Loneliness when you're abroad

Hi Katie,

I am sorry to hear that you feel lonely even when not abroad. In the fast pace world that we live in, lonliness is one of the bigest phenomenons of modern day living, with more divorces and more of us moving to work or study abroad.

However we take ourselves with us wherever we are, we are the same person. If you want to make a friend then you have to be a friend. We have to take the first step, and you can start with a smile.

You will find people with a similar outlook on life in every country in the world, we may differ in pigmentation colour or creed, but we are all the same under the skin, we have the same hope and fears, ambitions and desire to connect with other human beings. So we have to make an effort. You will not meet friends while sitting on your sofa watching DVD's or spending your nights surfing the net. You have to make an effort, get out there. Join social clubs, take up a new skill, be it diving, sailing, salsa or belly dance classes, creative writing, art.  You will meet people who share your interests, with a similar mindset.

Exploring the culture of the country you are in, becoming a local, seeking out the great little restaurants where locals go, attending their cultural events, will open up a whole new wonderful world and also be an education.

Just because it looks like a feeling . I am not living with my family, I live alone in a city, but my mother live in hometown, sometime I feel lonely ....

Yes, some not good mood in sometime, but life is going on and I just say sometime not all the time ....

spend time on internet

Hello Katie,

You live in Ho Chi Ming city, one of the most populated and impersonal cities in the world. It is understandable that you might feel lonely at times. Large cities worldwide can be cold impersonal places. I remember feeling this when I first arrived to London. Now I see it in a totally  different light, it's a vibrant multi-cultural city buzzing with activities, a collection of small villages, not impersonal at all.

I think you will have to make a little effort to alleviate the feel of lonliness. Is there a colleague at work or university that you admire or share an interest with?. Why not take the first step and ask her or him if they would like to meet up for a cup of coffee or lunch.

Perhaps you will find you both share an interest, it could be sport, theatre, debating society, politics, art galleries,  travel, etc.

Suggest a meeting at a local salsa club, a play or ballet you might like to see. She/he might be feeling as alienated or lonely as you, and will probably be delighted to accept your invitation.

Don't be shy, take the first step. If you want a friend then why not be a friend.

[Moderated: Off topic]

Give a call to family and friends and spend time with them over phone or on the internet.

Excellent work..  but it wont hurt to live like the chinese in china.  i have tried it. i end up knowing what was in the dish only after i have consumed the whole dish.  its amazing.. its called guess the dish..

Hi All,

I am looking for a job in Qatar as an HSE engineer.
Could somone help me!

Yes giving some calls to family and friends is very likely to give us some happinees...

Loneliness is for those who cannot get out often. I love to shade myself in the culture of the place where I land. There is no point in shying away and then complaining.

I have some friends, but maybe I am not interested with some group activities. Some activities are goods but sometimes when they gather just for the things called gossip. I don't want to join them.
Anyway thanks for a good idea which you suggested.

Hi Katie,

You say you are lonely and do not like participating in group activities. Have you thought of getting a dog? they are great company and they will get you out of the house as you will have to walk it, and you will meet other dog owners.

Is there a church in your area or a community centre? both are good ways to meet people and make friends.

Skype is a great way of keeping  in touch with family when you are abroad or not living in your hometown, it's also free if you add them.

You might be suffering from depression, in which case it might be a good idea to have a chat with your doctor who could arrange for you to have some counselling which could help you to address the reasons why you are feeling low. Talking to someone help.

Good Luck!.

always something to do in Ghana and is like everyday is a holiday ...hahahah.... weekends is like hell, chilling always

Haha , maybe all I need now is a right man for me. Anyway thank for your good idea !

Hi, so find a way to overcome your hell weekend. Enjoy exciting film, on forum or go out for some activities..... I hope you will feel better....

have new boyfriend

nothing like new relationship to overcome being lonely

I get over by the feeling lonely in a foreign country by making new friends, started to learn their language/customs and be yourself !
-Dewi-

yeh it true but we have to compromise

I agree with Dewi, learning the local language and engaging in the local culture is a way to make friends.

Also getting involved in a local charity or community project There is always someone worse off than you, perhaps homeless or hungry and there is always a local charity that you could get involved in and it's a great way to help out and meet people. As we approach Christmas there is always a need for good volunteers.

In London the charity Crisis at Christmas is a great charity it feeds clothes and offers shelter to the homeless for a week during Xmas, and is always seeking volunteers to help out. I am sure Katie there is a similar charity in your city.

Karnak wrote:

I agree with Dewi, learning the local language and engaging in the local culture is a way to make friends.

Also getting involved in a local charity or community project There is always someone worse off than you, perhaps homeless or hungry and there is always a local charity that you could get involved in and it's a great way to help out and meet people. As we approach Christmas there is always a need for good volunteers.

In London the charity Crisis at Christmas is a great charity it feeds clothes and offers shelter to the homeless for a week during Xmas, and is always seeking volunteers to help out. I am sure Katie there is a similar charity in your city.

yeah that's right karnak, do what your heart desires most

Yes, I'd like to join group for charity activities and so on ....
But I'm rather happy now, not lonely ....

Yes. We all feel lonely some times, especially when we have been in a place for a long time and there are not many new things to draw our attention. After a few friends left the country, I find that there is more time over weekend. But it is not too bad. I attend meetup activities. After a few times, you will see people you see before and you get along with. It is a nice way to spend time with other people rather than by yourself. Also there are some projects I have been working on (hobby wise), it keeps me occupied. I do have a few friends to hang out with to have close chit chat. It is always important.

facebook accompanied by music and some good tequila LOL

I'm new at blogging but had to chime in about the loneliness issue. My husband and I have retired in Colombia. In my life, I have lived in so many countries, originating from China, grew up in Japan, lived many years in the STates but in and out. So, I can really relate to loneliness in various countries with different cultures. My suggestion is to ADOPT A LONELY DOG FROM A LOCAL SHELTER. Ours comes from my daughter who became too busy in Panama to take care of her dog. So, she flew here with her dog, Lilo, who is thriving here in this wonderful climate, filled with friendly people. I took her for walks at the park a block from our apartment, and within a couple of weeks, have made so many friends who are also dog owners. The dogs meet, and automatically the owners are talking, me in my broken Spanish - but on one cares. We now frequent each other's homes and they drive us places, since we decided not to own a car here. IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, GET A DOG - WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WE WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT LILO. She keeps us healthy, too.

you can't be okay,when.you can't see a dude to hangout with

Do the foreigners feel lonely or alone in China, like Beijing, shanghai or guangzhou. i often see foreigners who go sightseeing or having fun with their pals there. besides, chinese may not talk with the strangers at first because they are afraid to be rejected and feel lose face.


'face'is such an important thing for chinese.

Ido not feel lonely because Shenzhen is a great place. Such a big city full of things to do. Many friendly people here. Many places are open 24 hours. Chinese culture itself is magnificent!

This loneliness problem puzzles me a lot. This is a forum for people who are EXPATS - who deliberately went to the place they're living in now. Even if they were transferred there by their company, that transfer must always have been on the cards. Those who are lonely: did you not prepare yourself for alone-ness?

In these days of Skype and the Internet generally, it can't be easy to become lonely. Were you lonely back home, and had nobody to talk with there? Let's face it, you can talk every spare minute to the folks back home, if you want! If your friends and family don't have Skype (why not? It's absolutely free), you can set up a Skype account that allows you to phone landlines for 2 cents a minute, for goodness sake.

What am I missing, here?

Anger is a manifestation of a deeper issue... and that, for me, is based on insecurity, self-esteem and loneliness.
Naomi Campbell

Language... has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone.
Paul Tillich

Loneliness   can only take place when it being conceived from the heart,it is not a necessity that it is when your friends/family  are far away from you then you feel lonely

You can get yourself occupied by doing so many things. I have never felt alone and would never be lonely as long as i have so many things doing

its very bad to be lonely ....

Hi,

    I will like to add you as a friend if it is ok by you.

( Moderated: Expat.com is not a chatroom )

Go ahead and add me if you desired it

The first few months were tough and I felt lonely then. Work is awesome but after work I missed my family and friends. Fortunately, I eventually became immersed in various activities outside of work such as volunteering and I even enrolled in language classes where I made new friends and felt less alone. So that's my advice to lonely expats. Just go out there and meet new people.

sometimes you feel loneliness in your country

When I used to live in Paris I was always playing online games when i felt alone. i wasted so many hours in front of my screen killing monsters haha. going to pubs is the best way to meet people.