights and social status as if he were to have had a father. This is not true in Moroccan society. I tell you this only because it shows the difference in cultures and attitudes. So, when I tell you that anyone considering a mixed relationship needs to talk about an ultimate marriage and possible children, this is why. It cannot be assumed that a westerner of either gender expects to have children or to even get married.

If a Muslim man chooses a Western woman, and she accepts him, then they owe it to themselves and to the other person to discuss what that means.
Love can blind people to trouble ahead, but a good level of communication is the key to preventing those troubles. If 2 people are willing to talk about their individual expectations then it will make for a stronger and happy life together. 

God helps those who help themselves.
I hope this is helpful.

If a woman is reluctant to accept the authority of other men in her man's family, and he support her over them it may cause some conflict between this man and these men in his family. This can cause relationship problems. It is best to establish when and for what reason she will be expected to be submissive and when she can object. These are natural for women who have grown in an Islamic culture, but difficult for women who didn't.

Personally if I get married with a western woman , she will never be dominated form me or my family or any other else . I accept with you that in Islam the woman must obey to her husband , but that is a right for a husband and not something obligatory . personally  I don't look for a servant or a slave , I look for a wife that she will be equal to me in the condition that we love each other , otherwise I can not live with a woman without love .
I understand what you want to say , and it's very normal that a western woman find a problem with a Muslim concerning this issue , but not if she is married with a high educated Muslim .
To have children or not with my wife is something that is depending to that woman , so we can not have a question before living with her and discovering her , when you find that she is a good person , when you loves her , when you take your decision to spend the rest  of your live with her and surely you will love to have children with her .
Here in morocco we use the expression “ share blood “ when you have a children with a woman your blood are shared in that third person that will take your blood for ever .
But the problem at first when you meet a person and you start a relation , every one thing that he knows the other part , but time  shows you that you was not always right in your jugement for the second half , as we say in morococans dialect “ allah yela9ina me3a ma hessen mena”

Hello again hbachou,
I think you fully understand me, but others who read this may not. So I wish to clarify myself.

I believe you are a highly educated man and of course you are seeking an intelligent woman. I wish you all the best in your life. I am sure any woman you choose to have in your life will be very happy. Simply asking these questions on this blog means you are wanting more information to make better decisions, and that is always a good thing. I am glad you see your future wife as an equal. I was never suggesting that she wouldn't be your equal. It is any woman's responsibility to learn the differences of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors as much as she can before entering into a relationship with a man not of her culture. If she is to live in his society, then she has to embrace some of his customs. In order to make her comfortable, he will need to embrace some of her customs too. This is only respectful, but not important for other people to be aware of outside their relationship.

Being obedient to your husband is one thing, and surrendering the authority to other male members of his family is a very different thing. You would not challenge your own father's authority as head of the family. But this kind of extended family is not something she may have any experience with. Family in the west isn't valued as it is in Morocco. In the West people grow and leave their father's house and so ends a father's authority over them. This is different here in Morocco. It truly comes down to understanding the concept of gender roles and family responsibility. Submissive may not have been the right word for me to have used, but this is a difficult concept to identify.

Western culture mixes the gender roles of men and women. Remember this is where she came from.
Some Western men will do things that are generally thought of as the responsibility of women. Almost all Western women are required to take the burden of responsibility and authority of a man, and continue to do the responsibilities a woman. This is an overwhelming situation that most western women live all their life with. It is a western woman's misunderstanding of the meaning of equality. She doesn't understand it is out of place to accept living like this, or how abusive western culture is to women. Equality doesn't mean a woman has to do it all even if she capable of doing it all. I hope you can understand what I mean.

When a woman who is accustom to handling everything by herself encounters honest responsible men(like what is in normal here in Morocco), it can make her feel a little devalued as those men try to take that unnecessary burden she has carried all her life off her. Teaching her it is not necessary for her to carry it, is what I mean about supporting her.

The problem of other male members of your family: these are not about them in any way trying to use her. It is about her process of education and needing to fit in to this culture.These other men in your family may not be as understanding as you are of how hard this will be for her to fit in. If she has refused their help on somethings she should not be doing herself they may feel disrespected. Of course this disrespect wouldn't be her intension, but it can still put her man in conflict with this other family member. Educating her on how to cope with these situations before they occur is going to make everyone's life easier. Once she accepts the idea that she is not responsible for everything, she becomes happier.

These unnecessary burdens of male responsibilities and authority she has lived with all her life are like a cage she has grown used to living inside. The natural division of gender roles is like opening the door to a caged bird. At first she doesn't understand she is free and she sits on her perch sadly singing as she always has done. This take time and education to make aware she can go through the door and fly free. As she learns the truth of what is going on around her she will not resist the normal assistance of the other men in your family. This is why so many educated Western women eventually embrace Islamic culture. It is the truth of freedom.   

Open communication and working through these complications will ensure a mixed relationship is successful. Given plenty of love and understanding they do work.

I wish you enjoy all the success and happiness God blesses you with

Hello again ,
Of course i see my future wife as equal , but equal must be understood in two sense in rights and obligations .
Off course to accepting the other is not meaning , that we don't have to try to understand the other , and . and in each society there is red lines  and for  each person there is there is red lines .
Personally , I don't accept atheism , I'm not understanding about the woman that she don't believe in GOD . a muslim , Christian , Jewish  , but believer .
Second thing I hope meet a faithful woman ,
Other things my western wife can live as she loves and dress what she loves , but she must react as a married woman , and not a single man . I agree that there is a difference between  the too cultures but in the but culture Islamic one or west the married woman is not the single one .
Of course the communication is the secret of the any successfully relationship , and when we say communication , we say to have the art of hear the other and understand him and to be understandable .
To know and to understand that each one in this earth is different than the other , and to live in peace we have to accept the other .
In Islam when you meet some one you say him “salam alikom” , what dose that me ???? salam ???
Every time you meet a muslim you hear salam , salam is meaning “peace” !!!!! so you say to every one you meet salam alikom = peace be open to you , this is the meaning of salam .
Perhaps I don't reply to all your questions but I do my best
I wish you enjoy all the success and happiness God guide  you with

Of course is this possible.
If both make steps to each other than it will work for sure. If just one goes to the other than it's difficult to be together. It could also work if she isn't muslima but to be with a woman from the west who lives also in the way of Islam, is much more easier.

Hey Moroccan 1

What do you mean if she's a good woman? Define good woman, please?