Is having an affair as an expat always inevitable?

Yes its inevitable
I lived there seen it for my self , You love your husband and you see the changes in them some woman may turn blind eye, as they don't want there life style to change, I could not turn blind eye and my life style changed dramatic , but it cost him a lot of money I did not go away easy.  Thoughts of them guys sleeping with those girls and coming back to wives god know what disease they could transfer .  They get there claws into these guys and that's it, and then they find out things about the wife, and if they feel threatened there loosing there man they start sending explicit pictures to the wife to destroy the marriage.  Trust me I experienced it .  So you been there ??  Any help advice want to chat am here I know the hell and collateral damage it causes.

Cheating is a choice not a special calling.

Hi Pat1

Hopefully you're still on here as it's been a while since your post, I am going through the same thing and would really appreciate a chat.

@pat1

You are getting off topic so please use the PM system to exchange personal chats with members.

Cambridge77 do you mind telling where in Kazakhstan were you living? Thanks

Then we look at the other side ..

The wife is grumpy, nagging and has gone off sex, so the husband turns to someone who shows interest in him.

Not that I'm claiming that's always the case, but there are so many generalizations about bad husbands, lousy wives seemed worth a mention.

It would be interesting to get an update from the OP (Queen of the Suburbs). Did she get lucky, at all?

I don't think you'll get any updates Gordon as she opened the thread way back in 2011...

Primadonna wrote:

I don't think you'll get any updates Gordon as she opened the thread way back in 2011...

Well, she did say she was new to all this. She's had plenty of time to find the answer to her question one way or another! I wonder if she's trying to hide an embarrassing finding...

Nothing embarrassing about it when find out just heartache and pain

There is nothing inevitable about an affair when working overseas. The topic makes it sound as if it happens to everyone because of the inevitability  of working overseas.

This is far from the truth. It takes two to tango and there would likely to be underlying problems that could cause someone to go off the rails as Fred alludes to.

In my 45 odd years of working around the world I have seen it all. Away from loved ones, access to alcohol, mixing with other expats who are indulging in an extra marital affair, frequenting bars where attentive females abound, limited contact with family due to location lack of phones,internet etc, being unsure of the strength of your relationship, unable to understand the problems at home because you are not there, not being a good listener etc etc etc.

This being said, there are some definite trends to be found in the world of expat dating.

U HV nothing to be afraid of if u really talk daily with ur partner n trust is cogent. U b fyn

Talking daily on the phone is no solution, my advice to anyone whose husband is going to work abroad is avoid the situation if at all possible.  Unfortunately, they generally are working in countries whose locals are in mostpart low paid and have lower standards of living.  These places are full of females who are quite happy to pimp themselves out to a man of any age or condition to bag themselves what they perceive to be a rich husband and a european passport, and unfortunately for the wives left at home, these sad guys delude themselves that this pretty young woman is actually in love with them and will stay with them after they have bled them dry and got their passport.  I am sickened by both my own experience, and the numerous stories I have heard.

ibilola wrote:

U HV nothing to be afraid of if u really talk daily with ur partner n trust is cogent. U b fyn

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Many of us are old and uncool, meaning we have absolutely no clue what the hell you said in that post.

sunflower1509 wrote:

these sad guys delude themselves that this pretty young woman is actually in love with them.

I'm sure the majority of these men just want sex. Men do that, especially if their wife has refused to join him when he moved.

Wait a sec. Am I to understand that some expats leave without their spouse or significant other & still stay together? That seems absurd out of the gate.

Don't know what you mean

I was confused over whether expats leave to start a new life and leave their spouse or significant other behind. That seems like it would inevitably lead to an affair. If we're talking about both parts of the relationship moving together and then there's an affair, that's a different story (though neither is great obviously).

Fred wrote:

ibilola wrote:

U HV nothing to be afraid of if u really talk daily with ur partner n trust is cogent. U b fyn

This section of the forum only allows posts in the English language.
Other languages are available by clicking the flag at the top right of this page.

Many of us are old and uncool, meaning we have absolutely no clue what the hell you said in that post.

hahaha

Well said

Not sure what your reply means

Sunflower totally  we know we are not blinkered sad men that will get what they deserve one day

Some of these threads are old. Are there any Kazakhstan expat wives still in this group?

no, but there some one interested in Kazakistan wives

I  not interested in having an affair

heheheh, how about friendship?

I'm Muslim male, and there's concept of polygamy and temporary marriage, that's another concept not accepted in West but it dies exist, part of it is jealousy, as men tend to be polygamous compared to women who are monogamous, but this has conditions, which means if you are away from home or expat, you can engage in friendship or relationship, but in order to do that you have to read a vow, accept condition in case make pregnant someone or responsible for her financial, only then one can engage in relationship otherwise, self control and talk to your first wife.

Not inevitable, still a case to case basis. It happens, especially when their community does not mind. Does not mean it is encouraged, but people just choose not to get involved on others' affairs besides gossip about them.

That could be a reason,but in my opinion If Husband/Wife don't want a relationship anymore...it's better for discuss,make up there mind with each other first,not just cheating behide each other back.

This is interesting topic because it's really critical especially if one partner doesn't want to join the expat in his journey

So, you're following self control concept or you're having your partner abroad?

it's evitable for sure. it depends on what kind of relationship you're keeping + having with your partner. for me open communication is the key. I am maybe too young to give such a "serious" comment, I haven't married yet too but my current relationship now is heading to that direction.

since the beginning, I asked my partner directly what could happen if we leave far from each other. we both are expats.. I met him in Hanoi and both of us didn't have a stable situation, he got his plan and I had mine too. he said to me boldly that he couldn't leave far from me for too long and the only solution was both of us have to change our plan.

we did that. stop being selfish and put aside our personal plans, we create our own plans and live together now.. we've stayed far from each other for 3 months before. even we called each other and kept the communications but I felt it was really hard too. especially when I imagine those hungry women around, no matter how loyal a man is, the temptations will be quite challenging.. I have no doubt about my partner, but I just can't trust the women around him. so yeah, finally we have to consider to sort out things so we'll be happy together.

I got a flat-mate live next door, he is living far from his partner since 5 years ago, just meet a few times in a year and finally one day he asked his partner to change her plan and live with him.

it's evitable, having an affair is not an option. even another expats seem to take it like it's inevitable, they are just the people who couldn't find the best solution for themselves. (but if they think having affair is normal when they are the expats no matter where, then..... it's just "them" )

The whole premise of this thread is complete nonsense. Sounds like someone is trying to rationalize behavior that they know is wrong. Being an expat has ZERO connection or influence on one's sexual behavior. Different circumstances might give one more or less opportunity to hook up with someone but this still all depends on one's morals and attitudes. I am not moralistic. I don't care who others sleep with but one should always think that they take the consequences of their behavior - and trying to come up with such a poor excuse is laughable.

Others may see being an expat an excuse, or at least try to justify infidelity using it, but that does not mean it is right. It does happen though, and of course it is unfair to the one left behind unless this has been agreed upon beforehand.

TominStuttgart wrote:

. Being an expat has ZERO connection or influence on one's sexual behavior. .

Behaviour is a choice, but being an expat can increase the number of opportunities and temptations for a number of reasons:

I'm old, fat, uncool, ugly, possess a social attitude most rabid dogs would deem unacceptable, and my bum berps are horrendous, but white skin and a big nose is sexy in much of Asia so I get girls chatting me up.

Many western men realise girls have a totally different attitude to everything and men commonly find that attractive.

Girls in many parts of the world, notably in Asia tend to be very cute (and have exceptionally sexy bodies) any heterosexual man is going to enjoy seeing.

Girls, in general, behave like ladies, and that is very attractive.

Sexual behaviour is a choice, but men are men and cute arses are cute arses.

It is very simple. If someone is in relationship, it is destroying the trust/love, if someone is not faithful to the partner. If someone feels tempted to have sex with another person, then they should either work on the relationship and find love again or split up.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with the person at home and more because of personal issues. So, it's not always that the existing relationship has to be worked out, but looking into oneself and what makes betraying a commitment enticing.

Nothing is right or wrong but every action will have consequences. KARMA.