Loneliness when you're abroad

I sometimes feel lonely.
Not because I miss my country or people, but because i'm staying at home a lot and have noone to talk to - and chatting on the internet is not the same as speaking.
I was a teacher so I spoke all the time - maybe that's why it's hard not speaking to anyone but my husband when he comes back from work!

It seems you are living in Aiken, South Carolina.  I've lived in the South sometimes and found the people very friendly.  Here are some ideas...

    Get active with a church... even if you aren't religious, you'll enjoy the community, church suppers, friendliness

    Join Book Mooch on the internet

    Be a French native speaker for an occasional visit to a high school class

Since 2000 we have lived in St Petersburg Russia... a challenging place for anybody to stay cheerful!  You may want to look at my blog... amrusob.blogspot.com

I read some of your blog with my residual French... I wish we were able to live in France, for many reasons.

I'm also feeling lonely in Naples, Italy.

Any expats her for friendship?

Hi Omar,

You need to get out of Naples.  Consider taking funicula to above the city... a lot of tourists go there, it's a good trip, and you may meet someone.

Also, we quickly headed south to the Amalfi Coast... Atrani has a good youth hostel, listed in the Rough Guide, and it is still a fishing village and not a tourist trap.  Lemon trees everywhere!  Take the path above the town to Ravello, where there is a music festival every summer.  Beautiful view, and lots of pretty girls!

We are way far north in St Petersburg Russia, so I miss the good weather of Italy.

Hi Robert,

Thanks for the advice

I have been living in Iceland for nearly a year now, and I find that as more time goes by I have missed my family and life back home in the States. I fill my time by writing and sewing. Also I love to read, so I make sure to pick up plenty of good books whenever I go to the library.

I was taking a Icelandic language course for about a month and a half, and although I was initially quite shy, I eventually found myself enjoying the course. I met other people from various countries, and realized they are also like me...struggling to fit into a new life in a foreign country, trying to make new friends, and trying their best to learn Icelandic!

It can be quite difficult in the winter, because of the darkness. I am looking into starting school this fall, so hopefully I can make some friends.

I'm an Aussie girl living in the US midwest.  It's hard here, people are polite but as a rule, they aren't warm.

I've found the best way to assuage loneliness has been a multi pronged approach.

1. Make friends with people who have moved from elsewhere, they are more open to friendship and have nothing to do on the holidays

2. Go to the gym, or do a fitness class

3. Get a dog.  I have befriended lots of neighbours dogwalking.

4. Invite your neighbours to a party, or a Friday night drinks.  You get to meet and talk to your neighbours, they get to meet you, and you might make some new friends.

5. Do a cheap community course of some sort. I'm doing tap dancing, and even though I'm not seeing anybody outside of class, in class they are happy to talk to you & smile & the weekend doesn't seem so long and empty.

6. See if your employer has any sporting teams. I'm playing kickball, and even though it has taken 3 years for people to talk to me, I have something to do on Tuesdays and I get invited to parties where I get to be the "interesting foreigner".

7. Open your house at holidays.  I had nowhere to go for Christmas so I threw a Christmas party. I ended up having 30 people over on Christmas Day. It wasn't wild like my parties back home, but it was busy, warm & fuzzy, and a whole lot better than sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

I also try and have Tourist days, or Explorer days, where I get my dog & my convertible and just start driving out of town on a random road.  It's not really people contact, but it passes the time, you get to feel like an adventurer again rather than somebody lonely and isolated..and you may find cool places.

Of course, I still get lonely but this stuff all helps.

"I also try and have Tourist days"

I love those days too
I usually leave the doggies at home though, since I need both hands for my camera

Tambok, I feel your remark about Japan might be only partly true. I am a brown-skinned Asian who lived in Japan for five years. I never felt ostracized. I had Japanese friends, and friends from all over the world. I lived in Tokyo. I'm not sure but may be life in a small, less cosmopolitan town would have been different.

Hi this is Chris from Italy, i've just joined this week. it's interesting that after 14 years in italy I have spent 2 months in UAE for work. Kind of starting all over again.

Once you've discovered the heat dust, more heat and more dust, sand and shopping malls that's about it. So I've been missing my family in Italy.

But I joined a gym and this was a good way to get started networking. I'm back in Italy for a bit but I have a new group  of friends of many nationalities and so it's not an expat bunker.

All the best

Chris

Yes, it can be very lonely.  I'm an American living in the Czech Republic.  Making Czech friends is not easy.  Luckily I am OK on my own, and can keep myself busy--and do go exploring. 

Someone asked if online friends can be helpful--yes...they can really help.  I've also found it helpful to get involved with the expat community, which I didn't do when I first came.  Now, I have lived here for almost three years and have some Czech friends and some expat friends.

Another helpful way to stay in touch with loved ones is online.  My kids, parents, and even my 95 year-old grandmother all stay in touch most every day via Gtalk.  It really does help a lot.

The key is getting out there--online and in real life--and finding people you have something in common with.  This helps to balance you in your new country/culture.

This school year after living in St Petersburg for nine years, I have finally felt content here.

Now, with my better Russian, the people on the street are much more friendly... even smiley.  I started a blog in November and as a result have two more expat friends in the city, have joined several forums, and have been busy researching topics for my blog.

The final thing that has lifted any hint of loneliness has been my activity with Book Mooch, an internet book swapping site that results in lots of email correspondence worldwide.

Haven't felt too lonely here in west Africa, at least no more than I feel in the states. I think loneliness is a human condition and never quite goes away. Feeling alone though, ie without someone to talk to is an empty feeling. I suggest language classes, church, art classes and of course the internet. vive l'internet!

I have been here in Baku,Azerbaijan for more than 8 months. This is my frst foreign country. I live with my sister and her hubby, I find it really difficult to live in a foreign land especially when my sister and jeffrey are out. I feel like I am inside a box, I dont speak their language, i knw basic russian but it is not enough to have friends. Thank God, i found this club named rotaract which is sponsored by rotary international. there, i found wonderful people. I became a member after attending their meetings for 2 months. we usually have projects in orphanage, volunteer works with the NGO. but still, there are moments that I feel alone...I have friends but they have their boyfriends when we go out which is really annoying cuz i dont have one. I prefer to stay home and watch movies or take a long walk in the boulevard with our dogs rather than going out til late.

where in France?
I am planning on going by the end of the year...
looking forward to learn french

mila wrote:

I feel also very lonely.. I'm a month and half in France, do not speak french yet. What's funny, i allready have a boyfriend here, and we are meeting sometimes with his friends.. but someway it stress me a lot, because they are just so diffrent from this what i know - my friends. We just don't fit together.. i think.. And this way i'm starting to think that maybe i'm weird..and blabla..

Har har...what a funny thing! Good luck for me that I live in Nepal...one does not get any chance to feel lonely here. The people here simply do not allow it. One rather has more or less the problem of "Not enough being alone" and "Lacking privacy" if she or he is a softy that can not say "Not now please...I am busy!"

Now I am approaching the end of my expat life in Brazil!

When I feel lonely, I get on MSN talking to friends, and reach out more to locals ( mostly co-workers) and make friends with them. e.g. I cook well, so I invited a group of coworkers to my hotel for a dinner party. Everyone loves good food, right?

Ask HR if there is any foreigners in my company amd I have made friends with couple Swedish girls living in the same hotel as me.

I always enjoy the culture difference and meet different people. If I hear someone speaks english on the street, I immediately strick a conversation and chat a bit.

It is hard living alone in a completely different country, but that is how we make out of it too. If you always stay by yourself, will prevent you from learning a different culture. I still enjoy living abroad and learn as much as I can from everyone I meet. I so look forward to Singapore in two weeks!!

Good luck, guys!

I found a way to help me reconnect and feel less home sick (or friend sick) through facebook and by getting a local UK phone number through a VOIP provider. This way i can call my friends for a few pennies at a time and they can call me as if i were in the house next door (at the usual BT rate).

Just need to find a nice pub with a garden here on Long Island that i can take my kids to and that would just put a huge smile on my face.

I have been living in wellington over three years but I found its very hard to get close to local people. I used to have some friends from overseas but most of them are gone now. its very hard to get up and do something ( go for a walk or shopping etc.) when Im feeling down... sometimes feels like Im in a bad cycle....

Being someplace new where you don't speak the language very well can also make for some very lonely times. Often in a room full of people I feel lonely too. If everyone is speaking French, very fast, I'm lost. It gets actually not only lonely but boring.
Thankfully I do know a lot of people who can speak English with me, but then if not everyone around them speaks English, they are kind of isolating themselves from the rest of the party, so they don't do that for long.
It's all normal and understandable, but still...

I try to keep busy. I'm reaching out a bit online to find expats in my area. They are limited, but no worries. It's a good place to vent, find suggestions, find that how I feel is not so uncommon.
I also started a blog just to let off some steam.

I try to get exercise. Yoga if I can't leave the house, swim if I can, maybe run.
I try to go out where there are new people. We go to salsa lessons, and even English chat club. Hey something is better than nothing, and it forces me to work on my French, so it's all progress.

I use Skype with friends and family which helps a lot - to actually see people is nice.

Planning ahead for friends to visit or for your next trip to see friends and/or family is also a big help. Knowing that you have something coming up is great.

Keep your chin up!

If you're interested in the many slip ups I am making trying to figure things out in this part of the world:
http://girlinguadeloupe.blogspot.com/

All of us, when we are in our home country we want fly and live in other places, but when we realize that, we start miss our families,friends. It is life.

Yeah. Life abroad can get lonelly and sometimes joyless. When this happens, I always think of my family and our future and it always brings happy thoughts. Calling my folks makes it better too

And having the chance to speak to others like here, is a bless

One of the REAL reasons people do not mix as much as they used to is because of fear. Because of the world recession it is not easy to live these days. Thats why people feel safer being alone...and then they moan because they are lonely.
Its a very strange world these days and all of the old fashion values have disappeared. The Uk is not half the country it used to be,it is now just another bit of Europe.Its the same throughout europe now,no one can be bothered to be friends.

I agree with wanderlust USA,I got hit by the lonely bug after moving to germany to be with my partner.The language is always the biggest hinderance,its hard to even crack a joke with someone who only speaks english on a basic level and equally hard for me to understand any sarcasm or humor directed at me,owing to the language barrier that i am still facing even if i speak fairly well now.But the transport system adds on to the grief,the trains and buses are evenly distributed in the bigger cities but if you dont live in one of the bigger cities,you had better have a car or locomotion becomes an impossibility.ofcourse i bought a bicycle for the occasional ride to the store,but you can only go so far on a bicycle.making friends has been a challenge but i have been able to break through.I was overcome atfirst by a feeling of not even fitting in the scene,mainly because of my racial profile and all the insane staring,but as time passed by,I realised that although there's that occasional nut who has a problem with all foreigners,whatever the race,most of us whoever we are,are fascinated with what we are not,and when I gathered the courage to speak with people i found out that not all starers are prejudiced,and my partner and i later met some british expats which helped with the language alienation for me.
Either way the warm fuzzy feeling of making a new friend is great.I hope i get to make many more.

I moved here to Colombia with my wife (a Colombian.) We have a built in family and with work I get all the people time I need. We also live in a friendly neighborhood so just walking down the street the chances are good of running into someone I know. We have a county home in a small village. There we have made a few good friends and everyone knows everyone else so we feel surrounded by friends and others known to us. Generally speaking Colombians are friendly and interested in peole from elsewhere.

Phil
Medellin, Colombia
http://pbunch.wordpress.com/

Hi There !!

Yep, I also feel lonely, but I used to roam outside and try to make new friends and will engage myself with some works so I won't feel bored and lonely


Thanks & Regards
Annete Duffel
(moderated: no free ads)

Hi are there any Egyptians living in Yorkshire

Hi Hany, could you please post on the Yorkshire forum? thanks

Hi, As an Australian living here in Isaan, life is normally busy and not so much time to think about lonely, but it does creep up on you at times. When it does, I get on my Hammock and bury my head in a good book. Im lucky that we have the Guesthouse as I get to chat to our guests at the "Monkey Bar" named after "Darwin" our pet terrible monkey. This helps with being out of touch with extended family in Aussie.

Hi There !!

Yep, I used to fell lonely when I was in abroad. I used to roam outside and try to find friends.


Thanks & Regards
Annete Duffel

hi

Im from Poland, and when u feel lonley, u can write to me we can  meet  and talk Im from silesia/poland

su
kinia

I felt lonely when I spent a winter in Canada. I didn't know a lot of people, didn't speak the language and had a hard time adjusting to the darkness and the freezing cold weather.

It was then when I began writing in my blog. It was a good distraction and a way to externalize any blue feeling before it accumulated inside.

For me the worst time is when you feel you 'should' have something to do, somewhere to go, someone to spend time with.
Friday and Saturday nights for example, or Sundays, where in a small town in Germany nothing is open.

Tonight is Saturday night and I don't know all that many people here yet (only been here for 3 weeks) but feel as though I should have something to do.

Luckily I have friends and family online and they are keeping me company this evening.

I found this site and wanted to connect with other expats in similar situations.

What I miss most is not the specific people or places, it's the feeling of being with people who 'know' you.

For many years, I was so shy I couldn't speak to new people, but I have the unfortunate yearning to explore and travel, so I had to find a way to deal with the shyness.

Now I am ok with new people but it takes me a long time to feel comfortable with people and so the loneliness continues.

I am in the fortunate position of speaking some of the language here, so only time will tell.

At times I still feel lonely, missing my family, friends and the things I used to do.. but I realized it couldn't help me, instead could make me feel sick, sad and exhausted:(

So, I kept myself busy, try to meet friends, chat online and now I found my self on expat site :)here, I found new friends:) though not near to me, but atleast I know we are just the same expats.

loneliness is a life partner, it is just you and on how are you going to handle it.

Unfortunately, I don't drive - which wasn't a problem in England, thanks to their wonderful public transport system - but here, it is a major obstacle! I sometimes feel like a prisoner in my own home. Even if I just wanted to get out and enjoy a nice walk - it's too hot - do we all feel like this, or is it just me?
Lyn.

loneliness its' my main problem here(( I don't know local language very good, i work distantly, i dont have any expats around to understand my feeling(( Hard.
But at least it's a nice weather here

Cheer up, you could be dead! Thats a good one. Now, that gives me renewed hope.

Do you expats think being lonely overseas is fundamentally different from being lonely in your home countries? I'm moving to Ukraine in January, and I'm wondering if the loneliness I suffer here will seem like nothing compared to the loneliness I'll feel when I arrive in Ukraine. I relocated 3 years ago to a city where I knew nobody in the USA, and it seems that after all this time here, I still have no good connections. So I'm thinking maybe it won't feel a lot worse than I feel usually here...maybe I'm deluding myself. Probably am

Thanks for any thoughts.

Steve